Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
I want to call a therapist and ask about what’s going on with my kid, but I’m not sure my kid really needs therapy. I don’t want to get talked into bringing them in if it isn’t necessary. I don’t want to start spending a lot of money and having my child get attached to a therapist if they don’t actually need to be there.
This is the thought process many parents go through when deciding if they should call. I understand it. I feel like that when I call the pediatrician’s office to see if one of my kids needs to come in. I wish they’d just tell me if it’s not necessary.
I’m writing all this because I want you to feel at ease to call. I personally return almost every phone call about counseling that comes our way. I do this because I don’t want you to bring your teenager in unless it’s necessary. Of course I can’t always tell that on the phone, but I do regularly tell people it’s not yet time to start counseling. I promise you the same courtesy.
I had a call last week from a couple of concerned parents. It was hard for them to witness their daughter struggling with friends at school. She was feeling isolated and left out. Once we talked for a little while on the phone, it seemed to me this problem might resolve itself if given a little bit of time. I asked the parents to wait a few weeks and see whether things improved for their daughter. If not, there might be something worth digging through in therapy. For many though, a little bit of time salves a lot of wounds.
This is not an uncommon story when you call to talk to us. You also might hear from me that nobody on our team is the right fit for your situation. It doesn’t help your teen if he or she is paired with a therapist who doesn’t have the right training/experience for your issue. We usually have good outcomes for our clients because we are very picky on the front end about who we see. That is why people in the community trust us and trust is the MOST important ingredient in a successful counseling experience.
Sometimes you teach me. You have been incredible throughout quarantine. Teenagers, you’ve been honest with your disappointment, loneliness and sadness, but you’ve also been amazingly resilient. Every one of you I’ve seen in therapy in the last two months have expressed reasons you’re thankful. You’ve all been thoughtful and you have all tolerated this with less complaining than the adults I know!
I’ve never commented on this as far as I can remember. It’s not something I am called on to do with any regularity. It is one of the most universally hated parts of a therapist’s job. What is it? Calling child protective services.
Teens who struggle with porn feel ashamed and alone. Credit: Jeanne Claire Maarbes via freedigitalphotos.net
Dear Parents,
There are several things that make us shudder as parents. We hope we never help teenagers navigate their way out of drug use, an abusive relationship, failing grades, and suicidal behavior. Now that the internet has become a daily part of all of our lives, we have to add a few more to the list. We pray we never help our teens face a serious video gaming addiction, gambling addiction, or pornography addiction. Unfortunately these are things parents are having to deal with more and more.
Teenagers usually have their own smart phones. They often also have a laptop, tablet and TV in their own room. There is ample opportunity to have endless, unchaperoned screen time. It’s tough because this is the norm. Our kids feel ripped off if we don’t give them all these things.
Sadly there is a very significant proportion of teens who are not really mature enough to manage these devices in a responsible manner. One of the main things they can get sucked into is porn.
Porn is free, and it’s very easy to find. Your teen, whether they view it or not, knows how to find it. If it becomes something they watch on a regular basis, there are a lot of problems that arise. Your adolescent child is likely to start isolating. They might be masturbating so frequently that they are injuring themselves (yes, this really happens). They are developing inappropriate, unrealistic ideals about sexuality and relationships. They are hearing language that is degrading. The list goes on.
Watching porn releases endorphins in the brain. It’s an addictive experience. This is the reason the industry is one of the chief money-makers in the world. If your adolescent is struggling with an addiction to pornography, it is a hard challenge to overcome. It’s not like it’s possible to completely avoid the triggers once they’ve “gotten sober.” They still have to use a phone, the internet, and they still have to be alone sometimes. In short, they absolutely MUST have support to overcome this problem.
At Teen Therapy OC we have a male therapist on staff, Seth, who can help if it is your adolescent son using pornography. Seth does his sessions online, meaning it is through a medium similar to Skype. This turns out to be very helpful because your teen is often triggered by the computer and being alone in his room. By doing sessions through the computer, Seth is able to help your teenager create new associations with time online. He can work with your teenager through teletherapy to help them begin the journey to freedom.
If you have a teenage daughter who is struggling with porn use, then they would work with me, Lauren. I have sessions available both in the office and through videoconference. It is more common with young girls than you might think. The good news is that the addiction cycle can be broken and your daughter can get back to herself.
I know this is a really hard thing to face. It is a heartbreaking situation that you never imagined when you had kids. Let’s work together to get help and get your teen back on track.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
The flexibility associated with internet therapy for adolescents can improve the counseling process. Credit: freedigitalphotos.net/stockimages
I have been doing teletherapy with teens (also called online teen therapy, telehealth counseling, teletherapy, videoconferencing sessions, and internet counseling) since the middle of 2010. For the most part it has been very successful.
I have worked with clients who are facing a variety of struggles. I have seen a client who has dealt with addiction, and wanted to work with someone who had plenty of addiction experience. It took time, but working with addiction often does. Meeting through an online platform did not seem to hinder the counseling process.
I have worked with eating disordered clients through telehealth as well. Teen online counseling with clients who are struggling with their body image has been mostly good. We are still able to address the various feelings they have about how they look, the distortions they have when it comes to viewing their body, and the negative thoughts that occur during struggles with anorexia and bulimia. The drawback in this situation is sometimes family therapy is needed in cases of eating disordered treatment, and this can be more of a struggle with internet sessions. It isn’t impossible by any means, but it is more challenging.
Clients who also have elected to do treatment through teletherapy are those struggling with anxiety and OCD. This format works wonderfully for these clients. Part of the reason I’d say I almost prefer it is that the sessions can be easily conducted anywhere. The cornerstone of overcoming anxiety and anxiety-related disorders (like OCD) is to face the feared situations. Your teenager is taught how to cope during the anxiety provoking situation, and then we start the process of them facing the situation head-on. Let’s use OCD as an example. If your teen fears “contaminated” objects such as the kitchen trash can, your teenager can take their laptop into the kitchen to face the feared object during their counseling session. As a therapist, this is ideal. We try to replicate the feared stimulus in the therapy office, but it’s never as good as the real thing.
There is a place for internet therapy for teenagers. It isn’t right for every situation, but it is more effective than you might first think it would be. It’s an option worth looking into, especially when meeting the therapist face to face either isn’t pragmatic, or isn’t the best way to confront the problem. I’ve had clients who live well out of the area. We’ve met entirely through internet counseling sessions since day one. It’s worked very well for them. In some of those particular situations they’ve lived in small towns. They didn’t feel confident they could find a therapist who specializes in working with teenagers locally. They were glad to know there was still an option to get the high quality help they needed.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman, MS, MFT
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(949) 394-0607
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Philosophy
Hello, I’m Lauren! If you notice your teen struggling, you might be feeling helpless, hopeless, frustrated or concerned as a parent. Try to remember, there is hope. I want to help your adolescent feel better. My hope is for them to enjoy their life again. I want them to feel confident they can handle whatever situations arise.
