Teens smoke pot. While sad, it’s true. By senior year in high school one out of three teens will have used marijuana according to drugabuse.gov. While not every teenager who tries marijuana ends up using it regularly, there is concern for those that do.
Marijuana is not good for your teenager.
Credit: david castillo dominici via freedigitalphotos.net
Why Some People Think Smoking Marijuana is OK
I understand that I should tread lightly here because some of you reading this smoke weed yourself. You probably see it as something harmless that helps you relax, and you might even use it to help you fall asleep. You believe people who don’t use just don’t understand. To you, it’s just a small side habit that doesn’t cost much money and doesn’t really alter how you think or feel. You still have your job, raise your kids, keep your house clean, and function just fine. So, what’s the big deal?
The Issues with Marijuana
If you smoke on a regular basis, I can almost guarantee your teen knows it. They will view it as permission to use it themselves, and the problems that come with your teen’s use of marijuana are numerous
1. Your Teen is Being Exposed to More Than Marijuana
Your teen is hanging around the other middle school and high school aged children who smoke. Some of these kids use harder drugs than marijuana, and they will bring them around your teen. There will be opportunities for your adolescent to abuse things you’d never be okay with them trying. Using marijuana opens the door to these other drugs for your teen.
2. Marijuana Is Creating a Reputation for Your Teen
Your teen is developing a reputation. Kids talk to their parents, which leads to other parents, teachers, school administrators, and coaches all knowing your teenager uses pot.
3. It’s Addictive
A lot of adults don’t believe this is true. However, the strength of THC (what makes it addictive) in pot has been genetically engineered to be much stronger than it once was. THC concentrations can now be over 40%. THC is incredibly addictive, both physically and psychologically.
4. It Reduces Motivation
When teens smoke marijuana, you will see their grades drop, their rooms messier, and less excitement about life in general. This is especially true for teens who use multiple times per day.
5. Marijuana is Expensive for Teens
teens don’t make much money. Those who smoke marijuana on a regular basis usually end up spending between half and all of their income on it. This means your child is using their earnings or allowance to buy drugs.
6. It’s Unhealthy
Many teens think marijuana is natural, but it isn’t. Just because it’s a plant doesn’t mean it’s healthy. Most marijuana is grown using pesticides, genetic modification, and is unregulated. You wouldn’t buy food like that, would you? In addition to that, when smoked, your teenager is repeatedly inhaling unfiltered smoke or vape residue into their lungs. Yikes!
What is cyclic vomiting? If you smoke pot frequently enough for a long period of time, you can get CHS, a disease caused by long-term use of marijuana. People with CHS vomit frequently and have intense abdominal pain. The only way to get rid of it is to stop using marijuana completely, even in small amounts. CHS causes intense discomfort, so it’s better to avoid it completely (don’t use marijuana).
Dealing with Marijuana
All my clients know people who smoke, and many of them use marijuana themselves. I always encourage them to stop, and those who agree to do so are surprised to find quitting extremely difficult. Many tell me, “I thought I could stop whenever I felt like, but I can’t. I didn’t realize pot was addictive.” For those that don’t use, it’s frustrating that so many of their friends do. Teens need help coping with the reality that many people use marijuana, and this number will only increase when they enter college. However, that doesn’t mean they should use it too.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Finding our your teenager is using drugs is heart-breaking. Image courtesy of FrameAngel at FreeDigitalPhotos.ne
Deciding When to Send Your Teen to Rehab
For a parent of a child who is using drugs and alcohol, one of the most difficult questions is when to send your teen to rehab. When you consider the costs (disruption to school, guilt you might feel sending them away, emotional distress they will feel being sent away, stigma that might be attached with inpatient treatment, and fear of who they will meet while in treatment) it is enough to make any parent balk.
5 Signs Showing When to Send Your Teen to Rehab
1) You cannot control your teen
If your teen is willing to go to any length to get their way, including being physical with you, it’s time to send your teen to rehab.
