by Lauren Goodman | Nov 28, 2025 | Parenting Techniques
When Teenagers with Divorced Parents Feel Stuck in the Middle
I’ve worked with many teenagers with divorced parents during my career, and frequently their parents are not on good terms. Teens often feel caught in the crossfire and carry the emotional fallout. They become triangulated between their parents and feel pressured to “play both sides” just to prevent things from getting worse. For some, this creates intense stress; others shut down emotionally because they feel overwhelmed.
How Conflict Between Parents Impacts Teens
Many teenagers with divorced parents desperately want everyone to get along. It hurts them to hear criticism about the other parent—comments about not paying child support, being irresponsible, or not caring enough. They have no power to fix the conflict, but they have no way to escape it.
Because the parents are already upset with each other, every action becomes misinterpreted. If dad starts dating, mom may tell the teen it’s because he doesn’t care about the original family. If mom goes on a trip with friends, dad might say she’s being selfish. Even simple things—like needing money for a school trip—can turn into a blame game.
How Teenagers with Divorced Parents React
Typically, teens with divorced parents react in one of three ways. They either try to keep the peace, start to rebel, or refuse to deal with the conflict at all.
1. Teens Who Try to Keep the Peace
Some teenagers with divorced parents take on the heavy responsibility of keeping the family stable. They hide information, tell small lies, and agree with each parent just to avoid conflict. They internalize their hurt because they feel responsible for protecting their parents from each other.
This creates a complete role reversal. Instead of parents caring for the teen, the teenager becomes the emotional caretaker.
2. Teens Who Act Out
Other teens cope by acting out. They create enough chaos in their own lives that their parents are forced to work together—at least temporarily. This might look like poor grades, substance use, risky behavior, or major emotional struggles. Sometimes once the parents begin communicating again, the teen’s behavior suddenly improves on it’s own.
3. Teens Who Stop Coping Altogether
Some teenagers with divorced parents simply refuse to be in the middle anymore. They may choose to live with one parent full‑time and avoid the other—not necessarily as a rejection, but as a way to escape the constant conflict.
What Divorced Parents Can Do to Help
If you and your child’s other parent are divorced, try as hard as you can to stay amicable. I know this can feel impossible. You may have been deeply hurt, betrayed, or disappointed. You might feel afraid of the influence your ex has on your kids.
Despite all that, it’s important to keep in mind that aside from situations involving abuse or addiction, it’s almost always best for your children to have a healthy relationship with both parents. It’s vital that you do what you can to help your teen maintain this connection.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman, MS, MFT
by Lauren Goodman | Sep 19, 2025 | Parenting Techniques
Introducing Guest Blogger Mark Platte, Counselor for Teen Boys
In this blog post we have a guest writer, Mark Platte MA, Associate PCC. He is going to share his thoughts on building confidence in teen boys and some of the struggles they face. Mark specializes in counseling for teen boys and has a unique understanding of their emotions, frustrations, and behaviors during the challenging, pivotal years of adolescence. I hope you enjoy and take something valuable from his perspective!
Building Confidence in Teen Boys: Managing Anger, Finding Direction, and How Counseling Can Help
Growth and Facing Change
Most of the young men who come to see me are wrestling with two big questions: What am I supposed to do with my life? and once I figure that out, how do I actually achieve it? These questions can feel overwhelming, especially during the teenage years when so much is changing at once.
Whether their parents are married, divorced, or they’re being raised by a single mom or dad—or even if they’ve already moved out—teen boys often come to counseling to sort through their emotions and figure out their place in a world that doesn’t always seem to know what to make of them. They are learning how to handle feelings like anger, anxiety, and depression, while also navigating their first experiences with love, dating, and independence.
Comparison and Purpose
A common theme is comparison. Teen boys constantly measure themselves—at school, in sports, with friends, among siblings, and with their parents. Many have a vague idea of what they want to do after middle school or high school, but few know how to turn those dreams into a plan. When that uncertainty builds, it can lead to discouragement and even quiet despair.
That’s when many retreat into video games, social media, or fantasy worlds. While this might offer temporary escape, it often signals that real life feels too difficult. Shying away from hard things never leads to growth—but facing challenges, step by step, can help teen boys gain confidence, manage anger in healthy ways, and develop the resilience they need for adulthood.
Lessons On Building Confidence in Teen Boys
Counseling can be an excellent tool in building confidence in teen boys. Here are five lessons that come up frequently during therapy sessions:
- Young men need meaning. Teen boys naturally search for purpose. Counseling helps them connect their struggles with growth and understand why challenges matter.
- Struggle is not weakness. From Abraham Lincoln to Winston Churchill to Lady Gaga and Oprah Winfrey, history shows that setbacks are often the price of success.
- Big goals require small steps. Breaking challenges down makes the impossible seem doable and keeps progress moving forward.
- Parents should step back. While it’s natural to want to shield teens from pain, real growth comes from allowing them to solve problems and succeed on their own.
- Praise effort, not just outcomes. Teen boys can easily feel discouraged when results don’t match expectations. Recognizing effort builds perseverance and self-belief.
