Image courtesy of Stuart Miles at FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Teen depression can look a bit different from adult depression. In teenagers you might see more of a general irritability. Adults typically notice they feel depressed because their dominant mood is sad. Sometimes adolescent depression presents as sadness, but just as often it presents as consistent grouchy moods.
One thing I see in my therapy practice pretty regularly is parents struggling to believe their teenager is dealing with depression. This is because the teen has moments where they smile and laugh. They have times during the day when they come out of their depressed mood and engage with others around them. Parents tend to assume that teens are only unhappy at home, or at school. Teenagers with depression can be good at faking feeling okay. Even while they are laughing, there is a dark cloud somewhere in the background.
Other signs your teenager could be dealing with depression include a change in appetite, a change in sleep patterns, and a decrease in socializing. If you see your adolescent either stop eating or eat quite a lot and this is different from normal, it is possibly a sign of depression. It could also be a symptom of many other things though, so don’t assume they are depressed solely based on a change in eating habits. If your teenager is usually a good sleeper and now sleeps poorly or sleeps excessively, it is another possible symptom of depression (I know it sounds weird that it can be either interrupted sleep or excessive sleep since those are opposites, but people’s bodies react in different ways to depression). Finally, if your teenager is withdrawing to their room all the time and no longer has an interest in seeing friends, this is another sign of possible depression.
One sign you definitely cannot overlook is when your teenager is either cutting or expresses thoughts of suicide. These symptoms alone are often enough to diagnose depression. Please get them help immediately in these situations.
Many teens experience profound anxiety at the same time as depression. If your teenager is overwhelmed and cannot seem to get organized, this can be a sign of depression too. When a person experiences depression it is really challenging to plan and execute. What I mean by this is a person with depression might write down their homework assignments, but actually deciding which one to start first is so overwhelming that they just don’t start. Then they fall behind, and it becomes even more cumbersome.
Teen depression is more complicated than I can describe in one 450 word blog post. If you are concerned your teen is dealing with depression, please feel free to contact me. I will chat with you on the phone to try and help you decide whether an evaluation by a professional is warranted. As a parent it is always so hard to watch your kids struggle. If you’re worried about your child, my heart hurts with you.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
“So I totally think it’s fine to steal from Target because they’re a big corporation. I mean, who is it really hurting? They make tons of profits and they’re just greedy anyways.” This is something I heard straight from the mouth of a teenage client a few weeks ago. The parents don’t believe stealing is appropriate in any circumstance. They definitely aren’t training their kids to be envious, which is the sinful character flaw that leads to the belief, “You have too much so I deserve to take it from you.” Envy is much more destructive than jealousy.
The problem is this child’s parents aren’t paying any attention. Their teenager is learning from Tik Tok videos, Instagram, and whatever other corner of the internet they’ve found. The kid didn’t even realize what she was saying because she has not been provided enough moral training to recognize a wolf in sheep’s clothing. It was a big wake-up call for the family that they have to put more time and effort into moral training.
We grew up in a time when not stealing was a given. Society did a lot of the moral training for us. It’s not the case anymore. Your child can wind up in the company of people (via the internet) who continue to perpetuate bad ideas because social media helps us find like-minded people. We no longer have to rub shoulders with people who think differently than we do. While we may be more comfortable this way, we definitely don’t grow as humans. Like it or not, it’s just the way it is now.
This means you as parents have to be EXTREMELY intentional about training your kids up in what is right and wrong. You cannot let the current trends or dictates of society make that determination for them. History shows us how incredibly wrong many trends end up being. Of course this means some of what is popular to believe today will not pan out to be good.
Eating Disorders include rules like only eating salads. Image courtesy of rakratchada torsap at FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Parents of teenagers call me for a number of varying concerns, one of which is that their daughter has an eating disorder. Once in counseling for any reason, girls frequently reveal they believe they are fat. Of the girls who believe they are fat, a significant number are actively trying to lose weight. If their efforts are dangerous enough, they qualify for an eating disorder. Lately I have been seeing a lot of girls with eating disorders, so it seems like a good time to address this.
