by Lauren Goodman | Jun 26, 2016 | Teen Anxiety Therapy
Down time makes stronger families and happier teens.
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Around here, in Orange County, it is a normal thing to keep kids very busy. We enroll our kids in all sorts of extra-curricular activities. They play one, two or even three different sports. They might be part of Girl or Boy Scouts. They attend church related activities. The kids also have a Disneyland Pass, spend time with friends, and are encouraged to take the most difficult classes possible. The pressure related to school is all about getting into the best college, and sometimes this pressure starts in middle school.
While some kids thrive on this, for others it adds a lot of stress. Even though most of the above-listed activities are fun (except school), too much is still stressful. It is really, really important for you to teach your kids how to manage stress. You have to show them that saying no even to good things is important for your mental health. We need down time (media-free downtime).
If you’d like to see your teen have less anxiety, consider taking one day a week and resting. Turn off the electronics, don’t go anywhere with a schedule, and slow down. At first you will get a lot of resistance like, “I can’t have my phone off. Someone might text me about homework.” Don’t buy into that. Everyone needs to learn how to manage their time and when they can be contacted. Eventually your teen will learn a positive coping skill (how to rest) that will remain invaluable for the rest of their life.
This starts with you. You’re the one who has to lead by example. You’re the one who has to turn off the TV during dinner and say no when your sister calls to see if you can go shopping. Teens are starting to formulate their own values and opinions, but they’re still heavily influenced by you. I know this is hard. I completely agree. It’s really hard for me too and I’m the one preaching it!
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman, MS, MFT
by Lauren Goodman | May 15, 2016 | Teen Anxiety Therapy
Teens who are afraid to leave the house benefit from Skype therapy for teens.
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If you haven’t had a chance to read Agoraphobia in Teens Part I, click here.
Once you’ve realized your teenager has agoraphobia it’s time to work on correcting it. It is heartbreaking for parents to watch their children suffer with extreme anxiety. Their life has become so different from what you imagined for them. You’d always hoped they’d have friends to go out and do things with, they’d succeed in school, and they would be excited to take life on. Now they don’t want to leave the house, or if they do, they won’t do anything unfamiliar. They are easily overwhelmed by large crowds. They just don’t handle situations well when they fear they can’t escape. Sometimes this has stemmed from fear of having a panic attack out in public.
You have to get help for your teen. They need to talk with someone who knows how to work with them on taking steps towards facing their fear. Without meaning to, there’s a good chance you’ve given into their anxiety. When your teenager avoids a situation that causes them anxiety it provides temporary relief, but actually makes the overall problem grow.
It’s important to work with someone who understands teenagers, and is comfortable working with the dynamic between parents and their adolescent. Because agoraphobia is often best treated by starting with sessions in the home, having a therapist who is comfortable with online adolescent counseling sessions is essential. Your counselor has to be able to start exposing your teenager to their fear from a comfortable base. Teletherapy for teenagers (also referred to as Skype therapy for teens, online counseling for teens, and videoconferencing therapy) is a perfect way to accomplish this. The counseling is able to see your teen in your home. When needed, the therapist will have you help guide your teen through various interventions. This will help you learn how to work with your adolescent on their new skills throughout the week until the next session. Your teen’s therapist will then debrief with your child and help them regroup. Because your teen is in the comfort of his or her own home, settling back down is an easier process.
Also, many teenagers who are facing agoraphobia are very reticent to come into a therapy session in an office (If they want to go to the office, then great! This means they’re not afraid of all new situations, which is good news). This is because it’s out of their safety zone. They will resist getting the help they need because it requires them to leave their house and step outside the familiar. By seeing a therapist who does online sessions, your teenager will probably be more accepting of the idea of getting started in therapy.
The sooner they begin, the sooner everyone knows how to start feeling better. You get the joy of watching your teen grow and enjoy life again. Hopefully one day this nightmare called agoraphobia can come to an end.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman, MS, MFT
by Lauren Goodman | May 14, 2016 | Teen Anxiety Therapy
Panic in teens can lead to debilitating agoraphobia.
