Finding our your teenager is using drugs is heart-breaking. Image courtesy of FrameAngel at FreeDigitalPhotos.ne
Deciding When to Send Your Teen to Rehab
For a parent of a child who is using drugs and alcohol, one of the most difficult questions is when to send your teen to rehab. When you consider the costs (disruption to school, guilt you might feel sending them away, emotional distress they will feel being sent away, stigma that might be attached with inpatient treatment, and fear of who they will meet while in treatment) it is enough to make any parent balk.
5 Signs Showing When to Send Your Teen to Rehab
1) You cannot control your teen
If your teen is willing to go to any length to get their way, including being physical with you, it’s time to send your teen to rehab.
Examples of Teens Who do Whatever They Want
Your teen blows you off when give them a curfew. You tell them you will be taking their phone, and they ignore you. They skip school when you require them to be there. If this is a constant issue, you can no longer control your teen.
2) They are stealing
If you are still unclear on when to send your teen to rehab, it will be obvious if they begin stealing to finance it. If you’ve noticed money missing from your wallet, guests who come over complain money is missing from their wallets, or your teenager has been caught breaking into cars, etc., it’s time to get them help.
3) They refuse a drug test
Teens who are being honest about what they are using, and how often are usually eager to take a drug test. They want to prove to you that they are being honest. When they refuse it, it means they are hiding something. This is a sure sign they are using something they won’t admit to.
4) Their emotions indicate they’re physically suffering
When teens are coming down from their high, or sobering up from alcohol use, they often lament how miserable they are. They might say extreme things like they want to die, or yell at you and be extremely irritable. Whatever the case, it’s clear they are going through physical suffering as they withdraw. As you can see from this, knowing when to send your rehab is vital.
5) Send a teen to rehab when they ask for help
This sounds obvious, but many parents don’t act on it when their teen asks for help. There is a very small window of time in which a teenager asks you for help with their addiction. Quickly the cravings overtake them, and they say they are fine. However, if your teenager is asking you for help, even if this lasts for just a few hours, it’s their way of telling you they can’t stop using on their own.
Some Local Adolescent Rehabs
Once you know when to send your teen to rehab, picking one is the next step.
Note: I don’t endorse any particular rehab for your teen as each situation is different, and there are more rehabs out there than just these examples.
Addiction is terrifying; it makes everything feel like chaos. You walk around on eggshells because you are afraid to set your teenager off. Your teenager is combative, rude, and has completely dropped activities they used to care about. Knowing when to send your teen to rehab is hard, and if you’re at this point with your child, my heart goes out to you. You are loving your teenager well even though sending them to rehab is the last thing you feel like doing.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Parents who nitpick their teens can hurt the relationship. Credit: David Castillo Dominici via freedigitalphotos.net
Reactions of Criticized Teens
Some parents criticize their teens to try to help them become good adults. Unfortunately, this can lead to negative consequences for the child. Teens who are overly criticized feel they cannot please their parents. They get so frustrated they either rebel or shut down. To them, making their parents happy seems hopeless.
Parents Who Criticize Their Teens
I have worked with teens who have parents that won’t stop criticizing them. When I ask the parents to share something good about the teen, they begin by saying something nice about the child, and then they turn it into a backhanded compliment. In those cases, the teenager looks at me and seems to be shutting down.
Why Your Teen May be Rebelling
If you feel your teenager is never really trying hard enough, is too sassy, and is defiant, try looking at the relationship between the two of you. Your teen may be rebelling because they feel they can never please you. If your teen feels too criticized, they will become uncooperative.
The Parent’s Argument Against This
You might say you’d be happy with your teen if they would only do X, Y, and Z, but your teenager doesn’t believe it anymore. Your adolescent would tell me that even if they did those things, you would think they could’ve done it better.
