Family based treatment (aka Maudsley Method) empowers parents to act as a critical part of the treatment team when healing a teenager from an eating disorder. This is done in consult with a therapist, dietician, and medical doctor. Parents follow the advice of their treatment team to get the adolescent’s caloric intake back on track so health can be restored. This is a very emotionally taxing process, but it also hopefully keeps the teenager out of the hospital. Many parents have lost their authority to the eating disorder over the course of the last several months or even years. When they are not only given permission, but required to take back that authority, there are often encouraging results.
Eating disorders are so nasty! They are cruel, unkind, and abusive to their victims. They take over a person’s relationships, personality, ambitions, and dreams until you find your teen is a shell of her former self. I should know…I had one for 7 years. Now I help parents fight back against the eating disorder monster. Here are some thoughts on the process:
Eating Disorders include rules like only eating salads. Image courtesy of rakratchada torsap at FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Parents of teenagers call me for a number of varying concerns, one of which is that their daughter has an eating disorder. Once in counseling for any reason, girls frequently reveal they believe they are fat. Of the girls who believe they are fat, a significant number are actively trying to lose weight. If their efforts are dangerous enough, they qualify for an eating disorder. Lately I have been seeing a lot of girls with eating disorders, so it seems like a good time to address this.
The first thing that might have struck you as odd is that I wrote, “If their efforts are dangerous enough, they qualify for an eating disorder.” You might be wondering what I mean by “dangerous.” Girls (and less often boys) that are trying to lose weight are usually doing so in unhealthy ways. For example, there are numerous risks associated with frequent self-induced vomiting. It rots teeth, has the potential to burn a hole in the esophagus, and can cause electrolyte imbalances; sometimes these electrolyte imbalances have caused death.
Other dangerous things adolescents do to lose weight is crash diet, work out too hard (causing sickness and injury), take laxatives, fast, cut out certain food groups, and use drugs. All of these things can be dangerous. Nutrition is an essential part of our health. Girls who are struggling with an eating disorder are nutrition obsessed, but often eat very unhealthily.
One example comes from a girl I know who has an eating disorder. She has numerous misconceptions about food based on the current cultural fads. She believes carbohydrates are like putting poison into her body. If she eats salads for lunch and dinner then she assumes she has eaten a very healthy diet for that day. In fact, all she has done is eat a low calorie diet while missing out on essentials like carbohydrates and proteins.
Therapists are by no means nutritionists, but we are often required to address nutritional issues. For this reason, in most cases, eating disorders are treated in conjunction with a registered dietician. The dietician helps the teen plan appropriate eating. The therapist then helps the teenage girl with the emotions surrounding staying on a food plan; this can be extremely challenging.
Eating disorders are primarily emotional. Girls with anorexia are in tight control over their diet. They control their food in what appears to be an unemotional manner. However, anorexic teens live with constant feelings of self-disgust, shame, and fear. This differs slightly from teenagers with bulimia, who also feel the self-disgust, shame and fear plus a numbing during a binge.
If you are concerned your daughter has an eating disorder, here are a few questions you can ask. First, ask your daughter if she feels comfortable with her body. You can directly ask if she’s ever trying to diet. Find out from her how much she is concerned with her daily diet. Nearly all girls are conscious of these things, but many still eat normally and exercise moderately. You want to determine if it seems a bit extreme. If your daughter is very defensive when you ask these questions, that can also be a sign of trouble.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Fitness and thinness can become an obsession for teen girls. Photo Credit: Marin via freedigitalphotos.net
Are you worried your daughter is overly concerned with her weight? You’re not alone. Studies have shows teenage girls are dissatisfied with their bodies at a rate ranging from 50% to as high as 90%. It’s distressing to think that many adolescents feel preoccupied with wishing they looked different.
There is a big difference between teenagers who do not like their bodies, and those who go a step further. Some may not like what they see, but they still wear swimsuits, eat normally, exercise appropriately, and do not complain about themselves too often. Other girls are regularly trying to diet, and feel very self-conscious in certain attire.
