by Lauren Goodman | Jun 27, 2026 | Depression Therapy for Teens
Why Do Teens Feel Left Out?
Few things are more painful for a parent than watching their teenager struggle to find their place. Many teens walk through the school day feeling invisible. They see other students laughing together, making plans, and forming close friendships while they wonder why they don’t seem to belong. If your teenager has ever come home feeling lonely or rejected, understanding why teens feel left out can help you support them more effectively.
During the first few weeks of school, I hear a lot of stories about teens feeling isolated. One teen told me she planned to spend lunch in the library because she had no one to sit with. Another shared that his “friends” never invite him to anything outside of school. A third explained that all the friend groups already seemed established, and she had no idea how to become part of one. In every case, their hearts were broken. They felt like they were looking through a window at everyone else’s happy lives while they stood alone on the outside. More than anything, they longed for just one person to show them the kindness, acceptance, and friendship they saw others receiving so effortlessly. So why do some teenagers seem to fit in with ease while others struggle despite trying so hard?
Charisma Is One Reason Why Teens Feel Left Out
Some people naturally have a great deal of charisma. Most of us fall somewhere in the middle, while others seem to have very little. These teens tend to struggle to find the right thing to say, unintentionally make conversations awkward, or seem uncomfortable in social situations. Teenagers often notice this quickly, which can unfortunately make it harder to build friendships.
Social Awareness Can Explain Why Teens Feel Left Out
Some teens have not yet developed strong social awareness. They may talk too loudly, stand too close to people, interrupt conversations, or struggle to recognize when it’s time to change the subject. Because teenagers tend to be highly aware of social cues, they often distance themselves from peers who have difficulty reading a room. The good news is that teens can learn social awareness over time.
Confidence Helps Teens Feel Included
Teenagers who walk with their heads up and make eye contact naturally project confidence. When they smile or wave at someone, people usually smile back. Those small positive interactions build connection over time. Compare that with the teen who walks through school looking down at the floor. They unintentionally miss many opportunities to connect with others simply because they never make eye contact. This is another common reason why teens feel left out.
Respect Helps Teens Gain Acceptance
Teenagers who know what they believe and are not constantly swayed by the opinions of others often earn the respect of their peers. Respect doesn’t guarantee popularity, but it frequently leads to greater acceptance. People are naturally drawn to those who are comfortable being themselves.
Going Where You’re Wanted Matters Most
This is probably the most important lesson I can offer. The most common reason why teens feel left out is that they are trying to break into a group that is leaving them out. The happiest teenagers don’t spend all of their energy trying to force themselves into cliquey groups that clearly don’t want them there. Instead, they invest in the friendships where people already welcome and appreciate them. That mindset often leads to happier, healthier relationships because it is rooted in contentment rather than constant striving for approval.
Helping Your Teen Find Their Place
If your teenager feels left out, remind them how many invitations they receive or how popular they are at school does not determine their worth. Friendships often change throughout adolescence, and many teens eventually find people who appreciate them for who they truly are. In addition, I have noticed that students who are still learning English often feel left out as well. Building friendships can be more challenging when communication doesn’t come easily. The same can be true for teens with learning differences or other challenges that make social interactions more difficult. If your teenager is feeling left out, encourage them to reach out to these students. They may discover someone who also wants a friend but simply hasn’t had many opportunities to connect. This gives them an incredible opportunity to be a blessing to another teen, and it can also help your teenager build meaningful, lasting friendships.
Encourage your teenager to continue developing confidence, kindness, and healthy social skills while investing in the people who genuinely enjoy being around them. One authentic friendship is far more valuable than trying to win the approval of a group that never truly accepts them.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman, MS, MFT
by Lauren Goodman | Jun 25, 2026 | Christian Counseling
How Parents Influence Their Teens
As parents, we spend a lot of time teaching our children. We correct them, encourage them, and try to guide them toward becoming responsible adults. However, one of the most powerful ways we teach our teenagers is through our example. Whether we realize it or not, our teens are constantly watching how we handle challenges, relationships, money, and faith. They are learning far more from what we do than from what we say. If there are certain values you hope your teenager will carry into adulthood, it is important to model those values yourself. Here are three areas where being a good example for your teen can have a lasting impact.
Being a Good Example for Your Teen in Faith
If faith is important to you, one of the most meaningful things you can do is model it in everyday life, not just talk about it. Many parents want to avoid pressuring their children and choose to let them decide for themselves when they are older. That desire comes from a good place. At the same time, children often learn best by seeing faith lived out consistently at home.