Examples of Teens Who do Whatever They Want
Your teen blows you off when give them a curfew. You tell them you will be taking their phone, and they ignore you. They skip school when you require them to be there. If this is a constant issue, you can no longer control your teen.
2) They are stealing
If you are still unclear on when to send your teen to rehab, it will be obvious if they begin stealing to finance it. If you’ve noticed money missing from your wallet, guests who come over complain money is missing from their wallets, or your teenager has been caught breaking into cars, etc., it’s time to get them help.
3) They refuse a drug test
Teens who are being honest about what they are using, and how often are usually eager to take a drug test. They want to prove to you that they are being honest. When they refuse it, it means they are hiding something. This is a sure sign they are using something they won’t admit to.
4) Their emotions indicate they’re physically suffering
When teens are coming down from their high, or sobering up from alcohol use, they often lament how miserable they are. They might say extreme things like they want to die, or yell at you and be extremely irritable. Whatever the case, it’s clear they are going through physical suffering as they withdraw. As you can see from this, knowing when to send your rehab is vital.
5) Send a teen to rehab when they ask for help
This sounds obvious, but many parents don’t act on it when their teen asks for help. There is a very small window of time in which a teenager asks you for help with their addiction. Quickly the cravings overtake them, and they say they are fine. However, if your teenager is asking you for help, even if this lasts for just a few hours, it’s their way of telling you they can’t stop using on their own.
Some Local Adolescent Rehabs
Once you know when to send your teen to rehab, picking one is the next step.
Note: I don’t endorse any particular rehab for your teen as each situation is different, and there are more rehabs out there than just these examples.
Addiction is terrifying; it makes everything feel like chaos. You walk around on eggshells because you are afraid to set your teenager off. Your teenager is combative, rude, and has completely dropped activities they used to care about. Knowing when to send your teen to rehab is hard, and if you’re at this point with your child, my heart goes out to you. You are loving your teenager well even though sending them to rehab is the last thing you feel like doing.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Social media keeps your teen connected to friends. Image courtesy of Ambro / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Social media is a game-changer for teenagers. It is so different than when we were kids. It has both negatives and positives, and consequently oversight is key when handling your teen’s social media.
Social media and texting are a necessary part of your teenager’s social development. This is how they make plans, deepen friendships, and keep tabs on their friends. However, do teens have the developmental ability to handle social media? This is the question you constantly need to ask yourself.
How can I help my 13-18 year old handle social media responsibly?
After working with hundreds of teenagers in my counseling office, it seems parents who come alongside their children while they use social media see the best results. These parents use social media to teach responsibility, concern for reputation, empathy, and as a means to build trust.
Story of a parent who does this well:
For example, one of my good friends handles the way her adolescent uses social media admirably. This mom lets her daughter have certain platforms but checks in on her daughter’s posts at random. They sit down together and look through her feed. The mom asks all kinds of questions as she goes such as, “How do you feel about this post? How would an employer feel about this post? Do you think this person knows a mom is looking at this post?” This teaches her daughter to think critically about what teens put on social media.
When should I restrict my teen’s social media?
Parents need to restrict teen social media when:
Adolescents use social media dangerously (posting provocative pictures, using it to obtain drugs, etc.).
They are spending excessive time on social media when they could be exercising or building in-person relationships.
It’s causing them to lose confidence.
The Bigger Picture
It’s important to remember that social media is just another means to an end with your kids. Everything you have them do should have a bigger purpose in mind. You want to be constantly trying to use the events, people, and activities that come up in their lives to help develop them into a well-functioning adult. It should be your aim for them to be thoughtful, faithful, responsible, kind, passionate, driven, etc. Social media doesn’t have to be the enemy; you can use it to instill these good qualities in your teen.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
I’ve included a poem about drug and alcohol addiction in adolescents for today’s post. I think this poem really captures the pain an addict faces each and every day. Sadly, the struggle quickly moves beyond an adolescent’s ability to control it. For example, many teenagers start out with trying drugs just to have fun. However, their brains develop tolerance. As a result, before they know it, they have become addicted. You usually notice it before they are willing to admit it. In fact, sometimes you notice it before they realize it. Whatever the progression, it’s scary and it’s heartbreaking.
