by Lauren Goodman | Oct 7, 2025 | Depression Therapy for Teens
What Really Builds Self-Esteem?
When it comes to building self-esteem in teen boys, many people assume the answer is found in a supportive home, positive self-image, and peer approval. While those things help, they aren’t the whole story. What truly makes the difference? Work. This simple change can completely shift how a boy sees himself.
A Real Life Example of Building Self-Esteem In Teen Boys
Several years ago, I worked with an eighteen-year-old who seemed to have everything—good looks, popularity, a loving family, and athletic talent. But despite all this, he was deeply unhappy.
Nothing seemed to help until I suggested something practical: take on more responsibility for his daily life. I asked him to clean his car, pay his own cell phone bill, and cover his gas. At first, he resisted. But once he got a part-time job and started paying his own way, everything changed. He felt proud, capable, and dignified. His self-esteem began to grow because he was taking ownership of his life.
How Work Builds Dignity
When this young man’s parents wondered why he insisted on paying for things they could easily provide, he explained it simply: earning his way gave him dignity. It made him feel like a man—someone who could look others in the eye with confidence. That’s when I really understood what causes low self-esteem in teen boys: many male adolescents today lack dignity. Work gives them that. Having a job helps them move from dependence to independence, which is a key step in building self-esteem in teen boys.
The Role of Parents in Building Self-Esteem in Teen Boys
Some parents discourage their adolescent son from working because they want him to focus on academics. While this is understandable, in some ways this can actually hold your teen back.
School is important, but so is character growth. As a parent, it’s important to support your son in developing this side of himself too. Work builds resilience, responsibility, and independence. It offers more than a paycheck—it gives dignity, gratitude, and real-world experience. Even if academics move a little slower, the long-term benefits are worth it. By graduation, your son will likely be more grounded, appreciative, and prepared for adult life.
Final Thoughts
Since that realization, I’ve consistently encouraged parents to let their sons work. If your teen is struggling with low self-worth, consider the power of responsibility. Building self-esteem in teen boys often starts with work. Work helps build lasting self-confidence and responsibility in your teenage son—skills that will benefit him throughout his entire life.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman, MS, MFT
by Lauren Goodman | Jun 2, 2025 | Depression Therapy for Teens
Understanding Bipolar Disorder in Teens
Bipolar disorder in teens isn’t well understood. There is a lot of chaos that comes with a bipolar diagnosis, and it’s a lot more serious than some people think. Below you will learn how to recognize bipolar disorder in teenagers and what to do about it.
Common Misconceptions About Bipolar Disorder in Adolescents
There are a lot of common misconceptions about bipolar disorder, especially in teens. Some people think bipolar doesn’t even exist in teens. Here are some common things people get confused about when it comes to bipolar disorder in teens.
Things People Get Confused About
Many people mistakenly think bipolar disorder is just mood swings or simply feeling up and down about life. Some believe it’s something a person can control on their own without help. There’s also a dangerous myth that suicide isn’t a concern because bipolar disorder isn’t depression. Others think bipolar disorder is rare or unusual. Still others believe that everyone with bipolar disorder experiences mania regularly, and that mania just means feeling happy. There’s also the misconceptions that there’s a specific test to diagnose bipolar disorder, and that it only affects adults.
Truths About Bipolar Disorder in Teens
- In bipolar disorder, moods go beyond simple feelings of sadness or happiness. Instead, a person experiences full depressive or manic episodes. Depression may include symptoms like trouble sleeping, loss of interest, suicidal thoughts, low energy, and isolation. Mania involves mood swings, irritability, rapid speech, racing thoughts, grand ideas, less need for sleep, and restlessness.
- Calling someone “bipolar” because they change their mind a lot is inaccurate. Many people change their opinions frequently—that doesn’t mean they have bipolar disorder.
- Managing bipolar disorder usually requires a combination of medication, therapy, and good mental health habits. It doesn’t always mean lifelong therapy, but professional help is important, especially early on to regain and maintain stability.
- Suicide is a serious risk for teens with bipolar disorder. During depressive phases, suicidal thoughts may arise. During manic phases, impulsivity may increase the risk of attempts.
- While bipolar disorder is not the most common mental health diagnosis, it’s not rare either. It’s hereditary, so if a parent has bipolar disorder, their children have a higher chance of developing it too.
- You only need to experience one manic episode to be diagnosed with bipolar disorder. People often assume those with bipolar disorder are always manic, but in reality, they spend most of their time in depression.
