by Lauren Goodman | Jun 25, 2026 | Christian Counseling
How Parents Influence Their Teens
As parents, we spend a lot of time teaching our children. We correct them, encourage them, and try to guide them toward becoming responsible adults. However, one of the most powerful ways we teach our teenagers is through our example. Whether we realize it or not, our teens are constantly watching how we handle challenges, relationships, money, and faith. They are learning far more from what we do than from what we say. If there are certain values you hope your teenager will carry into adulthood, it is important to model those values yourself. Here are three areas where being a good example for your teen can have a lasting impact.
Being a Good Example for Your Teen in Faith
If faith is important to you, one of the most meaningful things you can do is model it in everyday life, not just talk about it. Many parents want to avoid pressuring their children and choose to let them decide for themselves when they are older. That desire comes from a good place. At the same time, children often learn best by seeing faith lived out consistently at home.
If you hope your teenager will develop a strong faith, it helps for them to see that faith in action. They notice how you respond to stress, whether with anxiety or prayer. They see how you spend your time, whether serving others or focusing only on yourself. They also notice where you look for hope and guidance, whether in Scripture or in the news.
Every day we face countless opportunities to turn toward God or toward ourselves. Your children witness many of those choices. They learn from them. In the future, they are much more likely to choose faith if they have seen it modeled consistently at home.
Being a Good Example for Your Teen With Finances
Your teenagers are watching how you handle money. Do you regularly buy things you cannot afford? Do you justify small purchases because “it’s only a few dollars”? Do you spend money on luxuries while neglecting long-term financial goals? The habits you model become the habits your children are likely to adopt.
If you save for vacations, major purchases, and future needs, your teenager is also learn patience and planning. When they want something special, help them create a plan to earn and save for it. Not only does this teach them healthy habits, but it helps combat entitlement. Teens who work toward their goals often develop a deeper appreciation for what they have because they understand the effort it took to achieve it.
Your children are also paying attention to how you give and how you save. If you invest wisely and talk about why you’re planning for the future, they learn the importance of stewardship. If you prioritize generosity, they learn to value giving to others. Being a good example for your teen with finances has a tremendous impact on the way your teenager views money.
Teaching Humility Through Your Example
Your teenagers also learn a great deal from watching how you treat other people. I’ve heard humility described like this: “It’s not thinking less of yourself; it’s thinking of yourself less.”
A few years ago, I have a neighbor who constantly did small things to help others. She brought food when someone was sick. She watched children for a few minutes when a parent needed help. She remembered things people told her weeks ago and followed up to see how they were doing. She was always thinking about other people. Her kindness was subtle and genuine. She didn’t serve others because she wanted recognition. In fact, she rarely seemed to think about herself at all.
As her children grew older, they also became remarkably kind. They were polite, thoughtful, and attentive to younger children in the neighborhood. They naturally looked for ways to help. One Halloween, I watched them make sure other children received candy before reaching out for their own. I don’t think they were even aware of how kind they are. I think they simply learned it by watching their mother. Imagine those children as teenagers. Wouldn’t you want your own teen to display those same qualities? They are learning how to treat others by watching the adults in their lives. Being a good example for your teen can teach them to be humble and kind.
Your Example Matters More Than You Think
This blog is not meant to condemn you for the things you are not doing perfectly. Parenting is hard, and none of us gets it right all the time. My encouragement is simply this: be intentional. Make sure you are showing your children the kind of adult you hope they become. If we are not intentional, screens, social media, and peers often become the strongest influences in our teenagers’ lives. Instead, strive to make your values the loudest voice they hear. Your example may have a greater impact on your teenager than you ever realize.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman, MS, MFT
by Lauren Goodman | Jun 17, 2026 | Christian Counseling
Finding Hope as a Hurting Parent
We have so much to be grateful for. It is incredible that we live in a country with so much freedom. God has truly blessed each of us in ways we often take for granted every single day. Even having clean water and enough food to eat is not a given in many parts of the world. If you’re struggling with your child, taking time to recognize these blessings can help bring a little perspective during difficult seasons and offer hope for a hurting parent.
