The guilt and shame associated with teen use of porn is intense. Image credit: suart miles via freedigitalphotos.net
Prevalence of Adolescent Pornography Use
Sadly, teen pornography use is prevalent, and finding help for adolescent pornography use is vital. According to internetsafety101.org, most pornography contains violence and bad language. Over half of teen boys aged 12 to 15 have viewed internet porn, and almost a third of girls in that age bracket have as well.
Desensitization to Pornography
What’s more disturbing: internetsafety101.org also reports that two thirds of young men and half of young women see viewing pornography as an acceptable thing to do. When people are consistently exposed to something, they start tolerating it even if they were once appalled by it. This is why many people don’t even realize help for adolescent pornography use is necessary. In the world of psychology, this is called desensitization.
What’s Wrong with Adolescent Pornography Use
For parents who are trying to preserve the sanctity of sex in a committed relationship and trying to teach these values to their children, adolescent pornography use is cause for concern. These videos teach your children the opposite of what you want them to think about intimacy, emotional connection, marriage, monogamy, and respecting women.
Signs of Adolescent Pornography Use
Here are some signs that your teen might be using the internet inappropriately:
They consistently clear their browser history.
They regularly close a tab on their phone whenever you walk into the room.
They excessively masturbate.
They won’t allow you to see what apps they keep on their phone.
They close the door to their room whenever they’re on their computer, tablet or phone.
They use terms you don’t think they should know when they discuss sex.
Just because these signs are present doesn’t mean your teenager is viewing pornography. However, it’s worth asking the question just in case you need to get help for your adolescent’s pornography use.
How to Help Your Teen If They’re Using Porn
What do you do if you find out your teenager is watching porn? How do you get help for your adolescent’s pornography use?
The Natural Response
Getting angry is a natural response. You probably feel betrayed by their lying and sneaking. It’s also scary to think about what harm they might have done to their relational development. However, this will not help stop your adolescent’s pornography use.
How You Should Respond
Instead of getting mad, try to focus on what you’re feeling underneath the anger. That’s what’s worth expressing to your child because those are the things that will make an emotional impact and help your adolescent with their pornography use. Yelling at them will just deepen the shame I can almost guarantee your teen is feeling.
Restrict Your Teen’s Internet Use
You will also need to place tight restrictions on their internet use and closely monitor their online activity. There is a natural high that occurs from viewing sexual content, making it very addicting. If your teen stops having access to porn, slowly they will stop craving it. Restricting internet use is a big help in stopping your adolescent’s pornography use.
Get Your Teen a Therapist
Oftentimes therapy or counseling is necessary if adolescent pornography use is frequent. Your teen may need to work with a therapist who has experience in treating porn addiction.
Why Therapists Can Help with Adolescent Pornography Use
Teens can feel a lot of embarrassment for this behavior. Consequently, they’re often reluctant to share how extensive their pornography use is. However, a good counselor for teens will know how to delicately maneuver through these emotions.
Finding Help for Adolescent Pornography Use
If you have more questions about the situation your teen is dealing with don’t hesitate to call. We can help you determine if therapy is necessary in this situation. We even offer teletherapy for California residents who live outside Orange County. Adolescent pornography use is heartbreaking; we’re here to help.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Molly is often encapsulated into pills and then ingested. Photo credit: Wikipedia
How I First Heard of Molly and It’s Problems
I first heard of Molly in my therapy office about 3.5 years ago. Now I know there are many problems with Molly, but at the time I was confused about what it was. The only thing I found out before I left the office was that it was like Ecstasy, but it wasn’t the same thing and that it’s commonly used at parties. When I got home, I did some research. I discovered some important things that I would like to share with you.
What Does Molly Do?
While researching, I found out Molly is indeed similar to Ecstasy because it is made from the same basic ingredient—MDMA (methylenedioxy-methamphetamine). However, Molly is supposed to be a more purified form of the drug. Both drugs produce about the same result. Both Molly and Ecstasy cause mild hallucinations, distortion in perception, an increase in energy, and escalated touch sensitivity.
What Problems Does Molly Have?
Just like Ecstasy, there are some major risks with using Molly. Molly can cause temporary or even permanent damage because of the way it affects the body. I’ll share a few of the problems Molly can cause below.
Risk #1: Losing Perception
One issue with Molly is that when you take it you lose perception. After someone uses Molly, their brain has trouble reading the cues their body sends them. People have been known to become dangerously dehydrated while high on Molly because they don’t even realize they’re thirsty. This is an especially big problem if they’re dancing at an all-night party while they’re high on the drug. Dancing makes people sweat, which means they’re losing fluids even faster. In this case, forgetting to drink water can be disastrous.
