Teens have to recover from their parents’ addictions too. Image courtesy of photostock / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Healing Family Relationships After Addiction
For teens who have had parents addicted to drugs or alcohol, life has been tough. Excessive drug and alcohol use make it hard for a parent to be fully present and available to their child. Addicted parents usually have good intentions; they love their teens and want to help their teens grow. Sadly, addiction gets in the way. For parents who have recently recovered from drug or alcohol dependence, family relationships after addiction can be tough. However, healing your relationship with your teen is not impossible.
What Now?
If you’re a parent who has struggled with addiction but is now recovering, you might wonder how your teen is supposed to heal too. Addiction never affects just one person—even though it can feel like one of the loneliest struggles in the world. You know addiction has affected your children. So, what comes next?
How to Heal Family Relationships After Addiction
There are four important steps involved in healing family relationships after addiction.
1. Make Sure You’re Committed
First, make sure you’re serious about staying sober. Also, make sure you are not replacing one form of coping with another. For example, don’t stop drinking just to start taking Xanax every night to get to sleep. For healing family relationships after addiction to work, you have to be completely honest with your family about your journey to recovery.
2. Be Patient
Even if a parent has really turned their life around, their teen might not trust them right away. After years of covering for missed events or doing things like driving a parent home from a party, these teens have learned to rely on themselves. They’ve taken on adult roles too early, and that kind of self-protection doesn’t disappear right away. It takes time to heal family relationships after addiction, but it will happen.
3. Be Understanding
Third, I’ve seen that with honesty and consistency, most teens who’ve experienced this do let their parents back in. It takes time, and it isn’t easy. However, deep down, they’ve always wanted you to be their safe place. Unfortunately, now that you can be, they’re cautious. Be patient and kind. Own your past mistakes, don’t be afraid to apologize, and ask how they’re feeling. But make sure you don’t tell them how you think they should feel. When working on healing family relationships after addiction, you can’t tell your teen how to feel. Instead, try to understand their feelings and thoughts.
4. Expect Some Rebellious Behavior
There will be times when it feels like your teen is trying to recreate a chaotic relationship—maybe they’re acting out or even using substances. Likely, they’ll be rude, condescending, and rebellious. That’s because they’re used to crisis; it’s what feels normal. It takes time to unlearn that. Give them a structured life that makes chaos harder to create, but expect them to test the limits for a while. This doesn’t mean this behavior is okay; you still have to discipline your teen for acting like this. Just be prepared in case it happens. Besides, once they stop acting like this, they’ll actually be glad to stop having so much conflict.
Healing Family Relationships After Addiction with Love
Most of all, remember your child loves you, and you love them too. Express this often, and stay humble. With time and loving care from you, your relationships will heal.
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Teen drinking comes with a host of potential problems. Credit: Apolonia/Freedigitalphotos.net
What Parents Need to Know About Teens and Alcohol
Every parent worries about it—your teen says they’re going one place, but they actually go to at a party. And sometimes, you don’t find out what’s really going on until you get a call from the hospital saying your teen drank way too much and is receiving medical help. As a therapist for teens, I see a lot of kids dealing with alcohol-related problems. It’s important for parents to be aware of these issues. Here are some of the biggest ones:
1. Lying About Drinking
Most teens won’t tell you the full truth about their drinking. They might downplay it or leave out key details to avoid getting in trouble. They might not tell you they’ve been drinking at all.
2. Higher Risk of Sexual Assault
I’ve worked with countless teens who have been sexually assaulted, and alcohol is involved in almost every case. While most victims are female, it happens to males too. Drinking lowers their ability to recognize unsafe situations, making it easier for someone (usually drunk as well) to take advantage of them.
3. Teens Stealing Alcohol
Since teens can’t legally buy alcohol, they often steal it—usually from their parents’ liquor cabinet or fridge. Some even take it from stores.
4. Teen Driving Under the Influence of Alcohol
You’ve probably told your teen never to drink and drive. Maybe they promised to call you for a ride if they ever needed one. But in reality, teens often end up riding with someone who’s been drinking. Sometimes, they’re the one driving. Some even think it’s safe if the driver “only smoked weed.”
5. Trying Other Drugs
Alcohol lowers inhibitions, making it easier for teens to say yes to other substances. A few drinks in, and they may experiment with drugs they’d normally avoid.
