by Lauren Goodman | Feb 9, 2024 | Therapy for Chronically Ill Teens
What do Chronically Ill Teens Experience?
If your teenager is living with a chronic illness, then you know your teen feels different. The limitations your teen faces vary from other teens, but there are things in common. Every chronically ill teen we’ve worked with at TTOC hates feeling “other” than peers. Each young man or woman wants to do what other teens are doing without limitation. CBT for chronically ill teens can help alleviate some of this emotional pain.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy helps with this. Chronically ill teens need to find the precarious balance between doing as much as is possible while not pushing too hard. If your son or daughter pushes too hard, then they can experience a physiological setback. This is more isolating. If your teenager spends a majority of time trying to think about how to prevent a flare-up of physical symptoms, their life becomes entrapped to careful rule following instead of freely enjoying the moment.
How Does Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Help Chronically Ill Teens?
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (usually called CBT) leads your child to challenge his or her self-imposed emotional and sometimes physical obstructions. One chronically ill teenager I had as a client had come down with POTS and EDS as a 16-year-old. She had formerly been the life of the party, the most energetic, and the most athletic of her friends. Because she could no longer sustain the energy needed to play those roles, she completely withdrew from her social circle. We used CBT for chronic illness to challenge her belief that she was “only a valuable friend if I can entertain everyone.”
Another young woman was dealing with a physical problem that caused her to feel dizzy and faint. Because of this, she developed a fear of going out in public if she wasn’t in a seated position. I can 100% understand how this happened to her; I would fear it too. However, she underwent treatment, which stopped the fainting. However, the dizziness continued. Whenever she felt dizzy, she feared fainting to the point where she wasn’t going out with friends at all. The social isolation became depressing. We used CBT to challenge her fear of feeling dizzy. Once she faced that fear, she started socializing more, which led to increased joy.
CBT Increases Mental Flexibility in Adolescents
CBT can increase your chronically ill teenager’s mental flexibility. Oftentimes teens want to do things the way they did them before they got sick. However, this is no longer possible. Your teenager has to learn to still participate in as much as possible, but it is okay to modify activities. We challenge all or nothing black and white thinking patterns about life. Your teen can likely do more than they think. Rarely, I see a chronically ill teen who consistently overdoes it. Usually, the effort to control flare-ups and miserable symptoms causes your teen to pull back farther than is necessary. For example, rather than no longer seeing friends, why not have friends come to the house to watch a movie? There are a lot of ways to do part of something.
For your teen, partially participating does a lot to keep up joy, connection, and overall mental health. If these are better, then your teen is more likely to retain some level of physical activity. As you can see, this improves overall health.
Chronic Illness and Chronic Pain Aren’t Easy for Teens
At TTOC we know having a chronically ill teen isn’t easy. We know this isn’t what any of you signed up for or how you wanted life to go. We agree that it stinks, and we wish you weren’t facing this. However, learning first to accept the unacceptable and then to live life as fully as possible is the best option your teenager has right now. CBT can help with this.
Please feel free to reach out with questions. While we don’t pretend to have all the answers, we might have a few things that can improve your teen’s quality of life. Read more to find out how.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman, MS, MFT
by Lauren Goodman | Feb 1, 2024 | Group Therapy For Teens
What is DBT?
You’ve probably heard of DBT, but you might not be sure what it is. Dialectical Behavioral Therapy is a type of counseling frequently used with teenagers. It works well in group settings and one on one. DBT for adolescents focuses on teaching adolescents skills they can use to tolerate feelings of emotional distress. Emotional distress frequently leads to acting out behaviors such as cutting, suicidal thoughts, promiscuity, anger issues, experimentation with substance abuse, and other impulsive choices. The therapist works on skills ranging from something called radical acceptance (learning to allow events and feelings that simply cannot be changed instead of fighting them) to interpersonal skills that help your teenager get along better with family and friends. This especially works well in a teen group counseling setting.
Why Group Therapy?
At Teen Therapy OC we believe strongly in giving your teen the best chance to take what they learn here in counseling and apply it to their lives. Consequently, the group setting is an amazing chance for your son or daughter to practice using the DBT skills with peers before using them in life. Jazmine, the therapist who leads our DBT group, comments that, “These teens lean on each other for support. They encourage one another to try out their new skills in group to see if they work.” She also notes that teens who learn the DBT skills in a group format seem to integrate them more fully. In other words, because they are helping one another learn them, they take a more vested interest. Teenagers who are the right fit for DBT usually also feel lonely. Because of this, the group setting provides amazing support and compassion.
