Parenting after a divorce is a huge challenge. Image courtesy of arztsamui / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
8 Tips On Parenting Your Teens After a Divorce
Parenting after a divorce is really tough. Especially if you have teens. It’s a huge adjustment for you and your kids, and things don’t always go smoothly. Here are 8 tips to help make things a little easier:
1. Focus on Your Own Household
You’re in charge of what happens at your house. It’s great if you and your ex can agree on parenting rules, but if not, don’t stress about what goes on at their place. There’s nothing you can do about it, so why worry? Just do what’s best for your kids when they’re with you.
2. Speak Kindly About Other Adults
Even if your ex remarried someone neither you or your kids like, don’t badmouth them in front of your children. It just makes things harder for your teen. They didn’t choose who their other parent brings around, so help them make the best of it. This is a key part of parenting after a divorce.
3. Don’t Feel Guilty About Money
Money can be a tricky topic after divorce. Maybe you have more money than your ex, or maybe they have more than you. Either way, don’t let guilt control how you handle finances. Stick to the agreement you made and don’t feel pressured to overspend. If your teen complains or compares, calmly explain the arrangement and remind them that love isn’t measured by money.
4. Don’t Stop Spending Time with Your Kids
Even if your teen doesn’t seem excited to see you, don’t stop showing up. Teens act like they don’t care, but deep down, they want to know you’ll fight for them. Stay consistent and make the most of your time together. Spending quality time with your teen is a vital part of parenting after a divorce.
5. Let Them Adjust to Your New Family
If you’ve remarried, don’t force your child to love their stepparent or stepsiblings. Be patient and let relationships develop naturally. Make sure they’re polite and respectful to everyone in the home, but don’t make them pretend everything’s perfect.
6. Make One-on-One Time a Priority When Parenting After a Divorce
When you’re parenting after a divorce, you can feel like you’re being pulled in a million directions. Don’t let this stop you from spending one-on-one time with your teens. Your time with your child is already split in half. Be sure to carve out moments where it’s just you and them—no new spouse, no step-kids, no distractions. They need to feel like they still have their own special relationship with you.
7. Be a Good Role Model
Make sure you’re still setting a good example for your teen. I know you’re going through a lot, but this is when they need you the most. Show them what it looks like to handle tough times with strength and responsibility. They’re paying attention to how you handle stress and big changes, so be someone they can respect. And don’t try to hide bad habits—teens notice way more than most people think.
8. Remember That Divorce Is Tough for Them
Even if your teen says they’re fine or they act like they don’t care, divorce is tough on kids. Give them extra patience and grace. They didn’t ask for this, and it takes time to adjust. This doesn’t mean you should excuse bad behavior, especially if your teen is doing something dangerous. However, if your teen is in a bad mood or got a bad grade on a test, understand that it’s been tough for them lately.
Stay Consistent and Patient When Parenting After a Divorce
Family life isn’t perfect, and parenting after a divorce can feel overwhelming. But if you stay consistent, loving, and patient, your child will know they can always count on you—no matter what. If you need any extra support for you and your teen, don’t hesitate to give me a call.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Adolescents don’t always know how to express themselves well, so they might act out. Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Why Teens Rebel: Understanding and Dealing with Their Behavior
Why do teens rebel? I promise there’s a reason. Most of the time, they’re upset about something but don’t know how to express it. Sometimes, they’re not even fully aware of what’s bothering them. Something in their world has shifted, and instead of expressing their emotions, they react in ways that don’t always make sense. Their behavior might seem totally random, but there’s usually a deeper reason behind it.
My Own Experience with Rebellion
When I was seventeen, I rebelled. My parents were moving to a new city just as I was heading off to college, but I told myself it didn’t matter since I wouldn’t be living with them anymore. I convinced myself I was fine and blamed my rebellion on my parents’ strictness. So, I acted out and was disrespectful. Looking back, I can see that my rebellion wasn’t about their parenting—it was about my fear of change and uncertainty about the future.
What’s the Real Reason Teens Rebel?
If your teen is acting out, ask yourself what’s recently changed in their life. Why do teens rebel? “Acting out” isn’t just typical teen mood swings—it’s when a usually respectful kid suddenly starts doing things that seem completely out of character. Maybe they’re skipping school, breaking curfew, or getting into trouble out of nowhere. However, don’t confuse acting out with other problems teens might have.
Teen Rebellion vs. Bad Habits
Acting out is different from a slow drift into bad habits, like gradually getting more into partying or vaping. For example, if a teen slowly starts smoking marijuana, that’s a budding addiction. On the other hand, acting out is if out of nowhere your teen smokes weed every day for a week. Both situations might need therapy, but they come from different places and need different approaches. Understanding why teens rebel can help differentiate between these behaviors.
