Pornography addiction can lead to feelings of shame and loneliness.
Former
Attorney General John Ashcroft has estimated that nine in ten
adolescents have seen pornographic material (focusonthefamily.org),
and most of this is from the internet. The exact percentage of
teenagers who are truly addicted to online pornography is hard to pin
down. What’s certain though is that your teenager has probably
dealt with some form of sexually explicit content online.
It
has become normal for a girl and a boy to like each other and begin a
texting conversation. When he asks her to send nudes, she won’t
even be surprised. A lot of times this happens before they’ve even
held hands. Yes, things are that backwards in your teen’s world
right now. If you find that hard to believe, trust me, so did I.
You can learn a lot by simply asking your teen if these types of
things are actually happening around them.
Sadly,
you may be at a point where your son or daughter finds him or herself
viewing pornographic material a few times a week, or maybe even a few
times per day. Your teenager is likely feeling sucked into a vortex
of pleasure and shame that is way over your teen’s head. If this
is going on then it is definitely time to get help.
Study
after study shows that sex within a committed relationship at an age
when a committed relationship can actually be sustained (i.e. in
marriage) is the healthiest form of sex. Think about how opposite
pornography is to a committed relationship. There is no emotional
connection. There is no wooing, dating, growing, learning, boundary
setting, or selflessness. It is completely about instant
gratification with no effort involved. Some of my clients have also
told me it requires more and more extreme versions of sex over time
to create feelings of arousal. This means by time real intimacy
occurs, it’s often confusing and disappointing.
You
definitely don’t want your teenager to develop ideas about sex that
are unrealistic and damaging. You also don’t want your teenager to
live in a pretend world based around his or her phone or tablet.
This addiction can become so powerful that it leaves teens unwilling
to go out with friends, get a job, or do anything outside their
private time. My colleague once had a teen client who used to leave
class and sit in the bathroom in order to catch a few quick porn
videos because his addiction had become so dominating.
If
your teen is dealing with pornography addiction, getting help can be
key. There are steps to follow that are really difficult, but
rewarding on the other side. Let’s help your teenager get a real,
in-this-world, connected with actual people life back. Let’s fight
back against this insidious and evil addiction that is victimizing
your child.
Helping
teens grow and families improve connection,
Seasonal Affective Disorder is no longer something the psychiatric community recognizes as a “real” diagnosis. In previous editions of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual we had this diagnosis. It represented the portion of the population who feels depression in dark, cold months. It was supposed it existed from a lack of sunshine and outdoor activity. Now there is still an understanding that these factors contribute to feelings of depressed mood. It is a consideration therapists and psychiatrists make when diagnosing depression.
Kimberly Hayes has kindly written a guest blog post on this topic for you to better understand what it is, what it feels like, and a few things you can do about it. Just so you know a little bit about who she is:
Kimberly Hayes enjoys writing about health and wellness and created PublicHealthAlert.info to help keep the public informed about the latest developments in popular health issues and concerns.
Seasonal Affective Disorder is something more keenly felt in winter months. Photo via Pixabay by Pawel_Kozera
Winter
Wellness Tips: Staying Healthy When You’re Living with Seasonal
Affective Disorder
Winter can be a difficult time for many people; across most of the US, it’s a cold, bleak season that strips the greenery bare and doesn’t offer much sunshine. Because of this, many people find themselves suffering from seasonal affective disorder, or SAD. This disorder is often accompanied by feelings associated with depression and can have a profound effect on your ability to function at work or school, as well as keep you from enjoying yourself with friends or loved ones. There are many causes where SAD is concerned, but thankfully, there are just as many ways to help relieve those feelings. So, how do you find a way to stay physically and mentally well when winter rolls around?
There are many ways to care for yourself. For example, taking care of your gut health can promote positive mental health, as well as keep you feeling good physically, while getting some sunlight can boost your vitamin D exposure and lift your mood. You can also create a good diet and exercise routine to keep confidence and self-esteem balanced.
Keep
reading for some great tips on how to stay well this winter.
Keep
Your Gut in Check
Many people don’t realize how much their gut health affects them, both physically and mentally, but it’s important to make sure you’re eating the right foods and exercising daily to keep your digestion on track. You can also make an effort to get as much sunlight as possible, as this can help to boost serotonin production — a hormone that impacts your mood and energy levels. Open the curtains on sunny days and use natural light as often as you can, or step outside on your lunch break and soak up some rays. This is important during the winter, as the days are shorter.