Does DBT Group Counseling for Teens Work?
It isn’t for everyone of course, but that’s why we screen when you call. Feel free to reach out and let’s chat about it. Right now Jazmine is in the middle of a 5 week DBT group session. So far, it’s been amazing. These young teenagers look forward to each session. They have support from peers. Many of them naturally experience strong emotions, which can be off-putting to friends. As a result, they feel understood in the DBT group setting. At the same time, they are rooting for one another to succeed in better tolerating the strong emotions so they don’t act out as much. Jazmine creates an environment where each group member knows they are welcomed, wanted, and an important piece of each group member’s recovery. This gives each teenager a sense of selfless purpose.
How Do We Get Our Teenager Started?
Your teenager has the potential to grow and thrive using DBT. Your teen has love to give others, and there are peers who will value your son or daughter. Most importantly, your teenager doesn’t need to feel alone as they journey towards improved mental health. To begin in Teen Therapy OC’s group therapy, reach out to us at our Contact Page. We allow new teens to join the DBT group during the first week of each month. We also understand it can be hard to join a new group. Sometimes we suggest an individual session with Jazmine beforehand. However, if together you and Jazmine decide that isn’t necessary for your teenager, know that she is warm, welcoming, and engaging. She carefully selects the teens in the group to make as positive an experience as possible for every teen she sees.
Please don’t hesitate to reach out with any questions you have about this post or how it can benefit your teen.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman, MS, MFT
by Lauren Goodman | Dec 23, 2023 | Group Therapy For Teens
It’s no secret that being a teenager is hard. During this period of time, everything seems to change so rapidly. Hormones are constantly shifting and developing, the body and voice is changing, and suddenly, everything seems so uncertain in life.
There’s drama with friends, crushes develop, and you are now feeling more pressure to succeed in academics and sports to have a bright future. Plus, adding in that teens aren’t always nice to each other, it’s a lot to handle as a teenager.
While we can see childhood mental health conditions such as anxiety, depression, or ADHD develop in the early years, the teenage years are when these conditions often really ramp up.
Group therapy has been proven effective in helping teenagers deal with the pressures of growing up and develop lasting coping skills that they will carry into adulthood.
What Is Group Therapy?
Group therapy is a mental health service where people come together, virtually or in person. During these sessions, they will talk about the challenges they are facing. One or more licensed therapists who specialize in child and teen therapy services moderated group therapy sessions for teenagers.
Many different types of group therapy services exist for teenagers. These group therapy sessions can be general or focused on specific issues that teens can face. Specialized group therapy sessions can focus on the following:
- Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD)
- Depression
- Trauma
- Social anxiety
- Grief
- Chronic pain/illness
- Weight challenges
- ADHD
- …and so much more!
What Are The Benefits of Group Therapy For Teens?
Support From Peers
It’s hard to not feel lonely when you are a teenager. When it feels as if everyone and everything is against you, it can be an isolating experience. You don’t feel like anyone gets you or understands your issues.
Group therapy switches the narrative on this common experience. It can help teens find support from their peers and maybe people they never thought they’d find things in common with. It also helps to reduce the stigma surrounding mental health by recognizing that the struggles we face in life are commonly experienced by all people.
Raises Self-Awareness
One great thing about group therapy for teens is that it raises awareness and compassion towards oneself. We all do it; we look at the issues we face in life and can only see one side: ours. Group therapy raises awareness by giving constructive feedback and differing viewpoints that may not have been realized otherwise.
The experience of sharing your struggles in life can be really empowering. Frequently, we think about what we are facing and feel alone as if we are the only people going through it. While every situation and person is unique, it can be surprising that other teenagers face something similar in their own lives.
It Teaches Social Skills
Group therapy for teenagers is a great way to really focus on healthy communication and conflict resolution. It can teach you how to be less reactive and more thoughtful when you are interacting with other teens or even adults.
You will also learn to read body language and between the lines of what is being said. It can be challenging to do either of those things in the teenage years. These types of communication skills are things that you will carry with you for the rest of your life.
Increases Motivation
Learning that you are not alone with what you are going through can be highly empowering. This empowerment can help you think about your long-term goals and help you to make positive changes. While most people don’t give credit to teens, they do think about the personal goals they would like to reach. Seeing other people reach their goals or strive towards them can be a powerful motivator, no matter your age.
