Problems with Enabling Teen Addicts 

“Enablers are some of the nicest people on the planet.” -Dave Ramsey. Dave Ramsey is right. Enablers almost always mean well, especially when it comes to helping their addicted and struggling teen. Unfortunately, their methods do more harm than good. Even if you aren’t an enabler, it’s important to know how to help teen addiction. Are you ready to learn how to stop enabling teen addicts? 

What is Enabling? 

An enabler, also called a codependent, is someone who unknowingly supports a bad habit. For example, say your thirty year old son or daughter still lives at home, and you don’t charge them rent. In most cases, this harming not helping your child. It is better if you force your child to leave and rent their own place. Though this will cost them more money, this will improve your child’s sense of self-worth, teach them to be more responsible with money, and make your child work harder at their job. 

Enabling Teen Addicts 

How does enabling apply to drug addiction? Let me give you an example. A parent once told me they allowed their addicted teen to have access to a bank account even though the boy was using the money to buy drugs. Why? The parent said if they didn’t give the teen the money, the boy might do bad things to get drugs. I replied by saying, “Or, he might have no money to buy drugs and stop using as a result.” 

Stop Taking Responsibility for Your Teen’s Mistakes 

Enablers take responsibility for their addict’s bad choices. However, the addict is actually more likely to quit using if they feel the pain of their choices. There’s a saying that an addict must hit rock bottom before they’ll stop using. That saying is true. Don’t shield your teen from the consequences of their mistakes; feeling the weight of their mistakes may be the only way they will stop using. 

10 Ways to Stop Enabling Teen Addicts 

1. Do not give them money. Whether it’s money for food, for gas, or for anything in between you cannot give it to your teen. First, they need to feel the consequences. Second, they’ll probably use the money to buy drugs, not what you intended it to be used for. 

2. Always call the police if you find drugs in your house. It’s better for your teen to be in legal trouble than deeply addicted to drugs. 

3. Do not bail your teen out. If they’re in trouble at school or even in jail, don’t save them. This encourages your teens bad behavior since they know you’ll be there to cushion their fall. 

4. Stop paying for any extras. Don’t pay for your teen’s phone or put down their car payments. Your teen needs to feel the weight of their choices. Besides, they use their phones to set up drug transactions and their car to obtain them. Do you want to help them get drugs? 

5. Do not let them in your home if they are high. I know it’s hard, but you need to protect your home and your other children. 

6. Enforce consequences for failed drug tests. If you’ve discussed punishment for failed drug tests, always follow through. 

7. Do not pay for a lawyer if they are arrested. Remember, you shouldn’t dig an addicted teen out of the pit they dug for themselves. 

8. Make them keep their room door open. Search your teen’s room for drugs at will. Afterall, it is a room in YOUR home. As a rule, addicts are not trustworthy while they are using. 

9.  Do not allow their friends over who use drugs. Being around addicted friends encourages your teen’s behavior. 

10. Do not make excuses for your child’s behavior. Don’t call your kid out of school or work. You might think if you don’t, they won’t be able to graduate high school. However, a high school diploma is worthless if your child is too addicted to drugs. Working through your teen’s addiction comes before getting a GED.  

Work to Stop Enabling Your Teen Addict 

 Don’t shield your child from their choices. It’s better for them to get in trouble as a minor than an adult as there is more grace for minors. I know it’s heartbreaking to see your teen go through this. However, the only way to end your teen’s addiction is to stop enabling your teen addict. If you need extra help supporting your teen, don’t hesitate to give me a call. 

Helping teens grow and families improve connection, 

Lauren Goodman, MS, MFT