Being an introvert is perfectly fine and normal. Photo credit: naypong via freedigitalphotos.net
Concerns About Social Skills in Introverted Teens
As a therapist who works with teens, I get calls about all kinds of concerns—from drug use to slipping grades, to a teen asking for help but not saying why. One worry that comes up more than you’d think is whether a teen is social enough. Both parents and teens wonder: “Is something wrong if I don’t have a big group of friends?” I have good news! It’s okay to be an introverted teen!
The Pressure to Be Outgoing
We live in a society that glorifies extroverts. People who are outgoing, surrounded by friends, and constantly socializing often get the spotlight. It’s easy to assume being popular means being happy. Teens especially feel this pressure. At school, they notice who’s always laughing, smiling, and fitting in with the crowd.
It’s Fine to Be An Introverted Teen
But not everyone feels comfortable in big groups—and that’s totally okay. Some teens are naturally more introverted. They’d rather hang out one-on-one or spend time alone to recharge. I know this well because I’m the same way. Parents, don’t worry if your teen doesn’t enjoy big social gatherings. That’s simply part of who they are, and it doesn’t necessarily reflect a problem with their personality or mental health.
What Does It Mean to Be an Introvert?
Introverted teens aren’t necessarily shy or anti-social. They might enjoy people and activities but in small doses. After being around others, they often need alone time to regroup. While extroverts thrive on group energy and constant interaction, introverts prefer quiet reflection and close connections.
Introversion vs. Extroversion
If you’re an introverted teen, here’s the good news: there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. Our culture tends to value busyness and constant socializing, but that’s not the only way to live a fulfilling life. About half of people are introverted—so you’re not alone. You may need time to slow down, think, and recharge. That’s not a flaw; it’s a strength. There’s also nothing wrong with being extroverted. Extroverts have their own strengths and weaknesses, just like introverts. These are just different personality traits. It’s okay to be introverted.
What Parents of Introverted Teens Should Know
If you’re a parent and this sounds like your teen, take a breath. It’s okay if your child prefers quiet nights to crowded parties. If your teen is content, functioning well, and seems emotionally balanced, there’s no need to worry.
What You Should Be Concerned About
On the other hand, if your teen desperately wants to connect but can’t because of anxiety or depression, you should talk about it with a professional. Unlike introversion, anxiety and depression are problems that need addressing. However, the good news is, if your teen is experiencing this, there is help. Give me a call, and we can talk about what your teen is going through.
Supporting Introverted Teens
If your teen is simply more reserved and recharges with alone time, embrace it. They’re likely thoughtful, observant, and emotionally aware. These are amazing qualities that should be encouraged, not changed.
Image courtesy of photostock at FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Why This Post
Being an OC teen is fun, but it’s not always easy. In this post, I’m sharing what some of my clients say about life as a teenager in Orange County. I’ve taken pieces of their stories and turned them into one voice—a fictional OC teen sharing their experience. This way, you can get a better sense of what it’s really like growing up here. I hope it helps you connect with your own teen and understand how they feel a little bit better.
Life for OC Teens
I’m a 13-year-old girl. I go to middle school, do homework, play sports, and go to church. Middle school is tough—there’s a lot of homework, and people are doing a bunch of new things. Some of those things are good, and some definitely aren’t. I also have a little brother I fight with a lot, but deep down I really care about him.
Why I Love Being an OC Teen
I love hanging out with my friends. We joke around and do silly things—like one time we got ice cream and yelled at cars to honk. It sounds silly, but it was really fun. I also love playing tennis. It’s one of my favorite things to do. But most of all, I love going to church. Not a lot of people I know go, but I really enjoy learning about Jesus and seeing my friends there. It’s one of the times I feel totally happy. When I wonder if I need to act differently to fit in, I remember the only thing that really matters is what Jesus thinks of me.
Why Being an OC Teen is Hard
I want to fit in and be popular, but it feels like the harder I try, the less cool I am. Sometimes I wonder if being cool means being mean, breaking rules, or having a boyfriend. At church, my pastor says being cool doesn’t matter—and I believe him—but it’s still hard to stop wanting that. A lot of kids are doing things I think are wrong, and the Bible says is wrong. Am I weird for not joining in? What if they’re having fun and I’m missing out?
Pressures OC Teens Face
I feel like I must be the best at tennis, have the best grades, and have the coolest clothes. And these are just a few of the pressures I face as an OC teen. I can’t just be good at something; I have to be the best.
Having the Best Grades
I get straight As, but that just makes it worse. Now I expect myself to get As. If I get a C on a test, I feel like everyone will be disappointed in me.