- Online symptom checkers cannot diagnose bipolar disorder. Diagnosis must be made by a qualified psychologist or psychiatrist, who can also rule out other conditions that mimic bipolar disorder, such as drug abuse.
- Bipolar disorder can be diagnosed in children and is often first identified during adolescence.
What to Do About Bipolar Disorder in Teens
If you suspect that your teen may have bipolar disorder, take them to see a qualified psychologist or psychiatrist. Give me a call, and we can discuss your child’s situation. I can either help your child directly or provide you with some great referrals. With the right combination of therapy and medication, your child can build a meaningful and fulfilling life.
Cyclothymic Disorder in Teens
Cyclothymic disorder is mild bipolar disorder. Bipolar disorder in teens is not always so severe that teens experience suicidal thoughts. However, though the swings between mania and depression may not be as extreme, they still cause problems. Just because the disorder is mild, it is not easy to deal with. They may fluctuate between doing irrational things and feeling disinterested in life. While this type of bipolar disorder is less severe, it is still important to get your teen help if you think they might have this disorder.
Teens Living With Bipolar Disorder: There is Hope
Bipolar disorder is challenging both for teens and their families. Depressive episodes can be deeply painful, while manic episodes can cause irrational behavior and poor judgment. Bipolar disorder is heartbreaking, but there is hope for teenagers with this diagnosis through proper treatment and support.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman, MS, MFT
by Lauren Goodman | May 13, 2025 | Depression Therapy for Teens
Understanding Major Depressive Disorder in Teens
Major Depressive Disorder is a lot more serious than most people realize. I often hear teens and parents come in to my therapy office saying someone’s depressed, but meeting the full diagnosis of Major Depressive Disorder in teens is less common. In this post I will be discussing how to recognize Major Depressive Disorder in teens and what to do about it.
Depression Looks Different in Teens
Major Depressive Disorder in teens doesn’t always look like it does in adults. This can make it a little harder to spot.
How It Looks the Same
Some symptoms are similar, like crying a lot, sleeping too much (or not at all), losing interest in things they used to love, or feeling hopeless. But there are other signs that are way easier to miss.
How it Looks Different
Instead of low energy, teens often show a lot of irritability. We’re not just talking about normal teenage moodiness either. This kind of irritability can seem extreme and irrational. When it’s paired with things like falling grades, pulling away from friends, or feeling hopeless, it’s time to pay attention.
When to Get Your Teen Evaluated
If your teen seems more irritable than usual and it lasts for more than two weeks, it’s a good idea to have them evaluated by a mental health professional. And if your teen ever says they want to die or mentions suicidal thoughts—don’t wait two weeks. Get your teen evaluated right away. A lot of teens say these things for attention, but take it seriously. It’s always better to be cautious.
Anxiety and Major Depressive Disorder in Teens Often Go Together
Another tricky thing about Major Depressive Disorder in teens is that it often comes with anxiety. Many teens who are feeling depressed also get overwhelmed and nervous more easily. They might start avoiding situations they used to handle just fine. That nervous energy is part of the bigger emotional picture.
How You Can Help Your Teen with Major Depressive Disorder
So what can you do? First, sit down with your teen for a real, honest talk. Ask if something’s been bothering them. Be ready—they might bring up school stress, mean friends, or even ways they feel hurt by you. It’s okay. Try to listen without jumping in to fix it for them or to defend yourself.
Teens See Things Differently
And remember: teens often see the world differently than adults. They might take things personally that aren’t actually about them. For example, if you’ve been stressed at work and therefore more short-tempered, they might think you’re mad at them. Gently help them see a bigger picture without brushing off their feelings.
Keep Checking In
After your heart-to-heart, watch your teen for a few days. If they don’t seem any better, check in again. Let them know it’s okay to talk to a therapist, and offer to help them find someone. You’d be surprised how many teens secretly want someone to talk to but don’t know how to ask for it.
Quick Takeaways on Major Depressive Disorder in Teens
1.Major depression in teens is a real and serious emotional disorder.
