by Lauren Goodman | Dec 9, 2025 | Teen Anxiety Therapy
Understanding Approval-Seeking Teens
This post won’t apply to every parent. Some kids are relaxed and self-assured — what a blessing! But many parents have approval-seeking teens who really want validation. This post is for you.
Why Approval-Seeking Teens Act the Way They Do
Wanting approval isn’t always bad. It motivates teens to do homework, chores, and care for themselves. But when the need for approval becomes too strong, it can lead to anxiety, depression, or bad choices.
Signs Approval-Seeking Teens Might Be Struggling
Some approval-seeking teens get stuck trying to be liked. I’ve seen teens develop eating disorders, use drugs or alcohol, or become sexually active before they were ready because they wanted approval so badly. Even when people around them offer kindness or encouragement, these teens still can’t absorb it. They continue to feel judged or unwanted.
How to Help These Teens Find Perspective
One helpful idea is to remind your teen that life isn’t only about them. Help them to look beyond their friend group and find ways to serve others. Volunteering or helping in the community often helps teens focus less on themselves and feel more connected.
How to Stop Letting Negative Self-Talk Win
Don’t let your teen repeat unreasonable self-names. Heartbreakingly, it’s common for approval-seeking teens to have very low opinions of themselves. If a 3.5 GPA student says, “I’m not smart,” don’t accept it. If a normally sized teen says, “I’m fat,” correct that too. In therapy we teach kids not to believe every feeling as fact. Instead of saying, “Nobody likes me,” they learn to say, “I feel disliked by some people.” That small change helps them think more clearly.
What to Do When Your Teen Is Still Struggling
Try the tips here, but if your teen’s need for approval is overwhelming, get professional help. Extreme approval-seeking in teens can lead to dangerous choices. Parents often try many strategies before something clicks. A little expert guidance can make a big difference.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman, MS, MFT
by Lauren Goodman | Sep 24, 2025 | Teen Anxiety Therapy
Understanding School Refusal in Teens
As a therapist working with teens, I often see cases of school refusal in teens. Some may attend school occasionally, but for parents it can feel like a constant uphill battle to get them there. While school refusal can come from different causes—like drug use, defiance, or anxiety—the most common factor I see is anxiety.
Why Anxiety Fuels School Refusal in Teens
Anxiety is an overwhelming fear of something that might happen in the future. Some teens worry about being judged by peers, while others fear failing tests or facing certain classes. For some, the dread of school feels unbearable. I worked with one teen who was bullied every day on the way to class. When he sought help from teachers, peers mocked him for being a “tattle tale.” His anxiety grew so intense that school itself became unmanageable, leading to school refusal.
What Parents Can Do About School Refusal in Teens
If your teen is refusing school, the first step is to uncover the root cause. School refusal isn’t just “I don’t feel like it”—there’s usually something deeper going on. Once you identify the trigger, sit down together and make a plan. If it’s anxiety-driven, helping your teen regain a sense of control over the situation can make a big difference.
If talking it through isn’t enough, connect with the school counselor or seek outside professional support. Teens usually can’t overcome school refusal on their own. Avoidance makes fears grow larger, but most young people don’t yet have the tools to push through what feels terrifying. Therapy helps teens face their fears and eventually get over them.
Walking the Line Between Comfort and Structure
Helping your teen through school refusal requires both compassion and firmness. You’ll need to be a source of comfort while also holding firm boundaries about attendance. It can be heartbreaking to send them when you know how awful it feels, but consistently allowing them to stay home only reinforces the cycle of fear.
Supporting Teens Through the Struggle
Sometimes loving your teen well means walking with them through emotional pain, not shielding them from it. With your support and consistency, they can learn to face their fears and slowly rebuild confidence.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman, MS, MFT
by Lauren Goodman | Sep 19, 2025 | Teen Anxiety Therapy
When Teens Are Feeling Left Out
Being left out is one of the toughest feelings for tweens and teens. Peer exclusion can hurt deeply, leaving teens confused and sad. One 12-year-old girl came to counseling because she didn’t know how to fit in. Her classmates would clear the lunch table whenever she sat down. She was completely delightful, which made it hard to understand why this happened. I had to ask, “Why do some kids end up as outcasts?”
Why Teens Feel Left Out
Exclusion is most common in middle school and early high school, especially for girls. Teens often fall into three social types:
- Assertive kids: Confident, sometimes aggressive, and often popular. They stand up for themselves and may intimidate others a little, making them the “queen bees.”
