by Lauren Goodman | Mar 8, 2025 | Parenting Techniques
8 Tips On Parenting Your Teens After a Divorce
Parenting after a divorce is really tough. Especially if you have teens. It’s a huge adjustment for you and your kids, and things don’t always go smoothly. Here are 8 tips to help make things a little easier:
1. Focus on Your Own Household
You’re in charge of what happens at your house. It’s great if you and your ex can agree on parenting rules, but if not, don’t stress about what goes on at their place. There’s nothing you can do about it, so why worry? Just do what’s best for your kids when they’re with you.
2. Speak Kindly About Other Adults
Even if your ex remarried someone neither you or your kids like, don’t badmouth them in front of your children. It just makes things harder for your teen. They didn’t choose who their other parent brings around, so help them make the best of it. This is a key part of parenting after a divorce.
3. Don’t Feel Guilty About Money
Money can be a tricky topic after divorce. Maybe you have more money than your ex, or maybe they have more than you. Either way, don’t let guilt control how you handle finances. Stick to the agreement you made and don’t feel pressured to overspend. If your teen complains or compares, calmly explain the arrangement and remind them that love isn’t measured by money.
4. Don’t Stop Spending Time with Your Kids
Even if your teen doesn’t seem excited to see you, don’t stop showing up. Teens act like they don’t care, but deep down, they want to know you’ll fight for them. Stay consistent and make the most of your time together. Spending quality time with your teen is a vital part of parenting after a divorce.
5. Let Them Adjust to Your New Family
If you’ve remarried, don’t force your child to love their stepparent or stepsiblings. Be patient and let relationships develop naturally. Make sure they’re polite and respectful to everyone in the home, but don’t make them pretend everything’s perfect.
6. Make One-on-One Time a Priority When Parenting After a Divorce
When you’re parenting after a divorce, you can feel like you’re being pulled in a million directions. Don’t let this stop you from spending one-on-one time with your teens. Your time with your child is already split in half. Be sure to carve out moments where it’s just you and them—no new spouse, no step-kids, no distractions. They need to feel like they still have their own special relationship with you.
7. Be a Good Role Model
Make sure you’re still setting a good example for your teen. I know you’re going through a lot, but this is when they need you the most. Show them what it looks like to handle tough times with strength and responsibility. They’re paying attention to how you handle stress and big changes, so be someone they can respect. And don’t try to hide bad habits—teens notice way more than most people think.
8. Remember That Divorce Is Tough for Them
Even if your teen says they’re fine or they act like they don’t care, divorce is tough on kids. Give them extra patience and grace. They didn’t ask for this, and it takes time to adjust. This doesn’t mean you should excuse bad behavior, especially if your teen is doing something dangerous. However, if your teen is in a bad mood or got a bad grade on a test, understand that it’s been tough for them lately.
Stay Consistent and Patient When Parenting After a Divorce
Family life isn’t perfect, and parenting after a divorce can feel overwhelming. But if you stay consistent, loving, and patient, your child will know they can always count on you—no matter what. If you need any extra support for you and your teen, don’t hesitate to give me a call.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman, MS, MFT
by Lauren Goodman | Mar 5, 2025 | Teen Addiction
Why This Topic
This is something that’s come up recently, so I feel like it’s time to talk about it. For anyone reading this, please don’t take it the wrong way. This is an uncomfortable topic, but it’s one that needs to be discussed. This may be surprising, but if your teen is using, you may have something to do with it. Let’s explore how parents influence teen drug use.
Take a Look at Your Own Behavior
If your teen is dealing with substance use, it’s important to examine your own actions and habits. How parents can influence drug use in teens is often bigger than we realize. It’s hard to admit, I know. However, if you’re drinking a little too much, smoking marijuana, using painkillers every day, relying on sleep aids to get some rest, or even leaning on meds like Xanax to manage anxiety, it’s worth thinking about how that could be affecting your teen.
The Justifications We Make and How They Influence Teen Drug Use
If you do any of these things, you might be brushing this off by saying, “It’s prescribed,” “I’ve got it under control,” or “I just have one glass of wine to relax.” Or maybe you don’t drink a lot, but when you do, you end up getting buzzed or drunk. There are ways to justify pretty much anything, right?
How This Influences Teen Drug Use
The reality is that all of these habits are pretty unhealthy, even if they don’t seem like a big deal to you. Your teenager could be using them to justify their own behavior. And trust me, I hear it all the time in my office. I’ve worked with teens who drink heavily on weekends. So, I ask their parents to keep a dry house (meaning no alcohol in the house). Some parents agree without a second thought. But others might say something like, “I can’t have people over and not serve wine or beer. That’s unheard of.” This is usually because the parents enjoy alcohol a little to much to let it go. And guess what? The teen assumes it’s okay for them to drink because their parents do even if they’re heavily addicted and their parents aren’t. This is exactly how parents influence teen drug use.