Researchers have also linked Molly to unsafe sexual behaviors. It makes people enjoy physical touch more than they would otherwise, leading them into sexual encounters they would never have if they were sober. They might become sexual with a stranger, which is extremely hazardous. Researchers have linked Molly with the transmission of sexually transmitted infections and diseases.
Risk #4: It May Be Mixed with Other Chemicals
Another scary thing about Molly is that drug dealers often cut it with other chemicals and substances. It might include heroin, or another random chemical. Because Molly’s an illegal drug, it’s completely unregulated. So, while your teenager might think they are buying high quality MDMA, there is a chance they are poisoning themselves.
Beware of Molly And It’s Many Problems
Unfortunately, your high school aged student has either seen people taking Molly, taken it themselves, or knows someone who has abused it. It is very common right now. Parents, take steps to learn about Molly and keep your teen safe from it. Ask your teenager what they know about the drug and do your own research. Help them understand it’s not something to mess with because the consequences of using it have rendered some adolescents permanently disabled or even dead.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Teens smoke pot. While sad, it’s true. By senior year in high school one out of three teens will have used marijuana according to drugabuse.gov. While not every teenager who tries marijuana ends up using it regularly, there is concern for those that do.
Marijuana is not good for your teenager.
Credit: david castillo dominici via freedigitalphotos.net
Why Some People Think Smoking Marijuana is OK
I understand that I should tread lightly here because some of you reading this smoke weed yourself. You probably see it as something harmless that helps you relax, and you might even use it to help you fall asleep. You believe people who don’t use just don’t understand. To you, it’s just a small side habit that doesn’t cost much money and doesn’t really alter how you think or feel. You still have your job, raise your kids, keep your house clean, and function just fine. So, what’s the big deal?
The Issues with Marijuana
If you smoke on a regular basis, I can almost guarantee your teen knows it. They will view it as permission to use it themselves, and the problems that come with your teen’s use of marijuana are numerous
1. Your Teen is Being Exposed to More Than Marijuana
Your teen is hanging around the other middle school and high school aged children who smoke. Some of these kids use harder drugs than marijuana, and they will bring them around your teen. There will be opportunities for your adolescent to abuse things you’d never be okay with them trying. Using marijuana opens the door to these other drugs for your teen.
2. Marijuana Is Creating a Reputation for Your Teen
Your teen is developing a reputation. Kids talk to their parents, which leads to other parents, teachers, school administrators, and coaches all knowing your teenager uses pot.
3. It’s Addictive
A lot of adults don’t believe this is true. However, the strength of THC (what makes it addictive) in pot has been genetically engineered to be much stronger than it once was. THC concentrations can now be over 40%. THC is incredibly addictive, both physically and psychologically.
4. It Reduces Motivation
When teens smoke marijuana, you will see their grades drop, their rooms messier, and less excitement about life in general. This is especially true for teens who use multiple times per day.
5. Marijuana is Expensive for Teens
teens don’t make much money. Those who smoke marijuana on a regular basis usually end up spending between half and all of their income on it. This means your child is using their earnings or allowance to buy drugs.
6. It’s Unhealthy
Many teens think marijuana is natural, but it isn’t. Just because it’s a plant doesn’t mean it’s healthy. Most marijuana is grown using pesticides, genetic modification, and is unregulated. You wouldn’t buy food like that, would you? In addition to that, when smoked, your teenager is repeatedly inhaling unfiltered smoke or vape residue into their lungs. Yikes!
What is cyclic vomiting? If you smoke pot frequently enough for a long period of time, you can get CHS, a disease caused by long-term use of marijuana. People with CHS vomit frequently and have intense abdominal pain. The only way to get rid of it is to stop using marijuana completely, even in small amounts. CHS causes intense discomfort, so it’s better to avoid it completely (don’t use marijuana).
Dealing with Marijuana
All my clients know people who smoke, and many of them use marijuana themselves. I always encourage them to stop, and those who agree to do so are surprised to find quitting extremely difficult. Many tell me, “I thought I could stop whenever I felt like, but I can’t. I didn’t realize pot was addictive.” For those that don’t use, it’s frustrating that so many of their friends do. Teens need help coping with the reality that many people use marijuana, and this number will only increase when they enter college. However, that doesn’t mean they should use it too.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Finding our your teenager is using drugs is heart-breaking. Image courtesy of FrameAngel at FreeDigitalPhotos.ne
Deciding When to Send Your Teen to Rehab
For a parent of a child who is using drugs and alcohol, one of the most difficult questions is when to send your teen to rehab. When you consider the costs (disruption to school, guilt you might feel sending them away, emotional distress they will feel being sent away, stigma that might be attached with inpatient treatment, and fear of who they will meet while in treatment) it is enough to make any parent balk.
5 Signs Showing When to Send Your Teen to Rehab
1) You cannot control your teen
If your teen is willing to go to any length to get their way, including being physical with you, it’s time to send your teen to rehab.
