Down time makes stronger families and happier teens. Image courtesy of photostock at FreeDigitalPhotos.net
What Keeping Your Teen Too Busy Looks Like
Here in Orange County, keeping your teen too busy is normal. Most families have their adolescents enrolled in multiple extra-curricular activities, playing sports constantly, and more. On top of all this, your child has school, homework, and hangs out with friends. While this is normal, it’s not necessarily a good thing.
What’s Wrong with Keeping Your Teenager Too Busy
While some kids thrive on this, for most it adds a lot of stress. Even though most of the activities your adolescent participates in are fun (except school), too much is still stressful. You must teach your teen that saying no, even to fun things, is important for mental health. Children (and adults) need down time.
How to Lower Your Teen’s Stress
If you’d like to see your child feel less stressed and have less anxiety, try taking one day a week and resting. Turn off the electronics, don’t go anywhere with a schedule, and slow down. Eventually your teen will learn how to rest, a skill that will remain invaluable for the rest of their life.
How Your Teen Might Resist Resting at First
At first, your adolescent will probably resist resting. They might say, “I can’t have my phone off because someone might text me about homework.” This is just one of many excuses your teen might make. Don’t buy into that. Keeping your teen too busy is bad; they need to rest! After a while, your kid will be grateful for the reduced activity.
Set A Good Example
This starts with you. You have to start saying no to activities (even fun ones) and stop using electronics all the time. Teens are starting to formulate their own values and opinions, but they’re still heavily influenced by you. I know this is hard. It’s hard for me too, but you can do it!
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Panic in teens can lead to debilitating agoraphobia. Photo Credit: freedigitalphotos.net/stuart miles
What Agoraphobia Does to Teens
It’s heart-breaking to watch your teen go through agoraphobia. Teens who have agoraphobia are afraid of doing anything new or leaving a comfortable place. The pain they are in is almost indescribable. They are fearful of going to do things they once enjoyed, like extra-curricular activities. Their world is rapidly shrinking around them as they become increasingly panicky at the thought of leaving home.
What is Agoraphobia?
Agoraphobia technically means fear of the marketplace. Agoraphobic teens fear leaving a comfortable place or entering unfamiliar surroundings. Agoraphobia can manifest itself as fear of having a panic attack in public, anxiety over being unable to escape a crowded place, or other similar fears.
Panic Attacks
Agoraphobia is usually accompanied by panic attacks. Panic attacks are so unpleasant that many believe they are having a heart attack. In fact, thousands of people go to the hospital each year believing they are having heart troubles when they are actually having a panic attack.
The Results of Agoraphobia in Teens
If your teen has agoraphobia, they will be increasingly unwilling to leave their comfort zone because they are afraid of having a panic attack, getting stuck in a crowd, etc. Your teen will only go to certain places with certain people or even stop leaving the home entirely. Eventually, they may even ask you about homeschooling or cancelling some of their activities. They will likely become depressed because they are too anxious to do many of the things they used to do.
Treating Teens with Agoraphobia
Agoraphobia does horrible things to teens. Therefore, it is vital to get help for them. To do this, you must get a therapist who is willing to do online sessions and is used to treating anxiety in teens. Why online sessions? Because an agoraphobic teen is usually too nervous to go into the therapy office at first. Online sessions allow the teen to work up to going to in-person sessions.
Why do Online Sessions Help Teens with Agoraphobia?
Teenagers with agoraphobia are often anxious about coming into an office for an in-person session (though if they are willing to, that’s great! That means they aren’t afraid of all new situations). Teletherapy (online sessions) allows them to talk with a therapist without leaving their home. Also, teens with agoraphobia can be exposed to their fears from a comfortable base when they stay at home and do online sessions. Through online sessions, the teen can work towards coming to the office.
Defeating Agoraphobia in Teens
Agoraphobia makes it impossible for teens to enjoy life. It makes them afraid to go do activities they love doing, and they sometimes even are unwilling to go to friend’s houses, instead preferring their friends to come to them. However, with treatment agoraphobia can be brought to an end. Give me a call and we’ll talk about ways to defeat agoraphobia in your teen and help them enjoy life again.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Getting good grades takes a lot of work. Image courtesy of imagerymajestic at FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Strategies for Getting Better Grades
Hi teenagers. A lot of you struggle in school but would love to do better. You dream of seeing a 3.0 or even a 4.0 on your report card, but you don’t really know how to get there. However, you are capable of getting better grades! Here are some strategies I’ve seen clients use over the years that have helped tremendously.