As noted above, drug addiction and alcohol abuse in teenagers imprisons them. Consequently, if your teen is struggling with drug use, please get them help. Unfortunately, it’s not as simple as “just stopping.” It’s a huge and tormenting challenge to become and remain sober.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Are you codependent with your teen addict? How do you ever stop chasing the addicted teen? Almost certainly you have heard the advice that someone must reach rock bottom. But you fear, ‘What if rock bottom is death?’ That is such an overwhelming, driving fear for parents that codependency with a teenage addict is almost impossible to avoid. In my case, when I look into the faces of my children, I can tell you I will give my very life to save them.
Sometimes I think about how much Jesus loves us. Since he gave his life to save us, it seems like he is codependent. But then I remember he gave his life to save those who want saving. As a result, his gift on the cross doesn’t save someone who refuses it. In contrast, this is what codependent parents of teens deal with. They give gifts of a path to freedom from addiction to a teenager who doesn’t want it. Sadly, it ends up breaking the parent down and the teen doesn’t get better. Somehow, some way, you must wait (or force rock bottom) until your teen is ready to accept the gift.
A Poem Written About Codependency with an Addict
Addiction is heartbreaking for everyone in the family.
If This Poem is About A Parent Codependent with a Teen Addict…
What a powerful poem! It is soul-crushing to watch someone we love battle addiction. The author of this poem covers the extreme internal angst of codependency. Although I don’t know what the relationship of this author is to the addict, I picture it as a mother talking to her teenager. I imagine her seeing the child she knew inside and taking every desperate step to save that child. Unfortunately, as each step yields her no results, she realizes she is codependenct with her teen’s addiction. As a result, she eventually makes the gut-wrenching decision to stop preventing this child from hitting rock bottom. Thus she sees that is a step needed to stop teen addiction. Consequently, she is no longer willing to be codependent with her teen addict.
To sum up, if your teenager is coping with addiction, then my heart breaks with yours. I have watched teens fall into the deep pit of addiction to drugs, alcohol, pornography, or an unhealthy significant other to the extent they became almost unrecognizable. It is agonizing.
Helping teens grow, and families improve connection,
Disciplining teenagers doesn’t have to be a fight Image courtesy of photostock at FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Disciplining Teens Effectively
Teen phone addiction is a growing problem, and it sometimes requires consequences to break the cycle. When your kids are little giving consequences is easy. You sit them in time-out for a few minutes if they misbehave. If your kids are throwing a temper tantrum you completely ignore them until it stops and they ask nicely. When they misuse a toy you take it from them. As they get older it gets harder. However, a lot of parents try and use the same techniques (albeit modified) with teenagers for teen phone addiction, ditching school, and talking back (among other behaviors) that they used with small children.
This is what I mean. A teenager violates a rule such as ditching school. You put them in “teenager time-out,” which means you ground them. Your teen “throws a temper tantrum,” which means they are talking back to you and possibly even screaming obscenities. You ignore them or argue back. Your cell phone addicted adolescent sneaks the phone at night, or in other words, “misuses a toy.” You take it from them. Some of these techniques work for certain kids, but for others, these types of consequences seem ineffective.