Boost
Your Energy Levels
Many people who are living with SAD find that they don’t have much energy during the winter months, which can leave them feeling inadequate at home or at work. You might start exercising daily, or look for a supplement that can help. There are many energy supplements on the market today that can help you feel better even during the slow winter months, but it’s important to find the right one for your needs. Some are based more in the physical, while others help you take care of your mental health at the same time. Look for a supplement that will focus on the things you need to take care of, and talk to your doctor before starting a new regimen.
Focus
on Your Mental Health
There are several ways you can focus on boosting your mental health when cold weather seeps in, including journaling, keeping an active social life, and spending time outdoors when the days are nice. You can also try picking up a new hobby, such as painting or learning a new language, which will help keep your mind occupied until spring.
Find
Support
One of the keys to getting through any difficult time is finding support in a friend, family member, or support group. Look for an online group that you can attend from home; this can help to relieve anxiety and will allow you to get through the season with relative ease.
Staying well when you have a condition like seasonal affective disorder can be a challenge, but it doesn’t have to be a stressful ordeal. Creating a good plan for your physical and mental well-being will help you stay on top of things even when you feel the least motivated.
Thank you Kimberly for your insightful thoughts on seasonal depression. We appreciate you writing this for us.
Earlier today news broke about the details in a rape case in Delaware. A young girl was lured from her bus stop by schoolmates. They took her cell phone and ran. She gave chase and ended up at a boy’s house. There a group of 4 boys (ages 12, 13, 13 and 14) gang raped her. This is a hellacious story. It’s heartbreaking and sickening. The road to emotional recovery will likely be longer for this poor girl than even her physical recovery.
If you or your teenager are the victim of a sexual assault or a rape, coming back from that is grueling and often excruciating. Here is one thing I know makes a difference based on my years of working with teens, many of whom have been the victim of a sexual crime.
If your child is addicted to drugs, it feels devastating. Image courtesy of freedigitalphotos.net.
When your teenager becomes a drug addict, it is one of the most scary, tragic, overwhelming things that can happen. It breaks your heart into pieces. You feel like you can’t get your head above water. Even when you’re having fun with family or friends, you always sense a dark cloud lingering in the background. Your prayers are desperate, you feel broken, and you feel disconnected from family and friends because they don’t understand the depth of your pain.
It can be scary to talk with your friends and family about your teenager’s addiction. You just never know what kind of reaction you’ll get. Some people are kind, compassionate and understanding. Others try and go back into the past to determine where you went wrong as a parent. When people react this way it’s excruciating and insensitive. Many, many times I’ve worked with families who truly did everything right. There are no parents who are perfect, but these families were wholesome, loving, fair and genuine. Despite this, their teenager still got into drugs. It’s not necessarily a product of the family system, and it’s very painful that family and friends don’t always realize that.
The other thing that parents have said is really difficult for them when their teens are addicted to drugs is feeling like a burden to their loved ones. What they mean by this is the well-being of their child is always on their mind. Sometimes parents don’t even know where their addicted child is, which is also very scary. These parents don’t feel like they can call their friends or family and lament about the same problem every single day. They have told me they live in a world where their pain is central to their existence, but they’re alone in their hell. They worry that discussing their heavy heart everyday becomes a drag to those around them.
It’s important for parents of addicted children to get support from people who truly understand how intense the battle against addiction is for both the addict and the addict’s family. A good place to get this support is Alanon, Celerate Recovery, CODA, or some other support group type of environment where it’s okay to voice how much it hurts. There will be others around who feel the same way. There will be some who have learned how to live with this and even carry on with their life. There will be people there who can really understand your fear and helplessness. There will be people there to gently point out ways you might be enabling your teen’s addiction, and then to support you as you try to stop.
Most of you who have an addicted teenager also have other kids. You have to continue being a parent to the children who are healthy and try to make things as normal as possible for them. You have to help them through their own pain they experience because they have an addict sibling. Somehow you’re supposed to do this while fighting through it yourself.
Addiction rocks families. It’s not just a problem for the addict. For parents it is terrifying. A child’s addiction has destroyed family finances, marriages, hopes and dreams. Putting people around you who really understand this, and who don’t blame you, is critical.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Hello, I’m Lauren! If you notice your teen struggling, you might be feeling helpless, hopeless, frustrated or concerned as a parent. Try to remember, there is hope. I want to help your adolescent feel better. My hope is for them to enjoy their life again. I want them to feel confident they can handle whatever situations arise.
