by Lauren Goodman | Jan 25, 2025 | Depression Therapy for Teens
Why is Admitting We’re Wrong Important
It’s hard to admit we’re wrong. I know; I’ve been there. It’s important to acknowledge mistakes not just in relationships, but in life too. Rather than cover up a mistake, it’s better to admit you’ve done wrong and accept the consequences. Continuing in the mistake only leads to much greater consequences when it all unravels later.
What to Do When You Make a Mistake
There are three choices you can make when you do something wrong, and it’s important to pick the right one. Everyone faces these choices at some point (including me!), but not everyone makes the right decision (spoiler alert! Admitting we’re wrong is always best).
Choice #1: Ignore the Problem
You could pretend the problem doesn’t exist and hope it goes away on its own. Unfortunately, this is not only dishonest, but it can lead to huge consequences if the issue doesn’t go away by itself.
Choice #2: Try to Cover Up for the Mistake
You could try to get people to act differently or get rid of the evidence of your mistake. This isn’t the right choice either because, again, it’s dishonest and it doesn’t usually work.
Choice #3: Admit You Were Wrong
Choice #3 is the right decision to make, but it’s also the toughest. It feels shameful to tell people you’ve messed up on something when you should have known better, and it doesn’t feel good to face consequences. However, fixing the problem instead of running from it can prevent a lot of damage.
Examples of When Admitting We’re Wrong is Important
For example, a client of mine rolled their eyes at a teacher. Instead of admitting they were wrong, they denied their fault. Then they complained to a friend about the teacher but the teacher overheard, and now they’re really in trouble. As you can see here, admitting we’re wrong is hard, but it’s important to do it.
Admitting We’re Wrong Builds Trust
If you can get into the habit of admitting errors before they blow up into something big, you’ll save yourself a lot of trouble. People will trust you when you say things. They’ll know you’re not guilty of something when you say you didn’t do it. Why? Because you admit you did do it when you’re guilty.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman, MS, MFT
by Lauren Goodman | Jan 11, 2025 | Depression Therapy for Teens
The Different Types of Abusive Dating Relationships
Unfortunately, sometimes teens get stuck in abusive dating relationships. There are three main types of abusive dating relationships: emotional, physical, and sexual. While this is definitely an uncomfortable topic, it is one I see in my office with my teenage clients at least once a month. That’s very common. Because of that, it’s important to know how teens are abused and what to do about it.
Teens in Emotionally Abusive Relationships
Emotional abuse is the most common form of abuse discussed by my clients. This happens when a client has a boyfriend or girlfriend who says and does things to manipulate a certain outcome. There are a few ways this can happen.
1. An Ex Threatens Suicide
Sometimes an ex will threaten suicide after a breakup. This heaps guilt on your teen, who consequentially starts talking to the ex again. This forces the teen to stay in a pressured, awful relationship.
2. Constant Criticism
Other times the abuser will be mean to and critical of your teen. After being consistently berated by their boyfriend or girlfriend, your teen will no longer have the self-esteem to end the relationship.
3. Drinking and Drugs
The abuser might get into drinking or drugs. This is confusing for your teen who might start lying for the abuser or even drinking and using themselves just to be with their boyfriend or girlfriend.
4. Financial Abuse
Lastly, sometimes the relationship gets out of balance, and your teen feels like they must impress their significant other to keep them around. Consequently, they start spending money on expensive hobbies or trips for them and their boyfriend or girlfriend.
Teens in Physically Abusive Dating Relationships
Sadly, physical abuse occurs in teen dating relationships as well. It often begins with your teenager becoming isolated from his or her friends and spending all their time with their boyfriend or girlfriend instead. Your teen might seem upset and withdrawn. They’ve lost the energy and spark they used to have. You start to wonder what is going on.
How Physically Abusive Relationships Progress
Your teen might have a great relationship at first. Your teen and their boyfriend or girlfriend might have discussed going to the same college or even getting married eventually. The relationship seems really serious considering their age.
When the Abuse Starts
Then the arguments start. One person has trouble controlling their emotions and reverts to yelling and cursing. Eventually the fight results in one person hitting the other. It probably isn’t anything too violent the first time, just a small push or slap. The abuser profusely apologizes and is on their best behavior for a few weeks. Then they become edgy, and eventually another fight starts resulting in more physical abuse. The cycle goes on and on, with the abuse getting worse each time.
Teens in Sexually Abusive Dating Relationships
Sexual abuse is any form of sexual activity that is unwanted and/or exploits the victim. This happens in teenage dating relationships from time to time. Sexual abuse usually happens when a couple is already sexually active. One partner says they don’t want to have sex anymore or secretly doesn’t want to, but the other coerces them into it. It’s not rape because the reluctant teen gave their consent, but unwanted sexual activity is never okay.