If you hope your teenager will develop a strong faith, it helps for them to see that faith in action. They notice how you respond to stress, whether with anxiety or prayer. They see how you spend your time, whether serving others or focusing only on yourself. They also notice where you look for hope and guidance, whether in Scripture or in the news.
Every day we face countless opportunities to turn toward God or toward ourselves. Your children witness many of those choices. They learn from them. In the future, they are much more likely to choose faith if they have seen it modeled consistently at home.
Being a Good Example for Your Teen With Finances
Your teenagers are watching how you handle money. Do you regularly buy things you cannot afford? Do you justify small purchases because “it’s only a few dollars”? Do you spend money on luxuries while neglecting long-term financial goals? The habits you model become the habits your children are likely to adopt.
If you save for vacations, major purchases, and future needs, your teenager is also learn patience and planning. When they want something special, help them create a plan to earn and save for it. Not only does this teach them healthy habits, but it helps combat entitlement. Teens who work toward their goals often develop a deeper appreciation for what they have because they understand the effort it took to achieve it.
Your children are also paying attention to how you give and how you save. If you invest wisely and talk about why you’re planning for the future, they learn the importance of stewardship. If you prioritize generosity, they learn to value giving to others. Being a good example for your teen with finances has a tremendous impact on the way your teenager views money.
Teaching Humility Through Your Example
Your teenagers also learn a great deal from watching how you treat other people. I’ve heard humility described like this: “It’s not thinking less of yourself; it’s thinking of yourself less.”
A few years ago, I have a neighbor who constantly did small things to help others. She brought food when someone was sick. She watched children for a few minutes when a parent needed help. She remembered things people told her weeks ago and followed up to see how they were doing. She was always thinking about other people. Her kindness was subtle and genuine. She didn’t serve others because she wanted recognition. In fact, she rarely seemed to think about herself at all.
As her children grew older, they also became remarkably kind. They were polite, thoughtful, and attentive to younger children in the neighborhood. They naturally looked for ways to help. One Halloween, I watched them make sure other children received candy before reaching out for their own. I don’t think they were even aware of how kind they are. I think they simply learned it by watching their mother. Imagine those children as teenagers. Wouldn’t you want your own teen to display those same qualities? They are learning how to treat others by watching the adults in their lives. Being a good example for your teen can teach them to be humble and kind.
Your Example Matters More Than You Think
This blog is not meant to condemn you for the things you are not doing perfectly. Parenting is hard, and none of us gets it right all the time. My encouragement is simply this: be intentional. Make sure you are showing your children the kind of adult you hope they become. If we are not intentional, screens, social media, and peers often become the strongest influences in our teenagers’ lives. Instead, strive to make your values the loudest voice they hear. Your example may have a greater impact on your teenager than you ever realize.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman, MS, MFT
by Lauren Goodman | Jun 20, 2026 | Parenting Techniques
What to Do When You Have a Sneaky Teen
If you’re wondering what to do about a sneaky teen, start by understanding why the behavior is happening in the first place. Few things are more frustrating than discovering your teenager has been sneaking around behind your back. You have rules. You communicate your expectations clearly. In many cases, you would probably say yes if they simply asked permission. Yet somehow they continue to hide things, bend the truth, or go around the boundaries you’ve set. What makes this so painful isn’t usually the behavior itself. It’s the damage it does to trust.
Hardly any parents are trying to control every aspect of their teenager’s life. They simply want an honest relationship. They want their teen to trust that reasonable requests will be considered fairly, and they want to trust that their child is being truthful about where they are, who they’re with, and what they’re doing. The reasons behind sneaky behavior can vary, so understanding what’s driving it is an important first step.
What to Do When Their Behavior is Dangerous
If you suspect your teenager is hiding drug use, sexual activity, criminal behavior, or anything else that could put their safety at risk, that needs immediate attention. The advice in this article is not meant to minimize serious concerns. However, many parents find themselves dealing with a teen who isn’t engaging in dangerous behavior but still feels the need to be dishonest. In those situations, it’s worth asking yourself a difficult question: Why does my teenager feel the need to sneak? You may not know the answer right away, but understanding their motivation will help know what to do about a sneaky teen and help you respond more effectively.
How Often Are You Saying No?
One common reason teenagers sneak is because they believe asking permission is pointless. Whether that perception is accurate or not, they may feel convinced that every request will be denied. Over time, some teens stop asking altogether and begin finding ways around the rules instead.
I once worked with a teenage boy who frequently said, “It’s easier to get forgiveness than ask permission.” In his mind, that wasn’t a joke—it was a strategy. He believed it was the only way he would ever be allowed to date, attend a party, or even participate in harmless teenage antics like toilet papering a friend’s house. That doesn’t excuse the dishonesty, but it does help explain it. Sometimes sneaking isn’t driven by rebellion. Sometimes it’s driven by a teenager’s belief that honesty won’t get them anywhere.