What’s Setting Them Off?
So, what’s got your teen on edge? Did they just go through a breakup? Did you announce a divorce? Maybe money’s tight or a grandparent is moving in? Even if it doesn’t seem like a big deal to you, it might feel like a huge shift to them. Teens process change differently, and sometimes, their way of dealing with it isn’t exactly logical. This type of stress can contribute to why teens rebel.
How Therapy Can Help
Step one in therapy? Stop any unsafe behaviors ASAP. Once that’s handled, the real work begins—helping your teen figure out why they’re acting out. Therapy helps them connect the dots between their feelings and their actions. Once they understand what’s really bothering them, they can start handling things in a healthier way. And the best part? Once they start feeling more secure, the rebellious behavior usually fades on its own. Therapy can significantly address the root causes of why teens rebel.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Teaching teens about money is very important. Image courtesy of sscreations at FreeDigitalPhotos.net
How to Teach Teens About Money
It’s crucial for teenagers to develop financial literacy before they enter adulthood. As a parent, you likely already understand this and are taking steps to prepare your teen for financial independence. Here are four highly effective strategies that parents of my clients have used to teach their teens about money:
1. Teaching Teens About Money Through Incentivized Savings
Developing the habit of saving is a key financial skill. Some parents I’ve worked with have successfully encouraged their teens to save by offering incentives—whether by matching their savings or providing other rewards. This approach fosters collaboration between parents and teens in setting financial goals. This way, they can then create a plan and work together to achieve them. By guiding their adolescents through the entire savings process, parents help instill lifelong financial discipline.
2. Teaching Teens About Money by Showing the Value of Financial Decisions
Furthermore, encouraging teens to consider the value of their purchases and financial choices can make a lasting impact. This is vital when teaching teens about money. For instance, a 17-year-old client of mine realized he had a sense of entitlement and wanted to work on it. His parents helped him weigh the financial pros and cons of attending an out-of-state college versus a more affordable in-state option. After thorough research and discussions, he chose a school that was the best financial fit for his career goals rather than the most prestigious option. This experience taught him valuable lessons in financial responsibility and smart decision-making.
3. Encourage Teens to Pay for Their Wants
Teens often struggle to distinguish between wants and needs. Consequently, having them pay for their wants is very important when teaching teens about money. One teenage girl I worked with insisted she needed her own car. Instead of buying one for her, her mother encouraged her to save for it. After realizing how expensive cars are—especially when purchased with her own money—she became more content with driving the family’s older truck. Through this experience, she learned to prioritize practical features like fuel efficiency and maintenance costs over aesthetics. She also became more mindful about her spending habits and learned the value of hard work.
4. Support Teen Employment for Financial Growth
Moreover, encouraging (or even requiring) teens to get a job can have tremendous benefits. This makes it a key step in teaching teens about money. Aside from boosting self-esteem, working teens tend to be more responsible with money. They also get into less trouble and develop a greater appreciation for their parents. Many of my counseling clients who started working not only stopped asking their parents for money but also took pride in their ability to support themselves. They quickly learned to differentiate between needs and wants and developed a stronger work ethic.
Final Thoughts on Teaching Teens About Money
There are many ways to teach teens financial responsibility, such as budgeting, charitable giving, and learning the basics of investing. However, these four strategies are among the easiest to implement and provide an immediate, meaningful impact. At their core, they teach patience and delayed gratification—essential skills for lifelong financial success.
By guiding your teen toward financial independence, you’re not just teaching them about money. You’re preparing them for a successful future.
Stop entitlement and create grateful teens! Image courtesy of stockimages at FreeDigitalPhotos.net
How Entitled Teens Act
Sadly, there are many entitled teens in the world today. Entitled teens leave parents feeling unappreciated, frustrated, and sometimes disgusted. They believe they deserve some huge privileges ranging from new clothes to a car to a college education. What do you if your teen is entitled?
Examples of Entitled Teens
While many teens are grateful for things, lots of teens believe they have a right to what they receive. It’s important to recognize if your teen is entitled. To help you do this, I’ve provided some examples of entitled teens below.
Example #1
I once talked to an entitled girl who said, “I need my mom to take me shopping.” Since she always wears nice clothes, I asked her why. She told me, “Well, my friends all want to wear purple dresses on Friday. My mom won’t take me shopping. Can you believe that?” I asked her why she couldn’t use her own money. She looked shocked and said, “Well I shouldn’t have to buy my own clothes.”