1. Be Honest
Many of you blame your grades on teachers or other students. Countless teens say they put a lot of time into a class, but they don’t get the grade they deserved. However, that doesn’t mean it’s the right thing to do. If you are completely honest with yourself, some of these things might be true, but part of your lower grade is your responsibility. Blaming other people isn’t helpful or productive to getting better grades.
2. Put in the Time
It takes a lot of work to get A’s in classes. Students who earn A’s complete every homework assignment, miss very little school, and spend time studying. I’ve seen clients put in 5 or 6 hours throughout a week preparing for a test. Becoming good at something means doing everything you’re asked; becoming excellent means doing a little bit more.
3. Ask for Help with Getting Better Grades
A-students ask their parents and teachers to help them with areas they’re struggling in. When they don’t understand a subject, they go see their teachers at lunch, tutorial, or after school, talk to their mom and dad, or even get a tutor for a while. Don’t assume you’ll figure it out on your own; that hardly ever works. If you really want to start getting better grades, ask for help.
4. Use Time Wisely
Students who do well at school focus while they’re doing schoolwork. They set their electronics aside and really focus on their homework. They work during tutorial hour instead of socializing. This helps them learn the subject they’re studying, so they don’t fall behind in class.
5. Know Your Abilities
Teens who earn good grades are aware of their strengths and weaknesses. They don’t try and take an advanced math class if math is a struggle for them. Instead, they will take the regular paced class. On the other hand, if they are fantastic at history they might try an AP class.
Don’t Do too Much
Most importantly, make sure you’re not overloading your schedule. Even if you can handle the difficulty level of the work, it’s imperative you don’t put too much on your plate. It becomes overwhelming, and then you might stop wanting to try. You have to leave time for things you like doing.
Getting Better Grades Takes Work
Improving your grades takes work. Unfortunately, things won’t magically get easier. However, you can do it if you are diligent and organized. Ask your parents to help you with this if you need it. Don’t feel ashamed! Believe me, nobody has it together in every category of life. We all need help with some things, and we’re good at others.
You Can Do It!
Getting better grades may seem tough, but if you apply these tips you can succeed! Put work into school and you will be rewarded. You got this!
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Anxiety Related to OCD can be very frustrating for your teen. Photo courtesy of Marin from Freedigitalphotos.net
Why Teens With OCD Need Treatment
OCD is incredibly stressful for both your teen and the rest of the family. If your teen has OCD, they are in deep pain right now. To your teen, OCD seems like a huge wall slowy crumbling over them, and they increasingly feel helpless against the worry, fear, and anxiety OCD brings. However, OCD isn’t inescapable. With treatment, your teen can rise above OCD and break free from the pain it brings.
What is Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder?
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) is an anxiety disorder in which people have intrusive thoughts and engage in obsessive behaviors. However, it has a straight-forward treatment protocol. Some basic steps are followed to help teens with OCD. Normally the treatment team includes both a psychiatrist for medication, and a therapist for cognitive-behavioral therapy. This blend is extra helpful when treating OCD.
Treating Teens with OCD
OCD is hard to deal with, but it is treatable. Though the specifics of treatment vary from case to case, it has 3 common steps. Let’s explore how to treat teens with OCD.
Step 1
First, the OCD must be defined. This means the person who has OCD works with a therapist to find out which obsessions (thoughts) lead to which compulsions (actions). For example,a person might obsess over leaving the stove on. The compulsion is to check if the stove is on several times before leaving the home. The therapist then helps clarify what the person is truly afraid of. This person might be afraid that their house will burn down, which represents loss of control, which is the underlying fear.
Step 2
The teen getting treated for OCD then meets with a psychiatrist. They explain to the psychiatrist how the OCD is manifested, and the psychiatrist prescribes medication accordingly. Psychiatric medication is extremely effective with OCD. When medication is combined with therapy it’s found to be even more helpful. Most of these medications take 4-6 weeks to take full effect.
Step 3
As the medication is building up in the person’s system, the therapist and client work together to confront the anxiety that is playing a role in OCD. When doing this, the therapist uses a process called “exposure and response prevention.” Let’s use that example of the person who’s afraid of leaving the stove on again. Say they want to make sure it’s off 6 times, so the therapist directs them to check only 5. Once they become comfortable with that, they will continue working to cease making sure the stove is off until they stop checking completely.
Using Baby Steps to Treat Teens With OCD
This process moves slowly. Someone with OCD cannot instantly reach the finish-line of treatment. If they are afraid of leaving the stove on, they can’t stop making sure it’s off right away. Treating teens with OCD requires baby steps, but every step is set at a pace that is both slightly challenging while still tolerable to the client. Though is may sometimes seem like it’s taking a while, using small steps is a very important part of the treatment process for teens with OCD.