How Counseling Helps
When teen boys learn to confront challenges rather than avoid them, they discover strengths they didn’t know they had. Counseling for teen boys provides the tools to manage anger, reduce anxiety, and build lasting confidence. More than just getting through a tough season, it’s about helping young men uncover their purpose, strengthen their character, and step into life with courage.
by Lauren Goodman | Sep 19, 2025 | Parenting Techniques
Teen Artificial Intelligence Use: What Parents Should Know
AI is a rapidly growing technology, and, like many new online tools, teens are among the first to adopt it. While AI can be fun and even educational, not all teens use it responsibly. Some even use it in ways that can negatively affect their physical and mental health. As a parent, it’s important to understand how teens are using AI, what risks it may pose, and how you can guide them to a better use.
Teens Using AI to Cheat in School
One of the most common ways teens use AI is for schoolwork—especially writing essays. While it might feel like a shortcut to a perfect paper, it’s actually a form of plagiarism. Teens who rely on AI for their assignments miss out on the chance to learn, grow, and practice their own skills.
What many don’t realize is that using AI this way can also affect their peers. Students who prefer to do their own work may feel like they can’t keep up, and some may feel pressured to use AI just to stay even. Teachers now use AI detectors, but these aren’t perfect—they sometimes miss instances of improper use and occasionally flag honest students. This can create stress, confusion, and an uneven learning environment.
Teens Using AI in Place of Human Connection
One of the more concerning ways teens use AI is to replace human connection. Some teens, especially those facing social or emotional struggles, may turn to AI for companionship. They rely on AI to fill the gap in human connection, sometimes forming attachments and treating the AI like a friend or even a boyfriend or girlfriend.
Teens Discussing Serious Things with AI Instead of Parents
Sometimes teens turn to AI to discuss issues they should be talking about with parents. Most AI platforms include built-in safety features intended to block these conversations and provide suggestions for help. However, teens find ways to work around these protections. One heartbreaking example of this: last April, a freshman at Tesoro High School spoke with ChatGPT about suicide, and then completed it.
What You Can Do
AI is a tool, and like any tool is not in itself good or bad. When used properly, it’s an amazing resource that makes life easier. However, using AI incorrectly can cause problems. A practical way to support your child is to monitor their AI use, similar to how you would with social media or online searches, and guide them to use it wisely so it becomes a valuable lifelong skill.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman, MS, MFT
by Lauren Goodman | Jul 12, 2025 | Parenting Techniques
Why Showing Love to Your Teen Matters
It might seem like your teen only cares about their friends, but showing love to your teen is still really important. When they were little, they loved cuddling and spending time with you. Now, they want to hang out with friends more, and it may feel like they don’t care what you think—but deep down, they still need your love and support.
Teens Still Crave Family Connection
Even though teens act like they only care about their social life, most of the teens I work with in therapy talk more about their families than their friends. They want love, attention, and approval from you—even if they pretend they don’t. Remember how when your teen was a toddler they felt safer and happier just knowing you were close by? That’s still true now. They don’t need you in the same room, but they still want to know you’re there for them.
Love Looks Different Now
Your teen may not want hugs and snuggles like they used to, but they still need to feel loved and safe. A curfew might feel like a fight to them, but it also quietly says, “I care about you.” When you give them a quick hug at bedtime, they might roll their eyes—but they also might feel reassured. When you say something kind about how they look or who they are, it sticks, even if they don’t show it.
The Rewards of Showing Love to Your Teen Take Time to Show
Showing love to your teen is harder than when they were little. Back then, you’d get instant rewards—smiles, giggles, and hugs. Now, you’re driving them all over town and often don’t even get a thank you. But the rewards come later. You’ll see it when they choose not to drink at a party, or when they stick with something hard in college. These moments are proof your love is still making a difference.
Keep the Big Picture in Mind
Showing love to your teen sometimes means setting boundaries that upset them. However, keep the end goal in mind. These boundaries help them grow into a better adult, and they’ll thank you for it later.
Why Showing Love to Your Teen Pays Off
Stick with it. Keep showing love, even when it’s hard or feels unnoticed. A little bit of steady love now can build a strong relationship that lasts for life.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman, MS, MFT
by Lauren Goodman | Jun 18, 2025 | Parenting Techniques
Why Father-Daughter Relationships Matter
Dads, your teenage daughter needs you more than ever. It might feel like she’s distant or uninterested — busy with friends, school, and growing independence. Maybe she even acts rude or shuts you out. But deep down, she still needs you. Often, she’s closer with her mom, sharing secrets and feelings. But don’t forget strong father-daughter relationships are vital during these years.
What Makes Father-Daughter Relationships Important
Here’s why strong father-daughter relationships matter:
1. She Wants to Know She’s Valuable
You show your daughter her worth by simply telling her she is loved and valuable. It can feel awkward when your little girl starts to look like a young woman—society’s fears about adult men and teen girls create invisible barriers. But your affectionate, respectful attention reassures her she’s important and loved. This helps her feel secure and valued, so she doesn’t have to seek it elsewhere. This is one of many reasons why father-daughter relationships matter far more than you may believe.