The Solution
If this describes the relationship you have with your child, it is important to start making changes right away. Don’t lose your relationship with your teen because they feel criticized by you, and you feel disrespected by them. Work on having fun with them. Don’t be so focused on who you think your teenager is supposed to be that you won’t let them be themselves.
Having a Good Relationship with Your Teen
Yes, you need your child to have responsible and respectful behavior. However, consistently making negative comments about what they eat, how they dress, who they’re friends with, how they played that last sports game, etc. will just drive them away. This will cause them to be defensive and angry, leading to both you and them feeling hurt. Over-criticizing your teen isn’t good for either of you; instead, focus on building a strong, healthy, and loving relationship with your teen.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Being happy means knowing it’s not about you. Image courtesy of stockimages at FreeDigitalPhotos.net
The Struggle with Teen Happiness
As parents, sometimes it seems impossible to bring your teen happiness. However, keeping your child happy is not as hard as it may seem.
The Teen’s Approach to Attaining Happiness
Teens are constantly encouraging each other to pursue what feels good in the moment. They have a “You only live once” attitude. This is what teens do for happiness.
The Parent’s Approach to Bringing Their Teen Happiness
As parents, we tell our teens that their future is what’s important. We care about their grades, conduct, reputation, and attitude. We tell them, “We just want you to be happy,” but we don’t let them play video games until 2 a.m. on a school night. Somehow, we know that’s not good for them even though it makes them happy.
Who’s Right?
Are teenagers correct in thinking you should do whatever feels good in the moment? Are we parents right, who think living should be for our future happiness and goals? Could we both be wrong?
Problems with Living for the Moment
If you only ever live in the present, then everything is momentarily gratifying. However, teens who indulge themselves whenever they feel like it will never have permanent happiness. Once they experience something, they will need a bigger activity/item to bring them the same emotional high. While watching a movie until 10:00 p.m. might have thrilled your child at one point, now they’ll want to stay up all night at a friend’s house for the same feeling.
Consequences that Come from Living for the Moment
Also, bad decisions can be made when teens try to bring themselves happiness using this mindset. An adolescent might have sex with someone they don’t love, try drugs or alcohol, or cheat on a test.
Problems with Living for the Future
On the other hand, if you live only for your future, you will still be unhappy. What a waste to have all the gifts of youth and enjoy none of them. When was the last time you could sprint after your friend while laughing hysterically and not get winded or sore? How long ago was it that you could go out tanning without worrying about skin cancer? When did it last sound like fun to get a block of ice and slide down a long grass hill while trespassing at midnight? You can’t be so focused on your future that you miss everything in front of you.
A Better Answer to Teen Happiness
Now that we’ve exhausted the two most common ways people try to become happy, what’s left? What I am going to propose would be a major shift in your teenager’s thinking. For that kind of shift to take place, you will have to lead the way. Start seeking opportunities to serve others. Show your teen that to achieve lasting happiness you have to focus on something bigger than yourself. That is the real key to teen happiness, helping your child look beyond themself.
Helping Your Teen Find Purpose
It is your job to help your teenager know why they’re here on Earth. If you teach your teenager that their purpose is to attain status and things, then that’s what they’ll pursue. This will leave your child unfulfilled and empty. Their purpose must be a timeless and selfless one. In my family, our purpose is to be dedicated followers of Jesus Christ. We believe this will create a compassionate heart, driven and focused attitude, and happy child. If you don’t choose to go the faith-based route, choose some way to serve others. True teen happiness comes from looking outward, not inward.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Teens can burn out and become exhausted. Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Why Teens Burnout
If a teen has too many responsibilities, it’s only a matter of time before they experience teen burnout. It’s important to push your teenager, but how far should you go when doing this?
Things that Cause Teens to Burnout
1. Overscheduling 2. Too many advanced classes 3. Obsessive screen time (wasting time on social media addiction) 4. Overtraining in sports
Why Do I Push My Teen?
