by Lauren Goodman | Feb 6, 2025 | Teen Addiction
Prevalence of Adolescent Pornography Use
Sadly, teen pornography use is prevalent, and finding help for adolescent pornography use is vital. According to internetsafety101.org, most pornography contains violence and bad language. Over half of teen boys aged 12 to 15 have viewed internet porn, and almost a third of girls in that age bracket have as well.
Desensitization to Pornography
What’s more disturbing: internetsafety101.org also reports that two thirds of young men and half of young women see viewing pornography as an acceptable thing to do. When people are consistently exposed to something, they start tolerating it even if they were once appalled by it. This is why many people don’t even realize help for adolescent pornography use is necessary. In the world of psychology, this is called desensitization.
What’s Wrong with Adolescent Pornography Use
For parents who are trying to preserve the sanctity of sex in a committed relationship and trying to teach these values to their children, adolescent pornography use is cause for concern. These videos teach your children the opposite of what you want them to think about intimacy, emotional connection, marriage, monogamy, and respecting women.
Signs of Adolescent Pornography Use
Here are some signs that your teen might be using the internet inappropriately:
- They consistently clear their browser history.
- They regularly close a tab on their phone whenever you walk into the room.
- They excessively masturbate.
- They won’t allow you to see what apps they keep on their phone.
- They close the door to their room whenever they’re on their computer, tablet or phone.
- They use terms you don’t think they should know when they discuss sex.
Just because these signs are present doesn’t mean your teenager is viewing pornography. However, it’s worth asking the question just in case you need to get help for your adolescent’s pornography use.
How to Help Your Teen If They’re Using Porn
What do you do if you find out your teenager is watching porn? How do you get help for your adolescent’s pornography use?
The Natural Response
Getting angry is a natural response. You probably feel betrayed by their lying and sneaking. It’s also scary to think about what harm they might have done to their relational development. However, this will not help stop your adolescent’s pornography use.
How You Should Respond
Instead of getting mad, try to focus on what you’re feeling underneath the anger. That’s what’s worth expressing to your child because those are the things that will make an emotional impact and help your adolescent with their pornography use. Yelling at them will just deepen the shame I can almost guarantee your teen is feeling.
Restrict Your Teen’s Internet Use
You will also need to place tight restrictions on their internet use and closely monitor their online activity. There is a natural high that occurs from viewing sexual content, making it very addicting. If your teen stops having access to porn, slowly they will stop craving it. Restricting internet use is a big help in stopping your adolescent’s pornography use.
Get Your Teen a Therapist
Oftentimes therapy or counseling is necessary if adolescent pornography use is frequent. Your teen may need to work with a therapist who has experience in treating porn addiction.
Why Therapists Can Help with Adolescent Pornography Use
Teens can feel a lot of embarrassment for this behavior. Consequently, they’re often reluctant to share how extensive their pornography use is. However, a good counselor for teens will know how to delicately maneuver through these emotions.
Finding Help for Adolescent Pornography Use
If you have more questions about the situation your teen is dealing with don’t hesitate to call. We can help you determine if therapy is necessary in this situation. We even offer teletherapy for California residents who live outside Orange County. Adolescent pornography use is heartbreaking; we’re here to help.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman, MS, MFT
by Lauren Goodman | Jan 31, 2025 | Teen Anxiety Therapy
What Keeping Your Teen Too Busy Looks Like
Here in Orange County, keeping your teen too busy is normal. Most families have their adolescents enrolled in multiple extra-curricular activities, playing sports constantly, and more. On top of all this, your child has school, homework, and hangs out with friends. While this is normal, it’s not necessarily a good thing.
What’s Wrong with Keeping Your Teenager Too Busy
While some kids thrive on this, for most it adds a lot of stress. Even though most of the activities your adolescent participates in are fun (except school), too much is still stressful. You must teach your teen that saying no, even to fun things, is important for mental health. Children (and adults) need down time.
How to Lower Your Teen’s Stress
If you’d like to see your child feel less stressed and have less anxiety, try taking one day a week and resting. Turn off the electronics, don’t go anywhere with a schedule, and slow down. Eventually your teen will learn how to rest, a skill that will remain invaluable for the rest of their life.
How Your Teen Might Resist Resting at First
At first, your adolescent will probably resist resting. They might say, “I can’t have my phone off because someone might text me about homework.” This is just one of many excuses your teen might make. Don’t buy into that. Keeping your teen too busy is bad; they need to rest! After a while, your kid will be grateful for the reduced activity.
