Some teens socially isolate because they feel so awkward they just want to hide. Image courtesy of Stuart Miles at FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Teen Social Anxiety: Why Your Teen Avoids Socializing (And What to Do About It)
If your teenager refuses to hang out with their peers, it’s important to figure out why. Some teens want to be social but are terrified of making a mistake. Others struggle with intense self-consciousness and teen social anxiety. Some are dealing with depression and don’t have the energy to connect. Others are so caught up in their online world that they don’t seem to care about real-life interactions. There could be countless reasons why your teen isn’t socializing, so let’s take a look at a few of them.
The Teen Who Wants Friends But Has Too Much Social Anxiety
Many teens crave friendships but don’t know how to make them happen. If your teen has extreme social anxiety, they might freeze in conversations. They fear sounding ridiculous, so their mind goes blank, leaving them feeling awkward. At home, they might be chatty, but around peers, they barely speak. It’s frustrating, but they need support to build confidence.
The Teen Who’s Stuck in Their Own Head
Some teens constantly worry about being judged. They talk to friends but overanalyze everything they say. They wonder things like, “do they think I sound weird?” or “are they noticing my acne?” In reality, the other person is likely too busy worrying about themselves to judge your teen. That’s the tough thing about being a teenager: you’re usually VERY self-conscious.
Teen Social Anxiety and Depression: The Teen Who’s Too Depressed for Friends
Some teens feel too depressed to socialize even though they know it might help. Depression is real, and if you’ve never experienced it, understanding it can be difficult. When someone is depressed, even small tasks feel overwhelming. Avoiding friends makes things worse, but they can’t help it. They need patience, support, and sometimes professional help.
The Teen Who’s Glued to Their Screen
Many teens prefer online interactions over face-to-face ones. Gaming, social media, and YouTube can be addictive. It’s tough to break the cycle because your teen insists they’re fine. While online connections can be fun, they don’t replace real-life social skills. Setting screen time limits, encouraging offline hobbies, and planning family activities can help them slowly transition back to real-world interactions. They may resist at first, but over time, they often find that face-to-face connections make them feel more fulfilled and confident.
What to Do About Teen Social Anxiety
When teens avoid social interaction, things only get worse. The good news? Teens can learn social skills, confidence can grow, and emotional well-being can improve with support. In addition to this, therapy can help socially anxious teens work through fears and build skills. Give me a call, and I’d be happy to help your teen work through their social anxiety. Once they start socializing, they often realize it’s not as scary as they thought.
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Down time makes stronger families and happier teens. Image courtesy of photostock at FreeDigitalPhotos.net
What Keeping Your Teen Too Busy Looks Like
Here in Orange County, keeping your teen too busy is normal. Most families have their adolescents enrolled in multiple extra-curricular activities, playing sports constantly, and more. On top of all this, your child has school, homework, and hangs out with friends. While this is normal, it’s not necessarily a good thing.
What’s Wrong with Keeping Your Teenager Too Busy
While some kids thrive on this, for most it adds a lot of stress. Even though most of the activities your adolescent participates in are fun (except school), too much is still stressful. You must teach your teen that saying no, even to fun things, is important for mental health. Children (and adults) need down time.
How to Lower Your Teen’s Stress
If you’d like to see your child feel less stressed and have less anxiety, try taking one day a week and resting. Turn off the electronics, don’t go anywhere with a schedule, and slow down. Eventually your teen will learn how to rest, a skill that will remain invaluable for the rest of their life.
How Your Teen Might Resist Resting at First
At first, your adolescent will probably resist resting. They might say, “I can’t have my phone off because someone might text me about homework.” This is just one of many excuses your teen might make. Don’t buy into that. Keeping your teen too busy is bad; they need to rest! After a while, your kid will be grateful for the reduced activity.
Set A Good Example
This starts with you. You have to start saying no to activities (even fun ones) and stop using electronics all the time. Teens are starting to formulate their own values and opinions, but they’re still heavily influenced by you. I know this is hard. It’s hard for me too, but you can do it!
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Panic in teens can lead to debilitating agoraphobia. Photo Credit: freedigitalphotos.net/stuart miles
What Agoraphobia Does to Teens
It’s heart-breaking to watch your teen go through agoraphobia. Teens who have agoraphobia are afraid of doing anything new or leaving a comfortable place. The pain they are in is almost indescribable. They are fearful of going to do things they once enjoyed, like extra-curricular activities. Their world is rapidly shrinking around them as they become increasingly panicky at the thought of leaving home.
What is Agoraphobia?