Sexual Abuse Through Phones
Another way sexual abuse occurs is through your teenager’s phone. Sadly, it’s normal for teenagers to ask each other to send nude pictures through text or an app. It is normally the boys asking the girls, but it goes both directions. Unwanted pressure to send nude selfies is awful. Check in with your teen to see if they’ve been asked and find out what they did about it. If the recipient of the image shows a friend or two, or texts it to someone else, that’s a major violation of privacy. If the teens are minors, it’s actually distribution of child pornography.
What to Do If Your Teen’s in an Abusive Dating Relationship
Dating is a normal part of the teenage experience. It helps them mature, and they can have a lot of fun with it. However, there’s also a lot of things to watch for. There is a lot to warn your child about. Help them if they are being abused in any way. Help them feel safe to talk about it and empower them to do something about it. Please call if you need additional support in helping your teenager through this heartbreaking situation.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman, MS, MFT
by Lauren Goodman | Jan 5, 2025 | Depression Therapy for Teens
What to Do If Your Teen is Having Suicidal Thoughts
As a parent, if your teen is having suicidal thoughts you are going through one of the scariest things imaginable. Some people overlook or discount it when teens express that they are having thoughts like these because they don’t want to believe their teens are suicidal. Some teens say things like that for attention, but many of them are serious. Because of that, it’s too dangerous to assume teens are seeking attention when they threaten suicide. It is best to take these threats very seriously and then take the correct steps to deal with the crisis.
Questions to Ask Your Teen
If your teen says they’re having suicidal thoughts or are feeling suicidal, you need to immediately ask them a few questions. Here are the things you need to ask them:
- How long have you felt like this?
- Can you identify why you feel this way? Has something bad happened lately?
- Do you have a plan for how you’d take your life?
- Do you intend to go through with it?
- Have you ever tried it before?
What to Do If Your Teen Intends to Go Through With it
If the answer to question #4 is yes, you need to take immediate action. Many parents struggle with this because they have to take decisive action when they want to panic. You need to stop whatever you are doing and drive your teen straight to the emergency room. This is considered an emergent issue.
Why Doing this May Feel Weird to You
You will feel strange about doing so because you don’t see your teen bleeding, vomiting, etc., and it seems like people should appear physically ill to go to the emergency room. However, the staff at the ER will not think it is odd that you’ve brought your teen. In fact, they will see it as appropriate. Don’t hem and haw if your child intends to harm themself. Sometimes even spending a few days in a hospital can really change your teen’s outlook.
How to Act if They Don’t Intend to Go Through with Suicide
If the answers to 2, 3 and/or 5 are yes, but 4 is no, you need to call for a counseling appointment right away. For as long as your teen is having suicidal thoughts, they should receive help from a therapist. Also, ask your teen daily whether they’ve changed their mind and intend to go through with suicide so you know whether or not to go to the ER. Help your teenager create a plan in case their mood deteriorates further. Sit down with your teen and work with them to write out a list of names and phone numbers to call when they are feeling particularly awful. Tell them if it becomes really serious, they need to call 9-1-1.
Removing Dangerous Objects
On your part, make sure your teenager does not have access to lethal items. Remember when your child was two and you were very careful to keep poisons locked up and knives out of reach? It’s a lot like that. If you have a gun, keep it locked in the safe and change the code in case your teenager knows the code. Go through the medicine cabinets and remove pills that are dangerous if taken in great quantities. Remove your knives and other sharp objects from the home. I know this is a huge hassle, but it is an important precaution. Think of other potentially dangerous objects and keep them from your teen too. You want to make it very inconvenient for your teen to try harming him or herself because it buys time if they are in trouble.
How to Respond if Your Teen is Having Suicidal Thoughts
Please take it very seriously if your teen threatens suicide. It is not the time to react in anger toward your teen. Your anger is likely stemming from fear. It is time to take charge and quickly take action. You can express anger and fear later.
What to Do if Your Teen Expresses Suicidal Thoughts for Attention
Also, I’d like to address the teen who says they’re having suicidal thoughts for attention. If you react in the ways described above, then they usually learn their lesson. But like I said, you shouldn’t act like that in case they are serious. It’s important to be careful if a teen says they’re having suicidal thoughts. However, if it’s clear you’re angry or scared, they probably feel embarrassed for saying something like that when they didn’t mean it. Also, if they go to that extreme to get attention, then they clearly need some attention. Giving it to them is not a bad thing.