When a Teen is Sneaking to Avoid Disapproval
Of course, there are also teenagers who sneak because they want to do something they know their parents would never allow but they believe is harmless. Technology provides endless opportunities for this.
Many teens hide social media accounts, download questionable apps, communicate with people they shouldn’t be talking to, or engage with content they know would concern their parents. They aren’t necessarily trying to hurt anyone. They simply don’t want the activity interrupted. When this is the reason behind the sneaking, the issue isn’t a lack of freedom. It’s a lack of willingness to be accountable. Understanding which situation you’re dealing with matters because the solution may look very different.
The Best Thing to Do About a Sneaky Teen Is Start With Connection
When parents discover dishonesty, their first instinct is often punishment. Sometimes consequences are necessary, but they shouldn’t be your starting point. Instead, sit down with your teenager and have an honest conversation about what’s happening. Tell them how their behavior affects you and why it hurts you. Explain that the issue isn’t simply the rule they broke—it’s the erosion of trust that comes with the secrecy.
Ask questions and listen carefully to the answers. How do they feel about the relationship right now? Why do they think they keep sneaking? What would help them be more honest moving forward? Approach the conversation with curiosity rather than accusation. You may learn something important, and your teenager may be more willing to change if they feel heard instead of attacked.
What to Do About a Sneaky Teen When Talking Isn’t Enough
If you’ve had multiple conversations and nothing changes, it’s time to become more structured. Clearly explain what behaviors need to stop and what consequences will follow if they continue. Be specific. Vague warnings rarely work with teenagers. Just as importantly, follow through.
You don’t need to yell, lecture, or make dramatic threats. Calm consistency is far more effective than emotional reactions. When your teen lies or sneaks, administer the consequence you outlined. However, when they tell the truth—even when it’s difficult—remember to acknowledge that too. Parents sometimes become so focused on correcting dishonesty that they forget to reinforce honesty. Both are important.
What to Do About a Sneaky Teen Who Keeps Breaking Trust
If the sneaking continues despite conversations and consequences, you may need to temporarily reduce your teenager’s freedom. That might mean increased supervision, fewer privileges, more accountability, or greater involvement in their daily activities. Think of it this way: freedom grows where trust grows.
When trust is repeatedly damaged, it makes sense for parents to increase oversight until that trust is rebuilt. The key is making sure your teenager understands the connection between their choices and the restrictions that follow. You want them to think, “I lost this privilege because I wasn’t trustworthy,” not, “My parents are unfair.” When consequences feel logical and connected to behavior, they are much more likely to teach the lesson you’re hoping to teach.
Remember That Trust Can Be Rebuilt
If you’re dealing with a sneaky teenager, you’re certainly not alone. Parents in this situation often feel angry, hurt, worried, and exhausted. Some even begin questioning whether they’ll ever be able to trust their child again. The good news is that most teenagers mature significantly over time. Character develops. Judgment improves. Relationships heal.
Stay focused on the long-term goal rather than winning every short-term battle. Continue setting appropriate boundaries. Continue holding your teen accountable. Continue looking for opportunities to connect. Most importantly, don’t let their dishonesty stop you from loving them well. Trust may be damaged today, but with patience, consistency, and effort from both sides, it can absolutely be rebuilt.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman, MS, MFT
by Lauren Goodman | Jun 17, 2026 | Christian Counseling
Finding Hope as a Hurting Parent
We have so much to be grateful for. It is incredible that we live in a country with so much freedom. God has truly blessed each of us in ways we often take for granted every single day. Even having clean water and enough food to eat is not a given in many parts of the world. If you’re struggling with your child, taking time to recognize these blessings can help bring a little perspective during difficult seasons and offer hope for a hurting parent.
Counting Your Blessings
The reason I remind you of this is because if you’re reading my blog, you’re probably hurting. Your teenager may be behaving in a way that scares you. You may be feeling overwhelmed as a parent and unsure of what to do to help your child. That can be one of the most helpless feelings in the world.
It does us a lot of good to count our blessings, especially when it comes to our teenagers. I realize things may be tough right now, but there are likely a lot of things going right too. It is very easy to become completely focused on solving one problem. When that happens, we can lose sight of all the things that are not problems.
Keeping Things in Perspective
For example, I have several clients who struggle with body image. Their focus on their appearance can become so intense that it dominates much of their lives. This is difficult for parents, who worry about whether their child is eating enough, exercising too much, or simply hating the way they look.
