by Lauren Goodman | Dec 7, 2025 | Christian Counseling
How to Help a Teen Overcome Trauma
As a therapist who has worked with teens for years, I’ve heard many stories about trauma. Some parents of these teens panic, and others get so overwhelmed they downplay what happened. Both reactions make sense—seeing your child hurt is one of the hardest things a parent can face. It also leaves you wondering what to do. How do you help a teen overcome trauma?
Understanding Trauma in Teens
Trauma affects teens in different ways. Some bounce back quickly, while others struggle for a long time. When a teen goes through something scary, painful, or overwhelming, it can impact how they see themselves and the world.
Faith and Stability Support Healing
One important part of healing is having something steady and unchanging to hold onto. Faith can be a key part of helping teens overcome trauma. For many people, faith gives hope, comfort, and meaning when life feels broken. But this can be complicated. Many trauma survivors feel angry with God or abandoned by Him. They wonder how a good God could let bad things happen. These big questions are important, and it’s helpful to talk them through with a trusted religious leader.
Helping Teens Overcome Trauma by Tackling Shame
Shame is one of the hardest parts of trauma. Shame says, “I am bad,” instead of “Something bad happened to me.” Teens often blame themselves, even when the trauma was completely out of their control. Healing takes time and help—especially when it comes to letting go of shame.
When to Get Professional Support
Every person goes through painful experiences in life, but some events can leave deep wounds that don’t heal on their own. If you’re worried about how your teen is coping, it’s a good idea to get professional help. Sometimes one event can keep hurting someone long after it’s over. If your teen could use additional support, call, and we can discuss next steps for you and your teen.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman, MS, MFT
by Lauren Goodman | Oct 7, 2025 | Christian Counseling
The Difference Between Guiding and Controlling Parenting Styles
As a parent, one of the most important choices you’ll make is whether to guide your teen or try to control them. The difference between guiding vs controlling parenting makes a huge impact on your child’s confidence, independence, and future. It’s not always easy to see if you’ve overstepped your bounds as a parent. That’s why it’s important to explore the signs of controlling parenting and understand how to help your teen grow in a healthier, positive way.
What Does Controlling Parenting Look Like?
A controlling parent often uses guilt, pressure, or subtle put-downs to influence their child’s choices. They might say things like, “After all I do for you, this is how you repay me?” or criticize their teen’s friends, hobbies, or school choices. Teens in this type of environment may feel like their opinions and decisions don’t matter. Over time, they can become passive, fearful, or rebellious.
I saw this firsthand with my cousin. His mom had the best intentions and loved him deeply, but she controlled nearly every part of his life—from who he spent time with to what college he attended. Growing up, he learned to keep quiet rather than speak his mind. Once he got to college and finally had freedom, he didn’t know how to handle it. He spiraled into partying, drinking, skipping classes, and losing focus. This is a real life example of controlling parenting.
The Root of Controlling Behavior
Most controlling parents act out of fear and anxiety. They love their child deeply and worry that mistakes will ruin their future. Unfortunately, that anxiety drives them to micromanage every choice. While this might feel protective, it robs teens of essential life skills—like recovering from failure, making independent choices, self-motivation, and resilience.
How to Guide and Teach Your Teen Without Taking Over
Guiding vs controlling parenting isn’t about being hands-off. It’s about teaching and walking alongside your teen instead of managing every detail. Remember, your child was entrusted to you for a short season by God’s grace. They will grow into their own person—someone who will face success, failure, love, loss, and everything in between. You can’t control that outcome, but you can guide them with wisdom, patience, and love.
This doesn’t mean you should allow your teen to do whatever they want. They are still young and don’t have the maturity to always make good decisions. Setting healthy rules and boundaries with love is still vital. What guiding really means is letting your teen make choices, experience consequences, and learn from them. It means teaching recovery after failure, encouraging independence, and offering support without manipulation. Think of yourself as a steward—someone entrusted with your teen’s early years.
Final Thoughts on Guiding vs Controlling Parenting
Don’t try to control every aspect of your child’s life to shield them from mistakes or failures. Instead, listen well, offer advice, set limits when needed, and always show love. Guiding vs controlling parenting makes all the difference in raising confident and capable teens.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman, MS, MFT
by Lauren Goodman | Oct 7, 2025 | Christian Counseling
Parenting Sexually Active Teens
As parents, there are moments in our kids’ lives that stop us in our tracks—the first time they start driving, the first time you smell alcohol on their breath after a party, or the moment you first realize your teen is having sex. These moments can feel overwhelming and even terrifying. Some parents don’t worry about their teen being sexually active as long as they use protection from pregnancy and diseases. But from my years working with teens, I can tell you most parents are caught off guard and often upset when they discover their teen is sexually active.
