by Lauren Goodman | Dec 9, 2025 | Parenting Techniques
Why Getting Your Teen to Help Around the House Feels So Hard
It can feel frustrating when your teen spends the afternoon relaxing or hanging out with friends while the house needs to be cleaned. Maybe you don’t even care about the whole house—you’d just love it if they kept their room clean, picked up the bathroom, and put away their dishes. But they never seem to do any of it. So how do you actually start getting your teen to help around the house?
1. Let Them Know How You Feel
Sharing your feelings calmly (not with anger or hostility) is one of the best ways to get your teen to listen. If you gently explain that you feel overwhelmed, frustrated, or taken advantage of, many teens respond with more understanding. Not every teen will respond well, but if you’re truly being kind and still not getting kindness in return, there may be deeper issues in the relationship to address.
2. Ask Your Teen to Help Around the House Directly
A lot of parents feel they aren’t getting help, but they haven’t actually asked for it. Hoping your teen will look around, notice what needs to be done, and take initiative sounds great—but it rarely happens. Instead, try writing a short, reasonable list before you leave for work with chores that you expect your teen to finish before you get home. For a teen who’s not used to cleaning the house, a 30-minute task is a good starting point. This approach makes getting your teen to help around the house much more realistic.
3. Attach Monetary Value to Certain Tasks
For teens who love being social, money is motivating. If they want spending money for lunch with friends, make sure you’re not handing out cash freely. Instead, attach small payments to specific tasks—like vacuuming or wiping down counters. They’ll learn responsibility and become more thoughtful about how they use their own money. This is a great way to get teens to help around the house.
4. Require Basic Household Responsibilities
Every household needs some non-negotiable responsibilities. If you expect bedrooms and bathrooms to stay picked up, make sure your space follows the same standard—teens resent hypocrisy more than almost anything.
You can attach privileges to these responsibilities. For example, one family required their teen’s room and bathroom to be clean by 8 PM to earn phone use the next day. If she finished at 8:05, they thanked her but still held the boundary. Consistency is key when getting your teen to help around the house.
Building Healthy Habits and Better Connection
It is possible to get your teen to help around the house. With clear expectations and consistent follow-through, they learn responsibility, and you stop feeling like you’re nagging. Once chores become a routine, your relationship improves because there’s less conflict—and your teen feels proud of contributing.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman, MS, MFT
by Lauren Goodman | Dec 7, 2025 | Parenting Techniques
What to Do When Teens Talk Back: Understanding the Challenge
If your teenager is talking back, it can be really frustrating. You may wonder how much more you can take when they argue every time you ask them to do something. It feels rude and unfair, especially when you see them being polite to other adults. So, what should you do when teens talk back?
Check Yourself First
One important step is to check your own reactions. Are you rude to them sometimes? Do you get defensive easily or engage in arguments? Matching their tone won’t help. It’s really hard not to get pulled into an argument, but staying calm is key.
Don’t Get Baited When Teens Start Talking Back
Next, don’t let your teen bait you into the discussion. At first, try not to respond when your teen speaks rudely. They might notice and comment on it. You can make eye contact and just walk away, or calmly say they’re not speaking nicely and then leave the room. The main goal is to avoid escalating the situation. Teens aren’t really listening when they start talking back, so raising your voice won’t help.
Quietly Set Consequences
Gently and quietly enforce a consequence for their rudeness. Make sure they understand that continuing this behavior will have bigger consequences.
For example, when I was a teen, I flipped my mom off once. She calmly told me my friends could only stay until 9pm instead of spending the night. When I angrily protested, she reduced the time further to 7pm, and then 6pm. Then I got the message. I later said sorry, and my mom accepted the apology but did not change the consequence. A few calm, consistent responses were enough to change my behavior.
Don’t Negotiate When Teens Talk Back
Negotiating with your teen in an argument actually encourages more talking back. If you do this, teens will learn that you often give in to them and, as a result, will push back more. They may also learn that you probably won’t enforce consequences, especially if they apologize. This can lead to teens saying sorry just to avoid punishment, rather than truly feeling remorse for their actions. Staying calm and firm helps teens learn their boundaries more quickly.
Stand Your Ground
If you can quietly stand your ground, not engage when your teen is rude, set limits, and enforce them consistently, you’ll make progress on the talking back. These techniques are easier said than done, but they work. Over time, your relationship with your teen will be much more enjoyable.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman, MS, MFT
by Lauren Goodman | Nov 28, 2025 | Parenting Techniques
When Teenagers with Divorced Parents Feel Stuck in the Middle
I’ve worked with many teenagers with divorced parents during my career, and frequently their parents are not on good terms. Teens often feel caught in the crossfire and carry the emotional fallout. They become triangulated between their parents and feel pressured to “play both sides” just to prevent things from getting worse. For some, this creates intense stress; others shut down emotionally because they feel overwhelmed.