Setting an Example
I’m not saying that having a “vice” or unwinding with a drink or two makes you addicted to drugs or alcohol. But if your teenager is struggling with substances, be honest with yourself. Could you stop smoking a joint if asked? Could you ask your doctor to help you get off your sleep aid or Xanax? Sometimes, just seeing you quit something could be enough to help your teen take their own struggles seriously. If you keep using, though, and tell them they need to stop, they’re going to see you as a hypocrite. This will make you lose credibility with them.
Actions Speak Louder Than Words
At this point, your actions speak louder than anything you say. When your kids were younger, they took everything you said at face value. Now? They question everything and are watching you closely. And if you’re sneaking beer or smoking after they go to bed, trust me—they know. They’re more perceptive than we think. This is another way how parents’ behavior influences teen drug use.
A Call for Reflection on How Parents Influence Teen Drug Use
If this post is hitting home for you, please don’t see it as a criticism. Think of it as a nudge to really reflect on how your behavior might be affecting your teen. You can make a huge difference in their life by quitting your own bad habits. Besides, ending those habits will actually help you feel better too.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman, MS, MFT
by Lauren Goodman | Feb 17, 2025 | Parenting Techniques
Why Teens Rebel: Understanding and Dealing with Their Behavior
Why do teens rebel? I promise there’s a reason. Most of the time, they’re upset about something but don’t know how to express it. Sometimes, they’re not even fully aware of what’s bothering them. Something in their world has shifted, and instead of expressing their emotions, they react in ways that don’t always make sense. Their behavior might seem totally random, but there’s usually a deeper reason behind it.
My Own Experience with Rebellion
When I was seventeen, I rebelled. My parents were moving to a new city just as I was heading off to college, but I told myself it didn’t matter since I wouldn’t be living with them anymore. I convinced myself I was fine and blamed my rebellion on my parents’ strictness. So, I acted out and was disrespectful. Looking back, I can see that my rebellion wasn’t about their parenting—it was about my fear of change and uncertainty about the future.
What’s the Real Reason Teens Rebel?
If your teen is acting out, ask yourself what’s recently changed in their life. Why do teens rebel? “Acting out” isn’t just typical teen mood swings—it’s when a usually respectful kid suddenly starts doing things that seem completely out of character. Maybe they’re skipping school, breaking curfew, or getting into trouble out of nowhere. However, don’t confuse acting out with other problems teens might have.
Teen Rebellion vs. Bad Habits
Acting out is different from a slow drift into bad habits, like gradually getting more into partying or vaping. For example, if a teen slowly starts smoking marijuana, that’s a budding addiction. On the other hand, acting out is if out of nowhere your teen smokes weed every day for a week. Both situations might need therapy, but they come from different places and need different approaches. Understanding why teens rebel can help differentiate between these behaviors.
What’s Setting Them Off?
So, what’s got your teen on edge? Did they just go through a breakup? Did you announce a divorce? Maybe money’s tight or a grandparent is moving in? Even if it doesn’t seem like a big deal to you, it might feel like a huge shift to them. Teens process change differently, and sometimes, their way of dealing with it isn’t exactly logical. This type of stress can contribute to why teens rebel.
How Therapy Can Help
Step one in therapy? Stop any unsafe behaviors ASAP. Once that’s handled, the real work begins—helping your teen figure out why they’re acting out. Therapy helps them connect the dots between their feelings and their actions. Once they understand what’s really bothering them, they can start handling things in a healthier way. And the best part? Once they start feeling more secure, the rebellious behavior usually fades on its own. Therapy can significantly address the root causes of why teens rebel.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman, MS, MFT
by Lauren Goodman | Feb 17, 2025 | Teen Anxiety Therapy
Teen Social Anxiety: Why Your Teen Avoids Socializing (And What to Do About It)
If your teenager refuses to hang out with their peers, it’s important to figure out why. Some teens want to be social but are terrified of making a mistake. Others struggle with intense self-consciousness and teen social anxiety. Some are dealing with depression and don’t have the energy to connect. Others are so caught up in their online world that they don’t seem to care about real-life interactions. There could be countless reasons why your teen isn’t socializing, so let’s take a look at a few of them.
The Teen Who Wants Friends But Has Too Much Social Anxiety
Many teens crave friendships but don’t know how to make them happen. If your teen has extreme social anxiety, they might freeze in conversations. They fear sounding ridiculous, so their mind goes blank, leaving them feeling awkward. At home, they might be chatty, but around peers, they barely speak. It’s frustrating, but they need support to build confidence.
The Teen Who’s Stuck in Their Own Head
Some teens constantly worry about being judged. They talk to friends but overanalyze everything they say. They wonder things like, “do they think I sound weird?” or “are they noticing my acne?” In reality, the other person is likely too busy worrying about themselves to judge your teen. That’s the tough thing about being a teenager: you’re usually VERY self-conscious.
