Credit: David Castillo Dominici via freedigitalphotos.net
Reactions of Criticized Teens
Some parents criticize their teens to try to help them become good adults. Unfortunately, this can lead to negative consequences for the child. Teens who are overly criticized feel they cannot please their parents. They get so frustrated they either rebel or shut down. To them, making their parents happy seems hopeless.
Parents Who Criticize Their Teens
I have worked with teens who have parents that won’t stop criticizing them. When I ask the parents to share something good about the teen, they begin by saying something nice about the child, and then they turn it into a backhanded compliment. In those cases, the teenager looks at me and seems to be shutting down.
Why Your Teen May be Rebelling
If you feel your teenager is never really trying hard enough, is too sassy, and is defiant, try looking at the relationship between the two of you. Your teen may be rebelling because they feel they can never please you. If your teen feels too criticized, they will become uncooperative.
The Parent’s Argument Against This
You might say you’d be happy with your teen if they would only do X, Y, and Z, but your teenager doesn’t believe it anymore. Your adolescent would tell me that even if they did those things, you would think they could’ve done it better.
The Solution
If this describes the relationship you have with your child, it is important to start making changes right away. Don’t lose your relationship with your teen because they feel criticized by you, and you feel disrespected by them. Work on having fun with them. Don’t be so focused on who you think your teenager is supposed to be that you won’t let them be themselves.
Having a Good Relationship with Your Teen
Yes, you need your child to have responsible and respectful behavior. However, consistently making negative comments about what they eat, how they dress, who they’re friends with, how they played that last sports game, etc. will just drive them away. This will cause them to be defensive and angry, leading to both you and them feeling hurt. Over-criticizing your teen isn’t good for either of you; instead, focus on building a strong, healthy, and loving relationship with your teen.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