Example #2
I worked with another boy who felt upset because his father was going to give him a hand-me-down car. His father had recently remarried and planned to purchase a BMW for his new wife meaning his son would receive her fairly new Volkswagen. He said, “Can you believe he’d buy her a new car when I’ve always wanted a BMW. It’s like he’s doing that just to spite me!”
What Causes Entitlement in Teens
What causes teens to become entitled? Usually this comes from you as parents. Fortunately, this also means you have the power to change it!
Saying Yes Too Much
How did you cause this? It probably started when your teen was just a toddler. Many parents say yes to their children, even after they’ve already said no. If you’ve been giving your kid whatever they want since they were little, it’s no surprise that they’re entitled. They know if they argue with you, they’ll get what they want.
Giving Your Teen Things Out of Guilt
Other times parents cause their teens to have an entitled attitude out of guilt. In the previously mentioned situation with the BMW, that father felt guilty after getting divorced. So, he bought his children whatever they wanted so he could see them happy again. While I understand feeling this way, this made his teens become entitled.
What to Do About Your Entitled Teen
However, no matter what caused it, now you have an entitled teenager. What do you do about it?
Say No
Start saying no when your teen asks for new things they don’t need. If they try to argue with you, don’t respond until they’re in a mood to actually listen and learn. Then you can explain why you said no. This will build your teen’s character and combat their entitled attitude.
Set a Good Example
The second thing you need to do is set a good example. Don’t indulge yourself at every whim. Don’t go get your nails done because you’re sad, buy a new car because you’re bored with the one you have, or redecorate the inside of your house because it’s not the latest style. Let your teenager overhear you saying you’re going to save money and then follow through with it. This will teach them the difference between a want and a need.
Let Them Work for Things
Finally, allow your teen to work for the things they want. When they ask you for the latest gadget, tell them sure… you’ll be happy to take them to buy it when they earn the money to purchase it. Once they realize this is how things go, they won’t ask you for so many things, and they’ll like what they have for longer. Suddenly the iPhone they already own is actually “just fine.”
Helping Your Teen Go from Entitled to Grateful
Following these tips will make life easier for you and your teen. You won’t feel the need to get your teen new things all the time, and your teen will be satisfied with what they have. You can do it! It might not be easy or work right away, but consistently doing these things will help your teen go from entitled to a grateful, hardworking young man or woman!
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
How do you manage your teen’s partying? Image courtesy of photostock at FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Pros and Cons
If your teen wants to party, you have a problem on your hands. In one sense, it’s good that people invite your teen to parties because it shows they have friends and are socially included. However, every other aspect of this situation is bad.
What Should You Do?
In this blog, when I say “party” I’m referring to a house full of teens with no parents, lots of loud music, alcohol, and possibly drugs. When your teen wants to participate in that, what do you do?
Forbidding Your Teen to Party
If you know ahead of time that your teen intends to go to a party like this, your initial reaction is probably to completely forbid it. However, this will only work if you have a strong bond with your teenager. If you do, they’llgrudgingly listen to you and accept the alternatives you offer. However, if your relationship with your teen is not super strong, this can sometimes make the situation worse.
What to Do if You Forbid It
Don’t show anger at your teen’s desire to go to a party; offer to send them and a friend to the movies or something similar instead. That way they have an excuse they can give their friends about why they aren’t going. You don’t want them to say, “My mom won’t let me go” because then their friends will start to criticize you. You probably don’t care what their friends think of you, and I wouldn’t either. The issue is over time your teen’s thinking will be affected by these criticisms.
When Not to Forbid Your Teen to Party
If you aren’t as close with your adolescent, forbidding them to party will just cause your teen to lie to you. They’ll tell you they’re going to Jeff’s (we’ll use the name Jeff as an example) house and then they’ll go to the party instead. You could call Jeff’s parents to make sure your teen is where they say they’ll be. Some parents resort to checking on their teens in this way. However, that shows a mistrust of your teen and isn’t great for your relationship with them.
What to Do Instead of Forbidding Your Teen to Party
Try telling your teen, “I trust you to go where you say you’ll be. If you find yourself leaving Jeff’s for another situation, please let me know. I trust you are a good enough kid to make the right decisions, especially if you’re confronted with drugs or alcohol.” Let them know that you’ll continue to extend them this trust as long as they don’t break it. Whatever you do, do not convey that you are doing your teen a favor. Express that you genuinely trust your teenager, and you’d be surprised and hurt to find out they have broken your trust.