2. She Needs to Feel Attractive
Your daughter is starting to notice who fits in and who doesn’t. Her biggest fear? Not measuring up. When you genuinely see her beauty and compliment her regularly, you give her a confidence boost that lasts a lifetime. It doesn’t have to be complicated. If you see that she is dressed nicely a particular day, tell her so. Simple compliments like this make a huge difference. Your words help shape how she sees herself. This is an important reason why father-daughter relationships matter.
3. She Needs to Feel Safe
Setting rules and limits isn’t about control—it’s about protection. Your daughter might resist, but boundaries show her you treasure her safety. Whether it’s telling her not to be alone with boys or to think twice before sharing photos online, you’re guarding her innocence and teaching her to protect her heart and body.
4. She Needs to Feel Cherished
Teenage girls want to feel like they matter, that they’re at the center of someone’s world. When your daughter knows she’s a big part of yours, she feels secure and cherished. This boosts her self-esteem and helps her navigate life’s challenges. This is another key reason that father-daughter relationships are so important.
5. She Needs to Feel Successful
Your daughter wants to feel like she is successful and making you proud. If your teen makes good grades, that’s wonderful! Celebrate her academic successes with her. However, if school isn’t what she’s naturally good at, appreciate what she is good at. Grades are important, but they’re not everything. Help her discover and develop other talents. Most importantly, make sure she knows you’re proud of her.
The Power Of Father-Daughter Relationships
Dads, your love, approval, and encouragement lay the foundation your daughter will stand on for life. Father-daughter relationships are powerful—embrace the role you have.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman, MS, MFT
by Lauren Goodman | Jun 2, 2025 | Parenting Techniques
Teaching Teens Financial Responsibility in an Affluent Area
Orange County, CA, is an area known for its affluence. Many parents can give their teens things they never had growing up. I often hear teens in my office talk about what kind of car they expect for their 16th birthday, or how unfair it feels not to have the newest iPhone. Some of them have part-time jobs, but very few are expected to pay for their own extras. It can be easy to overindulge teens, making teaching teens financial responsibility difficult. However, it’s not impossible.
How Entitlement Starts
It’s not hard to see how this mindset develops. As a parent, you want to give your teen a better start than you had. It’s also easy to get caught up in the local culture of status and comparison. You’ll especially notice this when your teen starts applying to colleges. Many of their peers are applying to expensive private or out-of-state schools, and if they get in, their parents figure out a way to pay for it.
The Line Between Support and Overindulgence
Here’s the tough question: how much is too much? There’s a very fine line between giving your teen a head start and unintentionally raising them to feel entitled. The real cost of entitlement shows up later—often when your child becomes an adult and doesn’t know how to work through challenges on their own. The line between support and overindulgence is key to teaching teens financial responsibility.
When It’s Okay to Say No
It’s healthy for teens to hear “no” sometimes. It teaches them to weigh whether what they want is truly worth the effort. When I was 15, I wanted private group lessons to improve at field hockey. My parents said I could do it—if I paid for it myself. Since the combined price of the 10 lessons was $500, and I earned $5 an hour babysitting, it would’ve taken me 100 hours of work to pay for them. I decided to practice with a friend at the park instead. And you know what? I improved just as much.
A Lesson Beyond the Field
That experience taught me a far more valuable lesson than better stick skills: money costs time, and both should be spent wisely. I’m sure it was hard for my parents to say no, but I’m so glad they did. And for the record, I didn’t stick with field hockey all that long anyway.
When It’s Okay to Say Yes
You don’t always have to say no. Sometimes it’s perfectly reasonable to treat your teen or support them financially. It can be a great way to recognize their effort or reward progress. The key is balance—use your judgment to decide when to say yes and when it’s better for them to earn it. If your teen already has a working phone but wants a newer model, consider having them pay for it. They might decide it’s not worth it, or they might save up and learn valuable lessons about budgeting. Teaching teens financial responsibility isn’t about never paying for anything for you teen—it’s about being thoughtful and consistent.
Teaching Teens Financial Responsibility By Meeting Your Teen in the Middle
Another good approach is to meet your teen halfway. If they’re saving for a big purchase, encourage them to save for half while you cover the other half. For example, my daughter wanted a new surfboard. I told her I’d pay for half, but she needed to pay for the rest. This made the goal more achievable for her, while still teaching important financial responsibility. She found a surfboard she loves, and she feels proud of herself for saving for half of it. You can do the same thing with your teen.
Teaching Teens Financial Responsibility Starts at Home
It’s easy to fall into the trap of overindulgence, especially in a place where it seems like everyone else is doing it. But letting your teen earn their own extras teaches them confidence, pride, and self-sufficiency. It’s fine to cover some stuff, like sports equipment. But if your teen wants an upgraded version of something they already own, that’s a great opportunity to let them to pay for it themselves. Teaching teens financial responsibility doesn’t mean depriving them—it means giving them the skills and mindset they’ll need to thrive as adults.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman, MS, MFT