6. Risky Sexual Choices
Not all situations are assault—sometimes, teens just make choices they wouldn’t if they were sober. Drinking makes them more likely to hook up with people they barely know, leading to regret later.
7. Bad Judgment About Safety
When drinking, teens may get into cars with strangers, go to unfamiliar places, or trust people they shouldn’t. When teens drink alcohol, their ability to assess risk is lowered.
8. Ignoring Serious Problems
This problem is one of the scariest of all the issues too much drinking causes. Teens tell me things like, “My friend was super wasted. She wasn’t moving much, but I took care of her. It was fine.” This is definitely not fine. This friend likely had alcohol poisoning, but no one wanted to call for help because they were afraid of getting in trouble. People may not have even realized there was a problem. Like I said, too much alcohol fogs judgement.
9. Fear of Getting in Trouble
Teens won’t always ask for help in dangerous situations because they’re scared of the consequences. They don’t want their parents, teachers, or coaches to find out they were drinking—even if they really need some help.
10. Fights and Aggression When Teens Have too Much Alcohol
Alcohol raises testosterone levels in males, making them more aggressive. Drunken fights happen way more often than you’d think, and they can lead to serious injuries—or worse.
How You Can Help as a Parent
Your teen may not tell you everything, but they’re always watching your actions. Set a good example with alcohol, talk to them openly, and don’t be afraid to set boundaries. If you know they’ve been partying and you need more advice, give me a call. They might roll their eyes or get angry, but they need your guidance.
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Younger siblings are affected by teen drug use too. Photo courtesy of Marin from Freedigitalphotos.net
How Does Addiction Affect Siblings
When a teen is struggling with addiction, it doesn’t just affect them—it impacts the whole family. Younger siblings, in particular, can have a tough time. No matter how they react, one thing is certain: they’re hurting too. The first step in solving this pain is understanding how addiction affects younger siblings.
1. Feeling Overlooked
I’ve worked with many families dealing with a teen’s addiction, and the younger siblings often feel ignored. It’s similar to when a child in the family has a serious illness—parents naturally focus most of their energy on the child who is struggling. Meanwhile, the other kids are left to figure things out on their own. They might not complain because they know their sibling is in crisis, but deep down, they feel forgotten.
2. Looking Up to the Wrong Role Model
Sometimes, younger siblings idolize their older brother or sister, even when they’re making bad choices. If the addicted teen introduces them to alcohol or drugs, it might feel like a rare moment of connection. That attention from an older sibling can be powerful, even if it’s unhealthy. Before they know it, the younger sibling starts heading down the same path. This is one of the many heart-breaking ways addiction affects siblings.
3. Taking on Too Much Responsibility
Other times, younger siblings go the opposite direction and take on too much responsibility. They try to hold the family together, nagging their older sibling to stop using and stepping in to help with chores. While this might seem helpful, it forces them to grow up too fast. Kids who take on adult roles too soon often struggle later with stress, anxiety, or even resentment.
4. Emotional Struggles
Depression, anxiety, and other emotional struggles are common in siblings of addicted teens. Living in a chaotic home takes a toll, even if they don’t show it right away. This is another way addiction affects siblings.
How Parents Can Help When Addiction Affects Siblings
If you’re parenting a child with addiction, it’s crucial to also focus on your younger kids. Make sure they’re still getting attention, encourage them to be kids, and talk to them about what’s happening in a way they can understand. Just don’t turn them into your emotional support system—they need you to be their parent, not their confidante.
Finding Support for Addiction-Affected Siblings
Addiction impacts the entire family, and none of this is easy. If you need extra support, don’t hesitate to reach out for help. Your younger children might need it too. If this is your situation, my heart goes out to you. It’s a tough road, but you’re not alone. Keep focusing on what’s still good in your life, and help your younger children do the same.
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Are you dependent on a drug or a drink? Image courtesy of marin at FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Why This Topic
This is something that’s come up recently, so I feel like it’s time to talk about it. For anyone reading this, please don’t take it the wrong way. This is an uncomfortable topic, but it’s one that needs to be discussed. This may be surprising, but if your teen is using, you may have something to do with it. Let’s explore how parents influence teen drug use.