Why Sexually Active Teens Struggle
Sexually active teens often experience dating relationships that are much more intense than those who aren’t sexually active. It makes sense—sex is deeply emotional and brings a level of vulnerability that most teens aren’t ready for. Being physically intimate can fast-track a relationship, and many teens just don’t have the maturity to handle the emotional closeness and complications that come with it.
What Parents Can Do When Teens Are Sexually Active
So what should you do if you find out your teen is sexually active? First, don’t assume it’s none of your business. Teens need guidance, even if they push back. If you just hand over condoms or birth control and never talk about it, you’re leaving your teen to figure out grown-up issues without adult advice.
On the other hand, avoid glorifying teen sex. Cheering them on like it’s some rite of passage only sets them up for unhealthy patterns and sends the wrong message about responsibility and respect.
Setting Boundaries With Sexually Active Teens
You need to talk with your teen openly and set clear boundaries. They should know what being sexually active means—not just physically, but emotionally too. It’s okay if they get frustrated or push back. Many of the young adults I’ve worked with have told me they wished their parents had stepped in more when they were teens. Often those realizations come after painful breakups or regrets.
Waiting is Best
From my perspective, waiting is the healthiest choice. The longer your teen waits to be sexually active, the better prepared they’ll be to make wise decisions about relationships and partners. For Christian parents, it can be helpful to gently share God’s design for sex—marriage. Remind your teen as well that forgiveness and grace are always available. What doesn’t help is harsh judgment or making them feel like their future is ruined—that only drives secrecy and shame.
Handling a Sensitive Topic With Love
These conversations are never easy, but avoiding them isn’t the answer. Approach your teen with love, patience, and care. Be honest but gentle, and if needed, talk with the parents of your teen’s partner in a respectful way. Above all, lead with love and respect—that’s what makes these conversations meaningful and effective.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman, MS, MFT
by Lauren Goodman | Sep 24, 2025 | Christian Counseling
Finding Peace in the Struggle
Anxiety can feel overwhelming. It can make reaching goals, connecting with people, or just enjoying life feel impossible. Sometimes the fears don’t make sense to others—like feeling like a failure despite good grades, or thinking no one likes you even when surrounded by friends. However, this doesn’t make it any easier to manage. Thankfully, faith can help ease that anxiety and bring a real sense of peace.
How Faith Can Help With Anxiety
One of the most powerful ways to cope with anxiety is by leaning on your faith. Most major religions teach not to worry. Some even call worry a sin, reminding us to focus on something bigger than the immediate fear weighing us down.
Even if you don’t have a strong faith in God, there are valuable lessons from religion that can help ease anxiety. Pouring out your fears in prayer, or simply believing that something greater cares for you, can be comforting.
Finding Support
Joining a community of supportive people—such as a church or support group—can also bring encouragement and strength. Faith communities often break down the stigma around anxiety, offering a safe place to both give and receive support.
A Christian Perspective on Faith and Anxiety
From a Christian point of view, God wants you to remember that He will carry your burdens. Jesus already took on the punishment for our wrongs, so we have no reason to live in fear. We are never alone in painful times, because God does not abandon us. Remembering this truth brings peace, even in our darkest days. Christianity also emphasizes living in community—sharing sorrows and fears with others. Having people pray for you and walk alongside you makes life’s challenges far less overwhelming. God uses our faith to help defeat anxiety.
Psalm 28:8-9 reminds us: “God is all strength for his people, ample refuge for his chosen leader; Save your people and bless your heritage. Care for them; carry them like a good shepherd.” (The Message Translation).
Moving Beyond Anxiety
Facing your worries is never easy, but you don’t have to do it alone. When you rely on faith, prayer, and the support of others, you gain the strength and hope needed to move forward. Faith may not completely erase anxiety, but trusting God and leaning on others can help you find peace and strength.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman, MS, MFT
by Lauren Goodman | Aug 2, 2025 | Christian Counseling
Why Are Teens Always So Tired?
“Mom, Dad, I’m so tired!” Parents, do you hear this all the time? This probably leaves you wondering, why are teens so tired? Almost every teen has this problem at some point. If your teen constantly feels exhausted, the good news is you can help! Here are five reasons why teens today are feeling so worn out.