In the bottom of their heart, your teen knows how deeply you love them. They understand that you push them to go above and beyond for a reason. You want them to be able to seize every opportunity that comes their way and do well in life. These motivations, while good-intentioned, can sometimes lead to teen burnout.
How Much is too Much?
However, teens can only handle so much before it starts to burn them out. As you know, it’s easy to start making constant commitments and keep your adolescent in lots of different extra-curricular activities. These commitments are important, but are they so important that they come at the expense of your teen feeling tired and burned out?
Teens that Burn Themselves Out
Then again, some teens put too much pressure on themselves. Mabye your child wants to take another AP class, play another sport, or join another club. In this case, it’s up to you to say no sometimes. Even though what your teen wants to get involved in are all good things, you have to help them stay balanced. This is one great way to avoid teen burnout.
Growing with Your Teen
Teenagers are still children. They are becoming adults, but they are still young. They need time to play, rest, socialize, and regroup. If we allow or require teens to be overly busy, they’ll burn out. The great thing about removing some of the demands placed on your kids is that you will have more opportunity to spend time with them. They’re about to launch into their own life. With you transitioning more and more into the role of a guide, they will feel safe to explore. Eventually they will really appreciate you for it.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
For those of you who cannot seem to focus on your homework, this is the right article for you. Here you will find five tips to have better study habits.
First of all, I understand that studying is usually boring. Why are assignments given that seem so irrelevant to the rest of your life? Unless you’re planning to be a biologist, you probably don’t care about how a frog reproduces, or how mitochondria are involved in cellular energy. You’d definitely rather come home and watch TV, play a sport, eat, nap, or really do anything else besides sit down and study.
Questions you May Have About Studying
How do I move past this hatred of my homework?
How do I motivate myself to complete assignments?
Why is it so much harder for me to study than for some kids?
5 Tips for Better Study Habits
1. Don’t Allow Yourself the Option of Not Finishing Your Homework
Don’t get half-way through your homework and put it off for later. It’s like when your mom asks you to do the dishes; she wants you to clean all of them, not leave it half-done.
2. Work intensely for a short amount of time, then take a break
It is up to you how long you think your study to free time ratio should be, but there should always be one. Here’s an example: When I was 20 years old, I had a college class that required a lot of studying. I did not enjoy it and struggled to get the work done. I finally decided to work intensely for 50 minutes with no distractions and then take a 10-minute break. For teenagers who are younger I recommend 15 minutes of intense studying with a 5-minute break, but it varies from person to person.
3. Change it up
If you are partway through an assignment and it is too tedious to complete, work on something else. As long as you’re still working, you’re still progressing towards finishing your homework. This makes for a good study habit.
4. Don’t try to be perfect
Some teenagers never start their homework because they are determined to do it perfectly, which is overwhelming. You are much better off getting a 60% on an assignment than a 0%. When you’re working on an assignment, just push through to the end even if it’s not your best work. You can always make corrections later.
5. Provide yourself with boring alternatives
For example, if you have an essay to write, give yourself the option of either working on your essay or cleaning the bathroom. When you get desperate for a break, you’ll go clean the bathroom. However, you’ll quickly tire of cleaning and prefer to get back to your essay.
Using Better Study Habits to Win
See if any of these things help you. Of course, these tips will only help if you really want to do better in school. You have to seriously commit to improving and then, and only then, will these study habits help you. However, once you do, having better study habits will help you for the rest of your life.
Muhammad Ali, a famous boxer, said, “I hated every minute of training, but I said, ‘Don’t quit. Suffer now and live the rest of your life as a champion.'” Struggle through your homework and you will go on to win. Better study habits are one step in the road to success.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Hello, I’m Lauren! If you notice your teen struggling, you might be feeling helpless, hopeless, frustrated or concerned as a parent. Try to remember, there is hope. I want to help your adolescent feel better. My hope is for them to enjoy their life again. I want them to feel confident they can handle whatever situations arise.
