Understanding Approval-Seeking Teens
This post won’t apply to every parent. Some kids are relaxed and self-assured — what a blessing! But many parents have approval-seeking teens who really want validation. This post is for you.
Why Approval-Seeking Teens Act the Way They Do
Wanting approval isn’t always bad. It motivates teens to do homework, chores, and care for themselves. But when the need for approval becomes too strong, it can lead to anxiety, depression, or bad choices.
Signs Approval-Seeking Teens Might Be Struggling
Some approval-seeking teens get stuck trying to be liked. I’ve seen teens develop eating disorders, use drugs or alcohol, or become sexually active before they were ready because they wanted approval so badly. Even when people around them offer kindness or encouragement, these teens still can’t absorb it. They continue to feel judged or unwanted.
How to Help These Teens Find Perspective
One helpful idea is to remind your teen that life isn’t only about them. Help them to look beyond their friend group and find ways to serve others. Volunteering or helping in the community often helps teens focus less on themselves and feel more connected.
How to Stop Letting Negative Self-Talk Win
Don’t let your teen repeat unreasonable self-names. Heartbreakingly, it’s common for approval-seeking teens to have very low opinions of themselves. If a 3.5 GPA student says, “I’m not smart,” don’t accept it. If a normally sized teen says, “I’m fat,” correct that too. In therapy we teach kids not to believe every feeling as fact. Instead of saying, “Nobody likes me,” they learn to say, “I feel disliked by some people.” That small change helps them think more clearly.
What to Do When Your Teen Is Still Struggling
Try the tips here, but if your teen’s need for approval is overwhelming, get professional help. Extreme approval-seeking in teens can lead to dangerous choices. Parents often try many strategies before something clicks. A little expert guidance can make a big difference.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman, MS, MFT