When Teens Ditch Class
How do you give consequences to a teenager? Your teenager is nearing adulthood. They need to feel the pain of adult consequences while you’re still there to guide them through it. When your teenager ditches school and the school calls to ask where your child is, it’s better not to bail them out by telling the school your kid came home sick, with the idea that you will handle the punishment. It’s usually better for your teen’s character development to tell the school that you don’t know where your child is, and you assume they must have cut class. You then ask the school to levy an appropriate consequence such as Saturday school. When your teenager comes home you very calmly tell them you received a call from the school today. You tell your teen it will be a bummer to serve Saturday school. If they ask you to help them move the Saturday school because they have work or a big game, etc., you just say calmly, “Well you felt old enough to decide whether or not you should attend class, so I guess that means you’re old enough to figure it out now. Good luck with that.” Don’t be sarcastic when you say this. Tell them also, “I have plans Saturday morning by the way, so I won’t be able to get you to the Saturday school. You’ll have to figure that out too.” Then you don’t discuss it or bring it up again. In fact, you act like you don’t really care. They might ask you, “Are you mad at me?” You respond, “I was at first, but then I figured that it’s your problem to solve.”
Why Grounding Your Teen Doesn’t Always Work
Do you see how much more effective this is than grounding your teenager? You refuse to take on their problems. Also, if you ground your teen then you have to enforce it. That makes you the bad guy when you refuse to let them attend their Saturday soccer game, or it makes you appear weak if you do let them attend. It also means they think of how “unfair” you are when they are grounded instead of the mistake they made; they don’t learn as much.
How to Deal with Teen Backtalk
Now for scenario number two, when your teenager is being disrespectful in the way they talk to you. If you don’t win the argument, you’ve lost. Even a stalemate means you’ve lost. How do you avoid this problem? Don’t argue. At all costs, avoid engaging in an argument. Keep repeating, “I’m not going to argue with you right now,” in a calm tone. You can also say, “We’ll talk about this tomorrow.” That gives you time to think and your child time to reassess their position and approach. Finally, if your teenager keeps at you, ask them, “What did I say?” Stay calm and avoid the argument, but don’t completely ignore them. Another thing you can say sometimes is, “I see what you’re saying. Let me think about that and get back to you in a few hours.” Just remember that nothing is ever on fire. Most of the time your adolescent thinks it is because adolescents are an impatient group, but it’s not. Do not let their urgency force you to respond faster than you can think through something. Buy yourself some time.
An Idea for Excessive Teen Phone Use
Scenario number three is when you’re dealing with teen cell phone addiction. Your first temptation is to take their phone away. This actually creates problems for you in staying connected with them. It is better if you get the cell bill, highlight their cost, and set it on the kitchen table. When your teenager comes into the kitchen, ask them to take a look at the cell phone bill. Tell them calmly, “It looks like you have violated our request to moderate your cell phone usage, so you will need to pay for the phone on your own this month. We pay the bill on Friday, so by Thursday you need to come up with a plan for how you will get me that money.” Then go back to what you were doing and let them solve the problem. They will likely argue with you or say, “I don’t have that kind of money.” Let them know you are here to help them find a solution if they’d like your help.
The most important thing to take away from this is that you are letting them have most of the say in how they resolve the problem. If you come at your teen and angrily say, “You have screen addiction, so now you’re going to mow the lawn for the next ten weeks!” what have you taught them? They will mow the lawn and think about how you are unreasonable. If THEY come to you and suggest they will mow the lawn until they’ve worked it off, every time they mow the lawn they will think about how they watched too much Youtube. You avoid being the bad guy, and your teenager learns a valuable lesson!
Love and Logic- A Helpful Resource
For more great ideas on how to effectively, and calmly discipline a teenager, read https://www.loveandlogic.com/pages/preparing-kids-for-the-teen-world. It’s a wonderful, easily digestible resource for better parenting. We all know the “screenagers” of today need a lot of help with teen phone addiction, disrespectful talk to parents, and a million other things. As a parent, I greatly empathize with you in trying to parent today. There are many, many challenges. We are each doing our best because we love our teenagers. Sometimes setting things up a little differently makes discipline a lot more effective.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Hello, I’m Lauren! If you notice your teen struggling, you might be feeling helpless, hopeless, frustrated or concerned as a parent. Try to remember, there is hope. I want to help your adolescent feel better. My hope is for them to enjoy their life again. I want them to feel confident they can handle whatever situations arise.
