Teaching your teenagers to be thankful helps in for the rest of their lives. Image courtesy of freedigitalphotos.net
Considering we’re all stuck at home during this COVID-19 crisis, posting about thankfulness feels important. Without thankfulness each of us will spend our time wishing for things to be normal. Since this day only happens once, there’s no sense in focusing on what you don’t have. Gratitude is one of the best ways to feel happy, have others love being around you, and enjoy your life. If you can teach your children how to feel grateful, they will enjoy their days far more than someone who is entitled.
The first thing you must do is teach them to work. Teenagers who understand that work equals getting things they want/need actually have much higher self-esteem. It seems backwards. It’s easy to understand how a lot of parents believe if their teenager is provided every opportunity that they as parents had to struggle for, their teenagers will go father than them in life. It’s a baffling experience for a lot of parents when they discover all their good intentions had the reverse effect. Teenagers who learn that they get a cell phone when they pay a piece of the bill, or have their parents fill their gas tank after they wash mom or dad’s car, are extremely grateful kids. They don’t assume their parents owe them things just because that’s what other kids have. Instead, they are overjoyed when their parents do help them out, but also very proud of themselves for earning their way. During COVID-19 this looks like teens making a significant contribution to the household chores.
Concepts are caught, not taught. You must model gratitude. If you are someone who complains about your situation all the time, there’s a good chance you make little comments in front of your kids. On the other hand, if you constantly mention the ways you know you’re blessed, your children learn to be thankful in all things. For example, let’s say you’re struggling with money. You could complain about all the things you don’t have, or worse still, make embittered comments about people you envy. Or, you could point out the things you do have while also talking about the hope you have for a better future. Your children will internalize your attitude and live it out.
Lastly, don’t compare. It doesn’t matter who you are, someone has it better than you do. That’s because exactly ZERO people have a perfect life. Only God is perfection. The rest of us are flawed. When imperfect people work to create a life, there will be imperfections in the results. Please don’t begrudge this. It leads to the comparison trap. We don’t need to be complacent, which means that we’ve stopped striving for better, but we do need to be content. Content people are happy people; people who compare are miserable.
My hope is that you have a thankful attitude even through COVID-19. I also hope you use this time to teach your kids how to be grateful in everything they go through in life. Be very clear that as Pastor Rick Warren would say, nobody should be thankful FOR all things (You don’t need to be thankful for cancer). However, you do need to be thankful IN all things because there is always a blessing, not matter how small.
Happiness eludes many of us. Listen to this brief story of how Dr. Martin Seligman determined to become a happy person. His research has shaped what we know about happiness and how we have the power to increase our feelings of positivity and happiness.
Relationship abuse is more common than we like to think. Violence between partners is about control, separation from all other sources of support, a confused sense of what love is. For victims leaving these relationships can be nearly impossible. Please listen to this little story to understand how this starts so you don’t miss the signs.
A psychiatrist prescribes medication to help with your psychological struggles. There are some certified to work with teens and children.
First of all, a lot of people do not know the difference between a psychologist, psychiatrist, counselor and therapist. Let me start by clarifying what those terms mean. Counselor is the most general term. It can refer to a therapist, psychologist or psychiatrist. Counselor is also the term used for a person with an associate degree or certification in addiction counseling. A therapist refers to either a psychologist or a master’s level person with a license. A therapist is someone who will spend an hour with you on a regular basis talking about ways to work through your struggles, and can also do psychological testing. A psychologist has a doctorate (either a Ph.D. or a Psy.D.), can do psychological testing, and can do therapy. A psychiatrist is a medical doctor, who completed medical school and a residency. The psychiatrist can do therapy, but typically chooses to refer out for therapy. The psychiatrist evaluates patients to determine whether medicine can help a psychological condition, and if so, prescribes that medication.
Sometimes people hesitate to take medicine for a psychological condition, preferring to address the problem in therapy. Usually your therapist will let you know when it is time to seek a psychiatric evaluation. It is also a good idea to see a psychiatrist if you feel extremely depressed, are considering suicide, have been hallucinating, or have extreme anxiety like panic attacks. There are other conditions where seeing a psychiatrist is advisable as well. For example, if you suspect your child has ADHD, then you can get a diagnosis and treatment from a psychiatrist. Use your therapist or primary care doctor as a guide in terms of when to contact a psychiatrist, and often they will have good referrals to give you.
When you go to your psychiatry appointment, come prepared. Keep a list of your symptoms, what caused them, and what time of day they occurred. Be extremely honest about any drugs or alcohol you use. Your psychiatrist is required to keep everything confidential, so don’t be afraid to tell him or her. If you smoke marijuana every so often, your psychiatrist NEEDS to know this. The reason it is so important to give your psychiatrist this information is that you are being given medication. Alcohol and illegal drugs interact with legal medication, affecting how well the medicine works. In some cases you actually are putting yourself in danger by mixing certain medications with certain drugs or with alcohol. Your psychiatrist isn’t going to be judgmental of you, believe me. Your psychiatrist has heard it all, and I mean ALL. You will not shock your psychiatrist. He or she has seen some of the seemingly most normal looking people take drugs, have an alcohol problem, lose touch with reality, make poor decisions, participate in extremely risky behavior, and anything else you can think of. Just keep in mind that your psychiatrist can only help you to the extent that you share everything about what is going on with you.
Also come to your appointments with a list of any physical symptoms you might be dealing with. Remember, this is a medical doctor. Sometimes psychological problems are caused by a physical problem or a disease. Your psychiatrist is trained to look for signs of physical disease and help you connect the dots. They are also trained to look for the opposite (physical problems caused by psychological impairment).
So, is it time to call a psychiatrist? Perhaps, and especially if you’re considering taking medication to deal with a psychological struggle. Consult with your therapist or primary care doctor to find out. If you don’t have a therapist or primary care doctor, you can call a psychiatrist directly for an evaluation in most cases.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Adolescent females have been shown to benefit from being athletes for a number of reasons. Some of my favorites include the development of fortitude, and work ethic. I also love the stat showing teen female athletes become sexually active later than their non-athletic peers.
There’s a fine line between accepting who you are, and taking that too far. If we’re really honest with ourselves we all will admit we use the excuse, “That’s just the way I am,” when we don’t want to face something ugly about ourselves.
Hello, I’m Lauren! If you notice your teen struggling, you might be feeling helpless, hopeless, frustrated or concerned as a parent. Try to remember, there is hope. I want to help your adolescent feel better. My hope is for them to enjoy their life again. I want them to feel confident they can handle whatever situations arise.
