by Lauren Goodman | Oct 7, 2025 | Depression Therapy for Teens
What Really Builds Self-Esteem?
When it comes to building self-esteem in teen boys, many people assume the answer is found in a supportive home, positive self-image, and peer approval. While those things help, they aren’t the whole story. What truly makes the difference? Work. This simple change can completely shift how a boy sees himself.
A Real Life Example of Building Self-Esteem In Teen Boys
Several years ago, I worked with an eighteen-year-old who seemed to have everything—good looks, popularity, a loving family, and athletic talent. But despite all this, he was deeply unhappy.
Nothing seemed to help until I suggested something practical: take on more responsibility for his daily life. I asked him to clean his car, pay his own cell phone bill, and cover his gas. At first, he resisted. But once he got a part-time job and started paying his own way, everything changed. He felt proud, capable, and dignified. His self-esteem began to grow because he was taking ownership of his life.
How Work Builds Dignity
When this young man’s parents wondered why he insisted on paying for things they could easily provide, he explained it simply: earning his way gave him dignity. It made him feel like a man—someone who could look others in the eye with confidence. That’s when I really understood what causes low self-esteem in teen boys: many male adolescents today lack dignity. Work gives them that. Having a job helps them move from dependence to independence, which is a key step in building self-esteem in teen boys.
The Role of Parents in Building Self-Esteem in Teen Boys
Some parents discourage their adolescent son from working because they want him to focus on academics. While this is understandable, in some ways this can actually hold your teen back.
School is important, but so is character growth. As a parent, it’s important to support your son in developing this side of himself too. Work builds resilience, responsibility, and independence. It offers more than a paycheck—it gives dignity, gratitude, and real-world experience. Even if academics move a little slower, the long-term benefits are worth it. By graduation, your son will likely be more grounded, appreciative, and prepared for adult life.
Final Thoughts
Since that realization, I’ve consistently encouraged parents to let their sons work. If your teen is struggling with low self-worth, consider the power of responsibility. Building self-esteem in teen boys often starts with work. Work helps build lasting self-confidence and responsibility in your teenage son—skills that will benefit him throughout his entire life.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman, MS, MFT
by Lauren Goodman | Oct 7, 2025 | Christian Counseling
The Difference Between Guiding and Controlling Parenting Styles
As a parent, one of the most important choices you’ll make is whether to guide your teen or try to control them. The difference between guiding vs controlling parenting makes a huge impact on your child’s confidence, independence, and future. It’s not always easy to see if you’ve overstepped your bounds as a parent. That’s why it’s important to explore the signs of controlling parenting and understand how to help your teen grow in a healthier, positive way.
What Does Controlling Parenting Look Like?
A controlling parent often uses guilt, pressure, or subtle put-downs to influence their child’s choices. They might say things like, “After all I do for you, this is how you repay me?” or criticize their teen’s friends, hobbies, or school choices. Teens in this type of environment may feel like their opinions and decisions don’t matter. Over time, they can become passive, fearful, or rebellious.
I saw this firsthand with my cousin. His mom had the best intentions and loved him deeply, but she controlled nearly every part of his life—from who he spent time with to what college he attended. Growing up, he learned to keep quiet rather than speak his mind. Once he got to college and finally had freedom, he didn’t know how to handle it. He spiraled into partying, drinking, skipping classes, and losing focus. This is a real life example of controlling parenting.
The Root of Controlling Behavior
Most controlling parents act out of fear and anxiety. They love their child deeply and worry that mistakes will ruin their future. Unfortunately, that anxiety drives them to micromanage every choice. While this might feel protective, it robs teens of essential life skills—like recovering from failure, making independent choices, self-motivation, and resilience.
How to Guide and Teach Your Teen Without Taking Over
Guiding vs controlling parenting isn’t about being hands-off. It’s about teaching and walking alongside your teen instead of managing every detail. Remember, your child was entrusted to you for a short season by God’s grace. They will grow into their own person—someone who will face success, failure, love, loss, and everything in between. You can’t control that outcome, but you can guide them with wisdom, patience, and love.
This doesn’t mean you should allow your teen to do whatever they want. They are still young and don’t have the maturity to always make good decisions. Setting healthy rules and boundaries with love is still vital. What guiding really means is letting your teen make choices, experience consequences, and learn from them. It means teaching recovery after failure, encouraging independence, and offering support without manipulation. Think of yourself as a steward—someone entrusted with your teen’s early years.
Final Thoughts on Guiding vs Controlling Parenting
Don’t try to control every aspect of your child’s life to shield them from mistakes or failures. Instead, listen well, offer advice, set limits when needed, and always show love. Guiding vs controlling parenting makes all the difference in raising confident and capable teens.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman, MS, MFT
by Lauren Goodman | Oct 7, 2025 | Christian Counseling
Parenting Sexually Active Teens
As parents, there are moments in our kids’ lives that stop us in our tracks—the first time they start driving, the first time you smell alcohol on their breath after a party, or the moment you first realize your teen is having sex. These moments can feel overwhelming and even terrifying. Some parents don’t worry about their teen being sexually active as long as they use protection from pregnancy and diseases. But from my years working with teens, I can tell you most parents are caught off guard and often upset when they discover their teen is sexually active.
Why Sexually Active Teens Struggle
Sexually active teens often experience dating relationships that are much more intense than those who aren’t sexually active. It makes sense—sex is deeply emotional and brings a level of vulnerability that most teens aren’t ready for. Being physically intimate can fast-track a relationship, and many teens just don’t have the maturity to handle the emotional closeness and complications that come with it.