How to Set Limits on Your Teen’s Partying
For those of you who know for certain that your teen is partying and breaking the law (underage drinking and/or drug use), you must set enforceable limits. Do not set limits you cannot enforce. For example, you can forbid your child to date a certain person, but how can you know who they’re seeing at school? You can’t tell your child they are not allowed to attend a party. Unless you make them stay at home 100% of the time, how can you know what they’re doing outside the house?
Setting Rules You Can Enforce
What you can do is tell them what will happen if they’re caught. For example, if you know they’re drinking and driving, you will call the police, or if you know they’re high, you will stop giving them money for anything. If you know they spent the night at a house where parents weren’t home, you will no longer be able to trust them with a car because they’re showing irresponsibility. If your teen is picked up by the police when a party is broken up, you will be unavailable to pick them up from jail until the next day. You get the idea. Make sure 100% of the responsibility is placed on your teenager for their choices.
How to Explain These Rules to Your Teen
Don’t say these things in anger, but matter-of-factly and with love. Tell your teen these are all natural consequences of their choices. You’ll simply allow the consequences to unfold without rescuing them.
Why This Method Works
Eventually your partying teenager will get into trouble for their actions. If they’re unsafe and they’re calling for a ride home, of course, pick them up! However, in circumstances where they’re in trouble with the law or other parents, do not rescue them. It’s better for them to get consequences from the world than from you. They learn more that way, and you aren’t blamed. It’s a win-win.
You’ve Got This!
I know parenting is very challenging sometimes. It’s hard to know when to step in and when not to. I recommend staying in constant conversation with your teenager but not rescuing them from the consequences resulting from their bad choices. Parenting is hard sometimes, especially when your teen enjoys partying, but you can do it!
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Some teens get along really well with their parents. Photo courtesy of Marin and freedigitalphotos.net.
What a Close Relationship with Your Teen Looks Like
Having a close relationship with your teen is a beautiful thing. I have a few clients who have that closeness with their mom and dad. These teens share openly about their lives with their parents. They want to hang around the house. They want to bring their friends over, and their friends want to come over. Their friends all consider these parents to be a second mom or dad. Not only this, but these teenagers always respect their parents when they’re given instruction.
How to Have a Close Relationship with Your Teen
When great parents raise their children, there are several important things they do that create a close relationship between them and their teen. Here’s what I notice they do:
1. They NEVER make judgemental comments about their teen’s friends
These parents don’t assume their teenagers will behave badly because they have friends who occasionally make bad choices. Instead, these moms and dads tell their teenagers how grateful they are that they can trust their teens to make the right choice even when their friends aren’t. This causes teens to not only behave well but desire to make good decisions.
2. They are hurt instead of angry
When their teenager says something awful, makes a poor choice, does badly in a class, etc., these parents never react in anger. They feel hurt instead, and they let their teen see this. These teenagers absolutely hate to hurt their parents’ feelings, so they try to do well at things.
3. They take part in their teens interests even when it’s not enjoyable for them
The parents I’ve observed who have a close relationship with their teen don’t disparage their kids’ interests. In fact, they do the opposite. I’ve seen these parents attend concerts of bands they’ve never listened to, help their kids plan trips to go on with their friends, drive them all over just to spend time with them in the car, and buy clothes that don’t fit the style they prefer their teens to wear.
4. Their expectations are clear
All these parents have a line that their teens wouldn’t dare cross. Because they show so much respect to their teenager, their teen doesn’t want to disrespect them. Their teenagers don’t sneak, but then again, they don’t have to. They can tell their parents things without judgment.
You Still Have to Exercise Discipline
If your teen is truly making a poor decision, you do have to discipline them. However, to have a close relationship with your teen, you must do this gently, not angrily. Show your teen you’re disappointed, but you’re willing to help them do the right thing. On the other hand, only discipline your teenager if they’re really doing the wrong thing. Otherwise, respect their decisions and make sure you’re not being too controlling or too relaxed with them.
Working to Have a Close Relationship with Your Teen
Having a close relationship with your teen takes years of work. It’s hard to completely reverse things if you’ve settled into too friendly or too controlling of a role with your teen. However, putting the work in is worth it. Work to respect them and to enjoy them. It will be challenging, but try finding things to like about their friends and learn about what they like doing. Maybe you’ll enjoy it too.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Hello, I’m Lauren! If you notice your teen struggling, you might be feeling helpless, hopeless, frustrated or concerned as a parent. Try to remember, there is hope. I want to help your adolescent feel better. My hope is for them to enjoy their life again. I want them to feel confident they can handle whatever situations arise.
