by Lauren Goodman | Jan 13, 2017 | Teen Anxiety Therapy
School causes so much anxiety for some teens.
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School causes a lot of anxiety. There seem to be two areas where this is most true: socially and with grades. For some teenagers school is so overwhelming that they can hardly handle it. Towards the end of every vacation they start to feel intensely stressed and irritable. It becomes difficult for your teen to remember they are at school to learn; they begin to think school is a place where they will be socially and academically scrutinized. What follows are 10 tips that help reduce some of the nervous feelings.
1. Study regularly over the course of the whole week before an exam. Cramming causes more exhaustion and anxiety.
2. Do not lose perspective, pray instead. Just because someone says something rude about you does not make it true. It also does not mean everyone else will believe it is true. What God and your family think of you matter much, much more.
3. Remember to breathe. It is very helpful to take deep breaths when taking a test, or at any time when feeling anxiety.
4. Talk to someone. Letting a friend know when you don’t feel your best can sincerely give you relief.
5. Choose wisely. Your friends have a lot to do with how you feel. Unlike your family, you can choose your friends.
6. Get to know your teachers. If you take the time to talk to them a little bit you will feel better in their classes.
7. Watch the caffeine intake. Drinking soda or coffee contributes a lot to feelings of nervousness. It is better to get a little exercise. That wakes you up too.
8. Stretch. If you are standing in the halls between classes lean back and stretch a little. This usually feels good and is almost always calming.
9. Smile. If you struggle socially it is very likely you keep your head down and forget to smile. Just by walking around with a smile more people will talk with you.
10. Get enough sleep. If you are not sleeping enough then it is a big challenge to maintain your poise when you need it. You probably have to get up early for school so just go to bed sooner.
If you remember to employ these techniques you will feel a little better on your bad days.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman, MS, MFT
by Lauren Goodman | Oct 28, 2016 | Teen Anxiety Therapy
Texting is a sure way to make homework take forever.
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As a counselor for teens I hear about things that really drive teenagers crazy. One thing I hear repeatedly is that at the high school level they are given unbearable amounts of homework. I am told parents cannot understand because things were different when they were in high school.
In some cases this is true- teenagers are given an incredible amount of homework. However, usually the problem is more one of time management. The adolescents who truly have nearly unmanageable volumes of homework are the ones who sign up for as many AP classes as possible. These are kids with goals to attend really good universities, and probably with an academic scholarship. There’s nothing wrong with this if it’s the teenager who is driving it. However, if parents are the ones pushing until their teen is completely buried in work it’s worth taking a look at the whole situation. It’s worth evaluating whether this much work is at the expense of the teenager’s social and spiritual development. It’s worthwhile to ask how important pushing them this hard really is. Maybe the answer is a good one, and they should keep being pushed…but maybe not…
Now, for the rest of you teens. I have sat with many of you who have told me you have way too much homework. I do realize you don’t enjoy it, and it’s definitely not what you feel like doing after school or on your weekends. I don’t blame you one bit for feeling this way; it’s not fun!
The thing is, for a lot of you, it really doesn’t have to take that long. Are you doing your homework with your cell phone next to you? Do you have multiple internet tabs open while you’re working on your laptop? Is the TV on in the background? It’s really tempting to use electronics while you do your homework (In fact, for many of your assignments you need electronics). If you eliminate distractions you can definitely finish faster. A lot of you can finish a 40 problem math test in an hour in class, but at home those same 40 problems would take you 2 hours. You just might be losing time to texts, apps, the internet and the TV.
I encourage you to work on your homework distraction free. I think you could probably finish it in two hours most nights. If you came home and did it right away, you could be free by 5:30pm every night! You may not even have homework to do all Sunday afternoon. How amazing would that be?!?!
Teens, get your lives back! You already spend a lot of time at school every week. Don’t spend all your time at home with your textbooks open, while you halfheartedly get your work done. Work when you work and play when you play.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman, MS, MFT
by Lauren Goodman | Oct 20, 2016 | Teen Anxiety Therapy
Being an introvert is perfectly fine and normal.
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As a therapist who works with teens I get a wide array of calls. These can range anywhere from concerns over a teen using drugs, to worries about grades dropping, to an adolescent asking mom or dad for help, but not telling them why. One thing that parents sometimes bring up about their child, and teenagers often bring up about themselves, is a fear they aren’t social enough.
We live in a society that truly glorifies the person who has a lot of friends, and gets together with people in all their free time. We admire a really popular, social extrovert. We’re in awe of the person who can talk to anyone in a room. We wish we didn’t have feelings of social awkwardness. We imagine how much better our lives could be if we were an extroverted, life-of-the-party fun person.
If you imagine this about yourself, your teenager imagines it even more. When they’re at school they notice who looks happy and who doesn’t. Usually this is gauged by who is laughing, smiling and at ease around a good sized group of other teens.
There are many of us who don’t feel at ease in large groups though, and enjoy ourselves in quieter, smaller settings. I should know, I am one of these people! Because of this I feel it is really important to speak out on behalf of you teenagers who are naturally introverted.
How do you know you’re an introvert? You may be okay with a lot of people and excitement…for a few hours…but then you need some quiet alone time to regroup. You get your energy from being by yourself, or with a few close friends. Extroverts are often bored when they’re alone, feel restless, and are energized by large groups of rowdy people; that’s your nightmare.
I have good news for those of you who are introverted. There’s nothing wrong with you! It’s completely fine to be someone who needs down time. You live in a culture that is always on the go, values busyness, and thinks constant socializing is what it’s all about. However, that is simply untrue. Half of us out there need time to slow down, process what’s going on in our lives, think quietly, and just be alone for a few minutes (or hours). There’s also nothing wrong with your peers who want to constantly socialize. Being an extrovert isn’t bad either. These are simply characteristics, like the color of your skin, eyes or hair. You aren’t wrong for the way God made you.
If you’re a mom or a dad who is reading this, and this describes your teenager, then I hope you feel relief. It’s another story if your teen is desperate to socialize more, but can’t because of anxiety, depression, or something else that’s going on. That means they are really uncomfortable with themselves, and that’s a great time to seek out help. However, if you’re just worried about the fact that your adolescent would rather spend Friday night reading a book or watching a movie at home than being out partying, but they seem fine in every other respect, stop worrying- that’s just who they are.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman, MS, MFT