1. They Need More Sleep
Teenagers actually need a little over 9 hours of sleep each night—more than adults! Since they’re still growing, sleep is essential. If your teen wants to stay out late, make sure they have time to sleep in the next morning. If not, tell them they can’t go out. Your teen’s sleep has to be prioritized, even when they don’t like it. Sleep helps prevent illness, boosts mood and memory, and gives them energy to tackle the day. It has to come before friends, screens, and sometimes even homework. Lack of sleep is the main reason why teens are so tired.
2. Their Diet Could Use a Boost
It’s easy to overlook what teens eat because they’re active and don’t look unhealthy. But a healthy diet really makes a difference in energy levels. Eating out a lot means more empty calories, sugar, and salt, and less of the vitamins found in fruits and veggies. Plus, many teens rely on caffeine as a quick fix—but that’s not a long-term solution. Helping your teen eat well can improve how energized they feel.
3. They Don’t Spend Enough Time Being Still
Psalm 46:10 in the Bible says, “Be still and know that I am God.” Surprisingly, quieting your mind actually helps with physical exhaustion. Teens often sleep with their phones next to them, wake up to social media, and always have some noise or distraction going. True rest comes from moments of quiet and calm—just sitting outside, enjoying nature without screens. Because our culture puts so much emphasis on activitiy, most teens don’t know how healing this can be. No wonder teens are so tired! Learning this stillness helps teens recharge mentally and emotionally. Plus, this reduces anxiety too!
4. Teens Are Tired Because They’re Overcommitted
Teens today often say yes to too many activities—sports, clubs, advanced classes, and social events. While these are good, overload leaves them drained. If your teen feels burned out, help them focus on the activities they enjoy most and the advanced courses that best support their goals. Cutting back on extras gives them time to rest and do their best where it counts.
5. Phones Are Big Distractions
Phones and texts can make simple tasks take twice as long. Teens often juggle multiple conversations while trying to focus on important things like homework, which lowers efficiency and causes fatigue. Help your teen see that not every message is urgent. Putting the phone down can help them finish their work faster and leave more time for them to rest.
Why Are Teens So Tired: Getting Better Sleep Pays Off
Parents, these five reasons don’t just answer the question why are teens so tired, they also apply to us adults. Balancing sleep, diet, rest, commitments, and phone use is tough for everyone. However, teaching your teen these good habits now will help improve your teen’s health and happiness forever.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman, MS, MFT
by Lauren Goodman | Jul 18, 2025 | Christian Counseling
Importance of Family for Teens—You Still Matter
Family doesn’t always seem like a top priority to teenagers. They’re often more focused on friends, social media, and their own interests. It’s tough—one day they’re little kids begging for your attention, and the next they’re teens who seem to have no time for you. Still, the importance of family for teens hasn’t gone away. It just looks different now.
The Importance of Family for Teens is Huge
Teens actually care deeply about their family, despite how it seems. I hear this all the time in therapy sessions. Teens share a lot, but the topic that comes up the most is their family. It might not always seem that way from the outside, but teens really do care about what you think.
A Stable Family = A Safe Launchpad
By keeping things stable at home, you’re creating emotional safety for your teen. They want to grow, explore, and be independent. However, knowing there’s a secure base makes that process a whole lot easier. Over time, they internalize that safety and use it to launch into adulthood. For now, they want to feel grown-up without actually being fully independent. Because of how deep the importance of family for teens is, it’s important for you to keep in mind how tension or big changes at home will affect your teen.
Freedom With Limits Based on Maturity
Teens need freedom, but how much they get depends on how well they handle it. I worked with one teen who drank every chance he got. His parents had to pull back and set tight limits. Another teen I worked with was responsible with school, didn’t sneak out, and obeyed her parents. As a result, she didn’t even need a curfew. She was responsible enough to know when it was time to head home and which situations to walk away from.
Family’s Role in Teen Development
Both of these teens had something in common: their families played a major role in their progress. For the boy, his family’s love and structure helped him turn things around. For the girl, her family’s encouragement kept her grounded and confident. This shows how deep the importance of family for teens really is. You can do the same thing for your teen.
Strengthening Sibling Bonds
Your child’s relationships with their siblings will likely last a lifetime, unlike most of their friendships during the teen years. This doesn’t mean you need to force closeness, but it does mean sometimes you shouldn’t allow friends (including boyfriends or girlfriends) on family outings. A few hours each week that are just for your family might get some complaints, but they’re part of building that sense of security every teen needs.
Balancing Family with Teen Life
So Remember, the importance of family for teens is real. Family often gets pushed to the back-burner by teens, but as a parent, you can’t let that happen. Help your teen balance time with family and time with friends, sports, school, or other activities. If you create a home full of love and safety, time with family will be their go-to place to rest, recharge, and feel grounded.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman, MS, MFT
