by Lauren Goodman | Sep 26, 2026 | Teen Grief and Loss Counseling
Is it Teen Grief or Depression?
I’ve had more than a few clients come into therapy unsure whether what they’re experiencing is teen grief or depression. It’s understandable to be confused because the two can feel very similar. When your teenager loses someone close to them, life can feel completely turned upside down. Teens may feel like life has lost its meaning or that they’ll never feel like themselves again. Depression can create many of those same feelings, which can make it difficult to tell the difference between grief and depression.
Can It Be Both Depression and Grief?
The short answer is yes, sometimes. If your teenager was already experiencing depression before the loss, grief can be layered on top of it. However, if the depression wasn’t present before the loss, clinicians are generally cautious about diagnosing Major Depressive Disorder while an adolescent is actively grieving. For the first two months after a major loss, therapists and psychiatrists typically do not diagnose Major Depressive Disorder based solely on symptoms of bereavement. The timing of symptoms is one of the factors clinicians consider when differentiating between teen grief and depression.
What Is a “Typical” Progression of Grief?
After one to three months, many teens begin to notice their grief shifting. While the loss will be forever life-changing, they often start to establish a new normal. They may begin laughing again and reengaging with friends. If they have lost a parent, they may also begin leaning more heavily on their other parent or guardian. Of course, grief can still come in waves. A teenager may have moments when the sadness feels overwhelming, even after they have started feeling better overall. Over time, though, these intense periods often become less frequent.
Please don’t read this and immediately think, “Oh no! There’s something wrong with the way my teen is grieving,” if their experience doesn’t look like this. Every person grieves differently. While I can tell you what happens in many teen grief scenarios, a different timeline does not automatically mean your teenager is depressed.
Which Is Which?
For some teenagers, the initial grief never seems to let up. They continue moving through life feeling almost numb after the death of someone they love. I once worked with a teenager who wasn’t engaging in any part of life a full year after losing her dad. She barely got out of bed, took care of herself, or completed her schoolwork. At this point, her grief had crossed into Major Depressive Disorder. The loss had triggered a depressive episode, even though she had been a well-adjusted teen before her father died. She couldn’t shake the brain fog, intense crying spells, and confusion that had followed his death.
In this client’s case, her bereavement had become complicated enough that she met the criteria for Major Depressive Disorder. The length and severity of her symptoms were part of what made the situation concerning. Without treatment for adolescent depression in addition to support for grief, she may have continued to struggle for much longer.
What Is the Difference Between Teen Grief and Depression?
Grief and depression can feel very similar. Both can involve deep sadness, low energy, loss of interest in activities that were once enjoyable, hopelessness, and exhaustion. One important difference is that grief tends to shift over time. The pain may become less constant, even though it can still return in waves. As one priest put it, “Grief is love with no place to go.” Over time, that love can find new places to go through memories, relationships, and ways of honoring the person who died.
Depression tends to be more persistent and can create a broader sense of emptiness and disconnection. While grief can eventually become integrated into a person’s life, depression can make it difficult to experience joy or feel connected to the people around you.
What Can I Do?
Talk to your teen. Find out what they’re thinking and feeling as best you can. Ask whether they would like to talk with someone and whether they feel stuck in their grief.
If you feel stuck about how to help your teenager, please feel free to call. Even if you aren’t sure whether counseling is the right next step, at TTOC, a therapist always answers the phone or calls you back. We take plenty of 10–15 minute phone calls where we listen, answer questions, and talk through possible next steps, even with families who don’t end up booking an appointment.
In fact, sometimes we recommend that families watch and wait before deciding on therapy. In the case of teen grief versus teen depression, that may be exactly what your teenager needs. We’re happy to support you wherever you are in the process.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman, MS, MFT
by Lauren Goodman | Sep 18, 2026 | Trauma Therapy for Teens
Trauma in Teens
Going through a traumatic experience can be incredibly difficult for a teenager. When a teen is still developing and trying to make sense of the world around them, trauma can leave a lasting impact. It can cause fear, anxiety, nightmares, flashbacks, and even physical discomfort. If your teen is struggling with these symptoms after a traumatic experience, they may be dealing with PTSD. The good news is that flash treatment for teens can help.
What Is Flash Treatment for Teens?