I had a college roommate who was as beautiful and fit as could be. We went to school in Tucson, Arizona and it was dreadfully hot every Fall when we’d start classes. Despite this, I never once saw her wear anything besides pants. When I asked her about this she said it’s because her legs looked fat, and that they would never look as good as they had when she was a ballerina in high school. As a result she created a rule for herself that she was not allowed to show her legs under any circumstances. She ultimately created more and more rules for herself until she had imprisoned herself in the trap of anorexia. It was heartbreaking.
If you’re worried about whether your daughter is too concerned with her weight, she probably is. You wouldn’t be clued into this being a problem if it weren’t. Just in case though, here are some things to watch for:
1. Your daughter has cut out certain types of food such as “carbs.”
2. Your daughter won’t wear a swimsuit in front of anyone.
3. Your daughter talks about food constantly.
4. Your daughter makes comments comparing her body to other girls or women on a regular basis.
5. Your daughter seems to be on a perpetual diet and/or exercise regimen.
6. You daughter has calorie counting and/or fitness tracking apps on her phone.
If you start to see some of these behaviors, it’s time to begin the conversation about whether your teenager is too concerned with her weight. It can quickly bud into an obsession that overtakes her life. Believe me, I know since I struggled with this very obsession from age 15 to age 22. That is seven years of my life I can’t get back. The main focus during those seven years was weight loss and fitness at a time when I should have been having fun with friends and learning a lot in school.
I work with a great number of clients who are unhappy with their appearance. Some of them have gotten all the way into an eating disorder, and others are on the borderline. It’s always helpful to them when A) they realize many, many others feel the same as they do and B) there are so many other facets that make up who a person is. Treating poor body image is not as simple as this, but it’s where you can start as a parent.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Everyone looks different, and we can celebrate that. Credit: free-images.com
It’s hard to love yourself. Teens, it’s really hard not to pick out whatever flaw is bothering you and get stuck there. There’s always something that could be better. But also, there are always ten things that could be worse. No matter what you look like, it’s time for all of us as a culture to fight back against this need for perfection.
I’m going to fight back first. I’m going to write out right here the things about my body that I wish were different. Then I’m going to tell you why I’m thankful for these flaws. I wish my skin tone was even. I wish I didn’t have patches of dry skin. I wish my teeth were whiter. I wish I didn’t have cellulite. As someone in recovery from eating disorder, I can tell you I’ve spent a ridiculous amount of time concerned with the cellulite.
Why am I thankful for all these flaws? They keep me humble. If I looked perfect I’m sure I’d have way too much pride (not the good kind). My flaws help me be less judgmental. I’m not perfect in this area, but I can tell you that I appreciate people’s uniqueness more because I have imperfections. My flaws remind me that I’m human. I’m glad to be part of this messy, everyone looks different human race. We are so beautifully created. If we didn’t have “flaws” then we would look like Stepford Wives or robots.
My flaws remind me that God’s ways are higher than mine. There’s a verse in the Bible that I LOVE. It goes like this: “Do not be conformed to the patterns of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind,” Romans 12:2. My flaws remind me that what I perceive as “imperfect” is really just a “pattern of this world.” This world wants to tear you down because you have acne, or a crooked nose, or pale skin, or whatever else the media tells us is unattractive. The truth is though, God looks at your heart and your mind. He wants us to look at those things too. The packaging is so much less important. Even despite that, God made the packaging just the way He thought best for each one of us.
I know that if God gave me a “perfect” package according to the world’s standards, then I wouldn’t have ever learned to be concerned with my mind or my heart. Now those are the things I focus on. In the end I can tell you my “flaws” aren’t flaws at all, they are blessings that have slowly led me to maturity.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Hello, I’m Lauren! If you notice your teen struggling, you might be feeling helpless, hopeless, frustrated or concerned as a parent. Try to remember, there is hope. I want to help your adolescent feel better. My hope is for them to enjoy their life again. I want them to feel confident they can handle whatever situations arise.
