Following the guidance of your faith can conflict with culture. Credit: freedigitalphotos.net and digidreamgrafix
Dating for Christian Teens: A Real Talk About Relationships
Hey teens! If you’re reading this, there’s a good chance your parents asked you to check it out, thinking it applies to your situation. And honestly? They might be right—especially when it comes to dating for Christian teens. So let’s dive in!
Christian Teen Dating Today: Why It Feels So Messy
Dating in a world that’s all about “hooking up” can be super frustrating. I hear it all the time from teens. Some of you don’t want to make out with someone before you even go on a real date. You don’t think you need to be drunk to figure out if you like someone. And you’re tired of everyone having a “thing” or being “just talking” without any real commitment. Sound familiar?
What Does the Bible Say About Christian Teen Dating?
The Bible doesn’t lay out a step-by-step guide for modern dating, but it does talk about relationships, marriage, respect, and commitment. Some key stories give us a peek into love done right—and wrong:
Lust gone wrong – David and Bathsheba: 2 Samuel 11-12 (yeah, that was a mess)
Dating with commitment in mind – Solomon and his beloved: Song of Solomon
The importance of family involvement – Isaac and Rebekah: Genesis 24
Keeping Your Christian Teen Dating Relationships Real and Faith-Centered
One thing that’s super clear? God doesn’t want you to date in secret. If you feel like you have to hide it from your parents or your church family, something’s off. Either you’re pushing boundaries you shouldn’t be, or the person you’re dating doesn’t share your faith. Your relationship with God should be consistent—whether you’re in church, with friends, or on a date.
Making Smart Choices No Matter Your Faith
Even if you’re not a Christian, you can still apply this to your own dating life. What you do in private and what you do in public should always line up. Also, your dating life should align with your morals and values no matter what. See? Even if you’re not a Christian, you can still use this!
Balancing Parental Expectations and Your Own Choices
I get that some of you have parents that make it hard to date. Some of you have super strict parents who don’t even let you think about dating. Others of you have parents who let you do whatever you want. Neither extreme is great—one can lead to sneaking around, and the other can leave you unprotected emotionally and physically. A healthy balance is preferable, but try to stay true to God and your faith no matter what—even if your parents make it tough sometimes.
Tips for Christian Teen Dating Without Losing Your Faith (or Your Mind!)
If you want to keep Jesus at the center of your dating life, here are a few things to keep in mind:
1. Date someone who is even more dedicated to Jesus than you are. This will help you grow and mature in your faith. Plus, you can go to church and serve the community together. This makes helping out more fun! Also, it makes dating more meaningful.
2. Know why you’re dating. If you already know you’re going separate ways after high school, keep things light and fun. Don’t get too serious if there’s no future in it. Besides, if you run into each other later on in life, this keeps getting back together and dating more seriously a possibility!
3.Keep your relationship out in the open. The more public and accountable you are, the less temptation you’ll face. Plus, it just makes things easier.
4. Be friends with everyone, but be selective about who you date. As Christians, we’re called to love and respect everyone, no matter their beliefs. But when it comes to dating, make sure the person shares your values. Your relationship with Jesus should never have to compete with your relationship with your boyfriend or girlfriend.
Final Thoughts on Dating for Christian Teens
Dating as a Christian teen doesn’t have to be stressful or confusing. Keep your faith first, be real with the people who care about you, and set healthy boundaries. You got this!
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Teaching teens about money is very important. Image courtesy of sscreations at FreeDigitalPhotos.net
How to Teach Teens About Money
It’s crucial for teenagers to develop financial literacy before they enter adulthood. As a parent, you likely already understand this and are taking steps to prepare your teen for financial independence. Here are four highly effective strategies that parents of my clients have used to teach their teens about money:
1. Teaching Teens About Money Through Incentivized Savings
Developing the habit of saving is a key financial skill. Some parents I’ve worked with have successfully encouraged their teens to save by offering incentives—whether by matching their savings or providing other rewards. This approach fosters collaboration between parents and teens in setting financial goals. This way, they can then create a plan and work together to achieve them. By guiding their adolescents through the entire savings process, parents help instill lifelong financial discipline.