The first thing that might have struck you as odd is that I wrote, “If their efforts are dangerous enough, they qualify for an eating disorder.” You might be wondering what I mean by “dangerous.” Girls (and less often boys) that are trying to lose weight are usually doing so in unhealthy ways. For example, there are numerous risks associated with frequent self-induced vomiting. It rots teeth, has the potential to burn a hole in the esophagus, and can cause electrolyte imbalances; sometimes these electrolyte imbalances have caused death.
Other dangerous things adolescents do to lose weight is crash diet, work out too hard (causing sickness and injury), take laxatives, fast, cut out certain food groups, and use drugs. All of these things can be dangerous. Nutrition is an essential part of our health. Girls who are struggling with an eating disorder are nutrition obsessed, but often eat very unhealthily.
One example comes from a girl I know who has an eating disorder. She has numerous misconceptions about food based on the current cultural fads. She believes carbohydrates are like putting poison into her body. If she eats salads for lunch and dinner then she assumes she has eaten a very healthy diet for that day. In fact, all she has done is eat a low calorie diet while missing out on essentials like carbohydrates and proteins.
Therapists are by no means nutritionists, but we are often required to address nutritional issues. For this reason, in most cases, eating disorders are treated in conjunction with a registered dietician. The dietician helps the teen plan appropriate eating. The therapist then helps the teenage girl with the emotions surrounding staying on a food plan; this can be extremely challenging.
Eating disorders are primarily emotional. Girls with anorexia are in tight control over their diet. They control their food in what appears to be an unemotional manner. However, anorexic teens live with constant feelings of self-disgust, shame, and fear. This differs slightly from teenagers with bulimia, who also feel the self-disgust, shame and fear plus a numbing during a binge.
If you are concerned your daughter has an eating disorder, here are a few questions you can ask. First, ask your daughter if she feels comfortable with her body. You can directly ask if she’s ever trying to diet. Find out from her how much she is concerned with her daily diet. Nearly all girls are conscious of these things, but many still eat normally and exercise moderately. You want to determine if it seems a bit extreme. If your daughter is very defensive when you ask these questions, that can also be a sign of trouble.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Exhausted teens are less social, and more disrespectful to their parents. Image courtesy of imagerymajestic at FreeDigitalPhotos.net.
Why Teens Need Their Sleep:
1. It helps them concentrate in school.
2. It keeps their moods more even.
3. It keeps the immune system strong.
4. They have more energy.
5. It reduces symptoms of anxiety and depression.
6. Teens who are sleep-deprived eat more junk food.
7. It leads to better judgement.
8. It helps your teen with memory.
9. Teens who get enough sleep are more social.
10. Teens who sleep enough are more respectful.
The health benefits of sleep cannot be overstated. For your teenager’s psychological and physical well-being, make this a top priority. You are on your child about homework, hygiene, chores, etc. Make sleep even more important than these things. As a therapist for adolescents, assessing how much sleep a teenager is getting is one of the most important things I screen for at the first counseling session.
Teenagers need approximately 9.5 hours of sleep a night! Can you believe that? They are still growing. While they look like young men and women, their brains are far from finished developing.
Unfortunately most teenagers get about 6 hours of sleep on school nights. They are bogged down with homework, sports, and social media. There is so much pressure for them to excel in academics, sports, socially, and still be a good kid. Usually the easiest thing to forego is sleep. However, this is a mistake.
So for this next year, consider a New Year’s Resolution of everyone in the house getting enough sleep. Your whole family will benefit.
I am enrolled in an 8 week class on how to help parents of adopted children connect better as they bring the new child into their home. While I don’t have any adopted children (hats off to those of you who do- what a loving and selfless act), I have gleaned some very helpful information. I tried one of the techniques on my obstinate 5 year old this week and it helped me feel compassion rather than frustration when he lashed out in anger. I will take compassion towards my children over frustration any day!
Hello, I’m Lauren! If you notice your teen struggling, you might be feeling helpless, hopeless, frustrated or concerned as a parent. Try to remember, there is hope. I want to help your adolescent feel better. My hope is for them to enjoy their life again. I want them to feel confident they can handle whatever situations arise.
