by Lauren Goodman | Aug 2, 2025 | Christian Counseling
Why Are Teens Always So Tired?
“Mom, Dad, I’m so tired!” Parents, do you hear this all the time? This probably leaves you wondering, why are teens so tired? Almost every teen has this problem at some point. If your teen constantly feels exhausted, the good news is you can help! Here are five reasons why teens today are feeling so worn out.
1. They Need More Sleep
Teenagers actually need a little over 9 hours of sleep each night—more than adults! Since they’re still growing, sleep is essential. If your teen wants to stay out late, make sure they have time to sleep in the next morning. If not, tell them they can’t go out. Your teen’s sleep has to be prioritized, even when they don’t like it. Sleep helps prevent illness, boosts mood and memory, and gives them energy to tackle the day. It has to come before friends, screens, and sometimes even homework. Lack of sleep is the main reason why teens are so tired.
2. Their Diet Could Use a Boost
It’s easy to overlook what teens eat because they’re active and don’t look unhealthy. But a healthy diet really makes a difference in energy levels. Eating out a lot means more empty calories, sugar, and salt, and less of the vitamins found in fruits and veggies. Plus, many teens rely on caffeine as a quick fix—but that’s not a long-term solution. Helping your teen eat well can improve how energized they feel.
3. They Don’t Spend Enough Time Being Still
Psalm 46:10 in the Bible says, “Be still and know that I am God.” Surprisingly, quieting your mind actually helps with physical exhaustion. Teens often sleep with their phones next to them, wake up to social media, and always have some noise or distraction going. True rest comes from moments of quiet and calm—just sitting outside, enjoying nature without screens. Because our culture puts so much emphasis on activitiy, most teens don’t know how healing this can be. No wonder teens are so tired! Learning this stillness helps teens recharge mentally and emotionally. Plus, this reduces anxiety too!
4. Teens Are Tired Because They’re Overcommitted
Teens today often say yes to too many activities—sports, clubs, advanced classes, and social events. While these are good, overload leaves them drained. If your teen feels burned out, help them focus on the activities they enjoy most and the advanced courses that best support their goals. Cutting back on extras gives them time to rest and do their best where it counts.
5. Phones Are Big Distractions
Phones and texts can make simple tasks take twice as long. Teens often juggle multiple conversations while trying to focus on important things like homework, which lowers efficiency and causes fatigue. Help your teen see that not every message is urgent. Putting the phone down can help them finish their work faster and leave more time for them to rest.
Why Are Teens So Tired: Getting Better Sleep Pays Off
Parents, these five reasons don’t just answer the question why are teens so tired, they also apply to us adults. Balancing sleep, diet, rest, commitments, and phone use is tough for everyone. However, teaching your teen these good habits now will help improve your teen’s health and happiness forever.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman, MS, MFT
by Lauren Goodman | Jul 18, 2025 | Christian Counseling
Importance of Family for Teens—You Still Matter
Family doesn’t always seem like a top priority to teenagers. They’re often more focused on friends, social media, and their own interests. It’s tough—one day they’re little kids begging for your attention, and the next they’re teens who seem to have no time for you. Still, the importance of family for teens hasn’t gone away. It just looks different now.
The Importance of Family for Teens is Huge
Teens actually care deeply about their family, despite how it seems. I hear this all the time in therapy sessions. Teens share a lot, but the topic that comes up the most is their family. It might not always seem that way from the outside, but teens really do care about what you think.
A Stable Family = A Safe Launchpad
By keeping things stable at home, you’re creating emotional safety for your teen. They want to grow, explore, and be independent. However, knowing there’s a secure base makes that process a whole lot easier. Over time, they internalize that safety and use it to launch into adulthood. For now, they want to feel grown-up without actually being fully independent. Because of how deep the importance of family for teens is, it’s important for you to keep in mind how tension or big changes at home will affect your teen.
Freedom With Limits Based on Maturity
Teens need freedom, but how much they get depends on how well they handle it. I worked with one teen who drank every chance he got. His parents had to pull back and set tight limits. Another teen I worked with was responsible with school, didn’t sneak out, and obeyed her parents. As a result, she didn’t even need a curfew. She was responsible enough to know when it was time to head home and which situations to walk away from.