2. Teaching Teens About Money by Showing the Value of Financial Decisions
Furthermore, encouraging teens to consider the value of their purchases and financial choices can make a lasting impact. This is vital when teaching teens about money. For instance, a 17-year-old client of mine realized he had a sense of entitlement and wanted to work on it. His parents helped him weigh the financial pros and cons of attending an out-of-state college versus a more affordable in-state option. After thorough research and discussions, he chose a school that was the best financial fit for his career goals rather than the most prestigious option. This experience taught him valuable lessons in financial responsibility and smart decision-making.
3. Encourage Teens to Pay for Their Wants
Teens often struggle to distinguish between wants and needs. Consequently, having them pay for their wants is very important when teaching teens about money. One teenage girl I worked with insisted she needed her own car. Instead of buying one for her, her mother encouraged her to save for it. After realizing how expensive cars are—especially when purchased with her own money—she became more content with driving the family’s older truck. Through this experience, she learned to prioritize practical features like fuel efficiency and maintenance costs over aesthetics. She also became more mindful about her spending habits and learned the value of hard work.
4. Support Teen Employment for Financial Growth
Moreover, encouraging (or even requiring) teens to get a job can have tremendous benefits. This makes it a key step in teaching teens about money. Aside from boosting self-esteem, working teens tend to be more responsible with money. They also get into less trouble and develop a greater appreciation for their parents. Many of my counseling clients who started working not only stopped asking their parents for money but also took pride in their ability to support themselves. They quickly learned to differentiate between needs and wants and developed a stronger work ethic.
Final Thoughts on Teaching Teens About Money
There are many ways to teach teens financial responsibility, such as budgeting, charitable giving, and learning the basics of investing. However, these four strategies are among the easiest to implement and provide an immediate, meaningful impact. At their core, they teach patience and delayed gratification—essential skills for lifelong financial success.
By guiding your teen toward financial independence, you’re not just teaching them about money. You’re preparing them for a successful future.
The guilt and shame associated with teen use of porn is intense. Image credit: suart miles via freedigitalphotos.net
Prevalence of Adolescent Pornography Use
Sadly, teen pornography use is prevalent, and finding help for adolescent pornography use is vital. According to internetsafety101.org, most pornography contains violence and bad language. Over half of teen boys aged 12 to 15 have viewed internet porn, and almost a third of girls in that age bracket have as well.
Desensitization to Pornography
What’s more disturbing: internetsafety101.org also reports that two thirds of young men and half of young women see viewing pornography as an acceptable thing to do. When people are consistently exposed to something, they start tolerating it even if they were once appalled by it. This is why many people don’t even realize help for adolescent pornography use is necessary. In the world of psychology, this is called desensitization.
What’s Wrong with Adolescent Pornography Use
For parents who are trying to preserve the sanctity of sex in a committed relationship and trying to teach these values to their children, adolescent pornography use is cause for concern. These videos teach your children the opposite of what you want them to think about intimacy, emotional connection, marriage, monogamy, and respecting women.
Signs of Adolescent Pornography Use
Here are some signs that your teen might be using the internet inappropriately:
They consistently clear their browser history.
They regularly close a tab on their phone whenever you walk into the room.
They excessively masturbate.
They won’t allow you to see what apps they keep on their phone.
They close the door to their room whenever they’re on their computer, tablet or phone.
They use terms you don’t think they should know when they discuss sex.
Just because these signs are present doesn’t mean your teenager is viewing pornography. However, it’s worth asking the question just in case you need to get help for your adolescent’s pornography use.
How to Help Your Teen If They’re Using Porn
What do you do if you find out your teenager is watching porn? How do you get help for your adolescent’s pornography use?
The Natural Response
Getting angry is a natural response. You probably feel betrayed by their lying and sneaking. It’s also scary to think about what harm they might have done to their relational development. However, this will not help stop your adolescent’s pornography use.
How You Should Respond
Instead of getting mad, try to focus on what you’re feeling underneath the anger. That’s what’s worth expressing to your child because those are the things that will make an emotional impact and help your adolescent with their pornography use. Yelling at them will just deepen the shame I can almost guarantee your teen is feeling.
Restrict Your Teen’s Internet Use
You will also need to place tight restrictions on their internet use and closely monitor their online activity. There is a natural high that occurs from viewing sexual content, making it very addicting. If your teen stops having access to porn, slowly they will stop craving it. Restricting internet use is a big help in stopping your adolescent’s pornography use.
Get Your Teen a Therapist
Oftentimes therapy or counseling is necessary if adolescent pornography use is frequent. Your teen may need to work with a therapist who has experience in treating porn addiction.