Flash treatment helps reduce PTSD symptoms and anxiety by decreasing the emotional intensity connected to a traumatic experience. Unlike some forms of trauma therapy, your teen does not have to describe the traumatic event in detail. During a therapy session, your teen participates in a deeply enjoyable activity that holds their full attention. This could be something they really enjoy watching, talking about, or doing. While your teen is focused on the activity, the therapist briefly introduces a “flash” connected to the trauma.
The exposure is so brief that your teen’s reaction happens subconsciously. They can continue enjoying the activity without consciously focusing on the traumatic memory. Because their brain is already experiencing positive emotions from the enjoyable activity, the brief flash can help reduce the intensity of the negative emotions connected to the trauma by reorienting the brain’s emotional response to the traumatic memory.
What Are the Benefits of Flash Treatment for Teens?
One of the biggest benefits of flash treatment for teens is that it is very gentle. Your teen does not have to share what happened or relive the traumatic experience to begin working through it. This can be especially helpful for teens who are uncomfortable talking about their trauma or worried that therapy will make them feel worse. Because much of the emotional shifting happens subconsciously, there is very little emotional discomfort during treatment. Flash treatment can also work relatively quickly compared to some other trauma treatments.
Of course, every teen is different, and no treatment works the same way for everyone. However, you can almost always tell within a few sessions whether flash treatment is a good fit for your teen. Many clients see a significant decrease in emotional intensity and reactivity after just 2–3 sessions, and research shows that these improvements can become lasting after just a few months of treatment.
How Flash Treatment Uncovers What Is Under the Surface
Oftentimes, people who come to flash treatment believe they know what is causing their distress, but the root of the problem may actually lie much deeper. Memories and emotional reactions can become connected to other experiences, even when those connections aren’t immediately obvious. In flash therapy, the therapist can help uncover what is really behind the distress. Once the underlying issue is addressed, your teen may be less likely to experience the same symptoms when they encounter new situations or reminders.
There Is Hope After Trauma
I know how difficult it is to watch your child suffer and feel like you can’t do anything to make it better. When your teen is dealing with PTSD or struggling after a traumatic event, flash treatment for teens may be able to help. Your teen does not have to face the effects of trauma alone. If you’d like to learn more about flash treatment or discuss what your teen is experiencing, feel free to call so we can talk about the next steps.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman, MS, MFT
by Lauren Goodman | Sep 12, 2026 | Teen Grief and Loss Counseling
Grief and Loss and Trauma
Unfortunately, PTSD and grief often go hand in hand. Five years ago, I was referred a client for an anxiety disorder. However, it became clear pretty quickly that she was actually dealing with PTSD. She had a separate therapist for grief because she had lost her father to cancer. Tragically, his illness had been a long and difficult battle. At times, he wasn’t aware of who his family members were. He experienced many physical indignities, some of which were witnessed by his children. Sadly, it was cancer at its worst.
Eventually, this client’s PTSD symptoms began to show. They were connected to witnessing the suffering her dad endured. So, not only did she have tremendous grief to work through, but she also experienced nightmares, startle responses, avoidance, and hypervigilance related to the healthcare system. One day, a grandparent went into the hospital. When the client came to her therapy session, she had a complete panic attack at the thought of visiting.
When your teen is dealing with trauma related to the situation that caused a loss, they may struggle to even begin the grieving process. Sometimes, the act of grieving can trigger a trauma response, making it difficult for your teen to process either experience.
What Causes PTSD?
By technical definition, PTSD can occur when someone witnesses an event involving immense suffering or the potential death of themselves or someone close to them. A traumatic response can develop after the event, with symptoms typically appearing within the first few months. For the first month after a traumatic event, the condition is called Acute Stress Disorder. If symptoms continue beyond that point, the diagnosis changes to PTSD.
If your teenager loses someone close to them, they may develop PTSD related to the circumstances surrounding the death. However, most teenagers do not develop PTSD after losing someone they love, so it is important not to assume they are traumatized just because they have lost someone. Grief is a natural response to loss, while trauma involves a more intense and ongoing stress response that continues after the event.
What Are Some Symptoms of PTSD?
Adolescents with posttraumatic stress can experience a mixture of symptoms. Common ones include nightmares, flashbacks, hypervigilance, panic attacks, trouble sleeping, difficulty concentrating, and guilt or shame. One of the first things I notice as a therapist who treats PTSD is strong avoidance of certain situations. For example, in the case of the client from the beginning of this post, she strongly avoided doctor’s offices and especially hospitals. For a teen experiencing PTSD and grief, these symptoms can make the grieving process even more difficult. They may want to remember and talk about the person they lost, but reminders of the loss can also bring up the traumatic experience.