Set A Good Example
This starts with you. You have to start saying no to activities (even fun ones) and stop using electronics all the time. Teens are starting to formulate their own values and opinions, but they’re still heavily influenced by you. I know this is hard. It’s hard for me too, but you can do it!
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman, MS, MFT
by Lauren Goodman | Jan 25, 2025 | Depression Therapy for Teens
Why is Admitting We’re Wrong Important
It’s hard to admit we’re wrong. I know; I’ve been there. It’s important to acknowledge mistakes not just in relationships, but in life too. Rather than cover up a mistake, it’s better to admit you’ve done wrong and accept the consequences. Continuing in the mistake only leads to much greater consequences when it all unravels later.
What to Do When You Make a Mistake
There are three choices you can make when you do something wrong, and it’s important to pick the right one. Everyone faces these choices at some point (including me!), but not everyone makes the right decision (spoiler alert! Admitting we’re wrong is always best).
Choice #1: Ignore the Problem
You could pretend the problem doesn’t exist and hope it goes away on its own. Unfortunately, this is not only dishonest, but it can lead to huge consequences if the issue doesn’t go away by itself.
Choice #2: Try to Cover Up for the Mistake
You could try to get people to act differently or get rid of the evidence of your mistake. This isn’t the right choice either because, again, it’s dishonest and it doesn’t usually work.
Choice #3: Admit You Were Wrong
Choice #3 is the right decision to make, but it’s also the toughest. It feels shameful to tell people you’ve messed up on something when you should have known better, and it doesn’t feel good to face consequences. However, fixing the problem instead of running from it can prevent a lot of damage.
Examples of When Admitting We’re Wrong is Important
For example, a client of mine rolled their eyes at a teacher. Instead of admitting they were wrong, they denied their fault. Then they complained to a friend about the teacher but the teacher overheard, and now they’re really in trouble. As you can see here, admitting we’re wrong is hard, but it’s important to do it.
Admitting We’re Wrong Builds Trust
If you can get into the habit of admitting errors before they blow up into something big, you’ll save yourself a lot of trouble. People will trust you when you say things. They’ll know you’re not guilty of something when you say you didn’t do it. Why? Because you admit you did do it when you’re guilty.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman, MS, MFT
by Lauren Goodman | Jan 22, 2025 | Parenting Techniques
How Entitled Teens Act
Sadly, there are many entitled teens in the world today. Entitled teens leave parents feeling unappreciated, frustrated, and sometimes disgusted. They believe they deserve some huge privileges ranging from new clothes to a car to a college education. What do you if your teen is entitled?
Examples of Entitled Teens
While many teens are grateful for things, lots of teens believe they have a right to what they receive. It’s important to recognize if your teen is entitled. To help you do this, I’ve provided some examples of entitled teens below.
Example #1
I once talked to an entitled girl who said, “I need my mom to take me shopping.” Since she always wears nice clothes, I asked her why. She told me, “Well, my friends all want to wear purple dresses on Friday. My mom won’t take me shopping. Can you believe that?” I asked her why she couldn’t use her own money. She looked shocked and said, “Well I shouldn’t have to buy my own clothes.”
Example #2
I worked with another boy who felt upset because his father was going to give him a hand-me-down car. His father had recently remarried and planned to purchase a BMW for his new wife meaning his son would receive her fairly new Volkswagen. He said, “Can you believe he’d buy her a new car when I’ve always wanted a BMW. It’s like he’s doing that just to spite me!”
What Causes Entitlement in Teens
What causes teens to become entitled? Usually this comes from you as parents. Fortunately, this also means you have the power to change it!
Saying Yes Too Much
How did you cause this? It probably started when your teen was just a toddler. Many parents say yes to their children, even after they’ve already said no. If you’ve been giving your kid whatever they want since they were little, it’s no surprise that they’re entitled. They know if they argue with you, they’ll get what they want.
Giving Your Teen Things Out of Guilt
Other times parents cause their teens to have an entitled attitude out of guilt. In the previously mentioned situation with the BMW, that father felt guilty after getting divorced. So, he bought his children whatever they wanted so he could see them happy again. While I understand feeling this way, this made his teens become entitled.
What to Do About Your Entitled Teen
However, no matter what caused it, now you have an entitled teenager. What do you do about it?
Say No
Start saying no when your teen asks for new things they don’t need. If they try to argue with you, don’t respond until they’re in a mood to actually listen and learn. Then you can explain why you said no. This will build your teen’s character and combat their entitled attitude.
