What a Close Relationship with Your Teen Looks Like   

Having a close relationship with your teen is a beautiful thing. I have a few clients who have that closeness with their mom and dad. These teens share openly about their lives with their parents. They want to hang around the house. They want to bring their friends over, and their friends want to come over. Their friends all consider these parents to be a second mom or dad. Not only this, but these teenagers always respect their parents when they’re given instruction. 

 How to Have a Close Relationship with Your Teen 

When great parents raise their children, there are several important things they do that create a close relationship between them and their teen. Here’s what I notice they do: 

1. They NEVER make judgemental comments about their teen’s friends

These parents don’t assume their teenagers will behave badly because they have friends who occasionally make bad choices. Instead, these moms and dads tell their teenagers how grateful they are that they can trust their teens to make the right choice even when their friends aren’t. This causes teens to not only behave well but desire to make good decisions. 

2. They are hurt instead of angry

When their teenager says something awful, makes a poor choice, does badly in a class, etc., these parents never react in anger. They feel hurt instead, and they let their teen see this. These teenagers absolutely hate to hurt their parents’ feelings, so they try to do well at things. 

3. They take part in their teens interests even when it’s not enjoyable for them

The parents I’ve observed who have a close relationship with their teen don’t disparage their kids’ interests. In fact, they do the opposite. I’ve seen these parents attend concerts of bands they’ve never listened to, help their kids plan trips to go on with their friends, drive them all over just to spend time with them in the car, and buy clothes that don’t fit the style they prefer their teens to wear.

4. Their expectations are clear

All these parents have a line that their teens wouldn’t dare cross. Because they show so much respect to their teenager, their teen doesn’t want to disrespect them.  Their teenagers don’t sneak, but then again, they don’t have to. They can tell their parents things without judgment. 

You Still Have to Exercise Discipline 

If your teen is truly making a poor decision, you do have to discipline them. However, to have a close relationship with your teen, you must do this gently, not angrily. Show your teen you’re disappointed, but you’re willing to help them do the right thing. On the other hand, only discipline your teenager if they’re really doing the wrong thing. Otherwise, respect their decisions and make sure you’re not being too controlling or too relaxed with them. 

 Working to Have a Close Relationship with Your Teen 

Having a close relationship with your teen takes years of work. It’s hard to completely reverse things if you’ve settled into too friendly or too controlling of a role with your teen. However, putting the work in is worth it. Work to respect them and to enjoy them. It will be challenging, but try finding things to like about their friends and learn about what they like doing. Maybe you’ll enjoy it too. 

  

Helping teens grow and families improve connection, 

Lauren Goodman, MS, MFT