What Do I Do If My Teen Has Grief and Traumatic Stress?
You get help. When PTSD and grief occur together, things can become complicated. PTSD responds to treatment, but treatment can be complex, especially when your teen is also trying to process a major loss.
Thankfully, when a therapist helps your teen calm their mind and body instead of remaining stuck in a constant stress response, they can begin the grieving process. Working through some of the grief can also reduce the guilt and anxiety that often come with PTSD.
How Is PTSD Treated?
There are several effective approaches for treating PTSD. At Teen Therapy OC, we primarily use EMDR, Cognitive Processing Therapy, and Flash Treatment. The best approach depends on your teen’s symptoms, personality, history, and comfort level with treatment.
First, we use EMDR, which is usually provided by Carrie Johnson. EMDR helps the brain process traumatic memories so they no longer feel as immediate, overwhelming, or emotionally charged. The goal is to help your teen develop new ways of understanding and responding to the trauma rather than becoming stuck in the same painful emotional patterns.
Second, we use CPT, or Cognitive Processing Therapy. Veterans with PTSD often use CPT, but it can also be effective for people who have experienced trauma outside of military service. CPT focuses on the thoughts and beliefs that can develop after trauma, including guilt, shame, self-blame, anger, and mistrust. As these thoughts become less powerful, PTSD symptoms may begin to decrease. Teens who complete the CPT protocol often show significant improvement in their PTSD symptoms. At Teen Therapy OC, Lauren or Mark provides this type of therapy.
Finally, we use Flash Treatment, which is provided by Diana Hong. Flash Treatment helps reduce the emotional intensity connected to a traumatic experience. It works quickly, is very gentle, and is highly effective.
PTSD and Grief Can Both Be Treated
When a teenager is dealing with PTSD and grief, it can be difficult for both the teen and their family to know where to begin. Your teen may be trying to cope with the loss of someone they love while also dealing with fear, anxiety, avoidance, nightmares, or panic. The good news is that your teen does not have to work through this alone. With the right support, they can begin to feel safer, process the trauma, and make room for their grief. Therapy cannot change what happened or take away the pain of losing someone. However, it can help your teen feel less controlled by the trauma and more able to remember, grieve, and move forward.
Call If You’re Unsure
If you are reading this post, your family may have been through something incredibly difficult. Our hearts go out to you and your teen.
If you are unsure whether your teen is experiencing grief, PTSD, or both, please feel free to call and talk with us about your situation. We can help you consider whether therapy may be appropriate for your family.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman, MS, MFT
by Lauren Goodman | Aug 22, 2026 | Therapy for Chronically Ill Teens
Therapy for Chronic Illness in Teens
Therapy for chronic illness can help with one important layer of living with chronic sickness or chronic pain. Think of chronic illness as having several layers. At the bottom is the underlying medical condition causing the illness, such as POTS or cancer. The second layer is the physical symptoms, which may include dizziness, joint pain, exhaustion, and more. The top layer is where therapy can be especially helpful. This includes the stress, fear, isolation, and emotional struggles that can come from living with a chronic illness.
Your teenager may feel isolated or depressed because their illness has changed what they can do and how they live. They may also become afraid of causing a flare-up or making their symptoms worse by being more active. These emotional parts of chronic illness and chronic pain can take a toll on your teen’s relationships and overall quality of life.
Counseling can be very helpful with this top layer. So, why should you consider therapy if your teen has a chronic illness or pain? Therapy can help reduce isolation, work through fears about relapse or flare-ups, and help your teen stay as active as they safely can. It can also help them find purpose and joy, even when life doesn’t look the way they hoped it would. In other words, some form of counseling or support for chronically ill teens can make a meaningful difference.
An Example Case: Therapy for a Teen with POTS
When someone has a condition like POTS (Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome), they may spend a lot of time feeling dizzy. Some people also experience fainting. This can happen when they get too hot, go from lying down to standing, or sometimes without much warning at all. Knowing that you could faint unexpectedly or suddenly feel very dizzy can create a lot of fear.