2. Don’t assume it’s just for attention—if your teen seems off, pay attention.
3. Take all comments about suicide seriously, every time.
4. Talk with your teen and get help if things don’t improve.
5. Depression doesn’t mean failure—for your teen or for you as a parent.
You Got This
Major Depressive Disorder in teens is a hard thing to deal with. If your not sure if your teen is suffering from this, continue to check in with them. If they don’t improve, seek professional help, and if they mention suicide, talk to a professional right away. Otherwise, just be there for your teen, and you will get through it together.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman, MS, MFT
by Lauren Goodman | Apr 19, 2025 | Depression Therapy for Teens
Understanding Teenager Mood Swings
Does your teen go from sweet to sour in the blink of an eye? Do they act super nice only when they want something? Maybe you’re feeling burned out from doing so much for them when they barely show appreciation. Or maybe it seems like they think they are entitled to privileges. One minute they’re yelling, and the next they’re crying because they can’t believe they said that to you. These behaviors are a result of teenager mood swings, something all parents have to deal with. The question is, what do we do when teens have them?
Why Teenager Mood Swings Happen
Teenager mood swings are real—and tough. It’s hard for them and just as hard for you. Part of this behavior can be excused. Teens are still learning how to manage their emotions. Their brains are developing and changing rapidly. However, part of it needs to be held accountable. The tricky thing is knowing when it’s just immaturity and when it’s time to expect more from them. Each year, teenagers get better at emotional regulation, and your expectations should grow with that.
How to Handle Teenager Mood Swings
When your teen is 13 or 14, they can get emotionally overwhelmed really fast. Teenager mood swings happen the most in the early stages of adolescence. So don’t try to reason with them in the heat of the moment. Let them cool off first, then talk things out. One of the best things you can do as a parent is stay calm and wait. Teens still rely on us for most things—rides, money, daily needs—so you don’t have to rush into a fight. For example, if they miss soccer practice because they were too rude for you to want to drive them, that’s on them. But don’t call the coach to smooth things over. If the coach is upset, it’s a natural consequence of your teen’s actions.
What to Expect as Your Teen Matures
As your teen grows, you should expect better behavior. By the time they’re 15 or so, they should start showing more appreciation, yell less, show early signs of empathy, and being more emotionally steady. Teenager mood swings should happen less as your teen matures. That doesn’t mean they’ll be perfect, but they will be more reasonable. And this only works if you’re setting the example. If you’re still yelling like a young teenager, it’s tough to expect your teen to do better.
When They’re Old Enough to Understand
At 16 or 17, teens should start to get it. They understand you’re working hard, and they see the effort you put into your job, your home, and their lives. They should be past the point of taking you for granted. You will probably still fight with your teen sometimes, but they should be a lot more mature than they were than when they were 13.
When Something’s Still Off
If your older teen is still treating you poorly, there’s a reason, and it’s worth trying to figure it out. They shouldn’t be having as many teenager mood swings now that they’re older, so there’s probably another cause. Sometimes a parent’s habits (even unintentional ones) can be triggering or enabling of bad behavior. Or sometimes teens are making bad decisions that they are trying to hide from you, like doing drugs. This will also set them on edge. Whatever the case, give me a call and we can talk about why your older teen is still treating you badly.
A Time of Growth and Challenge
Raising teens is a wild mix of chaos and joy. They’ll drive you up the wall, and then crack you up five minutes later. Teenagers are dealing with so much: school pressure, figuring out relationships, shaping their identity, thinking about the future, and coping with the ups and downs of puberty. It’s a lot! Keep that in mind, but don’t let it be an excuse for poor behavior.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman, MS, MFT
by Lauren Goodman | Jan 25, 2025 | Depression Therapy for Teens
Why is Admitting We’re Wrong Important
It’s hard to admit we’re wrong. I know; I’ve been there. It’s important to acknowledge mistakes not just in relationships, but in life too. Rather than cover up a mistake, it’s better to admit you’ve done wrong and accept the consequences. Continuing in the mistake only leads to much greater consequences when it all unravels later.
What to Do When You Make a Mistake
There are three choices you can make when you do something wrong, and it’s important to pick the right one. Everyone faces these choices at some point (including me!), but not everyone makes the right decision (spoiler alert! Admitting we’re wrong is always best).
Choice #1: Ignore the Problem
You could pretend the problem doesn’t exist and hope it goes away on its own. Unfortunately, this is not only dishonest, but it can lead to huge consequences if the issue doesn’t go away by itself.
Choice #2: Try to Cover Up for the Mistake
You could try to get people to act differently or get rid of the evidence of your mistake. This isn’t the right choice either because, again, it’s dishonest and it doesn’t usually work.
Choice #3: Admit You Were Wrong
Choice #3 is the right decision to make, but it’s also the toughest. It feels shameful to tell people you’ve messed up on something when you should have known better, and it doesn’t feel good to face consequences. However, fixing the problem instead of running from it can prevent a lot of damage.