Why Therapists Can Help with Adolescent Pornography Use
Teens can feel a lot of embarrassment for this behavior. Consequently, they’re often reluctant to share how extensive their pornography use is. However, a good counselor for teens will know how to delicately maneuver through these emotions.
Finding Help for Adolescent Pornography Use
If you have more questions about the situation your teen is dealing with don’t hesitate to call. We can help you determine if therapy is necessary in this situation. We even offer teletherapy for California residents who live outside Orange County. Adolescent pornography use is heartbreaking; we’re here to help.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Down time makes stronger families and happier teens. Image courtesy of photostock at FreeDigitalPhotos.net
What Keeping Your Teen Too Busy Looks Like
Here in Orange County, keeping your teen too busy is normal. Most families have their adolescents enrolled in multiple extra-curricular activities, playing sports constantly, and more. On top of all this, your child has school, homework, and hangs out with friends. While this is normal, it’s not necessarily a good thing.
What’s Wrong with Keeping Your Teenager Too Busy
While some kids thrive on this, for most it adds a lot of stress. Even though most of the activities your adolescent participates in are fun (except school), too much is still stressful. You must teach your teen that saying no, even to fun things, is important for mental health. Children (and adults) need down time.
How to Lower Your Teen’s Stress
If you’d like to see your child feel less stressed and have less anxiety, try taking one day a week and resting. Turn off the electronics, don’t go anywhere with a schedule, and slow down. Eventually your teen will learn how to rest, a skill that will remain invaluable for the rest of their life.
How Your Teen Might Resist Resting at First
At first, your adolescent will probably resist resting. They might say, “I can’t have my phone off because someone might text me about homework.” This is just one of many excuses your teen might make. Don’t buy into that. Keeping your teen too busy is bad; they need to rest! After a while, your kid will be grateful for the reduced activity.
Set A Good Example
This starts with you. You have to start saying no to activities (even fun ones) and stop using electronics all the time. Teens are starting to formulate their own values and opinions, but they’re still heavily influenced by you. I know this is hard. It’s hard for me too, but you can do it!
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Choosing to admit a mistake can be really difficult. Image courtesy of Stuart Miles / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Why is Admitting We’re Wrong Important
It’s hard to admit we’re wrong. I know; I’ve been there. It’s important to acknowledge mistakes not just in relationships, but in life too. Rather than cover up a mistake, it’s better to admit you’ve done wrong and accept the consequences. Continuing in the mistake only leads to much greater consequences when it all unravels later.
What to Do When You Make a Mistake
There are three choices you can make when you do something wrong, and it’s important to pick the right one. Everyone faces these choices at some point (including me!), but not everyone makes the right decision (spoiler alert! Admitting we’re wrong is always best).
Choice #1: Ignore the Problem
You could pretend the problem doesn’t exist and hope it goes away on its own. Unfortunately, this is not only dishonest, but it can lead to huge consequences if the issue doesn’t go away by itself.
Choice #2: Try to Cover Up for the Mistake
You could try to get people to act differently or get rid of the evidence of your mistake. This isn’t the right choice either because, again, it’s dishonest and it doesn’t usually work.
Choice #3: Admit You Were Wrong
Choice #3 is the right decision to make, but it’s also the toughest. It feels shameful to tell people you’ve messed up on something when you should have known better, and it doesn’t feel good to face consequences. However, fixing the problem instead of running from it can prevent a lot of damage.
Examples of When Admitting We’re Wrong is Important
For example, a client of mine rolled their eyes at a teacher. Instead of admitting they were wrong, they denied their fault. Then they complained to a friend about the teacher but the teacher overheard, and now they’re really in trouble. As you can see here, admitting we’re wrong is hard, but it’s important to do it.
Admitting We’re Wrong Builds Trust
If you can get into the habit of admitting errors before they blow up into something big, you’ll save yourself a lot of trouble. People will trust you when you say things. They’ll know you’re not guilty of something when you say you didn’t do it. Why? Because you admit you did do it when you’re guilty.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Hello, I’m Lauren! If you notice your teen struggling, you might be feeling helpless, hopeless, frustrated or concerned as a parent. Try to remember, there is hope. I want to help your adolescent feel better. My hope is for them to enjoy their life again. I want them to feel confident they can handle whatever situations arise.