Set a Good Example
The second thing you need to do is set a good example. Don’t indulge yourself at every whim. Don’t go get your nails done because you’re sad, buy a new car because you’re bored with the one you have, or redecorate the inside of your house because it’s not the latest style. Let your teenager overhear you saying you’re going to save money and then follow through with it. This will teach them the difference between a want and a need.
Let Them Work for Things
Finally, allow your teen to work for the things they want. When they ask you for the latest gadget, tell them sure… you’ll be happy to take them to buy it when they earn the money to purchase it. Once they realize this is how things go, they won’t ask you for so many things, and they’ll like what they have for longer. Suddenly the iPhone they already own is actually “just fine.”
Helping Your Teen Go from Entitled to Grateful
Following these tips will make life easier for you and your teen. You won’t feel the need to get your teen new things all the time, and your teen will be satisfied with what they have. You can do it! It might not be easy or work right away, but consistently doing these things will help your teen go from entitled to a grateful, hardworking young man or woman!
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman, MS, MFT
by Lauren Goodman | Jan 11, 2025 | Depression Therapy for Teens
The Different Types of Abusive Dating Relationships
Unfortunately, sometimes teens get stuck in abusive dating relationships. There are three main types of abusive dating relationships: emotional, physical, and sexual. While this is definitely an uncomfortable topic, it is one I see in my office with my teenage clients at least once a month. That’s very common. Because of that, it’s important to know how teens are abused and what to do about it.
Teens in Emotionally Abusive Relationships
Emotional abuse is the most common form of abuse discussed by my clients. This happens when a client has a boyfriend or girlfriend who says and does things to manipulate a certain outcome. There are a few ways this can happen.
1. An Ex Threatens Suicide
Sometimes an ex will threaten suicide after a breakup. This heaps guilt on your teen, who consequentially starts talking to the ex again. This forces the teen to stay in a pressured, awful relationship.
2. Constant Criticism
Other times the abuser will be mean to and critical of your teen. After being consistently berated by their boyfriend or girlfriend, your teen will no longer have the self-esteem to end the relationship.
3. Drinking and Drugs
The abuser might get into drinking or drugs. This is confusing for your teen who might start lying for the abuser or even drinking and using themselves just to be with their boyfriend or girlfriend.
4. Financial Abuse
Lastly, sometimes the relationship gets out of balance, and your teen feels like they must impress their significant other to keep them around. Consequently, they start spending money on expensive hobbies or trips for them and their boyfriend or girlfriend.
Teens in Physically Abusive Dating Relationships
Sadly, physical abuse occurs in teen dating relationships as well. It often begins with your teenager becoming isolated from his or her friends and spending all their time with their boyfriend or girlfriend instead. Your teen might seem upset and withdrawn. They’ve lost the energy and spark they used to have. You start to wonder what is going on.
How Physically Abusive Relationships Progress
Your teen might have a great relationship at first. Your teen and their boyfriend or girlfriend might have discussed going to the same college or even getting married eventually. The relationship seems really serious considering their age.
When the Abuse Starts
Then the arguments start. One person has trouble controlling their emotions and reverts to yelling and cursing. Eventually the fight results in one person hitting the other. It probably isn’t anything too violent the first time, just a small push or slap. The abuser profusely apologizes and is on their best behavior for a few weeks. Then they become edgy, and eventually another fight starts resulting in more physical abuse. The cycle goes on and on, with the abuse getting worse each time.
Teens in Sexually Abusive Dating Relationships
Sexual abuse is any form of sexual activity that is unwanted and/or exploits the victim. This happens in teenage dating relationships from time to time. Sexual abuse usually happens when a couple is already sexually active. One partner says they don’t want to have sex anymore or secretly doesn’t want to, but the other coerces them into it. It’s not rape because the reluctant teen gave their consent, but unwanted sexual activity is never okay.
Sexual Abuse Through Phones
Another way sexual abuse occurs is through your teenager’s phone. Sadly, it’s normal for teenagers to ask each other to send nude pictures through text or an app. It is normally the boys asking the girls, but it goes both directions. Unwanted pressure to send nude selfies is awful. Check in with your teen to see if they’ve been asked and find out what they did about it. If the recipient of the image shows a friend or two, or texts it to someone else, that’s a major violation of privacy. If the teens are minors, it’s actually distribution of child pornography.
What to Do If Your Teen’s in an Abusive Dating Relationship
Dating is a normal part of the teenage experience. It helps them mature, and they can have a lot of fun with it. However, there’s also a lot of things to watch for. There is a lot to warn your child about. Help them if they are being abused in any way. Help them feel safe to talk about it and empower them to do something about it. Please call if you need additional support in helping your teenager through this heartbreaking situation.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman, MS, MFT