Being Good at Sports
I also feel like I have to keep getting better at tennis. I think if I could just improve one part of my game—like my serve—then I’d finally feel like I’m good enough at tennis. But there’s always something else to work on. How important are sports anyway? I’m not going pro; I’m just doing tennis for fun. But then why do I feel so pressured to do well?
Cool Clothes
Fashion changes so fast. Just when I get something cool, it’s not cool anymore. How much do other people’s opinions matter to me?
Wrapping Up
I hope you enjoyed reading from the perspective of an OC teen. My therapy office is located in Mission Viejo (a city in Orange County), so I wrote this post mainly about OC teens. However, these are joys, struggles, and pressures all teens face. So, what should we learn from how teens feel?
What Should We Learn from This
Let your teen have fun—but keep them safe. Talk to them about the choices they face and what the right decisions are, like whether or not to drink or do drugs. Support them when they’re struggling to fit in or feel overwhelmed by school or sports. These things matter, but they shouldn’t be too much. Most importantly, love your teen, listen to them, and help guide them through the ups and downs.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Panic attacks are miserable and terrifying. The fear of having another can be disabling.
What Do Panic Attacks Feel Like?
Panic attacks are overwhelming. Ask anyone who has experienced one, and they’ll likely say they thought they were dying. Many people with panic attacks end up in the emergency room because the symptoms can feel like a heart attack. The fear and physical symptoms can be incredibly intense. Sadly, many teens experience them. If your teen is struggling with panic attacks, it’s important to understand what they are and how to get your teen the right help.
Panic Attacks vs. Anxiety
A lot of people say, “I’ve had a panic attack,” when they actually mean they felt very anxious. But panic attacks in go beyond regular anxiety. They come on suddenly, peak within about ten minutes (sometimes longer), and then pass. The experience can feel terrifying and unpredictable.
These symptoms can vary from person to person, but they are all distressing and can interfere with daily life.
How to Help a Teen Struggling with Panic Attacks
Overcoming panic attacks usually requires professional help. In many cases, a combination of therapy and medication is effective. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) can help teens learn how to manage their anxiety and panic responses.
Problems Panic Attacks Cause
If your teen is experiencing panic attacks, it’s essential to get them the right support. Some teens start avoiding situations where they’ve panicked before, like school or social events. This can lead to isolation and more anxiety. In addition to this, people with panic attacks dread when the next panic attack will come on. The sooner your teen gets help, the better they can learn to manage and overcome their panic attacks.
Final Thoughts
Panic attacks in teens can be scary, but they are treatable. If your child is struggling, give me a call. With the right help, your teen can regain confidence and feel in control again.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Drama from social media is now part of adolescence. Photo credit: Stoonn and freedigitalphotos.net
The Challenges of Teen Social Media Use
Do you ever feel like social media is making your teen more upset than happy? Maybe you’ve thought about taking it away completely. Or maybe you’re just frustrated by how much time they spend scrolling. Teen social media use is tough to manage. We can’t follow the example our parents set for managing our own social media use because social media didn’t exist yet. So, how do you handle your teen’s social media use?
Downsides of Teen Social Media Use
Many of my clients take social media posts personally—even when the person who posted the message didn’t mean it that way. They stress over how fast someone responds, who liked their post, or if a friend’s comment has some hidden meaning. Teens can dissolve into tears over a post because they misunderstood what it meant.
Teaching Healthy Social Media Habits
Just taking social media away probably won’t work. Instead, we have to teach our kids how to manage what they post, how much time they spend on it, and how to handle what others say online. Below, you’ll find three important things to teach your teen about social media.
Encourage Responsible Posting
It’s important to teach your teen how to post responsibly. Instead of just giving a lecture, work with them. They might not love it, but that’s okay—you’re the parent! There are plenty of things we have to do for our kids that they don’t appreciate at the time, but later, they’re thankful. When they apply for a job one day, they’ll be relieved they never posted something that could cause a business to refuse to give them a job.
Dangers of Passive Aggressive Posting
Also, help them understand the dangers of being passive-aggressive online. A lot of teens post general comments that are clearly aimed at one person. This leads to drama, arguments, and hurt feelings.
Handling Social Media Conflict
What if your teen is on the receiving end of social media drama? The best approach is to confront the person directly (and privately) in person. Texting confrontations rarely go well—the teens who receive those messages often screenshot and share them. A face-to-face conversation makes it more likely that the other person will understand your teen isn’t being hostile. Plus, they can pick up on tone and facial expressions, which makes a huge difference.