Agoraphobia technically means fear of the marketplace. Agoraphobic teens fear leaving a comfortable place or entering unfamiliar surroundings. Agoraphobia can manifest itself as fear of having a panic attack in public, anxiety over being unable to escape a crowded place, or other similar fears.
Panic Attacks
Agoraphobia is usually accompanied by panic attacks. Panic attacks are so unpleasant that many believe they are having a heart attack. In fact, thousands of people go to the hospital each year believing they are having heart troubles when they are actually having a panic attack.
The Results of Agoraphobia in Teens
If your teen has agoraphobia, they will be increasingly unwilling to leave their comfort zone because they are afraid of having a panic attack, getting stuck in a crowd, etc. Your teen will only go to certain places with certain people or even stop leaving the home entirely. Eventually, they may even ask you about homeschooling or cancelling some of their activities. They will likely become depressed because they are too anxious to do many of the things they used to do.
Treating Teens with Agoraphobia
Agoraphobia does horrible things to teens. Therefore, it is vital to get help for them. To do this, you must get a therapist who is willing to do online sessions and is used to treating anxiety in teens. Why online sessions? Because an agoraphobic teen is usually too nervous to go into the therapy office at first. Online sessions allow the teen to work up to going to in-person sessions.
Why do Online Sessions Help Teens with Agoraphobia?
Teenagers with agoraphobia are often anxious about coming into an office for an in-person session (though if they are willing to, that’s great! That means they aren’t afraid of all new situations). Teletherapy (online sessions) allows them to talk with a therapist without leaving their home. Also, teens with agoraphobia can be exposed to their fears from a comfortable base when they stay at home and do online sessions. Through online sessions, the teen can work towards coming to the office.
Defeating Agoraphobia in Teens
Agoraphobia makes it impossible for teens to enjoy life. It makes them afraid to go do activities they love doing, and they sometimes even are unwilling to go to friend’s houses, instead preferring their friends to come to them. However, with treatment agoraphobia can be brought to an end. Give me a call and we’ll talk about ways to defeat agoraphobia in your teen and help them enjoy life again.
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Getting good grades takes a lot of work. Image courtesy of imagerymajestic at FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Strategies for Getting Better Grades
Hi teenagers. A lot of you struggle in school but would love to do better. You dream of seeing a 3.0 or even a 4.0 on your report card, but you don’t really know how to get there. However, you are capable of getting better grades! Here are some strategies I’ve seen clients use over the years that have helped tremendously.
1. Be Honest
Many of you blame your grades on teachers or other students. Countless teens say they put a lot of time into a class, but they don’t get the grade they deserved. However, that doesn’t mean it’s the right thing to do. If you are completely honest with yourself, some of these things might be true, but part of your lower grade is your responsibility. Blaming other people isn’t helpful or productive to getting better grades.
2. Put in the Time
It takes a lot of work to get A’s in classes. Students who earn A’s complete every homework assignment, miss very little school, and spend time studying. I’ve seen clients put in 5 or 6 hours throughout a week preparing for a test. Becoming good at something means doing everything you’re asked; becoming excellent means doing a little bit more.
3. Ask for Help with Getting Better Grades
A-students ask their parents and teachers to help them with areas they’re struggling in. When they don’t understand a subject, they go see their teachers at lunch, tutorial, or after school, talk to their mom and dad, or even get a tutor for a while. Don’t assume you’ll figure it out on your own; that hardly ever works. If you really want to start getting better grades, ask for help.
4. Use Time Wisely
Students who do well at school focus while they’re doing schoolwork. They set their electronics aside and really focus on their homework. They work during tutorial hour instead of socializing. This helps them learn the subject they’re studying, so they don’t fall behind in class.
5. Know Your Abilities
Teens who earn good grades are aware of their strengths and weaknesses. They don’t try and take an advanced math class if math is a struggle for them. Instead, they will take the regular paced class. On the other hand, if they are fantastic at history they might try an AP class.
Don’t Do too Much
Most importantly, make sure you’re not overloading your schedule. Even if you can handle the difficulty level of the work, it’s imperative you don’t put too much on your plate. It becomes overwhelming, and then you might stop wanting to try. You have to leave time for things you like doing.
Getting Better Grades Takes Work
Improving your grades takes work. Unfortunately, things won’t magically get easier. However, you can do it if you are diligent and organized. Ask your parents to help you with this if you need it. Don’t feel ashamed! Believe me, nobody has it together in every category of life. We all need help with some things, and we’re good at others.
You Can Do It!
Getting better grades may seem tough, but if you apply these tips you can succeed! Put work into school and you will be rewarded. You got this!