Many of these parents have found it helpful to refocus on what is going right with their child. In some cases, these teens still maintain good grades, avoid drugs and alcohol, and remain loving and engaged with their families. These parents work hard to keep perspective and remember that while there is a problem, there is also a lot going well. This is one of the best ways you can find hope as a hurting parent.
That is often how life works. Problems and blessings often exist side by side. We should not ignore the problems, but we should not ignore the blessings either. In fact, if you think back over your life, you can probably identify very few times when everything was completely good or completely bad.
Remember to Balance Correction with Praise
Raising kids requires maintaining the perspective that things could always be better and always be worse. Tell your teenager often what you appreciate about them. Help them improve where they need to grow, but don’t make that the only thing you talk about. If every conversation focuses on what needs fixing, it can come across as criticism. You want your child to know all the reasons you think they are wonderful too.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman, MFT
by Lauren Goodman | Jun 17, 2026 | Christian Counseling
Learning to Forgive Yourself After a Serious Mistake
Learning to forgive yourself can be hard.
Fifteen years ago, a 16-year-old boy was approached by an acquaintance at school (we’ll call him John). The 16-year-old had a reputation as the kid to go to if you wanted to try a new drug. John sought him out and asked if they could hang out after school. When the time came, John worked up the courage to ask, “Do you think I could try heroin with you?”
The 16-year-old liked John. He told him, “No. Some people can’t just use it once. You could become addicted immediately.” John replied, “Look, I’m going to try heroin. Would you rather it be with you, where at least you know the drug is good? Or would you rather I get it from someone else?” The 16-year-old sighed and took out a syringe. Together they got high. John fell completely in love with the euphoria and never got off the drug. By age 22, he was dead.
The 16-year-old is now 31. He cannot forgive himself for what happened. When he talks about it, his eyes fill with tears. He is haunted by two questions. First, “What if I had stuck with my no? Maybe he wouldn’t have made the effort to get it somewhere else.” Second, “Why did he die and not me? He was a good kid who wanted to live. I was a drug dealer who didn’t care whether I lived or died.”
Why Learning to Forgive Yourself Is So Difficult
How do you forgive yourself for a mistake that feels unforgivable? How do you move forward when you believe your bad choice caused so much suffering? This question has plagued humanity for thousands of years. While there are many answers, two stand out as especially helpful: repentance and self-compassion.
The Role of Repentance
Repentance is a religious concept, but it can be applied in a non-religious context as well. If a person sins against God, they admit what they have done and turn away from it. It is not enough to simply say, “I was wrong and I’m sorry.” There must be a genuine effort to change so the behavior is not repeated.
Going a step further, true repentance often includes helping others avoid the same mistakes. Christianity teaches repentance, but many other faiths emphasize it as well. Even from a secular perspective, most people would agree that taking responsibility for harmful behavior and actively working to change can be an important part of self-forgiveness.
Learning to Forgive Yourself Through Self-Compassion
The second part of self-forgiveness is self-compassion. In psychology, self-compassion is often associated with Dialectical Behavior Therapy. It requires a person to understand the many factors that contributed to a poor decision.
In the case of the 16-year-old, he was using drugs to numb PTSD caused by severe childhood abuse. Those drugs affected his judgment and decision-making. John also made many choices that led him to seek out heroin. Experiences in John’s life contributed to his belief that he could handle trying the drug.
When you make a mistake, it’s important to understand the external factors. It doesn’t excuse what happened, but it does provide context. Knowing this can help you take the first step towards learning to forgive yourself.
Self-Compassion Is Not the Same as Excusing Behavior
It is important not to confuse self-compassion with making excuses. Many people today are quick to blame all of their problems on outside circumstances. The reality is that our lives are shaped by both external factors and personal choices.
Healthy self-compassion acknowledges the factors that influenced a bad decision while still accepting responsibility for that decision. It says, “I understand why I made that choice, and I am committed to making a better one in the future.”
Learning to Forgive Yourself and Move Forward
The combination of repentance and self-compassion allows a person to move forward. Together, they provide the balance of responsibility and grace that is necessary for healing. Repentance helps us acknowledge our mistakes and change course. Self-compassion helps us recognize our humanity and understand how those mistakes happened in the first place.
As a therapist who mainly sees teens, I would like to add this. If you are the parent of a teen, help your teenager learn this lesson by practicing it yourself. Let your teen see you take responsibility for your mistakes while also extending grace and mercy to yourself. In doing so, you model a healthy path forward—one that combines accountability, growth, and forgiveness.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman, MS, MFT
