by Lauren Goodman | Jul 18, 2018 | Eating Disorder Therapy
Everyone looks different, and we can celebrate that.
Credit: free-images.com
It’s hard to love yourself. Teens, it’s really hard not to pick out whatever flaw is bothering you and get stuck there. There’s always something that could be better. But also, there are always ten things that could be worse. No matter what you look like, it’s time for all of us as a culture to fight back against this need for perfection.
I’m going to fight back first. I’m going to write out right here the things about my body that I wish were different. Then I’m going to tell you why I’m thankful for these flaws. I wish my skin tone was even. I wish I didn’t have patches of dry skin. I wish my teeth were whiter. I wish I didn’t have cellulite. As someone in recovery from eating disorder, I can tell you I’ve spent a ridiculous amount of time concerned with the cellulite.
Why am I thankful for all these flaws? They keep me humble. If I looked perfect I’m sure I’d have way too much pride (not the good kind). My flaws help me be less judgmental. I’m not perfect in this area, but I can tell you that I appreciate people’s uniqueness more because I have imperfections. My flaws remind me that I’m human. I’m glad to be part of this messy, everyone looks different human race. We are so beautifully created. If we didn’t have “flaws” then we would look like Stepford Wives or robots.
My flaws remind me that God’s ways are higher than mine. There’s a verse in the Bible that I LOVE. It goes like this: “Do not be conformed to the patterns of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind,” Romans 12:2. My flaws remind me that what I perceive as “imperfect” is really just a “pattern of this world.” This world wants to tear you down because you have acne, or a crooked nose, or pale skin, or whatever else the media tells us is unattractive. The truth is though, God looks at your heart and your mind. He wants us to look at those things too. The packaging is so much less important. Even despite that, God made the packaging just the way He thought best for each one of us.
I know that if God gave me a “perfect” package according to the world’s standards, then I wouldn’t have ever learned to be concerned with my mind or my heart. Now those are the things I focus on. In the end I can tell you my “flaws” aren’t flaws at all, they are blessings that have slowly led me to maturity.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman, MS, MFT
by Lauren Goodman | Mar 21, 2018 | Eating Disorder Therapy
Eating disorders are very challenging for adolescents.
Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Eating disorders are fairly common. We’ve all heard of anorexia and bulimia nervosa. Recently a new diagnosis for eating disorders has been added to the list. The new disorder is called Binge Eating Disorder. Essentially it has many of the symptoms of bulimia, but does not include compensatory behaviors.
Here is a description of the three types of eating disorders (Actually there are two others, but they are more of a catch-all term for someone who doesn’t quite fit the criteria of anorexia, bulimia or binge eating disorder).
To be diagnosed as anorexic, a person must completely refuse to maintain a healthy weight. They must be clinically underweight (just how underweight determines what severity of anorexia they have), must have a fear of gaining weight, and must have a distorted view of their body size. It used to be that they had to lose their period as well, but this has since been removed from the criteria; there is a greater number of males who have anorexia now as well as females.
Bulimia nervosa is also marked by a fear of gaining weight and a distorted view of body size. However, someone with bulimia is often an appropriate weight and quite possibly even a little bit overweight. This person gets caught in a frustrating cycle of trying various methods to lose weight. When the person becomes hungry or upset though, they will binge on an extraordinary amount of food. Feelings of shame, guilt and disgust creep in and the person then feels a strong compulsion to make up for the over-eating. This is called purging. Purging takes on many forms including vomiting, laxatives, diuretics, over-exercising and fasting.
Binge eating disorder is diagnosed by a person who is triggered to eat excessive quantities of food. This is almost always in conjunction with an emotional trigger. This isn’t just a person who consistently overeats a little bit too much at each meal. The person with binge eating disorder then feels shame and guilt along with disgust. However, they don’t try and compensate for the binge with some form of purging.
Eating disorders are common in teenagers. They are often very dangerous, and need to be addressed right away. Someone with anorexia is quite literally starving her/himself to death. There is a high death rate among people with anorexia because their nutrition can get so out of whack that their body can no longer handle it. People who have bulimia are also at risk of life-threatening electrolyte imbalance. In fact, the therapist who supervised me through my interning years was helping a teenage girl with her grief because she lost her best friend to cardiac arrest; her best friend died after purging by vomiting.
If you are concerned about your daughter or son, please ask for help as quickly as you can get it. Go talk with their pediatrician about whether they are healthy. Call a counselor to ask for a plan on how to help your child. Take action. Please understand that if you feel incompetent as a parent in this situation, so does every other parent who faces it. Eating disorders are stubborn. However, they are not your child. Your wonderful child is still underneath all this and you can find help. Also please know that this is not your fault. The newer research is showing the majority of eating disorders are caused by genetics, not bad parenting.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman, MS, MFT
by Lauren Goodman | Apr 18, 2017 | Eating Disorder Therapy
When males struggle with body image issues it can take over their life.
Credit: David Castillo Dominici via freedigitalphotos.net
Yes, eating disorders happen to males too. It’s not as commonly discussed, and it’s not quite as prevalent, but it definitely happens.
What are some signs your son might have an eating disorder?
Here are some things I screen for when I work with adolescent males who seem very body conscious:
1. Has he become obsessed with working out? Is your son going to the gym so often that you wonder whether it’s unhealthy for him? Do you feel concerned he’s lifting too much weight and might end up injured? This can be a sign of an eating disorder in a male.
2. Is your adolescent son highly concerned with his percentage of body fat? Girls talk in pounds. Boys talk in percentage of body fat. I hear of boys wanting to get their body fat percentage down to 4% or so. They think this way they’ll look “really cut.” This isn’t healthy though. Our bodies need a certain amount of fat to function.
3. Do you notice your son trying to diet a lot? Boys who have eating disorders often attempt to skip meals or only eat fruits and vegetables for a certain meal. They want to be thinner. Because their ideal body is different than a female, this can confuse us. They may not desire to look emaciated, but their ideal is probably as airbrushed and unrealistic as any female with an eating disorder.
4. Does your son refuse to eat certain food groups? Usually males want to bulk up on protein and cut down on carbs. They won’t eat bread, chips, and sweets. Your son might be doing this because he has become body obsessed.
There are other things I screen for when assessing for body image issues, but these four are always included. If you notice these things happening, it warrants a conversation. Your son might not be very likely to see his behavior as problematic. Remember to stay on track with what is actually healthy and don’t allow yourself to be convinced otherwise.
It’s important to help your son know what he is doing to himself by overly focusing on his body. First of all, starvation coupled with excessive exercise potentially has dangerous physical consequences.
The second potential problem with too much focus on the body is character development. Anytime we become obsessed with one area of development we neglect the other parts of our life. If your son only thinks about how to make his body look and feel a certain way, then he isn’t concerned enough with working on all the other things that will make him a good man. He may exclude himself from social situations because he doesn’t want to miss a workout. He might not be emotionally present on a date because he’s worried about what to do when she wants to order dessert. He might be unable to focus in class because his caloric intake is too low.
Body image issues in teenagers seem more prevalent than ever. Males are increasingly admitting to this pressure when we meet for therapy. Some of them go so far as to diet and/or excessively exercise. It’s really important to bring this up with your son if you notice it. Your interference will help your son get back on track to being a well-rounded young man.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman, MS, MFT