How Conflict Between Parents Impacts Teens
Many teenagers with divorced parents desperately want everyone to get along. It hurts them to hear criticism about the other parent—comments about not paying child support, being irresponsible, or not caring enough. They have no power to fix the conflict, but they have no way to escape it.
Because the parents are already upset with each other, every action becomes misinterpreted. If dad starts dating, mom may tell the teen it’s because he doesn’t care about the original family. If mom goes on a trip with friends, dad might say she’s being selfish. Even simple things—like needing money for a school trip—can turn into a blame game.
How Teenagers with Divorced Parents React
Typically, teens with divorced parents react in one of three ways. They either try to keep the peace, start to rebel, or refuse to deal with the conflict at all.
1. Teens Who Try to Keep the Peace
Some teenagers with divorced parents take on the heavy responsibility of keeping the family stable. They hide information, tell small lies, and agree with each parent just to avoid conflict. They internalize their hurt because they feel responsible for protecting their parents from each other.
This creates a complete role reversal. Instead of parents caring for the teen, the teenager becomes the emotional caretaker.
2. Teens Who Act Out
Other teens cope by acting out. They create enough chaos in their own lives that their parents are forced to work together—at least temporarily. This might look like poor grades, substance use, risky behavior, or major emotional struggles. Sometimes once the parents begin communicating again, the teen’s behavior suddenly improves on it’s own.
3. Teens Who Stop Coping Altogether
Some teenagers with divorced parents simply refuse to be in the middle anymore. They may choose to live with one parent full‑time and avoid the other—not necessarily as a rejection, but as a way to escape the constant conflict.
What Divorced Parents Can Do to Help
If you and your child’s other parent are divorced, try as hard as you can to stay amicable. I know this can feel impossible. You may have been deeply hurt, betrayed, or disappointed. You might feel afraid of the influence your ex has on your kids.
Despite all that, it’s important to keep in mind that aside from situations involving abuse or addiction, it’s almost always best for your children to have a healthy relationship with both parents. It’s vital that you do what you can to help your teen maintain this connection.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman, MS, MFT
by Lauren Goodman | Sep 19, 2025 | Parenting Techniques
Introducing Guest Blogger Mark Platte, Counselor for Teen Boys
In this blog post we have a guest writer, Mark Platte MA, Associate PCC. He is going to share his thoughts on building confidence in teen boys and some of the struggles they face. Mark specializes in counseling for teen boys and has a unique understanding of their emotions, frustrations, and behaviors during the challenging, pivotal years of adolescence. I hope you enjoy and take something valuable from his perspective!
Building Confidence in Teen Boys: Managing Anger, Finding Direction, and How Counseling Can Help
Growth and Facing Change
Most of the young men who come to see me are wrestling with two big questions: What am I supposed to do with my life? and once I figure that out, how do I actually achieve it? These questions can feel overwhelming, especially during the teenage years when so much is changing at once.
Whether their parents are married, divorced, or they’re being raised by a single mom or dad—or even if they’ve already moved out—teen boys often come to counseling to sort through their emotions and figure out their place in a world that doesn’t always seem to know what to make of them. They are learning how to handle feelings like anger, anxiety, and depression, while also navigating their first experiences with love, dating, and independence.
Comparison and Purpose
A common theme is comparison. Teen boys constantly measure themselves—at school, in sports, with friends, among siblings, and with their parents. Many have a vague idea of what they want to do after middle school or high school, but few know how to turn those dreams into a plan. When that uncertainty builds, it can lead to discouragement and even quiet despair.
That’s when many retreat into video games, social media, or fantasy worlds. While this might offer temporary escape, it often signals that real life feels too difficult. Shying away from hard things never leads to growth—but facing challenges, step by step, can help teen boys gain confidence, manage anger in healthy ways, and develop the resilience they need for adulthood.
Lessons On Building Confidence in Teen Boys
Counseling can be an excellent tool in building confidence in teen boys. Here are five lessons that come up frequently during therapy sessions:
- Young men need meaning. Teen boys naturally search for purpose. Counseling helps them connect their struggles with growth and understand why challenges matter.
- Struggle is not weakness. From Abraham Lincoln to Winston Churchill to Lady Gaga and Oprah Winfrey, history shows that setbacks are often the price of success.
