Taking tests can really scare some teens. Image courtesy of Arvind Balaraman at FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Taking tests is a miserable process for a lot of teenagers. They feel nervous, overwhelmed, and stressed out. There is a lot of pressure to do well, but it is really hard for some people to relax enough to let their mind work.
Here are some tips and tricks that can help:
1. Priming. I put this one first because it is one of the most important things to improve test scores that nobody does. A study came out that shows when adolescents spend 5 minutes writing down adjectives that describe what they think of when they imagine a Harvard professor right before they take a test, they score better by 10% or more on that test. Your teenager will spend a little bit of time writing down words like “brilliant, smart, intelligent, and bright.” After they spend 5 minutes doing this they’ve primed their brain to “think smart.” This means they are overriding the negative assumptions they have about their own test taking abilities.
2. Effective Studying. The vast majority of people spend time studying everything they need to learn for an exam. They actually tend to focus on what they already know or understand even though this is a subconscious action. They do this because it’s what feels comfortable. However, effective studying means spending virtually no time on what is already understood, and a lot of time on the challenging concepts. Your teenager does not need to review every section of the unit for their exam. Your teenager needs to spend time on their more shaky areas. It’s actually a waste of time to look over things they learned in class where they feel competent.
3. Study Timing. We’ve all heard this one before so bear with me if it’s a repeat. It is far easier to retain information if it is studied for up to one hour per day for a week before a test than if it’s studied for hours the day before. Cramming simply doesn’t work. For one a teenager who is cramming has more anxiety, which blocks his ability to effectively remember information. This takes self-discipline, but it also takes the yucky feelings out of taking tests.
4. Sleep. Your child needs 8-9 hours of sleep the night before a test. This is more important than studying until 2am. Our ability to retain, recall and utilize information is very, very directly linked to enough sleep. When we’re tired studying is almost a complete waste of time, and especially when compared with the benefits we are getting from sleep.
5. Association. If your teenager walks while they study, even slowly, their recall improves dramatically. Of course this isn’t possible for every subject, but walking while reviewing flashcards, or listening to a recording of the information they need to learn (anyone can do this by downloading a recording app onto their phone and then reading key passages from their textbook and notes), associations are made. Your teen will subconsciously pair a certain tree with a certain phrase because as they were walking past it they were learning about a specific thing. For example, your teenager might be listening to something about the Revolutionary War while they walk past your mailbox. When it comes time to take their test and they can’t quite recall that specific fact, if they picture the mailbox the fact will probably come to them. Isn’t it fascinating that the human mind works that way?
Try these five steps with your teen. If you change nothing else, have your child get more sleep and spend the 5 minutes priming before the exam. This should help them with their test-taking abilities. It should also improve their confidence, therefore reducing their anxiety.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
I had a client who was a mediocre student. Her parents worked really hard to help her improve her academics. They studied with her. They paid for tutors, and even obtained a 504 plan from the school district. Things got a little bit better for her, but not significantly relative to the extra time and money spent on better study habits. When she started counseling the VERY FIRST thing we had her do is start giving herself the opportunity to sleep 8.5 hours per night. Of course she might not actually be asleep that long, but if she’d go to bed lights and electronics off 8.5 hours before she had to get up, at least she had the opportunity to sleep enough. Within two weeks her mood and academic performance improved far more than anything else she’d tried.
A couple months later she had a musical theater performance through her high school. Anyone involved in high school theater knows the week before and the week of the show a student cannot even consider coming home before 10pm. For those two weeks she got inadequate sleep. For the next while her academics suffered again until she was sleeping more.
Why do I share this girl’s story with you? Getting enough sleep is a HUGE part of your child’s success in school. Please make sure their time to rest is carefully guarded. For that matter, please make sure you also have good habits around sleep. You’ll be a better parent, employee, spouse, etc.
Heading back to school can be scary for some teens Image courtesy of digitalart at FreeDigitalPhotos.net
This is a time of year when I suddenly get an upswing in calls from parents worried about their teenager’s anxiety level. Right around the time kids have to go back to school, things start to stress them out. It makes sense, they are about to have social and academic pressure again after three months of relaxation time.
Here are some things you can do to help your teenager reduce their stress as school starts back up:
1) Help them go into school with an academic plan. Some teens are anxious about school because they work really hard in school, and they anticipate too much homework. Other adolescents are anxious about starting school again because they don’t work hard enough, and they fear poor grades. Some kids need help understanding how to work smarter instead of harder. Other kids need help learning how to study effectively.
2) Talk about any social pressures they might feel. For a great number of middle and high school students, there are intense worries about fitting in. They really want to be liked. Some even wish to be popular. For other teenagers, there is anxiety around dating. It’s different for each one, but it will increase as school gets started again.
3) Some adolescents worry about how they’ll get along with you when school starts again. All summer you’ve been letting them hang out with friends, go to bed late, and haven’t asked too much of them. You might have asked them to do a couple chores, but that’s the extent of it. Now you’ll be back to checking on them daily about if their homework is complete, telling them to get off their phone and get to sleep, and waking them up early every morning. When you have to force a teenager to follow a schedule they don’t care for, it’s bound to create some battles. In general, I encourage you to turn over as much of this to your child as is appropriate for their age and maturity. If it’s up to your teen to wake up for school, your role changes from irritating parent to sympathetic parent.