Counting Your Blessings
The reason I remind you of this is because if you’re reading my blog, you’re probably hurting. Your teenager may be behaving in a way that scares you. You may be feeling overwhelmed as a parent and unsure of what to do to help your child. That can be one of the most helpless feelings in the world.
It does us a lot of good to count our blessings, especially when it comes to our teenagers. I realize things may be tough right now, but there are likely a lot of things going right too. It is very easy to become completely focused on solving one problem. When that happens, we can lose sight of all the things that are not problems.
Keeping Things in Perspective
For example, I have several clients who struggle with body image. Their focus on their appearance can become so intense that it dominates much of their lives. This is difficult for parents, who worry about whether their child is eating enough, exercising too much, or simply hating the way they look.
Many of these parents have found it helpful to refocus on what is going right with their child. In some cases, these teens still maintain good grades, avoid drugs and alcohol, and remain loving and engaged with their families. These parents work hard to keep perspective and remember that while there is a problem, there is also a lot going well. This is one of the best ways you can find hope as a hurting parent.
That is often how life works. Problems and blessings often exist side by side. We should not ignore the problems, but we should not ignore the blessings either. In fact, if you think back over your life, you can probably identify very few times when everything was completely good or completely bad.
Remember to Balance Correction with Praise
Raising kids requires maintaining the perspective that things could always be better and always be worse. Tell your teenager often what you appreciate about them. Help them improve where they need to grow, but don’t make that the only thing you talk about. If every conversation focuses on what needs fixing, it can come across as criticism. You want your child to know all the reasons you think they are wonderful too.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman, MFT
by Lauren Goodman | Jun 17, 2026 | Christian Counseling
Learning to Forgive Yourself After a Serious Mistake
Learning to forgive yourself can be hard.
Fifteen years ago, a 16-year-old boy was approached by an acquaintance at school (we’ll call him John). The 16-year-old had a reputation as the kid to go to if you wanted to try a new drug. John sought him out and asked if they could hang out after school. When the time came, John worked up the courage to ask, “Do you think I could try heroin with you?”
The 16-year-old liked John. He told him, “No. Some people can’t just use it once. You could become addicted immediately.” John replied, “Look, I’m going to try heroin. Would you rather it be with you, where at least you know the drug is good? Or would you rather I get it from someone else?” The 16-year-old sighed and took out a syringe. Together they got high. John fell completely in love with the euphoria and never got off the drug. By age 22, he was dead.
The 16-year-old is now 31. He cannot forgive himself for what happened. When he talks about it, his eyes fill with tears. He is haunted by two questions. First, “What if I had stuck with my no? Maybe he wouldn’t have made the effort to get it somewhere else.” Second, “Why did he die and not me? He was a good kid who wanted to live. I was a drug dealer who didn’t care whether I lived or died.”
Why Learning to Forgive Yourself Is So Difficult
How do you forgive yourself for a mistake that feels unforgivable? How do you move forward when you believe your bad choice caused so much suffering? This question has plagued humanity for thousands of years. While there are many answers, two stand out as especially helpful: repentance and self-compassion.
The Role of Repentance
Repentance is a religious concept, but it can be applied in a non-religious context as well. If a person sins against God, they admit what they have done and turn away from it. It is not enough to simply say, “I was wrong and I’m sorry.” There must be a genuine effort to change so the behavior is not repeated.
Going a step further, true repentance often includes helping others avoid the same mistakes. Christianity teaches repentance, but many other faiths emphasize it as well. Even from a secular perspective, most people would agree that taking responsibility for harmful behavior and actively working to change can be an important part of self-forgiveness.
Learning to Forgive Yourself Through Self-Compassion
The second part of self-forgiveness is self-compassion. In psychology, self-compassion is often associated with Dialectical Behavior Therapy. It requires a person to understand the many factors that contributed to a poor decision.
In the case of the 16-year-old, he was using drugs to numb PTSD caused by severe childhood abuse. Those drugs affected his judgment and decision-making. John also made many choices that led him to seek out heroin. Experiences in John’s life contributed to his belief that he could handle trying the drug.