Take a Look at Your Own Behavior
If your teen is dealing with substance use, it’s important to examine your own actions and habits. How parents can influence drug use in teens is often bigger than we realize. It’s hard to admit, I know. However, if you’re drinking a little too much, smoking marijuana, using painkillers every day, relying on sleep aids to get some rest, or even leaning on meds like Xanax to manage anxiety, it’s worth thinking about how that could be affecting your teen.
The Justifications We Make and How They Influence Teen Drug Use
If you do any of these things, you might be brushing this off by saying, “It’s prescribed,” “I’ve got it under control,” or “I just have one glass of wine to relax.” Or maybe you don’t drink a lot, but when you do, you end up getting buzzed or drunk. There are ways to justify pretty much anything, right?
How This Influences Teen Drug Use
The reality is that all of these habits are pretty unhealthy, even if they don’t seem like a big deal to you. Your teenager could be using them to justify their own behavior. And trust me, I hear it all the time in my office. I’ve worked with teens who drink heavily on weekends. So, I ask their parents to keep a dry house (meaning no alcohol in the house). Some parents agree without a second thought. But others might say something like, “I can’t have people over and not serve wine or beer. That’s unheard of.” This is usually because the parents enjoy alcohol a little to much to let it go. And guess what? The teen assumes it’s okay for them to drink because their parents do even if they’re heavily addicted and their parents aren’t. This is exactly how parents influence teen drug use.
Setting an Example
I’m not saying that having a “vice” or unwinding with a drink or two makes you addicted to drugs or alcohol. But if your teenager is struggling with substances, be honest with yourself. Could you stop smoking a joint if asked? Could you ask your doctor to help you get off your sleep aid or Xanax? Sometimes, just seeing you quit something could be enough to help your teen take their own struggles seriously. If you keep using, though, and tell them they need to stop, they’re going to see you as a hypocrite. This will make you lose credibility with them.
Actions Speak Louder Than Words
At this point, your actions speak louder than anything you say. When your kids were younger, they took everything you said at face value. Now? They question everything and are watching you closely. And if you’re sneaking beer or smoking after they go to bed, trust me—they know. They’re more perceptive than we think. This is another way how parents’ behavior influences teen drug use.
A Call for Reflection on How Parents Influence Teen Drug Use
If this post is hitting home for you, please don’t see it as a criticism. Think of it as a nudge to really reflect on how your behavior might be affecting your teen. You can make a huge difference in their life by quitting your own bad habits. Besides, ending those habits will actually help you feel better too.
The guilt and shame associated with teen use of porn is intense. Image credit: suart miles via freedigitalphotos.net
Prevalence of Adolescent Pornography Use
Sadly, teen pornography use is prevalent, and finding help for adolescent pornography use is vital. According to internetsafety101.org, most pornography contains violence and bad language. Over half of teen boys aged 12 to 15 have viewed internet porn, and almost a third of girls in that age bracket have as well.
Desensitization to Pornography
What’s more disturbing: internetsafety101.org also reports that two thirds of young men and half of young women see viewing pornography as an acceptable thing to do. When people are consistently exposed to something, they start tolerating it even if they were once appalled by it. This is why many people don’t even realize help for adolescent pornography use is necessary. In the world of psychology, this is called desensitization.
What’s Wrong with Adolescent Pornography Use
For parents who are trying to preserve the sanctity of sex in a committed relationship and trying to teach these values to their children, adolescent pornography use is cause for concern. These videos teach your children the opposite of what you want them to think about intimacy, emotional connection, marriage, monogamy, and respecting women.
Signs of Adolescent Pornography Use
Here are some signs that your teen might be using the internet inappropriately:
They consistently clear their browser history.
They regularly close a tab on their phone whenever you walk into the room.
They excessively masturbate.
They won’t allow you to see what apps they keep on their phone.
They close the door to their room whenever they’re on their computer, tablet or phone.
They use terms you don’t think they should know when they discuss sex.
Just because these signs are present doesn’t mean your teenager is viewing pornography. However, it’s worth asking the question just in case you need to get help for your adolescent’s pornography use.
How to Help Your Teen If They’re Using Porn
What do you do if you find out your teenager is watching porn? How do you get help for your adolescent’s pornography use?