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Agoraphobia in adolescents is difficult. Agoraphobia in teens often looks like fear of leaving comfortable places. These teens can suffer immensely. Their anxiety is very high, even when they realize it’s not logical. It becomes a challenge to go anywhere new, and sometimes becomes so extreme that your teen won’t leave the home.
This blog post is part 1 of a few blogs on agoraphobia in teens, and what can be done to help them.
What is agoraphobia?
Technically it means “fear of the marketplace.” It is often accompanied by panic attacks, but not always. The way it looks is your teenager experiences very high anxiety in either crowded places, or unfamiliar places. There can be a fear of danger, a fear of being unable to escape, or a fear of experiencing a panic attack out in public.
When agoraphobia is combined with panic, it usually starts with panic attacks. A person has a panic attack, which is an incredibly miserable experience. Panic attacks can so closely resemble the feelings of a heart attack that many, many people go to emergency rooms each year thinking they are having heart trouble, but it ends up being a panic attack. A person goes out in public somewhere, such as at the mall, and has a panic attack. They avoid ever going back to that mall because there is now a negative association formed. This happens in multiple places until the thought of going out anywhere produces anxiety.
The result of agoraphobia is an ever shrinking world. Your teenager is willing to go out less and less, only with certain people, and to fewer and fewer places. Eventually your teenager might not go out at all. They might start to feel depressed because they just can’t bring themselves to do the things they used to. They might even ask you about homeschooling and quitting their extra-curricular activities. The relief of knowing they could be at home, where panic either doesn’t occur or is at least in a comfortable place, causes your teen to stop the things they used to do.
Oftentimes treatment for agoraphobia means having to find a therapist who will come into the home. This can be an enormous challenge. Most counselors are unwilling to do this because it can be unsafe, and is very time-consuming.
Thankfully, since technology has come a long way, teenagers with agoraphobia have an option. Online counseling with teenagers is very effective for helping teenagers work through anxiety disorders. Teens with panic disorder, and with agoraphobia are able to meet the therapist in the home through videoconferencing counseling sessions.
If you think your teen is struggling with agoraphobia, give us a call. As long as you live anywhere in the state of California, we are able to work with you on helping your teen get his or her life back.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman, MS, MFT
by Lauren Goodman | May 12, 2016 | Teen Anxiety Therapy
Getting good grades takes a lot of work.
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Hi teenagers. A lot of you struggle in school, but would really love to do better. You dream of seeing a 3.0 or even a 4.0 on your report card. The problem is, you don’t really know how to get there. Here are some strategies I’ve seen clients use over the years that have helped tremendously.
1. Be honest. Many of you like to blame your teachers, other students, or say you put a lot of time into a class, but you just didn’t get the grade you deserved. If you are completely realistic, some of those things might be true. However, there is a part of your lower grade that is your responsibility. Admit to yourself that blaming someone else isn’t helpful.
2. Put in the time. It takes serious work to get A’s in classes. Students who earn A’s complete every homework assignment, miss very little school, and work at the class even when they don’t earn points for it (they study). I’ve seen clients put in 5 or 6 hours throughout the course of a week preparing for a test. Becoming good at something means doing everything you’re asked; becoming excellent means doing everything you’re asked and a little bit more.
3. Ask for help. A-students ask their parents and teachers to help them with things that are overwhelming. When they don’t understand a subject, they go see their teachers at lunch, tutorial, or after school. If they still can’t figure something out, they talk with mom and dad about it. Oftentimes they will end up with a tutor for awhile. It doesn’t work very well if you just assume you’ll figure it out on your own. You might, but you will have wasted a lot of precious time.
4. Use time wisely. Students who do well in school focus when they’re doing schoolwork. They set their electronics aside and let their brain become immersed in homework. They do work during tutorial hour instead of socializing. This really helps them learn the subject they’re studying, so they don’t feel behind in class.