- Neutral kids: Quieter teens who are happy with their close friend group. They focus on hobbies like sports, band, or theater and don’t seek popularity.
- Teens who get left out: Sensitive teens who care deeply about others’ opinions. They might cry when teased, feel self-conscious for a long time, and try to gain favor with the popular kids.
It’s Not Forever
Being left out doesn’t last forever. Teens grow, develop their strengths, and find where they belong. Middle and high school can be insecure times, but these challenges often build character. Remind your teen that wisdom develops from tough experiences, and compassion develops from rejection. Help them see the bigger picture. This is important for teens feeling left out to remember.
How to Help Your Teen
Encourage your teen to spend time with friends who truly value them. Gently remind your teen that if they’re feeling excluded, there are many other kids who would gladly welcome them, no matter their interests or social status. Being around people who genuinely enjoy their company can help your teen feel seen, accepted, and supported.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman, MS, MFT
by Lauren Goodman | Aug 8, 2025 | Teen Anxiety Therapy
Understanding Why Teens Feel Overwhelmed
What do you do if your teenager seems constantly overwhelmed or stressed? What causes overwhelmed teens to feel the way they do? How can you help?
What Makes Overwhelmed Teens Feel The Way They Do?
Today, many high school students face overwhelming pressure. Honors students are expected to maintain above a 4.0 GPA, play sports, work, and have a social life. Teens are told they need perfect grades, high test scores, and countless extracurriculars to get into college. Even teens with a 3.6 GPA often feel like they’re failing.
Too Much Noise
On top of academic pressure, teens are bombarded by technology. Phones keep them constantly connected through texts, emails, and social media. While staying in touch is nice, this constant stream of notifications adds more stress to their already full plates.
What If You Have An Overwhelmed Teen?
Sometimes this pressure comes from society, sometimes teens place it on themselves, and other times parents unintentionally add to it. Whatever the cause, if your teen feels overwhelmed, it’s important to take action. Here’s what you can do:
Slowing Down Matters
Help your teen understand the value of slowing down. Encourage a day each week free from phones, homework, and sports. Teach them to enjoy simple things like reading a book or walking the dog. When teens learn to pause, they find more satisfaction in what they already have instead of always chasing the next achievement.
Set the Example
If you want to help overwhelmed teens, model balance in your own life. Show them that fun, rest, and relationships matter as much as accomplishments. When you prioritize these things, they will too.
Go Offline
Taking a break from devices isn’t easy. At first, your teen may feel disconnected or anxious. Try going offline with your teen. Setting the example helps both of you reset. When you have your teen take some time off from tech, they will miss out on some social activities. Just support them through the discomfort and help them see that missing out sometimes is healthy.
Keep Activities in Check
In Southern California’s busy culture, it’s tempting to sign teens up for everything. However, an overbooked schedule causes burnout. Encourage them to focus on a few activities that truly benefit them instead of juggling countless activities.
Supporting Overwhelmed Teens
Remind your teen that good grades don’t have to be perfect. Help them understand that contentment is just as valuable as ambition. Cutting back on tech and activities can be painful, but it’s a lot better for your teen in the long run.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman, MS, MFT
by Lauren Goodman | Jul 12, 2025 | Teen Anxiety Therapy
12 Signs Your Teen Might Have a Teen Tech Addiction
Technology is everywhere, and for teens, it can sometimes become too much. This can create a teen tech addiction. If you’re worried your teenager might be addicted to tech, here are 12 signs to watch for:
1. They Can’t Part with Their Phone
At dinner, their phone is always right by their plate. You’ve caught them texting late at night—even at 2 or 3 a.m.—and they won’t hand over their phone when you ask.
2. Missing Sleep for Screens
Teens need 8.5 to 9.5 hours of sleep, but if your teen stays up late playing games, texting, or scrolling social media, they’re losing sleep for tech.
3. More Online Friends Than Real Ones: A Common Teen Tech Addiction Sign
If your teen mostly talks to friends through Snapchat, Instagram, Xbox Live, or texting—and rarely sees friends in person—that could be a problem.
4. Spending More Than 3 Hours a Day on Screens
Some screen time is necessary for homework, but if your teen is spending hours checking messages, gaming, or scrolling social media beyond that, it’s likely too much and could be a sign of teen tech addiction.