Examples of When Admitting We’re Wrong is Important
For example, a client of mine rolled their eyes at a teacher. Instead of admitting they were wrong, they denied their fault. Then they complained to a friend about the teacher but the teacher overheard, and now they’re really in trouble. As you can see here, admitting we’re wrong is hard, but it’s important to do it.
Admitting We’re Wrong Builds Trust
If you can get into the habit of admitting errors before they blow up into something big, you’ll save yourself a lot of trouble. People will trust you when you say things. They’ll know you’re not guilty of something when you say you didn’t do it. Why? Because you admit you did do it when you’re guilty.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman, MS, MFT
by Lauren Goodman | Jan 11, 2025 | Depression Therapy for Teens
The Different Types of Abusive Dating Relationships
Unfortunately, sometimes teens get stuck in abusive dating relationships. There are three main types of abusive dating relationships: emotional, physical, and sexual. While this is definitely an uncomfortable topic, it is one I see in my office with my teenage clients at least once a month. That’s very common. Because of that, it’s important to know how teens are abused and what to do about it.
Teens in Emotionally Abusive Relationships
Emotional abuse is the most common form of abuse discussed by my clients. This happens when a client has a boyfriend or girlfriend who says and does things to manipulate a certain outcome. There are a few ways this can happen.
1. An Ex Threatens Suicide
Sometimes an ex will threaten suicide after a breakup. This heaps guilt on your teen, who consequentially starts talking to the ex again. This forces the teen to stay in a pressured, awful relationship.
2. Constant Criticism
Other times the abuser will be mean to and critical of your teen. After being consistently berated by their boyfriend or girlfriend, your teen will no longer have the self-esteem to end the relationship.
3. Drinking and Drugs
The abuser might get into drinking or drugs. This is confusing for your teen who might start lying for the abuser or even drinking and using themselves just to be with their boyfriend or girlfriend.
4. Financial Abuse
Lastly, sometimes the relationship gets out of balance, and your teen feels like they must impress their significant other to keep them around. Consequently, they start spending money on expensive hobbies or trips for them and their boyfriend or girlfriend.
Teens in Physically Abusive Dating Relationships
Sadly, physical abuse occurs in teen dating relationships as well. It often begins with your teenager becoming isolated from his or her friends and spending all their time with their boyfriend or girlfriend instead. Your teen might seem upset and withdrawn. They’ve lost the energy and spark they used to have. You start to wonder what is going on.
How Physically Abusive Relationships Progress
Your teen might have a great relationship at first. Your teen and their boyfriend or girlfriend might have discussed going to the same college or even getting married eventually. The relationship seems really serious considering their age.
When the Abuse Starts
Then the arguments start. One person has trouble controlling their emotions and reverts to yelling and cursing. Eventually the fight results in one person hitting the other. It probably isn’t anything too violent the first time, just a small push or slap. The abuser profusely apologizes and is on their best behavior for a few weeks. Then they become edgy, and eventually another fight starts resulting in more physical abuse. The cycle goes on and on, with the abuse getting worse each time.
Teens in Sexually Abusive Dating Relationships
Sexual abuse is any form of sexual activity that is unwanted and/or exploits the victim. This happens in teenage dating relationships from time to time. Sexual abuse usually happens when a couple is already sexually active. One partner says they don’t want to have sex anymore or secretly doesn’t want to, but the other coerces them into it. It’s not rape because the reluctant teen gave their consent, but unwanted sexual activity is never okay.
Sexual Abuse Through Phones
Another way sexual abuse occurs is through your teenager’s phone. Sadly, it’s normal for teenagers to ask each other to send nude pictures through text or an app. It is normally the boys asking the girls, but it goes both directions. Unwanted pressure to send nude selfies is awful. Check in with your teen to see if they’ve been asked and find out what they did about it. If the recipient of the image shows a friend or two, or texts it to someone else, that’s a major violation of privacy. If the teens are minors, it’s actually distribution of child pornography.
What to Do If Your Teen’s in an Abusive Dating Relationship
Dating is a normal part of the teenage experience. It helps them mature, and they can have a lot of fun with it. However, there’s also a lot of things to watch for. There is a lot to warn your child about. Help them if they are being abused in any way. Help them feel safe to talk about it and empower them to do something about it. Please call if you need additional support in helping your teenager through this heartbreaking situation.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman, MS, MFT
