Teenagers, this post is addressed to you. Some of you aren’t aware if one of your friends has had too much to drink or has overdosed on drugs, but others of you can tell. For those of you who can tell, you may fear calling an ambulance or dropping a friend at the emergency room if they’ve overdosed or had too much to drink. Please, don’t make that mistake! Don’t worry about you getting into trouble. There aren’t many consequences that outweigh what can go wrong if your friend is in physical distress from substances. Being grounded or even getting in trouble with the police will pass in time, but if your friend dies or has permanent physiological damage from an overdose of drugs or alcohol, you will struggle to get past your guilt if you could have gotten them help.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Having good friends is one of the best parts of adolescence. Photo courtesy of Marin and freedigitalphotos.net.
For some of you, you have had the same core group of friends ever since you started school. Your group is so tight-knit that hardly anyone new joins and hardly anyone leaves.
There are also some of you who have that one best friend. You have been best friends as long as you can remember. You’ve done everything together and even your families are close friends. You hardly need anyone else.
Then, there are the rest of us. If you are like I was as an adolescent you have a new “best friend” every few months. You sort of bounce from group to group. For a few weeks or even a few months you hang out with one person. When your activities change, e.g it’s a new sports season, you become really close with someone else. One of the primary factors in determining how close you are with someone is proximity. If you are on the same team, or in the same classes, you become really close. Once your classes change or your season ends, it’s onto someone else.
If you are a little tired of feeling like you’re always starting over at getting close with friends, here are 5 tips I wish I’d known as a teenager. I think if I had followed these, I would have made lifelong friendships instead of friendships that lasted a few months.
1. Stay in the same extra-cirricular activity. If you play on a sports team, stick with it. Stay with the same team. A lot of people switch their allegiance based on getting onto the best team possible. However, the majority of you won’t be playing sports in college, and definitely won’t be playing professionally (If you’re the exception to this, then don’t follow this tip). The point of youth sports is to make really good friends, learn some work-ethic, get exercise and have fun. If you stay with the same group of girls or guys season after season you’re giving yourself the chance to get close with your teammates. The same goes for a scouting troop, school club, dance studio, etc.
2. Try and convince your parents to let you bring a friend on a family vacation. These are the kinds of things that bring you really close to someone. It’s concentrated, one on one time, having a lot of fun with your friend. You build memories that create solid friendship.
3. Work on boundary setting. Some of you allow yourselves to get in with a group or a certain friend who actually doesn’t treat you very well. You don’t really think you will be accepted by anyone else so you put up with tons of garbage. Your “friend” talks behind your back, or makes fun of you in front of others, or is embarrassed to bring you around certain people, or uses you for rides. This is the kind of person that is really nice to you one on one, but kind of sucks when they are around other teens. In these cases, you should definitely consider where you need to draw the line. It’s a little easier to do if you can trust that you can make other friends besides the one who treats you poorly.
4. Talk with your parents about what it means to be a loyal friend. You can’t change anyone else, but you can work on you. Are you doing all the things a loyal friend does? You’re not dating your friend’s ex-girlfriend or boyfriend, are you? That’s a big no-no in the friendship code. Do you stand up for your friends if someone says something rude about them? Do you make plans with a friend and then break them if something better comes along? Pay attention to your behaviors and make sure you’re doing the right thing to be a loyal and true friend.
5. Lastly, if you want to be close with people, do the little things that matter. Make sure you text your friends on their birthdays. Congratulate them when something good happens for them. Just pay attention to the details because they really matter to people.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
If your child is already a teenager then your days with them are numbered. It won’t be long until your teen strikes out on his or her own. At that point your relationships changes. I don’t say this to be a Debbie Downer. I want you to be intentional with your time. I want you to thoroughly enjoy the time you have left with your kids living at home with you.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
100% Pure Methylenedioxymethampethamine (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
The use of “Molly” is on the rise. I’ve even encountered several teens coming through my office that have abused the drug. This is scary because it is MUCH more dangerous than they realize. If you see your teenager texting about it, or overhear them talking about it, have a serious conversation. Don’t let your teen either tell you that Molly is just a person, or that it’s not a big deal. You have to be educated and be smarter than that, and you have to be scared enough to confront them.
Okay, so what is Molly? Molly is methylenedioxymethamphetamine. What? At least I’m assuming that’s your next thought. We’ll just call it MDMA from now on. MDMA has a much better known format called ecstacy. Is that a little bit more familiar? It used to be known as the “rave drug” because it would be taken prior to attending parties that last for 12 or more hours. It causes feelings of euphoria, energy, comfort, closeness and happiness. People who take either ecstasy or Molly feel more comfortable touching other people, and feel warm and fuzzy inside. Sometimes it also has hallucinogenic results, altering a person’s sense of time and space.
MDMA is a type of substance that causes increased tolerance. Herein lies one of its dangers. People find the high so appealing that they will use it every few hours when they are on a binge (These binges are referred to as “rolling”). They also often use it on several separate party occasions. Eventually larger amounts of the drug are needed for the high, and particularly for the hallucinogenic properties. An overdose of an MDMA drug (either ecstacy or Molly) can lead to elevated body temperature, lethally high blood pressure, cardiac issues and seizures. What is the bottom line? It can kill your child.
People who abuse MDMA have also been known to become very dehydrated. In their efforts to rehydrate they can actually drink too much water, which causes a dangerous electrolyte imbalance.
Adolescents mix Molly or ecstasy with other drugs. This further increases the dangers because the chemical properties are altered and possibly made more toxic.
Part of the reason you need to talk with your teenager about this is that it will often show up at parties. It is different than heroin or cocaine in that teenagers know those drugs are dangerously addictive. They don’t often try those types of drugs without a progression through alcohol, marijuana and other experimentation. Molly and ecstasy are different though. I have had teenagers tell me they’ve used it just because it was at a party, even when they are not normally drinkers or drug abusers. They honestly believed it is not a dangerous drug.
Help your teenager understand the risks they are taking if they use Molly or ecstasy (also sometimes called ‘E’). Tell your teenager to make sure a friend is taken to the emergency room if they seem dangerously high. Teens are often afraid to take a friend to the ER because they don’t want to get in trouble.
Just be in conversation with your teen. Find out if they’ve ever been offered Molly or ecstasy. Ask them if anyone they know has taken it. Remind them there are risks to using these types of drugs. It’s hard to have this conversation, but even if your teenager acts annoyed, they feel loved that you care.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
In therapy I have many conversations with teens about character qualities they need to develop in order to be functional adults. While conversations are helpful, lessons are better “caught, not taught.” Mom and Dad, you are in a better position to reinforce character development than I am as your teen’s counselor.
Sometimes I have a client come through my office whose parent has an outstanding method for teaching a character trait. When I see this I can’t help but pass it on to you. Lucky for us, this one is truly simple but so effective!
This parent uses money to teach her daughter self-control and self-discipline. She thinks she’s simply creating good money habits in her daughter, but it actually does so much more than that. Check it out:
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Hello, I’m Lauren! If you notice your teen struggling, you might be feeling helpless, hopeless, frustrated or concerned as a parent. Try to remember, there is hope. I want to help your adolescent feel better. My hope is for them to enjoy their life again. I want them to feel confident they can handle whatever situations arise.