5. Neglecting Other Areas of Life
If your teen’s emotional, social, academic, or physical health is slipping because of screen time, it’s a red flag.
6. Constant Fights About Tech Use
Are you always telling them to put down their device? Are threats to take away electronics the only way to get their attention? That’s a warning sign.
7. Sneaking Around Tech Rules
Even if you turn off the Wi-Fi or set limits, they find ways to get back online, like using mobile data or sneaking the internet back on.
8. Avoiding Family Time for Screens: One Sign of Teen Tech Addiction
When the family wants to hang out, your teen prefers Netflix, gaming, or scrolling instead. When your teen would rather have more screen time than have the occasional family hangout, you need to watch for a teen tech addiction.
9. Skilled at Gaming, Not Life Skills
If your teen is great at video games but struggles with cooking, chores, or homework, it shows tech may be taking over.
10. Only Wants Tech Gifts
Their birthday and holiday wish lists are filled with gadgets, games, or new devices—never clothes, books, or experiences.
11. Motivated Only by Electronics
They only do chores or homework if bribed with tech, or respond only when you threaten to take their gadgets away.
12. Chooses Screens Over Hygiene
Skipping showers or personal care because they’re glued to screens? That’s a sign tech is interfering with daily life.
What Causes Teen Tech Addiction
Technology is amazing but can become addictive, especially for teens. Unlike when we were growing up with one corded phone and limited internet, today’s teens have constant access to games, social media, and entertainment. This instant connection and fun can quickly turn into an addiction.
When to Find Help for Teen Tech Addiction
When tech takes over, it causes tension and battles at home, which can be overwhelming for parents. If you notice these signs in your teen, getting help is important to bring balance back and support everyone’s well-being.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman, MS, MFT
by Lauren Goodman | Jul 7, 2025 | Teen Anxiety Therapy
Why Overcoming Anxiety in Teens Is Important
Overcoming anxiety in teens is essential for helping them grow into confident adults. But how do you do it? To show how anxiety works and how to face it, let’s look at a fictional teen named Brandon who struggles with anxiety.
When Anxiety Makes You Want to Quit
Brandon just started college because he wants to be a teacher. But every time he faces a big test, he gets really anxious. His stomach hurts, he can’t eat, and the panic makes him doubt everything. He even thinks, “Maybe teaching isn’t for me. I was happier before college.” So, to avoid the stress, Brandon quits.
Why Quitting Makes Overcoming Anxiety in Teens Harder
Here’s the issue: the more Brandon avoids tests, the scarier they become. By quitting, he never gets a chance to prove to himself that he can handle it. Later, when he’s calmer, he regrets it. He still dreams of teaching, but now school feels even more overwhelming. And each time he avoids it, the fear gets stronger. This is a common pattern with anxiety—avoiding a fear usually makes it worse over time.
Overcoming Anxiety in Teens by Facing Fears Step by Step
When anxiety makes you want to run the other way, remember: if you give in, the fear usually grows. That doesn’t mean you have to jump into the scariest thing right away. Sometimes all it takes is a plan—and a little support. So how do you handle anxiety without quitting? First, find someone you care about who can guide you, support you, and hold you accountable when you feel like quitting. Then, face your fear one step at a time.
Work Up to It
One tool I use with teens is a “fear ladder.” You start by listing what scares you most, then break it down into smaller, more manageable steps. For Brandon, the ladder might look like this:
- College Finals
- College Mid-terms
- An online mid-term or final
- A college quiz
- An online quiz
- A practice exam on campus
- A practice exam at home
How to Use the Fear Ladder
Brandon would start with the easiest step—a practice test at home—and keep doing it until it doesn’t make him anxious anymore. Then he’d move on to the next step. Over time, he builds confidence. This is the key step in overcoming anxiety in teens.
What If You Get Stuck?
Let’s say Brandon works his way up to taking a real college mid-term but freezes and can’t finish. That’s okay. It just means he needs to break it into smaller steps. He might start by imagining himself taking the test successfully every day. Then, when he’s ready, try again. Small progress is still progress. Overcoming anxiety in teens is not always easy, but remember, you can do it!
Help Your Teen Push Through
If your teen is overwhelmed by anxiety in a specific situation, make them push through it (unless it puts them in danger). Avoiding the problem might bring short-term relief, but it builds long-term fear. By pushing through, they grow stronger and learn they can do hard things. Fortitude is built one step at a time. Let’s help our teens build it now, so they can be successful later.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman, MS, MFT