5. Know your abilities. The clients I’ve worked with who earn good grades are very aware of their strengths and weaknesses. They don’t try and take an advanced math class if math is a huge struggle. Instead they will take the regular paced class. On the other hand, if they are fantastic at history they might try an AP class. Make sure you’re not overloading your schedule. It becomes frustrating and then you might stop wanting to try. It’s important to still have time for things you like doing.
Improving your grades takes work. There’s no magic wand. However, I believe you can do it if you are diligent and organized. Ask your parents to help you organize if you struggle in that area. Don’t feel ashamed. Believe me, nobody has it all together in every category of life. We all need help with some things, and we’re good at others.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman, MS, MFT
by Lauren Goodman | May 4, 2016 | Teen Anxiety Therapy
Anxiety Related to OCD can be very frustrating for your teen.
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For parents who worry their teen might have OCD, it has been stressful. You’re feeling helpless as you see your teenager engage in obsessive thoughts and behaviors that seem ridiculous to you. You might have responded in anger, yelling at them for wanting to fold all their clothes perfectly. You might have tried gently to talk them out of their illogical thoughts that someone will die if they don’t leave the house right at 7:07 for school. You may have gotten fed up enough to start working around their compulsive behavior, making sure there are exactly six bites of vegetables on their dinner plate. Whatever the case, it has broken your heart to see your child controlled by obsessions and compulsions. It has also caused enormous aggravation to the whole family. Even your teenager knows it’s ridiculous, but they just can’t stop.
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder is an anxiety disorder that has a fairly straight-forward treatment protocol. There are some basic steps that are followed. Normally the treatment team includes both a psychiatrist for medication, and a therapist for cognitive-behavioral therapy.
First, the OCD has to be defined. This means that the person suffering with OCD works with the therapist to find out which obsessions lead to which compulsions. For example, a person might be obsessed with the stove being left on. The compulsion is then to check if the stove is left on several times before leaving the home. The therapist also helps clarify what the person is really afraid of. This person might be afraid that their house will burn down, which represents a loss of control. The deep underlying fear is a loss of control.
The person suffering with OCD then goes to meet with the psychiatrist. They explain to the psychiatrist how the OCD is manifested, and the psychiatrist prescribes medication accordingly. Psychiatric medication is extremely effective with OCD. The combination of medication and therapy are found to be even more helpful. Most of these medications take 4-6 weeks to take full effect.
As the medication is building up in the person’s system, the therapist and client work together to confront the anxiety that is playing a role in OCD. This is normally done through a process called “exposure and response prevention.” For the person who really wants to check if their stove is off 6 times, they might start by only checking 5 times. Not checking that last time will give them a strong feeling of discomfort. With the counselor they learn to tolerate the discomfort and talk themselves out of it. Eventually the discomfort passes. They would probably then move on to checking the stove 3 times, 1 time and then not at all. In the meanwhile, a lot of work will be done in therapy to address the fear of losing control. The person will learn to ask themselves, “So what if my house does burn down? Will I be able to handle it?” The answer is that although the house burning down would be extremely stressful, it could be handled.
For someone with an obsession with germs and a compulsion to hand-wash, exposure and response prevention would work similarly. This person would be encouraged to touch things they see as “contaminated” in the counseling office. They would be asked to leave it on their hands until the anxiety passed. Then, if it is appropriate, it would be okay to wash their hands. Sometimes things seen as contaminated don’t really require hand-washing, such as touching a door-knob. In this case, the person would be asked to refrain from washing their hands until a more appropriate time.
This process is done somewhat slowly. Someone with OCD cannot jump right to the finish-line. They cannot fear germs and then immediately put their hands in mud and not wash their hands. Every step is worked up to at a pace that is both slightly challenging and yet tolerable.
OCD is hard on everyone in the house. It causes you stress, your teenager stress, and is frustrating all around. The good news is that OCD is treatable!
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman, MS, MFT