Using Social Media To Help Your Teen Grow
Social media has its positives and negatives. It helps teens stay connected and keep up with old friends. But it’s important to remember that social media is a highlight reel—it doesn’t show what’s really going on in someone’s life. Many teens take posts at face value and end up feeling left out or hurt. Others use it as a tool for bullying or passive-aggressive behavior. That’s why it’s so important to stay involved in your teen’s social media use. By guiding your teen, you can help them develop good social media habits. Teaching your teen to use social media well is something that will benefit them for years to come.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
OCD is extremely frustrating for teens. Credit: Jeanne Claire Maarbes via freedigitalphotos.net
Questions People Have About OCD in Teens
OCD in teens can be exhausting and overwhelming. It’s heartbreaking to watch your teen struggle with obsessive thoughts and feel trapped in rituals they can’t control. You want to help, but you might not know how. In this post, I’ll answer some of the most common questions about OCD. Whether you’re a parent watching your teen struggle or a teen dealing with OCD yourself, this post is for you.
What Does OCD Mean?
OCD stands for Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. It causes overwhelming anxiety, usually about things that aren’t likely to happen. To get rid of the anxiety, a person feels like they have to do certain rituals—like washing their hands over and over, checking things repeatedly, or arranging items a certain way. The problem is, the relief doesn’t last, and the cycle starts again.
What Are Some Common OCD Behaviors?
OCD can look different for everyone, but here are some common patterns:
Fear of contamination – Feeling gross after touching something (usually a specific object) and needing to wash over and over.
Need for symmetry – Feeling anxious if things aren’t lined up just right.
Intrusive thoughts – Scary or upsetting thoughts that won’t go away, like imagining a house fire and needing to check the stove multiple times.
Compulsive checking – Repeatedly making sure doors are locked, the oven is off, or homework is just right before turning it in.
If your teen seems trapped in a pattern of obsessive thoughts and compulsions, they may be dealing with OCD.
How Do You Manage OCD in Teens?
The good news? OCD is treatable. The best approach includes therapy, and in some cases, medication. Here’s what treatment usually looks like:
Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP): This therapy helps teens face their fears step by step without doing the compulsions. For example, if a teen has contamination OCD, they might practice touching something “dirty” without washing their hands right away. Over time, their anxiety lessens.
Medication: Some teens benefit from medication, but not all need it. A psychiatrist can help determine if it’s a good option.
Supporting Your Teen
Living with OCD can be tough, making school, friendships, and everyday life feel overwhelming. But with the right help, teens can learn to manage their OCD and feel more in control. If your teen is struggling, don’t hesitate to reach out for support. Help is available, and they don’t have to face this alone.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Feeling panicked is the worst. Your stomach clenches, you gasp for breath, your thoughts are racing, you have a tight feeling in your chest and throat, and it feels like you’re drowning. Sometimes anxiety hits before a big test or a speech, but for some people, it’s always there. If your teen constantly seems stressed, panicky, or overwhelmed, it can be heartbreaking to watch—especially when you don’t know how to help. How do you help your teen when their panic makes them unreachable? In this post, you’ll find 5 tips for managing anxiety in teens.
5 Tips for Managing Anxiety in Teens
These tips won’t completely erase anxiety (and they shouldn’t—some anxiety is actually helpful for motivation and alerting a person to a potential problem), but they can bring it down to a manageable level. The goal isn’t to eliminate anxiety altogether; it’s to make sure it doesn’t take over.
1. Practice Mindfulness
Being mindful just means paying attention to the present moment. Notice the sights, sounds, and feelings around you. Encourage your teen to focus on small details—like how the sun feels on their skin or the sound of birds outside. This can help pull them out of their anxious thoughts, even if just for a moment. This is a useful step when managing anxiety in teens.
2. Challenge Negative Thoughts
Anxiety often makes us imagine the worst-case scenario. Your teen might assume they’ll fail a test, but if they’ve been paying attention in class and studying, that’s probably not true. Teach them to check the facts and remind themselves of the truth.
3. Exercise
Exercise is a natural stress reliever. When we move our bodies, our brains release chemicals that help us feel calm. Whether it’s a walk, a sport, or dancing in their room, encourage your teen to get activity to help manage their anxiety.
4. Find a Distraction
Focusing on something engaging—like playing an instrument, reading, or talking to a friend—can give their brain a break from anxious thoughts. Sometimes, just shifting their focus for a while can make a big difference.
5. Focus on What They Can Control
A lot of anxiety comes from worrying about things we can’t change. Help your teen recognize what’s in their control and what’s not. If they have a big test, they can study (that’s in their control), but stressing over the grade afterward won’t change the outcome. Letting go of what they can’t control is a huge step in managing anxiety in teens.
Supporting Your Teen Through Anxiety
Anxiety can be frustrating and exhausting, both for teens and for parents. The best thing you can do is show empathy, remind them of these strategies, and encourage them to keep practicing. It might take time, but with support, they can learn to manage their anxiety in a healthy way.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