Several years ago, I saw my first client with POTS. I’m honestly surprised she came to me because at the time I had no experience with chronic illness. In fact, I hadn’t received my own lupus diagnosis (an autoimmune disorder) yet, although I was already not feeling well on a regular basis.
This sweet, gentle, and kind teenager was living with constant anxiety. As we worked together, it became clear that she was extremely afraid of getting dizzy. When she had been at her sickest, the room spun so badly that she didn’t even want to open her eyes. She spent days, and eventually months, in bed.
So, how did therapy for chronic illness help her? She was originally referred to me because I had experience using cognitive behavioral therapy with teenagers. As we worked together, it became clear that she had already done much of the medical work necessary to manage her POTS. What remained was another layer of suffering caused by the fear and anxiety surrounding her symptoms.
Layering for the Teen with POTS
At the root of this particular teen’s struggles was POTS. The second layer was her physical symptoms. She experienced significant brain fog, dizziness, nausea, and occasional fainting. The top layer was her fear of fainting unexpectedly. Over time, that fear grew into a fear of dizziness because, to her, dizziness meant that fainting might be coming next. She developed a great deal of anxiety.
In an effort to avoid fainting, she spent hours lying in bed each day. Over time, she became physically weaker and more socially isolated, which only increased her anxiety. The problem was that anxiety itself causes brain fog and dizziness when it’s intense enough. So how was she supposed to tell which symptoms were caused by POTS and which were caused by anxiety? After attending the Mayo Clinic PRC in Rochester, MN, she came home with a better understanding of how to manage many of her physical symptoms—the middle layer.
She still experienced some dizziness and brain fog related to anxiety. This is where therapy for chronic illness made a significant difference. Using cognitive behavioral therapy methods, she learned to face her fear of dizziness and challenge the anxiety surrounding it. In her case, the Mayo Clinic doctors explained that there wasn’t a direct cure for the underlying condition, POTS, but that it could be managed. Through a lot of hard work, her life improved enough for her to return to school and begin socializing again.
Counseling for Chronic Illness
So, how does therapy help with chronic illness? Counseling isn’t medical healthcare, so it doesn’t treat the root cause of your child’s illness. It also has limited impact on the middle layer—the physical symptoms that you and your teen work to manage through medical care.
However, counseling for chronically ill teens can be very helpful with the top layer. It can help your teen understand when their discomfort may be connected to their physical illness and when stress or anxiety may be making their experience worse. By reducing stress, anxiety, loneliness, and depression, therapy for chronic illness can help bring the overall intensity of suffering down a notch or two.
Support for the Family
The counseling process can also help families who are living alongside someone with chronic pain or illness. As a parent, you have to walk a difficult line. You want to help your teen when they truly need you, but you also don’t want to do things for them that they are capable of doing themselves. If you do too much, your teen may begin to lose confidence in what they can handle. On the other hand, if you expect too much, you may push them beyond what their body can manage.
It can be incredibly difficult to know where that line is. You don’t want to seem unsympathetic, but you also don’t want to unintentionally prevent your teenager from living as fully as possible. Therapy can help you figure out the balance of flexibility, support, and encouragement your chronically ill adolescent needs from you.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman, MS, MFT
by Lauren Goodman | Aug 15, 2026 | Christian Counseling
Why Talking to Your teen About Sex is Important
Talking with your teen about sex can feel really uncomfortable, and you’re not alone if you dread it. Many parents feel unsure about where to start, what to say, or how much detail is appropriate—and because of that, it’s easy to put the conversation off.
The challenge is that if we don’t talk about it, someone else will. Most teens first learn about sex from their peers, not from trusted adults. That means the information they’re getting is often incomplete, exaggerated, or just plain wrong. Even in fourth and fifth grade, kids may start hearing jokes or comments they don’t fully understand. By middle school, many have already been exposed to stories about other teens and sexual behavior, often in ways that are confusing or overwhelming. And within a few years, sex becomes a regular topic in their social world.
So it’s worth pausing to ask: where do you want your child to get their understanding of sex and relationships? Because at some point, they will be exposed to pornography, sexual messaging online, or peer pressure around sexting and dating behavior. That exposure is almost unavoidable in today’s world. The real question is whether they’ll navigate it alone—or whether they’ll have your voice helping them make sense of it.
As a parent, you don’t have to have all the perfect words. But your perspective matters. Your teen needs more than peer opinions shaping their understanding of sex—they need your guidance, your values, and a safe place to come with questions.