4) Some teens get anxiety about how bored they will be sitting in class. It’s tough to sit for 6-8 hours per day listening to someone talk about things that don’t interest you. It’s easy to make it through some classes, but others are dreadful. I used to feel this way about math. It was complete torture to sit through two hour block classes of geometry. I found it very dull. I was definitely in a worse mood on days I had math. While there isn’t much you can do about this, you can certainly let your teenager know you understand how they feel. Sometimes that is enough to help them feel better.
I guess most of what I’m saying is to talk to your teen about the start of school. Sometimes their anxiety shows up in other ways. They might tell you they’re suddenly stressed about their sports team, friends, death, or you name it. A lot of times though, underneath all this is a worry about going back to school again. If you can help them recognize this, you can work together to take steps to help control it.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Are you the same person with your family and with your friends? Consistency lowers anxiety. Image courtesy of freedigitalphotos.net
What do you do if your family is raising you to be a certain way, but your peers want you to be something else? Your family has taught you to be responsible, kind, caring, respectful, avoid curse words, tell the truth, be honorable, try hard in school, etc. Your peers are encouraging you to experiment with alcohol, marijuana, sex, and irresponsible behavior. Your peers think it’s fine to lie to your parents, use the f-word in every sentence, and complain about school. How do you reconcile these two very different environments when it’s no longer cool to stick with the morals your parents have instilled in you?
Living in this tension is a source of immense anxiety for some teens. They kind of go with the flow at school and around their friends, but in their hearts they’d rather be the person they are around their families. They feel guilt and sometimes shame. It’s very difficult to keep up an appearance of being a great kid in front of certain people, and the appearance of being an edgy kid in front of other people. After a while it is confusing and stressful.
It’s very normal for adolescents to try and discover their own identity until their mid-twenties. A teenager may come home with blue hair or a piercing; parents, don’t make this the end of the world. They’re trying on a new identity. Usually, as they get older they settle more into what they’ve always been taught.
In the meanwhile though, teenagers please remember that “normal” isn’t that great. Fitting in with kids who are going against what you believe is only going to cause internal angst. It takes a lot of emotional strength and fortitude to remain grounded in what is right, even for adults. As a teenager it is much more challenging. Teens are quick to give their peers a dirty look or a few harsh words when one of their friends doesn’t go along with everyone else. If you prefer not to drink at a party, you probably have to deal with a few condescending comments. Keep on track and don’t worry about what some drunk kid says about you; conformity doesn’t breed greatness.
Your overall anxiety will be lower if you are the same person in every situation. Here’s where parents can make a huge impact: model having integrity in every area of life, and stick with good morals. Parents, be the same person at work, home, in the dark and in the light. Your children will benefit immensely from watching your consistency.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Being mindful mean enjoying the present moment fully. Image courtesy of Serge Bertasius Photography at FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Mindfulness is choosing to exist differently. It means you are very intentional about experiencing the present moment. You also have to experience it without self-judgement. It often looks like savoring your present moment and finding things to be grateful for. When you do these things, anxiety becomes secondary.
If I am being mindful right now, I will notice things around me that I was not thinking about even 30 seconds ago. I notice the air is a very comfortable temperature. I notice the leaves on the tree outside are gently shimmering in a slight breeze. I realize I feel comfortable sitting on this couch. I see the reflection of the window behind me on the computer screen. I accept that the reflection on the screen is an annoyance to me, but I am not upset with myself for feeling annoyed (experiencing without self-judgement). In this moment I am fully immersed in my surroundings and in writing this blog-post; I am being mindful.
Let me show you the difference in how this goes for me when I’m not choosing to be mindful. I am sitting at the computer annoyed that I am writing a blog-post on such a beautiful day. I just heard my phone alert me that I received a text message and now I am wrestling with the urge to go check the message. However, I want to hurry up and finish writing this before my daughter wakes up from her nap, so I don’t think I should get up and check the text-message. I feel my anxiety building up. I feel my stomach knotting slightly, and I just realized I’ve forgotten to breathe for the last few seconds because of the anxiety. I am simultaneously wondering what I should make for dinner and what time everyone will be hungry. My to-do list is running through my mind. Ultimately, I am not enjoying my moment.
What’s so sad about this is that I only get to live through this moment once in my entire life. I spend many moments full of anxiety because I am just not present, and I am moving too fast. Over time though, I’ve been working hard at being mindful and I have noticed my overall anxiety level diminishing. I am intentional about finding something to be grateful for, and something beautiful in every situation. It really works to reduce anxiety.
Don’t get me wrong, there are still days where anxious thoughts run amok and are extremely difficult to control. The wonderful thing about mindfulness though is that when that happens, mindfulness teaches us not to judge it. So I’m anxious, so what? I just sit in it and try not to worry about the fact that I’m worrying. You know we’ve all done that before! We admonish ourselves for worrying about something that is out of our control. We try desperately to talk ourselves out of how we feel, and then we end up more frustrated, and still full of anxiety. I’ve pretty much given up on this tactic and prefer to mindfully acknowledge that I’m anxious, and just let myself feel it.
I hope this helps you and/or your teenager next time anxiety overwhelms you.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
The Bible has a lot to say about worry…namely that you shouldn’t. Here I share some words from Jesus that are truly wise when it comes to letting go of what you can’t control, and what you don’t need to try to control.
Hello, I’m Lauren! If you notice your teen struggling, you might be feeling helpless, hopeless, frustrated or concerned as a parent. Try to remember, there is hope. I want to help your adolescent feel better. My hope is for them to enjoy their life again. I want them to feel confident they can handle whatever situations arise.