Keeping Your Teen Safe
I know this is an unimaginably tough thing to deal with. It’s something you never want to face. It causes a sick, panicky feeling in a parent. You may have never felt so little control over your child’s well-being. Take a deep breath and then purposely walk through the steps you need to take to help your teen be safe.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman, MS, MFT
by Lauren Goodman | Dec 21, 2024 | Depression Therapy for Teens
How I First Heard of Molly and It’s Problems
I first heard of Molly in my therapy office about 3.5 years ago. Now I know there are many problems with Molly, but at the time I was confused about what it was. The only thing I found out before I left the office was that it was like Ecstasy, but it wasn’t the same thing and that it’s commonly used at parties. When I got home, I did some research. I discovered some important things that I would like to share with you.
What Does Molly Do?
While researching, I found out Molly is indeed similar to Ecstasy because it is made from the same basic ingredient—MDMA (methylenedioxy-methamphetamine). However, Molly is supposed to be a more purified form of the drug. Both drugs produce about the same result. Both Molly and Ecstasy cause mild hallucinations, distortion in perception, an increase in energy, and escalated touch sensitivity.
What Problems Does Molly Have?
Just like Ecstasy, there are some major risks with using Molly. Molly can cause temporary or even permanent damage because of the way it affects the body. I’ll share a few of the problems Molly can cause below.
Risk #1: Losing Perception
One issue with Molly is that when you take it you lose perception. After someone uses Molly, their brain has trouble reading the cues their body sends them. People have been known to become dangerously dehydrated while high on Molly because they don’t even realize they’re thirsty. This is an especially big problem if they’re dancing at an all-night party while they’re high on the drug. Dancing makes people sweat, which means they’re losing fluids even faster. In this case, forgetting to drink water can be disastrous.
Risk #2: Inability to Regulate Body Temperature
Another big problem with Molly is its effect on the body’s ability to regulate temperature. Some people have spiked extreme fevers, destroying their vital organs. This is what happened to several students from a college in Connecticut a while back.
Risk #3: Molly Causes Unsafe Sexual Behaviors
Researchers have also linked Molly to unsafe sexual behaviors. It makes people enjoy physical touch more than they would otherwise, leading them into sexual encounters they would never have if they were sober. They might become sexual with a stranger, which is extremely hazardous. Researchers have linked Molly with the transmission of sexually transmitted infections and diseases.
Risk #4: It May Be Mixed with Other Chemicals
Another scary thing about Molly is that drug dealers often cut it with other chemicals and substances. It might include heroin, or another random chemical. Because Molly’s an illegal drug, it’s completely unregulated. So, while your teenager might think they are buying high quality MDMA, there is a chance they are poisoning themselves.
Beware of Molly And It’s Many Problems
Unfortunately, your high school aged student has either seen people taking Molly, taken it themselves, or knows someone who has abused it. It is very common right now. Parents, take steps to learn about Molly and keep your teen safe from it. Ask your teenager what they know about the drug and do your own research. Help them understand it’s not something to mess with because the consequences of using it have rendered some adolescents permanently disabled or even dead.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman, MS, MFT
by Lauren Goodman | Dec 19, 2024 | Depression Therapy for Teens
Teens Use Marijuana
Teens smoke pot. While sad, it’s true. By senior year in high school one out of three teens will have used marijuana according to drugabuse.gov. While not every teenager who tries marijuana ends up using it regularly, there is concern for those that do.
Why Some People Think Smoking Marijuana is OK
I understand that I should tread lightly here because some of you reading this smoke weed yourself. You probably see it as something harmless that helps you relax, and you might even use it to help you fall asleep. You believe people who don’t use just don’t understand. To you, it’s just a small side habit that doesn’t cost much money and doesn’t really alter how you think or feel. You still have your job, raise your kids, keep your house clean, and function just fine. So, what’s the big deal?
The Issues with Marijuana
If you smoke on a regular basis, I can almost guarantee your teen knows it. They will view it as permission to use it themselves, and the problems that come with your teen’s use of marijuana are numerous
1. Your Teen is Being Exposed to More Than Marijuana
Your teen is hanging around the other middle school and high school aged children who smoke. Some of these kids use harder drugs than marijuana, and they will bring them around your teen. There will be opportunities for your adolescent to abuse things you’d never be okay with them trying. Using marijuana opens the door to these other drugs for your teen.
2. Marijuana Is Creating a Reputation for Your Teen
Your teen is developing a reputation. Kids talk to their parents, which leads to other parents, teachers, school administrators, and coaches all knowing your teenager uses pot.
