Image courtesy of Stuart Miles at FreeDigitalPhotos.ne
For people who suffer from depression, anxiety, bipolar, OCD, etc., it can be hard to share this openly with family and friends. If your teenager has any of these diagnoses, the stigma is even more profound. As a rule, your teenager’s peers are not the most accepting when it comes to psychological struggles. On the surface they might be, but they tend to gossip about these things to their friends. In my work with teenagers I’ve noticed they are not the best secret-keepers. If your daughter takes an antidepressant and she confides in one of her friends, there is a decent chance a lot of other teens will find out.
This means you’re left with two approaches. The first is to encourage your kids not to tell anyone about their counseling, psychiatric treatment and challenges. While this will prevent them from experiencing teasing, it also might create a sense of shame in them. It’s tough too when they want to spend the night at a friend’s house and need to take a pill at the end of the evening. Their friend might be curious, which means your teenager will have to lie.
The second approach is to work hard with your teenager on not feeling shame. The thing I tell a lot of my clients is that even though they don’t know it, there are a handful of their friends who get medication and/or are also in therapy. I remind them that very likely some of the most popular, good-looking, athletic, smart kids in their school get counseling for things. I try really hard to help them know that emotional struggles happen to most people at some point in their lifetime.
If they can feel confident in their knowledge that they are just fine even if they have a psychological diagnosis, other teens will be more comfortable with it. It also really helps to have some others know in terms of getting support. There will be days when your adolescent needs a pick-me-up from their friends. If their friends know what’s going on, they might better know how to help them.
I had one client who struggled with OCD. It caused her to do a few things that were noticeable in social situations. She just confidently said she had OCD and then was able to laugh about it. Her friends felt a lot more comfortable after that, and laughed right with her. Another thing started to happen. Different teens would come up to her in confidence and tell her about their experiences with anxiety, depression, etc. Because she refused to give in to the stigma of mental illness being something shameful, she became a safe refuge for a great number of struggling teens.
The stigma associated with mental illness makes us want to hide. It makes us want to keep it to ourselves, and fight through it alone. Unfortunately that makes the battle a lot more challenging to overcome. When I struggled with an eating disorder my junior and senior year of high school I didn’t tell anyone. When it progressed and continued into college I was much more open about it. At that point I found I was able to get the support I needed, which was the first step toward healing. I want the same for your teenager.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
There is a strong correlation between pain and depressed moods. If you find your teenager seems irritable and down, one thing that might be worth exploring is if they are in chronic pain. Not every kid will complain when they have something nagging in their body. Perhaps your child has always had allergies, and everyone is so used to him having a runny nose that it’s easy to underestimate the negative impact this has on his moods. The bottom line is, pain can lead to feelings of depression. This means not every case of depression is psychiatric. It also works in reverse. Depression can lead to symptoms of pain. Things are not always as clear-cut as they first appear.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Some teens send hundreds or even thousands of texts per day. Image courtesy of Ambro / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Dear Teens,
You live in an era where it’s easier to spend time in front of a screen than go do things out in the world. It’s hard to go more than three minutes without some form of entertainment. If you look at what you’re parents are doing, there’s a good chance mom, dad or both are also addicted to technology. They don’t even go to the bathroom without taking their phone! This means it’s not just your age group, so don’t feel condemned.
Here are the positives of being on social media, playing video games, watching Netflix, or spending time on any other app. First of all, you’re pretty much staying out of trouble. You could be out doing drugs, or getting into all kinds of stuff; instead you’re at home where mom and dad know you’re safe. Secondly, you’re probably never bored. You always have something to keep you occupied. When I was your age, if we couldn’t get ahold of our friends then we had almost nothing do do at home. Thirdly, you probably communicate with your friends all the time. Between commenting on their pictures or messages, and sending them texts or Snapchats, you’re always in contact.
Like anything though, there are some negatives to too much screen time. I bet you can guess what I’m going to say. First of all, you might not be taking great care of your physical health. One study came out that said people who use a lot of electronics are more sedentary, and eat more calories than those who don’t. The combination of not moving much, and eating in front of the TV because you’re bored can equate to carrying excess weight. The second problem you might have is that everyone looks happy on social media. They tend to post pictures when they’re with friends, or put up posts that say how much fun they’re having. You’ve probably heard, but this isn’t real. Every single person who posts things has times where they lack confidence, are lonely, feel angry, etc. It’s just not very common to write things on Facebook like, “I’m feeling ugly today because I have a huge zit in the middle of my forehead.”
Thirdly, some of you struggle with face to face interactions. When you text or post things all the time, you get to think before you hit send. That’s so nice because you have a few seconds or even minutes to formulate your answer. When you’re in person though you feel awkward and uncomfortable. You’re not with your peers in person as much as generations before you, so you haven’t spent as much time practicing the nuances of conversation. It’s really an art to be funny, witty, deep, and thought-provoking in a face to face conversation. Most people need a lot of practice to get there, and they practiced it growing up with their friends. Now you don’t do as much of that. It just makes things harder when you go on a date or interview for a job.
If you worry that you might be addicted to technology, here’s a quick self-test. Put down all forms of technology for 3 days in a row. Can you do it? If you can find books to read, enjoy going on a walk, and figure out how to talk with people, you’re probably okay. However, if you feel a sense of withdrawal, and a little bit depressed without your technology, then recognize that you might have a psychological dependence on it that goes beyond what is within healthy limits.
As an adolescent I was overly eager to fit in with the “Scrippies,” which was our sarcastic name for the cool kids. I’m sure my overeagerness was off-putting. In sixth grade some girls were called biters, some were called the b-word and some were called the s-word, but I was called annoying. Let me tell you, obsequiousness doesn’t really get you far when it comes to fitting in.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Oh no! It’s finally happened! Your teen has come home asking for permission to get a tatoo. Maybe you have a hundred tatoos already so this doesn’t really bother you. However, if you’re like most parents you’re not exactly ecstatic about this new development. Here are some therapist thoughts on what to do when your teenager wants to do something to their body you aren’t really comfortable supporting (or flat out refuse to permit):
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Hello, I’m Lauren! If you notice your teen struggling, you might be feeling helpless, hopeless, frustrated or concerned as a parent. Try to remember, there is hope. I want to help your adolescent feel better. My hope is for them to enjoy their life again. I want them to feel confident they can handle whatever situations arise.