When you make a mistake, it’s important to understand the external factors. It doesn’t excuse what happened, but it does provide context. Knowing this can help you take the first step towards learning to forgive yourself.
Self-Compassion Is Not the Same as Excusing Behavior
It is important not to confuse self-compassion with making excuses. Many people today are quick to blame all of their problems on outside circumstances. The reality is that our lives are shaped by both external factors and personal choices.
Healthy self-compassion acknowledges the factors that influenced a bad decision while still accepting responsibility for that decision. It says, “I understand why I made that choice, and I am committed to making a better one in the future.”
Learning to Forgive Yourself and Move Forward
The combination of repentance and self-compassion allows a person to move forward. Together, they provide the balance of responsibility and grace that is necessary for healing. Repentance helps us acknowledge our mistakes and change course. Self-compassion helps us recognize our humanity and understand how those mistakes happened in the first place.
As a therapist who mainly sees teens, I would like to add this. If you are the parent of a teen, help your teenager learn this lesson by practicing it yourself. Let your teen see you take responsibility for your mistakes while also extending grace and mercy to yourself. In doing so, you model a healthy path forward—one that combines accountability, growth, and forgiveness.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman, MS, MFT
by Lauren Goodman | Apr 30, 2026 | Christian Counseling
Understanding the Challenges Christian Teens Face Today
Because my Christian faith is such an important part of my life, I often work with teens and families looking for faith-based therapy. Over the years, I’ve seen some consistent challenges Christian teens face today. Today, I want to speak directly to Christian teenagers who are trying to live out their faith in a difficult world.
Common Challenges Christian Teens Face
1. Maintaining Integrity
You are called to live with a high level of integrity. That often means you may not always come in first place. While other students may cheat on tests or homework, you are trying not to live that way. This is one of the biggest challenges Christian teens (and adults) face.
You may give in sometimes. I did several times in high school. But even if you get the grade you wanted, it usually doesn’t feel good. Guilt often follows, and owning your mistake can be even harder.
2. Judgment from Peers
You are also trying to follow the moral and emotional guidance of Christ. Today, some Christian beliefs are not popular in culture. Because of that, you may deal with teasing, judgment, or hurtful comments from peers. While many teens do not face physical persecution, they may still be called names or treated unfairly.
That happened to me in high school too. I was called things like naive, and even names that were completely false and extreme. It hurt deeply because I was trying to live in a loving way toward others.
3. Social Pressure
Another challenge many face is the temptation to behave badly in order to fit in with non-Christian friends. Some friends may party, drink, lie to their parents, or be sexually active. It can be easy to go to youth group on Sunday and still join in with unhealthy choices during the week.
In high school, I had one foot in my faith and one foot in the party scene. I told myself I wasn’t the worst one there. I rarely drank and often chose to be the designated driver. But I was still lying to my parents and putting myself in situations that tempted me. I know many Christian teenagers who feel pulled in two directions the same way. It can be hard to keep friendships if you never join in with what others are doing. That is one reason this road can feel so challenging.
How to Handle the Challenges Christian Teens Face
One of the most important things you can do is stay connected to God daily. Read your Bible regularly, pray, and stay involved in a small group. When you do these things, the desires of your heart are more likely to line up with Christ.
That makes it much easier to follow Him than trying to be a “good kid” through willpower alone. John 15:5 says, “I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing” (NKJV). Without a real connection to Jesus, faith can start to feel like a list of rules instead of a relationship built on love.
Staying Strong
If you are a Christian teenager trying to stay strong, remember this: you are not alone, and your struggle has purpose. Keep walking with God, even when it feels hard. Growth often happens right in the middle of the challenge.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman, MS, MFT connection,
by Lauren Goodman | Apr 2, 2026 | Christian Counseling
How Morning Routines Can Reduce Anxiety
Living anxiety-free means actively making choices to reduce stress. Incorporating morning routines to reduce anxiety is a powerful way to start. Our lives are fast and intense—we’re always trying to get ahead. We push our kids to earn good grades, involve them in multiple extracurricular activities, work long hours ourselves, and take only short vacations. How we start our day is one of the most overlooked keys to reducing anxiety.