OCD Is Conquerable!
OCD is hard on everyone in the house. It causes you stress, makes your teen frustrates your teen, and is difficult for everyone else too. The good news is that OCD is beatable! Give me a call, and I’ll be glad to talk about treatment for your teen. Together, we will beat OCD!
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Teens can burn out and become exhausted. Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Why Teens Burnout
If a teen has too many responsibilities, it’s only a matter of time before they experience teen burnout. It’s important to push your teenager, but how far should you go when doing this?
Things that Cause Teens to Burnout
1. Overscheduling 2. Too many advanced classes 3. Obsessive screen time (wasting time on social media addiction) 4. Overtraining in sports
Why Do I Push My Teen?
In the bottom of their heart, your teen knows how deeply you love them. They understand that you push them to go above and beyond for a reason. You want them to be able to seize every opportunity that comes their way and do well in life. These motivations, while good-intentioned, can sometimes lead to teen burnout.
How Much is too Much?
However, teens can only handle so much before it starts to burn them out. As you know, it’s easy to start making constant commitments and keep your adolescent in lots of different extra-curricular activities. These commitments are important, but are they so important that they come at the expense of your teen feeling tired and burned out?
Teens that Burn Themselves Out
Then again, some teens put too much pressure on themselves. Mabye your child wants to take another AP class, play another sport, or join another club. In this case, it’s up to you to say no sometimes. Even though what your teen wants to get involved in are all good things, you have to help them stay balanced. This is one great way to avoid teen burnout.
Growing with Your Teen
Teenagers are still children. They are becoming adults, but they are still young. They need time to play, rest, socialize, and regroup. If we allow or require teens to be overly busy, they’ll burn out. The great thing about removing some of the demands placed on your kids is that you will have more opportunity to spend time with them. They’re about to launch into their own life. With you transitioning more and more into the role of a guide, they will feel safe to explore. Eventually they will really appreciate you for it.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
For those of you who cannot seem to focus on your homework, this is the right article for you. Here you will find five tips to have better study habits.
First of all, I understand that studying is usually boring. Why are assignments given that seem so irrelevant to the rest of your life? Unless you’re planning to be a biologist, you probably don’t care about how a frog reproduces, or how mitochondria are involved in cellular energy. You’d definitely rather come home and watch TV, play a sport, eat, nap, or really do anything else besides sit down and study.
Questions you May Have About Studying
How do I move past this hatred of my homework?
How do I motivate myself to complete assignments?
Why is it so much harder for me to study than for some kids?
5 Tips for Better Study Habits
1. Don’t Allow Yourself the Option of Not Finishing Your Homework
Don’t get half-way through your homework and put it off for later. It’s like when your mom asks you to do the dishes; she wants you to clean all of them, not leave it half-done.
2. Work intensely for a short amount of time, then take a break
It is up to you how long you think your study to free time ratio should be, but there should always be one. Here’s an example: When I was 20 years old, I had a college class that required a lot of studying. I did not enjoy it and struggled to get the work done. I finally decided to work intensely for 50 minutes with no distractions and then take a 10-minute break. For teenagers who are younger I recommend 15 minutes of intense studying with a 5-minute break, but it varies from person to person.
3. Change it up
If you are partway through an assignment and it is too tedious to complete, work on something else. As long as you’re still working, you’re still progressing towards finishing your homework. This makes for a good study habit.
4. Don’t try to be perfect
Some teenagers never start their homework because they are determined to do it perfectly, which is overwhelming. You are much better off getting a 60% on an assignment than a 0%. When you’re working on an assignment, just push through to the end even if it’s not your best work. You can always make corrections later.
5. Provide yourself with boring alternatives
For example, if you have an essay to write, give yourself the option of either working on your essay or cleaning the bathroom. When you get desperate for a break, you’ll go clean the bathroom. However, you’ll quickly tire of cleaning and prefer to get back to your essay.
Using Better Study Habits to Win
See if any of these things help you. Of course, these tips will only help if you really want to do better in school. You have to seriously commit to improving and then, and only then, will these study habits help you. However, once you do, having better study habits will help you for the rest of your life.
Muhammad Ali, a famous boxer, said, “I hated every minute of training, but I said, ‘Don’t quit. Suffer now and live the rest of your life as a champion.'” Struggle through your homework and you will go on to win. Better study habits are one step in the road to success.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Hello, I’m Lauren! If you notice your teen struggling, you might be feeling helpless, hopeless, frustrated or concerned as a parent. Try to remember, there is hope. I want to help your adolescent feel better. My hope is for them to enjoy their life again. I want them to feel confident they can handle whatever situations arise.