Examples of Teens Who do Whatever They Want
Your teen blows you off when give them a curfew. You tell them you will be taking their phone, and they ignore you. They skip school when you require them to be there. If this is a constant issue, you can no longer control your teen.
2) They are stealing
If you are still unclear on when to send your teen to rehab, it will be obvious if they begin stealing to finance it. If you’ve noticed money missing from your wallet, guests who come over complain money is missing from their wallets, or your teenager has been caught breaking into cars, etc., it’s time to get them help.
3) They refuse a drug test
Teens who are being honest about what they are using, and how often are usually eager to take a drug test. They want to prove to you that they are being honest. When they refuse it, it means they are hiding something. This is a sure sign they are using something they won’t admit to.
4) Their emotions indicate they’re physically suffering
When teens are coming down from their high, or sobering up from alcohol use, they often lament how miserable they are. They might say extreme things like they want to die, or yell at you and be extremely irritable. Whatever the case, it’s clear they are going through physical suffering as they withdraw. As you can see from this, knowing when to send your rehab is vital.
5) Send a teen to rehab when they ask for help
This sounds obvious, but many parents don’t act on it when their teen asks for help. There is a very small window of time in which a teenager asks you for help with their addiction. Quickly the cravings overtake them, and they say they are fine. However, if your teenager is asking you for help, even if this lasts for just a few hours, it’s their way of telling you they can’t stop using on their own.
Some Local Adolescent Rehabs
Once you know when to send your teen to rehab, picking one is the next step.
Note: I don’t endorse any particular rehab for your teen as each situation is different, and there are more rehabs out there than just these examples.
Addiction is terrifying; it makes everything feel like chaos. You walk around on eggshells because you are afraid to set your teenager off. Your teenager is combative, rude, and has completely dropped activities they used to care about. Knowing when to send your teen to rehab is hard, and if you’re at this point with your child, my heart goes out to you. You are loving your teenager well even though sending them to rehab is the last thing you feel like doing.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Social media keeps your teen connected to friends. Image courtesy of Ambro / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Social media is a game-changer for teenagers. It is so different than when we were kids. It has both negatives and positives, and consequently oversight is key when handling your teen’s social media.
Social media and texting are a necessary part of your teenager’s social development. This is how they make plans, deepen friendships, and keep tabs on their friends. However, do teens have the developmental ability to handle social media? This is the question you constantly need to ask yourself.
How can I help my 13-18 year old handle social media responsibly?
After working with hundreds of teenagers in my counseling office, it seems parents who come alongside their children while they use social media see the best results. These parents use social media to teach responsibility, concern for reputation, empathy, and as a means to build trust.
Story of a parent who does this well:
For example, one of my good friends handles the way her adolescent uses social media admirably. This mom lets her daughter have certain platforms but checks in on her daughter’s posts at random. They sit down together and look through her feed. The mom asks all kinds of questions as she goes such as, “How do you feel about this post? How would an employer feel about this post? Do you think this person knows a mom is looking at this post?” This teaches her daughter to think critically about what teens put on social media.
When should I restrict my teen’s social media?
Parents need to restrict teen social media when:
Adolescents use social media dangerously (posting provocative pictures, using it to obtain drugs, etc.).
They are spending excessive time on social media when they could be exercising or building in-person relationships.
It’s causing them to lose confidence.
The Bigger Picture
It’s important to remember that social media is just another means to an end with your kids. Everything you have them do should have a bigger purpose in mind. You want to be constantly trying to use the events, people, and activities that come up in their lives to help develop them into a well-functioning adult. It should be your aim for them to be thoughtful, faithful, responsible, kind, passionate, driven, etc. Social media doesn’t have to be the enemy; you can use it to instill these good qualities in your teen.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
I’ve included a poem about drug and alcohol addiction in adolescents for today’s post. I think this poem really captures the pain an addict faces each and every day. Sadly, the struggle quickly moves beyond an adolescent’s ability to control it. For example, many teenagers start out with trying drugs just to have fun. However, their brains develop tolerance. As a result, before they know it, they have become addicted. You usually notice it before they are willing to admit it. In fact, sometimes you notice it before they realize it. Whatever the progression, it’s scary and it’s heartbreaking.
As noted above, drug addiction and alcohol abuse in teenagers imprisons them. Consequently, if your teen is struggling with drug use, please get them help. Unfortunately, it’s not as simple as “just stopping.” It’s a huge and tormenting challenge to become and remain sober.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Hello, I’m Lauren! If you notice your teen struggling, you might be feeling helpless, hopeless, frustrated or concerned as a parent. Try to remember, there is hope. I want to help your adolescent feel better. My hope is for them to enjoy their life again. I want them to feel confident they can handle whatever situations arise.