If you want to learn more about group therapy for teens or other mental health services, don’t hesitate to reach out.
by Lauren Goodman | Dec 20, 2023 | Therapy For Young Adults
Ah, adulthood – the realm of bills, responsibilities, and decision-making. While it’s liberating to have control over your life, the journey into adulthood often comes with a side dish of anxiety. The overwhelming sense of responsibility and the fear of making the wrong choices can leave even the most confident individuals feeling uneasy.
If you are getting ready to venture out on your own for the first time, you don’t have to let your worries overcome you. Here is how to deal with anxiety over adulting.
Acknowledge Your Feelings
First and foremost, it’s crucial to recognize and acknowledge your feelings. Adulting can be tough, and it’s okay to feel overwhelmed at times. Give yourself permission to experience these emotions without judgment. Remember, you’re not alone in this; many of your peers are likely
struggling with similar feelings.
Break it Down
One effective way to tackle the anxiety around adulting is to break down tasks into smaller, more manageable steps. Whether it’s setting up a budget, navigating insurance paperwork, or even just grocery shopping, breaking tasks into smaller chunks can make them feel less daunting. Create a to-do list and celebrate each small accomplishment – it’s a great way to build momentum.
Prioritize Self-Care
Amidst the chaos of adulting, it’s easy to neglect self-care. However, taking care of your physical and mental well-being is crucial for managing anxiety. Ensure you’re getting enough sleep, maintaining a balanced diet, and incorporating activities you enjoy into your routine. Whether it’s reading a book, going for a walk, or practicing mindfulness, these moments of selfcare can significantly reduce anxiety.
Set Realistic Expectations
Setting realistic expectations for yourself is key to managing anxiety around adulting. Understand that no one has it all figured out, and it’s okay to ask for help. Avoid the pressure to have your life completely mapped out – life is unpredictable, and plans may change. Give yourself the flexibility to adapt to new opportunities and challenges as they arise.
Financial Literacy
One major source of anxiety in adulthood is often tied to finances. Taking the time to educate yourself about budgeting, saving, and investing can significantly reduce this stress. There are numerous resources available, from online courses to personal finance apps, that can help you build a solid financial foundation. Remember, small steps today can lead to a more secure financial future.
Celebrate Small Wins
In the hustle and bustle of adulting, it’s easy to overlook your achievements, no matter how small. Take a moment to celebrate your successes, whether it’s sticking to a budget, conquering a new skill, or successfully navigating a complex task. Acknowledging your accomplishments, no matter how minor, can boost your confidence and help alleviate anxiety.
Seek Guidance
It’s perfectly fine not to have all the answers. Seeking guidance from mentors, friends, or even professionals can provide valuable insights. Establishing a support system can be immensely comforting and can help you gain different perspectives on various adulting challenges. Don’t hesitate to reach out to someone you trust when you’re feeling lost.
Adulting may come with its fair share of challenges, but with the right mindset and strategies, you can navigate this phase of life with grace and resilience. If you are struggling to deal with anxiety about adulting, reach out to learn more about therapy for young adults. Take a deep breath, and let the journey into adulthood be a path of growth and self-discovery. You’ve got this!
by Lauren Goodman | Dec 7, 2023 | Christian Counseling
Talking About Sex With Your Teenager
The bird and bees discussion is so uncomfortable to have with your teens! To talk about sex with your teenager, you have to feel calm and prepared. Consequently, it’s my guess that many parents simply avoid the conversation.
Unfortunately, most of what teens learn about and hear about sex is from other teenagers (great source, right?). As early as 4th or 5th grade the joking starts. By 6th grade a lot of young adolescents have already heard of some friends “doing stuff” with other adolescents. At that age it is usually pretty shocking. However, within two to three years, discussions about sex are fairly commonplace at school.
You have to ask yourself where you want your child to learn about sex. At some point one of their peers is going to try and show your child a pornographic movie they’ve found. At some point one of your teenager’s friends will be “sexting” with another teen. Most likely, your teen will be told something about it. Teens will definitely hear about and be exposed to sex. The question is whether you want them to learn everything they know from other teens, or if you’d like to have input. I know as a parent I want to have input because I want to be able to let my kids know what I do and don’t think is okay.
How to Begin the Discussion About Sex with an Adolescent
First of all, how do you bring up this discussion? It’s not like it’s going to just naturally flow into a conversation. Most parents find they have to be intentional about it. To talk about sex with your teenager can feel awkward at best, and altogether dreadful at worst.