A slower, intentional morning can set the tone for the entire day. Instead of rushing or filling your mind with “to-dos,” focus on what brings calm and clarity.
Avoid Anxiety Triggers First Thing
Many people watch or read the news in the morning. Rarely does a program balance positive events with negative ones. Even good news is often spun in a way that increases worry—keeping you glued to the screen. Remember that most of what you hear on the TV or read on your phone is out of your control. Focus instead on what you can influence and let the rest go.
Instead of looking at your phone or turning on the television, try taking a moment to notice something beautiful outside, or say a simple “thank you” for the blessings in your life. Shifting your focus first thing in the morning helps reset your mind and reduces anxiety before it even begins.
Build a Positive Morning Routine
Start with something uplifting—read your Bible, pray, call a friend, or enjoy your coffee slowly. Even ten mindful minutes in the morning can influence the entire day. Beginning with anxiety makes it much harder to shake off later, so intentionally replace stress with calm.
Help your child to do the same. Make them a good breakfast, sit with them, and keep the conversation light and positive. Avoid discussing classes, tests, or chores during this time. A calm, positive start builds resilience for the day ahead.
The Impact of Morning Routines to Reduce Anxiety
A consistent, intentional morning routine doesn’t just make you feel better—it models healthy habits for your kids. When they see you starting the day calmly, they’re more likely to follow your example. Small, daily rituals can have a huge impact on overall mental health and family well-being.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman, MS, MFT
by Lauren Goodman | Mar 20, 2026 | Christian Counseling
Why Improving Your Body Image Is So Hard
It’s hard to love yourself sometimes. It’s easy to fixate on one flaw and get stuck there. There’s always something that could be better—but there are also so many things that are already good. Improving your body image doesn’t mean thinking you look perfect. It means learning to see yourself in a more balanced, honest, and kind way.
A Different Way to Think About Your “Flaws”
I’m going to go first. Here are a few things about my body I’ve struggled with: uneven skin tone, dry patches, not-white-enough teeth, and cellulite. As someone in who used to struggle with an eating disorder, I can tell you I’ve spent way too much time focusing on those things.
But instead of only seeing them as problems, I’ve started to ask a different question: what if there are reasons to be grateful for these parts of me?
Improving Your Body Image by Changing Perspective
These “flaws” have actually helped me grow. They keep me humble, they remind me I’m human, and they help me be less judgmental of others. When you have imperfections, it’s easier to appreciate that everyone else does too. It helps you care less about what someone looks like on the outside (including yourself). And honestly, a world without differences wouldn’t even feel human. We’d all look the same, like copies of each other. That’s not what makes people interesting or meaningful.
Improving Your Body Image in a Culture Focused on Perfection
We live in a culture that constantly tells us what we should look like. If it’s not acne, it’s body shape. If it’s not that, it’s skin tone, hair, or something else.
But those standards change all the time. What’s considered “perfect” now won’t be the same in a few years. That’s a good reminder that those standards aren’t truth—they’re just trends.
What God Says About You
My flaws remind me that God’s ways are higher than mine. There’s a Bible verse that I love. It says, “And do not be conformed to the patterns of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind” (Romans 12:2a). It reminds me that what I see as “imperfect” is really just a “pattern of this world.”
When you compare yourself to the standards the world sets up as beautiful, it can feel like every little thing needs to be better. This makes improving your body image practically impossible. But God looks at your heart and your mind. Being a kind and loving person is far more important than having a straight nose. Appearance matters much less than we’re led to believe. Even so, God created each of us beautifully exactly according to His design. So when you’re not feeling good about how you look, remember that God didn’t make a mistake—He made you exactly as He intended.
What Really Matters
If I had been given what the world calls a “perfect” body, I probably wouldn’t have learned to care about what’s inside. But because I’ve had to wrestle with insecurities, I’ve learned to focus on deeper things. Over time, I’ve realized my “flaws” aren’t really flaws at all. They’ve helped shape who I am. They’ve pushed me toward growth and maturity.
You don’t need to look perfect to feel good about yourself. Improving your body image is about learning to see yourself with more grace, more truth, and less pressure. The goal isn’t perfection—it’s peace.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman, MS, MFT