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Anxiety Related to OCD can be very frustrating for your teen. Photo courtesy of Marin from Freedigitalphotos.net
Why Teens With OCD Need Treatment
OCD is incredibly stressful for both your teen and the rest of the family. If your teen has OCD, they are in deep pain right now. To your teen, OCD seems like a huge wall slowy crumbling over them, and they increasingly feel helpless against the worry, fear, and anxiety OCD brings. However, OCD isn’t inescapable. With treatment, your teen can rise above OCD and break free from the pain it brings.
What is Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder?
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) is an anxiety disorder in which people have intrusive thoughts and engage in obsessive behaviors. However, it has a straight-forward treatment protocol. Some basic steps are followed to help teens with OCD. Normally the treatment team includes both a psychiatrist for medication, and a therapist for cognitive-behavioral therapy. This blend is extra helpful when treating OCD.
Treating Teens with OCD
OCD is hard to deal with, but it is treatable. Though the specifics of treatment vary from case to case, it has 3 common steps. Let’s explore how to treat teens with OCD.
Step 1
First, the OCD must be defined. This means the person who has OCD works with a therapist to find out which obsessions (thoughts) lead to which compulsions (actions). For example,a person might obsess over leaving the stove on. The compulsion is to check if the stove is on several times before leaving the home. The therapist then helps clarify what the person is truly afraid of. This person might be afraid that their house will burn down, which represents loss of control, which is the underlying fear.
Step 2
The teen getting treated for OCD then meets with a psychiatrist. They explain to the psychiatrist how the OCD is manifested, and the psychiatrist prescribes medication accordingly. Psychiatric medication is extremely effective with OCD. When medication is combined with therapy it’s found to be even more helpful. Most of these medications take 4-6 weeks to take full effect.
Step 3
As the medication is building up in the person’s system, the therapist and client work together to confront the anxiety that is playing a role in OCD. When doing this, the therapist uses a process called “exposure and response prevention.” Let’s use that example of the person who’s afraid of leaving the stove on again. Say they want to make sure it’s off 6 times, so the therapist directs them to check only 5. Once they become comfortable with that, they will continue working to cease making sure the stove is off until they stop checking completely.
Using Baby Steps to Treat Teens With OCD
This process moves slowly. Someone with OCD cannot instantly reach the finish-line of treatment. If they are afraid of leaving the stove on, they can’t stop making sure it’s off right away. Treating teens with OCD requires baby steps, but every step is set at a pace that is both slightly challenging while still tolerable to the client. Though is may sometimes seem like it’s taking a while, using small steps is a very important part of the treatment process for teens with OCD.
OCD Is Conquerable!
OCD is hard on everyone in the house. It causes you stress, makes your teen frustrates your teen, and is difficult for everyone else too. The good news is that OCD is beatable! Give me a call, and I’ll be glad to talk about treatment for your teen. Together, we will beat OCD!
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Teens can burn out and become exhausted. Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Why Teens Burnout
If a teen has too many responsibilities, it’s only a matter of time before they experience teen burnout. It’s important to push your teenager, but how far should you go when doing this?
Things that Cause Teens to Burnout
1. Overscheduling 2. Too many advanced classes 3. Obsessive screen time (wasting time on social media addiction) 4. Overtraining in sports
Why Do I Push My Teen?
In the bottom of their heart, your teen knows how deeply you love them. They understand that you push them to go above and beyond for a reason. You want them to be able to seize every opportunity that comes their way and do well in life. These motivations, while good-intentioned, can sometimes lead to teen burnout.
How Much is too Much?
However, teens can only handle so much before it starts to burn them out. As you know, it’s easy to start making constant commitments and keep your adolescent in lots of different extra-curricular activities. These commitments are important, but are they so important that they come at the expense of your teen feeling tired and burned out?
Teens that Burn Themselves Out
Then again, some teens put too much pressure on themselves. Mabye your child wants to take another AP class, play another sport, or join another club. In this case, it’s up to you to say no sometimes. Even though what your teen wants to get involved in are all good things, you have to help them stay balanced. This is one great way to avoid teen burnout.
Growing with Your Teen
Teenagers are still children. They are becoming adults, but they are still young. They need time to play, rest, socialize, and regroup. If we allow or require teens to be overly busy, they’ll burn out. The great thing about removing some of the demands placed on your kids is that you will have more opportunity to spend time with them. They’re about to launch into their own life. With you transitioning more and more into the role of a guide, they will feel safe to explore. Eventually they will really appreciate you for it.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Hello, I’m Lauren! If you notice your teen struggling, you might be feeling helpless, hopeless, frustrated or concerned as a parent. Try to remember, there is hope. I want to help your adolescent feel better. My hope is for them to enjoy their life again. I want them to feel confident they can handle whatever situations arise.
