Most everyone has tried video games. For some it has become an addiction that prevents them from living their life in a truly productive manner. If you teenager cannot live without online games, please watch this short video. Here Cameron talks about how he approaches online gaming addiction with adolescents.
Social media is part of our teens’ everyday lives. Using it to connect with friends and see what other people are doing can be fun. There is a point where use and compulsion to check a social media feed become detrimental. For some teens this can even grow into an all-out addiction.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
In 2017 20/20 did a piece about a young California girl who became obsessively addicted to her social media accounts. At 12 years old this girl got her first smart phone. Within a year she had multiple hidden accounts, was often up until 4:00am keeping up with postings on her feed, and texting for hours on end. In the end this girl had to go to residential treatment because no amount of phone restriction would keep her from finding a way to access these accounts.
Whether it’s Snapchat, Instagram, or some other new app, if
your teen feels a compulsion to use it, it’s bordering on addiction. If the compulsion is so strong that they use
it despite negative consequences, it is an addiction.
Can your teenager get through a meal without checking their
phone? Does your teen insist on keeping
the phone in their room at night? Does
your teenager hardly ever seem to see friends in person, but is always
“talking” to someone using a device?
Have your teen’s grades started to slip because of the phone? Does your teenager struggle to get to bed at
a decent hour? If you answered yes to
all these questions, there might be a social media addiction issue.
Studies have begun to emerge detailing a surprising result;
people who use excessive social media are actually lonelier. A study out of the University of Pennsylvania
headed by Melissa G. Hunt, Ph.D., had college students in one group limit their
time on social media apps to 10 minutes per day per app, and another group
continue normal use. Assessments of
depression, anxiety and loneliness done before and after revealed a significant
improvement in the group that limited their social media exposure, but no
change in the group that used it normally.
There are probably several reasons the group who used less social media
ended up feeling better, one of which is getting out of the comparison trap.
If your adolescent is addicted to social media, there is a
good chance she (or he) is comparing to others constantly. There is a comparison of how good your teen’s
pictures look compared with friends, how many followers your teen has, and how
many likes your teen is getting. Your
teen is constantly exposed to what other kids are doing without her. Your teenager can end up obsessively checking
for responses to her posts in order to feel validated. It becomes an obsessive-compulsive need for
instant gratification and validation.
Social media addiction causes relational challenges, declining
grades, and a loss of interest in the real world. It also can cause physical problems. Your teen is focusing his eyes on a screen
most of the day instead of looking up and out.
Your teenager is also no longer exercising or engaging muscles the way
they are meant to be used at a young age.
Your teen is constantly cheating on the amount of sleep needed for
healthy development and immunity. Your
teenager is not developing necessary skills to succeed in the world from basic
things like doing laundry, to more complex things like dating face to face.
If you feel like your family’s life is run by your
teenager’s phone, it’s time to consider whether your teen has a social media
addiction. It’s time to get life back on
track. Your teenager needs help. Your teenager will honestly feel better after
the initial couple weeks of agitated withdrawal from the social media
platforms. Life is meant to be lived
through more than just a tiny screen.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Former
Attorney General John Ashcroft has estimated that nine in ten
adolescents have seen pornographic material (focusonthefamily.org),
and most of this is from the internet. The exact percentage of
teenagers who are truly addicted to online pornography is hard to pin
down. What’s certain though is that your teenager has probably
dealt with some form of sexually explicit content online.
It
has become normal for a girl and a boy to like each other and begin a
texting conversation. When he asks her to send nudes, she won’t
even be surprised. A lot of times this happens before they’ve even
held hands. Yes, things are that backwards in your teen’s world
right now. If you find that hard to believe, trust me, so did I.
You can learn a lot by simply asking your teen if these types of
things are actually happening around them.
Sadly,
you may be at a point where your son or daughter finds him or herself
viewing pornographic material a few times a week, or maybe even a few
times per day. Your teenager is likely feeling sucked into a vortex
of pleasure and shame that is way over your teen’s head. If this
is going on then it is definitely time to get help.
Study
after study shows that sex within a committed relationship at an age
when a committed relationship can actually be sustained (i.e. in
marriage) is the healthiest form of sex. Think about how opposite
pornography is to a committed relationship. There is no emotional
connection. There is no wooing, dating, growing, learning, boundary
setting, or selflessness. It is completely about instant
gratification with no effort involved. Some of my clients have also
told me it requires more and more extreme versions of sex over time
to create feelings of arousal. This means by time real intimacy
occurs, it’s often confusing and disappointing.
You
definitely don’t want your teenager to develop ideas about sex that
are unrealistic and damaging. You also don’t want your teenager to
live in a pretend world based around his or her phone or tablet.
This addiction can become so powerful that it leaves teens unwilling
to go out with friends, get a job, or do anything outside their
private time. My colleague once had a teen client who used to leave
class and sit in the bathroom in order to catch a few quick porn
videos because his addiction had become so dominating.
If
your teen is dealing with pornography addiction, getting help can be
key. There are steps to follow that are really difficult, but
rewarding on the other side. Let’s help your teenager get a real,
in-this-world, connected with actual people life back. Let’s fight
back against this insidious and evil addiction that is victimizing
your child.