How to Talk to Your Teen About Sex
First of all, how do you even bring up the conversation? It’s not exactly a topic that naturally comes up during dinner. Most parents have to be intentional about it. How to talk to your teen about sex can feel awkward at best and completely dreadful at worst. If you’re feeling nervous about the conversation, just imagine your teen! They’re at an age when awkward can feel like a permanent state of being. It may help to say something simple like, “I’m a little uncomfortable talking with you about this, but I think it’s important.”
Then find out what your teen already knows about sex. What have they heard from their peers? Gently correct any misconceptions. Ask what they think about sex and how they believe it should be approached. If your family has specific values around sex and relationships, this is a good time to explain them. You can also talk about how to handle situations where they feel uncomfortable or pressured.
How Much of Your Own Experience Should You Share?
This is where many parents get stuck. Should you share your own story? And if so, how much is too much? A good rule of thumb is this: share with purpose, not impulse. If you talk about your own teen years, make sure it connects back to a lesson or value—not just a story for the sake of storytelling. If you made mistakes, you can absolutely acknowledge that. In fact, teens often respond better to honesty than perfection. But always bring it back to what you learned and why it matters now.
If you have religious or moral beliefs about sexuality, explain the reasoning, not just the rule. For example, instead of only saying “we wait until marriage,” you might explain what that value is meant to protect—trust, emotional safety, commitment, and intimacy within a secure relationship. Teens are far more likely to engage when they understand why something matters, instead of just being told to do it.
You can also answer practical questions about the physical side of sex. Teens often pick up misinformation from peers, social media, or jokes that are wildly inaccurate (and sometimes honestly absurd). And yes—you may need to work hard not to laugh. This is also a good time to talk about sexual health and safety. While abstinence is the only 100% effective way to prevent pregnancy and STIs, not every teen makes that choice. That’s a reality many families have to navigate. Even if your teen doesn’t need that information right now, accurate education can help them make safer decisions later—or support a friend who needs help.
How to Talk About Sexuality in Today’s Culture
Talking about sex also opens the door to bigger conversations—puberty, relationships, body changes, media influence, and what they’re seeing online or at school. These aren’t always comfortable topics, but they are necessary. Your teen is almost certainly already hearing about them. The only question is whether your voice is part of that mix.
You don’t have to agree with everything in today’s culture. But you do want to stay connected to your teen while you talk about it. When it comes to topics like sexual orientation or gender identity, start by listening. Ask what they’ve heard, what they think, and what questions they have. Listen carefully to see if your teen is questioning their own sexual or gender identity or not. Either way, the foundation should always be the same: people deserve respect, dignity, and kindness, no matter what.
Once your teen feels heard, you can share your family’s beliefs and values in a calm, grounded way. This is harder than it used to be. Phones, social media, and constant exposure to information mean teens are navigating far more complexity than most of us did at their age. But that’s exactly why your presence matters.
Sex and Your Teen’s Phone
Here’s the reality: your teen will encounter sexual content on their phone. So part of talking about sex has to include talking about what they’re seeing online. That might be sexual jokes, suggestive content, explicit images, or even pressure from peers to send or receive inappropriate photos. And sometimes, it includes pornography or private viewing habits that parents have no idea about.
Even responsible, well-adjusted teens can struggle with this in secret. The goal here isn’t panic—it’s openness. If you respond with curiosity instead of anger, your teen is far more likely to be honest with you. And honesty is what keeps them safe.
Talking to Your Teen About Sexual Violence
I really wish I didn’t have to include this topic. Sadly, if you’re going to talk about sex with your teenager, you need to touch on sexual violence as well. Make sure your teen understands that alcohol and other substances can make it harder for people to make safe decisions and recognize when someone is unable to consent. Encourage your teen to avoid situations where alcohol or other substances could put them or someone else at risk.
Final Thoughts
Talking about sex with your teen simply isn’t easy. There’s no way around it. Some parents have put the conversation off, while others have been talking about these topics in age-appropriate ways for years. Wherever you are, it’s okay to start there.
Keep in mind that your teenager probably doesn’t want to have this conversation either. Be prepared to do just as much listening as talking. Most importantly, remember that if you don’t talk to them about sex, someone else will. Your voice and your guidance is a vital part of your teenager’s development.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman, MS, MFT