If you’re feeling avoidant about this, just imagine your teen! They’re at an age where awkward is almost a permanent state of being. So, it could help to say something like, “I’m a little uncomfortable to talk with you about this, but it needs to be done.” Then find out what your teen already knows about sex. What have they been hearing from their peers? Gently correct their misconceptions. Ask them how they think sex should be treated. Do they thing it’s something special that should wait for marriage? Educate them on how to resist situations they are not comfortable with.
The Centers for Disease Control has a simple, basic article that discusses ideas for a parent-adolescent conversation about sex.
How Much of My Own Experiences Do I Share?
To talk about sex with you teenager, you have to self-disclose with discretion. Make sure you disclose with a purpose. When you share about your teen years, whether they were innocent or wild, make sure you tie it in to your family’s morals. If you were promiscuous in your younger years, tell them what you’ve learned from that behavior.
If you have religious views about sexuality, explain the reasons for those views, don’t just tell them what the views are. For example, as a Christian I will tell my daughter that our faith teaches to wait until marriage. If she does get married, God wants her and her husband to have a bond that is completely unique and special. I will explain to her that sex within marriage is fun, sacred, and very much each couple’s own special thing. Based on my past mistakes, sex outside marriage doesn’t contain the same closeness or emotional safety, and that’s why God didn’t plan it that way. I really want her to know the why behind the views we’re teaching her, and your adolescents will appreciate knowing the why behind whatever it is you teach them.
You may also consider answering questions your teen has about the physical mechanics of sex since adolescents often hear incorrect information about this. In fact, some of the things they’ve heard are just downright hilarious (You’ll have to work hard to keep a straight face). This is a great time to talk about sexual safety. The safest option by far is abstinence. However, you can’t bank on every kid following an abstinence plan. Even religious and conservative families deal with adolescents who catch an STD or become pregnant. For this reason, most medical professionals recommend some conversation about safe sex. While this might not apply to your teenager, they may be helpful to a friend if they have accurate information.
How to Talk About Sexuality in Today’s Culture
Having a conversation with your teens about sex in general is also a great time to cover other related topics such as puberty and masturbation. Also, in today’s culture, you need to address things they hear about in media at at school like homosexuality and transgenderism. I know this probably isn’t a completely comfortable discussion for you, but it is still very important.
Your teenager is absolutely hearing about all these things, and it is important that your voice be part of the equation. Importantly, you do not have to agree with everything culture says is acceptable. For some families, daughters wearing bikinis to the beach is too sexual. However, your daughter will see their friends in bikinis just about every time they swim, so you need to have a patient and open discussion with your teenager about why bikinis are uncomfortable to you and how your teenager feels if she’s the only one covered up.
When you talk about homosexuality and transgenderism, I encourage you to listen first. Find out what your teenager already knows and what they think. Listen carefully to see if your teen is questioning their own sexual or gender identity. If they are, you are going to have a different discussion than if you are talking more about how to interact with others who question. Teach your children that no matter what, everyone needs to be treated with dignity and kindness. After you’ve done these things, then you can go on to talk about your particular moral views.
Let me just empathize with you for a minute. As a mom, I’m with you in knowing how much more challenging it is in today’s culture than it used to be. Between phones and current cultural LGBT+ awareness and trends, there is so much more to consider than when we grew up. But, what choice do you have? Your teen needs you to help them navigate the world they live in today.
Sex and Your Teenager’s Phone
Your teen has some exposure to sexual content on his or her phone. Period. When you have a talk about sex, you will also want to gently ask about what they’ve seen on their phone. This can range from friends making sexual jokes to other teens requesting or sending nude photographs to teens seeing things on TikTok to your teenager having a secret addiction to pornography. Anymore, nothing surprises me. Sometimes even the most seemingly buttoned-up kids I’ve worked with have struggled with viewing sexual content in secret on their phones.
Sexual Violence
I really wish I didn’t have to comment on this. Sadly, if you are going to talk about sex with your teenager, you have to touch on this topic too. Make certain they realize that a major factor in sexually violent encounters is one or both parties being under the influence of alcohol (see Alcohol and Research Health Article). For this reason, encourage them not to drink!
How to Talk About Sex With Your Teenager: Final Thoughts
Discussing sex with your teen simply isn’t easy. There’s no way around it. Many parents have put this conversation off while others have been talking about it at age-appropriate levels for years. Wherever you are, it’s fine to start there. Keep in mind, your teenager probably doesn’t want to have this conversation. Just be prepared to do as much listening as talking. And most of all, know that if you don’t talk to them about it, then the most important voice in their lives is absent in big part of their adolescent development.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman, MS, MFT