Teen Social Anxiety and Depression: The Teen Who’s Too Depressed for Friends
Some teens feel too depressed to socialize even though they know it might help. Depression is real, and if you’ve never experienced it, understanding it can be difficult. When someone is depressed, even small tasks feel overwhelming. Avoiding friends makes things worse, but they can’t help it. They need patience, support, and sometimes professional help.
The Teen Who’s Glued to Their Screen
Many teens prefer online interactions over face-to-face ones. Gaming, social media, and YouTube can be addictive. It’s tough to break the cycle because your teen insists they’re fine. While online connections can be fun, they don’t replace real-life social skills. Setting screen time limits, encouraging offline hobbies, and planning family activities can help them slowly transition back to real-world interactions. They may resist at first, but over time, they often find that face-to-face connections make them feel more fulfilled and confident.
What to Do About Teen Social Anxiety
When teens avoid social interaction, things only get worse. The good news? Teens can learn social skills, confidence can grow, and emotional well-being can improve with support. In addition to this, therapy can help socially anxious teens work through fears and build skills. Give me a call, and I’d be happy to help your teen work through their social anxiety. Once they start socializing, they often realize it’s not as scary as they thought.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman, MS, MFT
by Lauren Goodman | Feb 12, 2025 | Christian Counseling
Dating for Christian Teens: A Real Talk About Relationships
Hey teens! If you’re reading this, there’s a good chance your parents asked you to check it out, thinking it applies to your situation. And honestly? They might be right—especially when it comes to dating for Christian teens. So let’s dive in!
Christian Teen Dating Today: Why It Feels So Messy
Dating in a world that’s all about “hooking up” can be super frustrating. I hear it all the time from teens. Some of you don’t want to make out with someone before you even go on a real date. You don’t think you need to be drunk to figure out if you like someone. And you’re tired of everyone having a “thing” or being “just talking” without any real commitment. Sound familiar?
What Does the Bible Say About Christian Teen Dating?
The Bible doesn’t lay out a step-by-step guide for modern dating, but it does talk about relationships, marriage, respect, and commitment. Some key stories give us a peek into love done right—and wrong:
Lust gone wrong – David and Bathsheba: 2 Samuel 11-12 (yeah, that was a mess)
Jealousy in relationships – Leah and Rachel with Jacob: Genesis 29:14-30:24
Dating with commitment in mind – Solomon and his beloved: Song of Solomon
The importance of family involvement – Isaac and Rebekah: Genesis 24
Keeping Your Christian Teen Dating Relationships Real and Faith-Centered
One thing that’s super clear? God doesn’t want you to date in secret. If you feel like you have to hide it from your parents or your church family, something’s off. Either you’re pushing boundaries you shouldn’t be, or the person you’re dating doesn’t share your faith. Your relationship with God should be consistent—whether you’re in church, with friends, or on a date.
Making Smart Choices No Matter Your Faith
Even if you’re not a Christian, you can still apply this to your own dating life. What you do in private and what you do in public should always line up. Also, your dating life should align with your morals and values no matter what. See? Even if you’re not a Christian, you can still use this!
Balancing Parental Expectations and Your Own Choices
I get that some of you have parents that make it hard to date. Some of you have super strict parents who don’t even let you think about dating. Others of you have parents who let you do whatever you want. Neither extreme is great—one can lead to sneaking around, and the other can leave you unprotected emotionally and physically. A healthy balance is preferable, but try to stay true to God and your faith no matter what—even if your parents make it tough sometimes.
Tips for Christian Teen Dating Without Losing Your Faith (or Your Mind!)
If you want to keep Jesus at the center of your dating life, here are a few things to keep in mind:
1. Date someone who is even more dedicated to Jesus than you are. This will help you grow and mature in your faith. Plus, you can go to church and serve the community together. This makes helping out more fun! Also, it makes dating more meaningful.
2. Know why you’re dating. If you already know you’re going separate ways after high school, keep things light and fun. Don’t get too serious if there’s no future in it. Besides, if you run into each other later on in life, this keeps getting back together and dating more seriously a possibility!
3.Keep your relationship out in the open. The more public and accountable you are, the less temptation you’ll face. Plus, it just makes things easier.
4. Be friends with everyone, but be selective about who you date. As Christians, we’re called to love and respect everyone, no matter their beliefs. But when it comes to dating, make sure the person shares your values. Your relationship with Jesus should never have to compete with your relationship with your boyfriend or girlfriend.
Final Thoughts on Dating for Christian Teens
Dating as a Christian teen doesn’t have to be stressful or confusing. Keep your faith first, be real with the people who care about you, and set healthy boundaries. You got this!
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman, MS, MFT