Helping
teens grow and families improve connection,
If your child is addicted to drugs, it feels devastating. Image courtesy of freedigitalphotos.net.
When your teenager becomes a drug addict, it is one of the most scary, tragic, overwhelming things that can happen. It breaks your heart into pieces. You feel like you can’t get your head above water. Even when you’re having fun with family or friends, you always sense a dark cloud lingering in the background. Your prayers are desperate, you feel broken, and you feel disconnected from family and friends because they don’t understand the depth of your pain.
It can be scary to talk with your friends and family about your teenager’s addiction. You just never know what kind of reaction you’ll get. Some people are kind, compassionate and understanding. Others try and go back into the past to determine where you went wrong as a parent. When people react this way it’s excruciating and insensitive. Many, many times I’ve worked with families who truly did everything right. There are no parents who are perfect, but these families were wholesome, loving, fair and genuine. Despite this, their teenager still got into drugs. It’s not necessarily a product of the family system, and it’s very painful that family and friends don’t always realize that.
The other thing that parents have said is really difficult for them when their teens are addicted to drugs is feeling like a burden to their loved ones. What they mean by this is the well-being of their child is always on their mind. Sometimes parents don’t even know where their addicted child is, which is also very scary. These parents don’t feel like they can call their friends or family and lament about the same problem every single day. They have told me they live in a world where their pain is central to their existence, but they’re alone in their hell. They worry that discussing their heavy heart everyday becomes a drag to those around them.
It’s important for parents of addicted children to get support from people who truly understand how intense the battle against addiction is for both the addict and the addict’s family. A good place to get this support is Alanon, Celerate Recovery, CODA, or some other support group type of environment where it’s okay to voice how much it hurts. There will be others around who feel the same way. There will be some who have learned how to live with this and even carry on with their life. There will be people there who can really understand your fear and helplessness. There will be people there to gently point out ways you might be enabling your teen’s addiction, and then to support you as you try to stop.
Most of you who have an addicted teenager also have other kids. You have to continue being a parent to the children who are healthy and try to make things as normal as possible for them. You have to help them through their own pain they experience because they have an addict sibling. Somehow you’re supposed to do this while fighting through it yourself.
Addiction rocks families. It’s not just a problem for the addict. For parents it is terrifying. A child’s addiction has destroyed family finances, marriages, hopes and dreams. Putting people around you who really understand this, and who don’t blame you, is critical.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Some teens send hundreds or even thousands of texts per day. Image courtesy of Ambro / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Dear Teens,
You live in an era where it’s easier to spend time in front of a screen than go do things out in the world. It’s hard to go more than three minutes without some form of entertainment. If you look at what you’re parents are doing, there’s a good chance mom, dad or both are also addicted to technology. They don’t even go to the bathroom without taking their phone! This means it’s not just your age group, so don’t feel condemned.
Here are the positives of being on social media, playing video games, watching Netflix, or spending time on any other app. First of all, you’re pretty much staying out of trouble. You could be out doing drugs, or getting into all kinds of stuff; instead you’re at home where mom and dad know you’re safe. Secondly, you’re probably never bored. You always have something to keep you occupied. When I was your age, if we couldn’t get ahold of our friends then we had almost nothing do do at home. Thirdly, you probably communicate with your friends all the time. Between commenting on their pictures or messages, and sending them texts or Snapchats, you’re always in contact.
Like anything though, there are some negatives to too much screen time. I bet you can guess what I’m going to say. First of all, you might not be taking great care of your physical health. One study came out that said people who use a lot of electronics are more sedentary, and eat more calories than those who don’t. The combination of not moving much, and eating in front of the TV because you’re bored can equate to carrying excess weight. The second problem you might have is that everyone looks happy on social media. They tend to post pictures when they’re with friends, or put up posts that say how much fun they’re having. You’ve probably heard, but this isn’t real. Every single person who posts things has times where they lack confidence, are lonely, feel angry, etc. It’s just not very common to write things on Facebook like, “I’m feeling ugly today because I have a huge zit in the middle of my forehead.”
Thirdly, some of you struggle with face to face interactions. When you text or post things all the time, you get to think before you hit send. That’s so nice because you have a few seconds or even minutes to formulate your answer. When you’re in person though you feel awkward and uncomfortable. You’re not with your peers in person as much as generations before you, so you haven’t spent as much time practicing the nuances of conversation. It’s really an art to be funny, witty, deep, and thought-provoking in a face to face conversation. Most people need a lot of practice to get there, and they practiced it growing up with their friends. Now you don’t do as much of that. It just makes things harder when you go on a date or interview for a job.
If you worry that you might be addicted to technology, here’s a quick self-test. Put down all forms of technology for 3 days in a row. Can you do it? If you can find books to read, enjoy going on a walk, and figure out how to talk with people, you’re probably okay. However, if you feel a sense of withdrawal, and a little bit depressed without your technology, then recognize that you might have a psychological dependence on it that goes beyond what is within healthy limits.
Hello, I’m Lauren! If you notice your teen struggling, you might be feeling helpless, hopeless, frustrated or concerned as a parent. Try to remember, there is hope. I want to help your adolescent feel better. My hope is for them to enjoy their life again. I want them to feel confident they can handle whatever situations arise.