If your child is already a teenager then your days with them are numbered. It won’t be long until your teen strikes out on his or her own. At that point your relationships changes. I don’t say this to be a Debbie Downer. I want you to be intentional with your time. I want you to thoroughly enjoy the time you have left with your kids living at home with you.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman, MS, MFT
In therapy I have many conversations with teens about character qualities they need to develop in order to be functional adults. While conversations are helpful, lessons are better “caught, not taught.” Mom and Dad, you are in a better position to reinforce character development than I am as your teen’s counselor.
Sometimes I have a client come through my office whose parent has an outstanding method for teaching a character trait. When I see this I can’t help but pass it on to you. Lucky for us, this one is truly simple but so effective!
This parent uses money to teach her daughter self-control and self-discipline. She thinks she’s simply creating good money habits in her daughter, but it actually does so much more than that. Check it out:
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman, MS, MFT
Teenagers like it when you listen. They will talk if you can refrain from judging or interrupting the things they would like to share with you.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman, MS, MFT
If your teen tells you he/she is LGB or T, there is a lot for you to consider. Your intial reaction is very important. But, if you’ve already reacted, what you say next is still critical.
Your teen has two primary things to accomplish at his age. 1. He needs to find his “tribe.” 2. He needs to figure out his identity. Erik Erikson promoted a developmental theory a long time ago which is still widely accepted in the developmental psychology world. I agree wholeheartedly with his 5th stage, which is called “Identity versus Role Confusion.” Your adolescent is trying to learn about who he is. He needs to understand where he fits, who he fits with, and what his place is in the world. In the process of landing on an identity that works for him, he will try on a few different ones.
This isn’t to say that if your adolescent says she is gay she doesn’t mean it. She very well could be and may never shift from that position. However, in the decade that I’ve done counseling with teens, I’ve seen many teens change their minds about these types of statements as they move into a new temporary identity. This doesn’t just apply to their sexuality; it can be absolutely anything. I’ve seen it range from changing the college major several times to trying out different religions. It’s just what teens do. So, don’t panic when you hear any announcement about an identity that you’re not comfortable with, and don’t celebrate when you hear an announcement about identity you love; be patient because the one constant with teens is change.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman, MS, MFT
Parents, this is a tough one. No matter how accepting and embracing you are towards someone who is not your child being lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender, I’ve noticed parents struggle when it’s their own child. There are a myriad of reasons ranging from religious beliefs to fear of what their own extended family will think. The one common reason I hear is fear for the child not being easily accepted by certain parts of society or their friends’ families.
You do need to react in a way that lovingly reflects your true feelings, but I can promise you you won’t do that if you react quickly. Here is a quick video that explains how to react in a gentle and patient way that is true to your heart.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman, MS, MFT
It can be hard to get along with teenagers for parents. However, one thing you can do that really helps is to embrace your child’s friends. I know you won’t like all of them, but trying to talk to them a little really helps. Your teenager wants to know that you don’t judge their friends. Friends are the most important people to them right now. If you resist their friends (except for friends who are destructive), your teen will resist you.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman
Hello, I’m Lauren! If you notice your teen struggling, you might be feeling helpless, hopeless, frustrated or concerned as a parent. Try to remember, there is hope. I want to help your adolescent feel better. My hope is for them to enjoy their life again. I want them to feel confident they can handle whatever situations arise.