- Big goals require small steps. Breaking challenges down makes the impossible seem doable and keeps progress moving forward.
- Parents should step back. While it’s natural to want to shield teens from pain, real growth comes from allowing them to solve problems and succeed on their own.
- Praise effort, not just outcomes. Teen boys can easily feel discouraged when results don’t match expectations. Recognizing effort builds perseverance and self-belief.
How Counseling Helps
When teen boys learn to confront challenges rather than avoid them, they discover strengths they didn’t know they had. Counseling for teen boys provides the tools to manage anger, reduce anxiety, and build lasting confidence. More than just getting through a tough season, it’s about helping young men uncover their purpose, strengthen their character, and step into life with courage.
by Lauren Goodman | Sep 19, 2025 | Parenting Techniques
Teen Artificial Intelligence Use: What Parents Should Know
AI is a rapidly growing technology, and, like many new online tools, teens are among the first to adopt it. While AI can be fun and even educational, not all teens use it responsibly. Some even use it in ways that can negatively affect their physical and mental health. As a parent, it’s important to understand how teens are using AI, what risks it may pose, and how you can guide them to a better use.
Teens Using AI to Cheat in School
One of the most common ways teens use AI is for schoolwork—especially writing essays. While it might feel like a shortcut to a perfect paper, it’s actually a form of plagiarism. Teens who rely on AI for their assignments miss out on the chance to learn, grow, and practice their own skills.
What many don’t realize is that using AI this way can also affect their peers. Students who prefer to do their own work may feel like they can’t keep up, and some may feel pressured to use AI just to stay even. Teachers now use AI detectors, but these aren’t perfect—they sometimes miss instances of improper use and occasionally flag honest students. This can create stress, confusion, and an uneven learning environment.
Teens Using AI in Place of Human Connection
One of the more concerning ways teens use AI is to replace human connection. Some teens, especially those facing social or emotional struggles, may turn to AI for companionship. They rely on AI to fill the gap in human connection, sometimes forming attachments and treating the AI like a friend or even a boyfriend or girlfriend.
Teens Discussing Serious Things with AI Instead of Parents
Sometimes teens turn to AI to discuss issues they should be talking about with parents. Most AI platforms include built-in safety features intended to block these conversations and provide suggestions for help. However, teens find ways to work around these protections. One heartbreaking example of this: last April, a freshman at Tesoro High School spoke with ChatGPT about suicide, and then completed it.
What You Can Do
AI is a tool, and like any tool is not in itself good or bad. When used properly, it’s an amazing resource that makes life easier. However, using AI incorrectly can cause problems. A practical way to support your child is to monitor their AI use, similar to how you would with social media or online searches, and guide them to use it wisely so it becomes a valuable lifelong skill.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman, MS, MFT
by Lauren Goodman | Jul 12, 2025 | Parenting Techniques
Why Showing Love to Your Teen Matters
It might seem like your teen only cares about their friends, but showing love to your teen is still really important. When they were little, they loved cuddling and spending time with you. Now, they want to hang out with friends more, and it may feel like they don’t care what you think—but deep down, they still need your love and support.
Teens Still Crave Family Connection
Even though teens act like they only care about their social life, most of the teens I work with in therapy talk more about their families than their friends. They want love, attention, and approval from you—even if they pretend they don’t. Remember how when your teen was a toddler they felt safer and happier just knowing you were close by? That’s still true now. They don’t need you in the same room, but they still want to know you’re there for them.
Love Looks Different Now
Your teen may not want hugs and snuggles like they used to, but they still need to feel loved and safe. A curfew might feel like a fight to them, but it also quietly says, “I care about you.” When you give them a quick hug at bedtime, they might roll their eyes—but they also might feel reassured. When you say something kind about how they look or who they are, it sticks, even if they don’t show it.
The Rewards of Showing Love to Your Teen Take Time to Show
Showing love to your teen is harder than when they were little. Back then, you’d get instant rewards—smiles, giggles, and hugs. Now, you’re driving them all over town and often don’t even get a thank you. But the rewards come later. You’ll see it when they choose not to drink at a party, or when they stick with something hard in college. These moments are proof your love is still making a difference.
Keep the Big Picture in Mind
Showing love to your teen sometimes means setting boundaries that upset them. However, keep the end goal in mind. These boundaries help them grow into a better adult, and they’ll thank you for it later.
Why Showing Love to Your Teen Pays Off
Stick with it. Keep showing love, even when it’s hard or feels unnoticed. A little bit of steady love now can build a strong relationship that lasts for life.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman, MS, MFT
