How to Build Confidence in Teens Through the Parent Relationship
Figuring out how to build confidence in teens can be challenging. One of the main places teens gain confidence is through their relationship with their parents. When a parent does too much for a teen, it can actually hurt their ability to believe in themselves.
How to Build Confidence in Teens by Letting Them Do More
I’ve worked with many families where this happens. A mom or dad loves their child so deeply that they can’t stand to see them struggle or get hurt. So, they step in and help with everything. They help them study for tests, arrange private lessons for sports, give them a car at 16, or buy their teen whatever clothes are in style. While this comes from love, it can actually hurt the teenager in the long run.
What Happens When Parents Do Too Much
I see this often in my office. A teenager feels frustrated with one or both parents. When we talk about why, the teen says they aren’t allowed to do anything for themselves. They often see the constant help as condescending or as a sign their parents don’t believe in them. When this happens, it blocks you from building confidence in your teen.
A Real Life Example of This
One girl told me that when her mom asked if she studied for her math test, she took it to mean her mom didn’t trust her to handle it. But when I spoke with the mom, she explained that she was simply trying to help her daughter avoid feeling upset if she forgot to study. I encouraged the mom to let her daughter handle these things herself. That sends the message, “I believe you are capable.” Constant reminders can send the opposite message.
How to Build Confidence in Teens by Allowing Responsibility
Parents, if you’re not giving your teen responsibility that matches their age, you may accidentally be sending the message that you don’t believe in them. Nearly every parent who does this means well. They’re trying to make life easier and help their teen avoid painful consequences. But sometimes those consequences are exactly what help teens grow.
For example, say your teen waits until the last minute to start an essay and gets a low grade. That experience may teach a stronger lesson than constant reminders ever could. You can always offer to help them make a better plan next time. Just make sure it’s up to them to come to you for help after you’ve offered.
Exceptions
While allowing your teen to fail and then learn from the consequences can be a good thing, it’s important to know that this does not apply to every situation. If your teen is engaging in dangerous activities or experimenting with drugs or alcohol, it is not okay to hope they get hangover and decide not to it again. These are situations where intervention is vital.
Final Thoughts on How to Build Confidence in Teens
If you want your teenager to know you believe in them and to grow in confidence, give them room to do things on their own. Don’t be afraid of small failures. A small metaphorical scrape on the knees today can help prevent a broken leg in the future.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,