I could go on about this topic for hours. Instead I’m going to give you the one mistake I see over, and over, and over again. Do whatever you can to avoid this one because it’s incredibly confusing for your children.
Don’t complain about your former spouse’s consequences to your child. If your ex takes your child’s phone away, help your child figure out how to avoid that consequence in the future. You can also talk privately to your ex if you think the consequence is inappropriate, but don’t tell your child something to the effect of, “Well your mom always was ridiculously harsh, so this doesn’t surprise me one bit.” This just confuses your child and gives your teen permission to pit you and your ex against each other.
Here are a couple more thoughts on this:
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman, MS, MFT