I’ve never commented on this as far as I can remember. It’s not something I am called on to do with any regularity. It is one of the most universally hated parts of a therapist’s job. What is it? Calling child protective services.
Here’s why:
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman, MS, MFT
Marijuana addiction in teens is a growing problem
People have a hard time believing marijuana is addictive. Indeed, for many people it is not. It is similar to alcohol in that most people who use it do not become dependent. Most can use it in a social, recreational situation. However, like alcohol, there are some who cannot control their use.
Someone who is addicted to marijuana always says that other people do not understand it. They say it has health benefits, and that it is not an addictive drug. They say of course they could stop if they wanted to. They ignore the irritation of their loved ones, and they ignore the signs that it is a problem. Their productivity is lowered, and their emotional range is blunted. They tend to use it several times per day. It is often the center of their social group.
Heavy marijuana users tend to need it to fall asleep. Their anxiety becomes so high that it is hard to quiet their minds before falling asleep. What is ironic about this is that the majority of people who abuse marijuana claim it isn’t addictive. However, if your teenager needs it in order to get to sleep, their body is dependent on it.
According to drugabuse.gov, 1 in 6 teens who use cannabis end up addicted to it during their lifetime. For those who use it daily, the number skyrockets to 1 in 4. Nearly 1 in 5 teenagers who enter a drug rehab facility go to treatment because they can’t quit using marijuana.
As a therapist who works with teens that have drug problems, I find that the teens who abuse marijuana are initially resistant to the idea they are addicted. This is much more true than the teens who abuse other drugs. I have yet to sit down with an opiate, meth, cocaine, or anxiolytic (such as Xanax) addict who thinks there is absolutely no problem with their drug use. Yes, some of these drug users are in denial about how intense their addiction might be, but they all agree that it would be better to be sober. This is not true with adolescents abusing marijuana. Most of them maintain a moderate level of functioning, so they argue that they’re completely fine. It takes a lot of work to break through a marijuana addict’s denial wall because addiction to marijuana is more subtle.
If this describes your teenager, my heart goes out to you. You might even feel torn about whether marijuana is addictive yourself. One thing that may help you understand is according to http://adai.uw.edu/marijuana/factsheets/potency.pdf, marijuana is 2 to 7 times more potent than in the 1970s. Also, teens tend to smoke the flower buds of the cannabis plant, which is stronger than the leaves previous generations tended to smoke. Many now use “dabs,” which is concentrated THC inhaled through a vape pen. According to justthinktwice.gov, dabs are approximately four times as strong as the highest grade marijuana; they are absolutely addictive. Previous generations also were more likely to begin use in their 20s, but now that is starting 5-10 years sooner.
If this blog is hitting home a little too closely, your teen has possibly begun to have a marijuana dependence. They will argue with you that they feel fine, but it is still a problem behavior. If you want your teen to be engaged, present and productive, then encourage them to quit. If they cannot or will not quit, get them help.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman, MS, MFT
Occasionally you need to come down hard on your child for a transgression, but if you are doing this daily then you are an ineffective disciplinarian. Sure you might be getting compliance. People will comply out of fear. Given the first opportunity though, they will be passive aggressive as a means of expressing their resentment towards your tyranny. Teens are no exception to this rule. Sometimes they even become just plain aggressive.
If you want to impact their character so that your teenager can make independently moral and upright decisions, then you must discipline by leading. Even better is when you are lead and can then in turn lead your children. When you follow the edicts of your faith (in my household this means the instructions for life given in the Bible), you have a guide that makes it easier to parent. You have something telling you in no uncertain terms what is right and what is wrong. You are told your purpose, how to love, and how to conduct edifying family life. It makes it much easier to take your teenager’s hand and lead him through ups and downs rather than constantly nagging and exasperating him. So, lead well and watch your child shine.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman, MS, MFT
This summer can be amazing with your teenager! You can help him grow and develop his character. You will have to be an intentional parent, but you can do it!
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman, MS, MFT
Help your teen combat depression by volunteering together.
Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
One of the simplest things you can do to help your teen combat mild depression is to help them be more selfless. These days the commonly held belief is that we all need to work on ourselves; we need to take time out for ourselves; we need to focus on our own internal growth. If we would spend extra effort improving then we’d find happiness. Since happiness is the opposite of depressed, everything would get better, right?
If this is such sage advice, why hasn’t it worked yet? Why are people feeling lonely, purposeless, aimless, and easily overwhelmed?
The answer can be found by looking down and looking up. If you look at ants you will notice they are almost always working in teams. They are following one another in a line, and they live in a colony. Ants even carry their dead back to the nest. If you look all the way up the the heavens, you see that even God himself does not work alone. He has Jesus and the Holy Spirit.
Nothing about the way the world works indicates that we are meant to fix ourselves. Part of the reason I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE working with teens is that they are still living in a family. While the family may come broken, piecemeal or otherwise, there are always people around the teens. The healing in my clients has come from adjustments made to their relationships far more often than adjustments to their inner selves. Even when they adjust their inner selves, they don’t seem to feel content until their relationships begin to change.
I see a great number of girls who come because they are struggling with body image. They are trying to reach perfection on the outside. A perfect body is a lonely, isolated pursuit. Even if these girls achieve their desired appearance, they are unhappy and unfulfilled. Again, we were created to be in relationship with others.
Now that you know the background, you can likely see how this will relate to your child’s depression. Stop encouraging your depressed teenager to work on him or herself. Instead, push your teenager to work on someone else or something else. Take them down to the soup kitchen on Saturday. Have them volunteer at the YMCA to play with kids after school. Take them to the library and have them volunteer in the Friends of the Library bookstore. Sign them up for the Big Brother/Big Sister program (as the big brother or sister).
The antidote to mild depression is to get into relationship and give of yourself (Please note, for more severe clinical depression the most important thing to do is seek professional help. Clinical depression is not resolved with a simple change of attitude or change of scene. It is dangerous and requires intervention).
So, when you see your teenager tonight, tell them you know how to help them perk up. Don’t make this optional. Get them involved in helping someone else and watch them begin to find a sense of joy. If you work alongside them, you’ll get to experience that joy and you’ll strengthen your relationship with your teenager!
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman, MS, MFT
Hello, I’m Lauren! If you notice your teen struggling, you might be feeling helpless, hopeless, frustrated or concerned as a parent. Try to remember, there is hope. I want to help your adolescent feel better. My hope is for them to enjoy their life again. I want them to feel confident they can handle whatever situations arise.