3. It’s Addictive
A lot of adults don’t believe this is true. However, the strength of THC (what makes it addictive) in pot has been genetically engineered to be much stronger than it once was. THC concentrations can now be over 40%. THC is incredibly addictive, both physically and psychologically.
4. It Reduces Motivation
When teens smoke marijuana, you will see their grades drop, their rooms messier, and less excitement about life in general. This is especially true for teens who use multiple times per day.
5. Marijuana is Expensive for Teens
Teens don’t make much money. Those who smoke marijuana on a regular basis usually end up spending between half and all of their income on it. This means your child is using their earnings or allowance to buy drugs.
6. It’s Unhealthy
Many teens think marijuana is natural, but it isn’t. Just because it’s a plant doesn’t mean it’s healthy. Most marijuana is grown using pesticides, genetic modification, and is unregulated. You wouldn’t buy food like that, would you? In addition to that, when smoked, your teenager is repeatedly inhaling unfiltered smoke or vape residue into their lungs. Yikes!
What is cyclic vomiting? If you smoke pot frequently enough for a long period of time, you can get CHS, a disease caused by long-term use of marijuana. People with CHS vomit frequently and have intense abdominal pain. The only way to get rid of it is to stop using marijuana completely, even in small amounts. CHS causes intense discomfort, so it’s better to avoid it completely (don’t use marijuana).
Dealing with Marijuana
All my clients know people who smoke, and many of them use marijuana themselves. I always encourage them to stop, and those who agree to do so are surprised to find quitting extremely difficult. Many tell me, “I thought I could stop whenever I felt like, but I can’t. I didn’t realize pot was addictive.” For those that don’t use, it’s frustrating that so many of their friends do. Teens need help coping with the reality that many people use marijuana, and this number will only increase when they enter college. However, that doesn’t mean they should use it too.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman, MS, MFT
by Lauren Goodman | Oct 24, 2024 | Depression Therapy for Teens
The Struggle with Teen Happiness
As parents, sometimes it seems impossible to bring your teen happiness. However, keeping your child happy is not as hard as it may seem.
The Teen’s Approach to Attaining Happiness
Teens are constantly encouraging each other to pursue what feels good in the moment. They have a “You only live once” attitude. This is what teens do for happiness.
The Parent’s Approach to Bringing Their Teen Happiness
As parents, we tell our teens that their future is what’s important. We care about their grades, conduct, reputation, and attitude. We tell them, “We just want you to be happy,” but we don’t let them play video games until 2 a.m. on a school night. Somehow, we know that’s not good for them even though it makes them happy.
Who’s Right?
Are teenagers correct in thinking you should do whatever feels good in the moment? Are we parents right, who think living should be for our future happiness and goals? Could we both be wrong?
Problems with Living for the Moment
If you only ever live in the present, then everything is momentarily gratifying. However, teens who indulge themselves whenever they feel like it will never have permanent happiness. Once they experience something, they will need a bigger activity/item to bring them the same emotional high. While watching a movie until 10:00 p.m. might have thrilled your child at one point, now they’ll want to stay up all night at a friend’s house for the same feeling.
Consequences that Come from Living for the Moment
Also, bad decisions can be made when teens try to bring themselves happiness using this mindset. An adolescent might have sex with someone they don’t love, try drugs or alcohol, or cheat on a test.
Problems with Living for the Future
On the other hand, if you live only for your future, you will still be unhappy. What a waste to have all the gifts of youth and enjoy none of them. When was the last time you could sprint after your friend while laughing hysterically and not get winded or sore? How long ago was it that you could go out tanning without worrying about skin cancer? When did it last sound like fun to get a block of ice and slide down a long grass hill while trespassing at midnight? You can’t be so focused on your future that you miss everything in front of you.
A Better Answer to Teen Happiness
Now that we’ve exhausted the two most common ways people try to become happy, what’s left? What I am going to propose would be a major shift in your teenager’s thinking. For that kind of shift to take place, you will have to lead the way. Start seeking opportunities to serve others. Show your teen that to achieve lasting happiness you have to focus on something bigger than yourself. That is the real key to teen happiness, helping your child look beyond themself.
Helping Your Teen Find Purpose
It is your job to help your teenager know why they’re here on Earth. If you teach your teenager that their purpose is to attain status and things, then that’s what they’ll pursue. This will leave your child unfulfilled and empty. Their purpose must be a timeless and selfless one. In my family, our purpose is to be dedicated followers of Jesus Christ. We believe this will create a compassionate heart, driven and focused attitude, and happy child. If you don’t choose to go the faith-based route, choose some way to serve others. True teen happiness comes from looking outward, not inward.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman, MS, MFT