What Parents Can Do When Teens Are Sexually Active
So what should you do if you find out your teen is sexually active? First, don’t assume it’s none of your business. Teens need guidance, even if they push back. If you just hand over condoms or birth control and never talk about it, you’re leaving your teen to figure out grown-up issues without adult advice.
On the other hand, avoid glorifying teen sex. Cheering them on like it’s some rite of passage only sets them up for unhealthy patterns and sends the wrong message about responsibility and respect.
Setting Boundaries With Sexually Active Teens
You need to talk with your teen openly and set clear boundaries. They should know what being sexually active means—not just physically, but emotionally too. It’s okay if they get frustrated or push back. Many of the young adults I’ve worked with have told me they wished their parents had stepped in more when they were teens. Often those realizations come after painful breakups or regrets.
Waiting is Best
From my perspective, waiting is the healthiest choice. The longer your teen waits to be sexually active, the better prepared they’ll be to make wise decisions about relationships and partners. For Christian parents, it can be helpful to gently share God’s design for sex—marriage. Remind your teen as well that forgiveness and grace are always available. What doesn’t help is harsh judgment or making them feel like their future is ruined—that only drives secrecy and shame.
Handling a Sensitive Topic With Love
These conversations are never easy, but avoiding them isn’t the answer. Approach your teen with love, patience, and care. Be honest but gentle, and if needed, talk with the parents of your teen’s partner in a respectful way. Above all, lead with love and respect—that’s what makes these conversations meaningful and effective.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman, MS, MFT
by Lauren Goodman | Sep 24, 2025 | Teen Addiction
Why Teen Marijuana Use Is Different Today
As a therapist, I’ve been getting more calls from parents worried about teen marijuana use. Teens have always experimented with marijuana, but something has shifted in the last several years. More teens are saying they can’t quit using. Marijuana has long been thought of as non-addictive, so why are so many teens struggling now?
The answer lies in THC, the chemical responsible for marijuana’s effects. Since the 1990s, THC potency in U.S. marijuana has quadrupled. What may have felt mild in the past is now much stronger, making teen marijuana use more addictive than ever before.
The Impact of Teen Marijuana Use
Teens I work with often share that when they try to stop using marijuana, they feel anxious, can’t sleep, and experience deep discomfort. Beyond the physical symptoms, marijuana becomes woven into their lives—friends, routines, even habits of secrecy. This makes quitting even harder.
Therapy provides a safe space to address these challenges. It’s important for teens to feel understood, especially when others dismiss marijuana as “not addictive.” Therapy also supports parents in learning how to set healthy boundaries and encourage sobriety at home.
Talking to Your Teen
If your teen is smoking or vaping marijuana, it’s important to confront it directly. Don’t brush it off. Teens often insist it’s harmless, but science tells a different story. Marijuana use increases the risk of moving on to more dangerous substances, and it’s often tied to peer groups that encourage risky behavior.
When talking to your teen, stay calm and loving, but also set firm boundaries. Follow through with consequences, whether that’s regular drug testing or requiring counseling. Don’t let their arguments about marijuana being safe sway you—research shows otherwise.
Signs of Teen Marijuana Use
If you suspect your teenager is using marijuana, look for changes such as:
- Increased secrecy or defensiveness
- Bloodshot eyes
- More frequent arguments
- New independence and peer groups
- Money problems or unexplained expenses
- Laziness or lack of motivation
- Sudden increase in appetite, especially for junk food
These signs don’t automatically mean your teen is using, but they are worth paying attention to. And if your teen refuses a drug test, it’s definitely a red flag.
Parenting Through the Hard Conversations
Confronting teen marijuana use takes courage and love. It’s painful to ask the hard questions, and your teen may react with anger. But avoiding the conversation only makes things worse. Parenting is one of the most rewarding roles in life, but it’s also one of the hardest. Facing this issue head-on is part of loving your child well.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman, MS, MFT
by Lauren Goodman | Sep 24, 2025 | Teen Anxiety Therapy
Understanding School Refusal in Teens
As a therapist working with teens, I often see cases of school refusal in teens. Some may attend school occasionally, but for parents it can feel like a constant uphill battle to get them there. While school refusal can come from different causes—like drug use, defiance, or anxiety—the most common factor I see is anxiety.
Why Anxiety Fuels School Refusal in Teens
Anxiety is an overwhelming fear of something that might happen in the future. Some teens worry about being judged by peers, while others fear failing tests or facing certain classes. For some, the dread of school feels unbearable. I worked with one teen who was bullied every day on the way to class. When he sought help from teachers, peers mocked him for being a “tattle tale.” His anxiety grew so intense that school itself became unmanageable, leading to school refusal.
What Parents Can Do About School Refusal in Teens
If your teen is refusing school, the first step is to uncover the root cause. School refusal isn’t just “I don’t feel like it”—there’s usually something deeper going on. Once you identify the trigger, sit down together and make a plan. If it’s anxiety-driven, helping your teen regain a sense of control over the situation can make a big difference.
If talking it through isn’t enough, connect with the school counselor or seek outside professional support. Teens usually can’t overcome school refusal on their own. Avoidance makes fears grow larger, but most young people don’t yet have the tools to push through what feels terrifying. Therapy helps teens face their fears and eventually get over them.
Walking the Line Between Comfort and Structure
Helping your teen through school refusal requires both compassion and firmness. You’ll need to be a source of comfort while also holding firm boundaries about attendance. It can be heartbreaking to send them when you know how awful it feels, but consistently allowing them to stay home only reinforces the cycle of fear.
Supporting Teens Through the Struggle
Sometimes loving your teen well means walking with them through emotional pain, not shielding them from it. With your support and consistency, they can learn to face their fears and slowly rebuild confidence.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman, MS, MFT