The Natural Response
Getting angry is a natural response. You probably feel betrayed by their lying and sneaking. It’s also scary to think about what harm they might have done to their relational development. However, this will not help stop your adolescent’s pornography use.
How You Should Respond
Instead of getting mad, try to focus on what you’re feeling underneath the anger. That’s what’s worth expressing to your child because those are the things that will make an emotional impact and help your adolescent with their pornography use. Yelling at them will just deepen the shame I can almost guarantee your teen is feeling.
Restrict Your Teen’s Internet Use
You will also need to place tight restrictions on their internet use and closely monitor their online activity. There is a natural high that occurs from viewing sexual content, making it very addicting. If your teen stops having access to porn, slowly they will stop craving it. Restricting internet use is a big help in stopping your adolescent’s pornography use.
Get Your Teen a Therapist
Oftentimes therapy or counseling is necessary if adolescent pornography use is frequent. Your teen may need to work with a therapist who has experience in treating porn addiction.
Why Therapists Can Help with Adolescent Pornography Use
Teens can feel a lot of embarrassment for this behavior. Consequently, they’re often reluctant to share how extensive their pornography use is. However, a good counselor for teens will know how to delicately maneuver through these emotions.
Finding Help for Adolescent Pornography Use
If you have more questions about the situation your teen is dealing with don’t hesitate to call. We can help you determine if therapy is necessary in this situation. We even offer teletherapy for California residents who live outside Orange County. Adolescent pornography use is heartbreaking; we’re here to help.
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Molly is often encapsulated into pills and then ingested. Photo credit: Wikipedia
How I First Heard of Molly and It’s Problems
I first heard of Molly in my therapy office about 3.5 years ago. Now I know there are many problems with Molly, but at the time I was confused about what it was. The only thing I found out before I left the office was that it was like Ecstasy, but it wasn’t the same thing and that it’s commonly used at parties. When I got home, I did some research. I discovered some important things that I would like to share with you.
What Does Molly Do?
While researching, I found out Molly is indeed similar to Ecstasy because it is made from the same basic ingredient—MDMA (methylenedioxy-methamphetamine). However, Molly is supposed to be a more purified form of the drug. Both drugs produce about the same result. Both Molly and Ecstasy cause mild hallucinations, distortion in perception, an increase in energy, and escalated touch sensitivity.
What Problems Does Molly Have?
Just like Ecstasy, there are some major risks with using Molly. Molly can cause temporary or even permanent damage because of the way it affects the body. I’ll share a few of the problems Molly can cause below.
Risk #1: Losing Perception
One issue with Molly is that when you take it you lose perception. After someone uses Molly, their brain has trouble reading the cues their body sends them. People have been known to become dangerously dehydrated while high on Molly because they don’t even realize they’re thirsty. This is an especially big problem if they’re dancing at an all-night party while they’re high on the drug. Dancing makes people sweat, which means they’re losing fluids even faster. In this case, forgetting to drink water can be disastrous.
Researchers have also linked Molly to unsafe sexual behaviors. It makes people enjoy physical touch more than they would otherwise, leading them into sexual encounters they would never have if they were sober. They might become sexual with a stranger, which is extremely hazardous. Researchers have linked Molly with the transmission of sexually transmitted infections and diseases.
Risk #4: It May Be Mixed with Other Chemicals
Another scary thing about Molly is that drug dealers often cut it with other chemicals and substances. It might include heroin, or another random chemical. Because Molly’s an illegal drug, it’s completely unregulated. So, while your teenager might think they are buying high quality MDMA, there is a chance they are poisoning themselves.
Beware of Molly And It’s Many Problems
Unfortunately, your high school aged student has either seen people taking Molly, taken it themselves, or knows someone who has abused it. It is very common right now. Parents, take steps to learn about Molly and keep your teen safe from it. Ask your teenager what they know about the drug and do your own research. Help them understand it’s not something to mess with because the consequences of using it have rendered some adolescents permanently disabled or even dead.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Hello, I’m Lauren! If you notice your teen struggling, you might be feeling helpless, hopeless, frustrated or concerned as a parent. Try to remember, there is hope. I want to help your adolescent feel better. My hope is for them to enjoy their life again. I want them to feel confident they can handle whatever situations arise.