Family’s Role in Teen Development
Both of these teens had something in common: their families played a major role in their progress. For the boy, his family’s love and structure helped him turn things around. For the girl, her family’s encouragement kept her grounded and confident. This shows how deep the importance of family for teens really is. You can do the same thing for your teen.
Strengthening Sibling Bonds
Your child’s relationships with their siblings will likely last a lifetime, unlike most of their friendships during the teen years. This doesn’t mean you need to force closeness, but it does mean sometimes you shouldn’t allow friends (including boyfriends or girlfriends) on family outings. A few hours each week that are just for your family might get some complaints, but they’re part of building that sense of security every teen needs.
Balancing Family with Teen Life
So Remember, the importance of family for teens is real. Family often gets pushed to the back-burner by teens, but as a parent, you can’t let that happen. Help your teen balance time with family and time with friends, sports, school, or other activities. If you create a home full of love and safety, time with family will be their go-to place to rest, recharge, and feel grounded.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman, MS, MFT
by Lauren Goodman | Jun 18, 2025 | Christian Counseling
Why There Are Benefits of Church Attendance For Teens
I’ve spent years counseling teens aged 12 to 24 and noticed some common traits they all share. These truths highlight why the benefits of church for teens are so important. Here are a few key traits:
1. They’re trying to figure out who they are.
2. It’s tough for them to think beyond themselves.
3. Friends have a massive impact.
4. Their core values are being shaped right now.
5. Teens tend to become like the friends they spend the most time with.
What Are The Benefits of Church For Teens?
So, why do these facts about teens make church so important? Let’s explore this point by point.
Teens Are Trying to Find An Identity
A major benefit of church for teens is building a strong, healthy identity. Teens often build their identity around things like parties, popularity, or their appearance. Others get so wrapped up in being accepted into a great college that other, more important things take a backseat. But when their identity is grounded in God, they start to see their worth in a deeper way. Church helps teens realize God loves them, and their self-esteem increases when they understand this. They no longer feel they have to be the prettiest, strongest, or fastest to be important and accepted. They care less about the Friday night scene and more about the bigger picture.
Church Helps Them Focus On Helping Others
Teens tend to put their own needs first. When they’re in a youth group or small group people constantly challenge them to prioritize others. The pastor, adult leaders, and even other teens encourage them to care for others, think bigger, and take action. It’s a powerful shift away from the “me-first” mindset that’s so common at this age. This is an important benefit of church for teens.
Church Helps Them Find Better Friends
Let’s be real. Teens fall heavily under their friends’ influence. Would you rather they hang out with kids who are constantly partying or kids talking about their faith, goals, and serving others? Church doesn’t guarantee perfect friends, but it definitely ups the chances of finding positive influences.
This Is When Their Character Gets Built
When teens have too much freedom, they often test limits. Not because they’re bad, but because they don’t want rules getting in the way of fun. The problem? Habits like lying or sneaking around can stick. But teens who spend time in church are more likely to build character traits like honesty, kindness, and humility, and those last way beyond the teen years. Building good character is a key benefit of church for teens.
Big Dreams Come from Positive Influences
Teens usually aim for whatever their friend group is aiming for. If everyone’s slacking off and doing the bare minimum, your teen probably will too. But if they’re surrounded by friends who are talking about their goals, faith, and making a difference, your teen is way more likely to be motivated.
The Benefits of Church for Teens Are Real
According to a collaborative research paper written by Drs. Waite and Lehrer, studies show that children from Christian families tend to have stronger relationships with their parents. Research also links religious involvement to lower rates of addiction, depression, and delinquency. Children who grew up involved in a religion also tend to have more positive views on marriage, parenting, and sexual boundaries. The benefits of church for teens are real, not just someone’s opinion.
Church Is Worth The Effort
Even if it doesn’t always feel fun dragging everyone to church, it pays off. You’re building habits that lead to a stronger moral compass, more compassion, and better decision-making. The benefits of church for teens are real, and they last a lifetime. So go ahead—plant that seed. Your teen (and your whole family) will thank you later.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman, MS, MFT
by Lauren Goodman | Jun 9, 2025 | Christian Counseling
Why Father–Teen Relationships Still Matter
When you have teenagers, it can sometimes feel like you’re not that important in their lives. You work hard to provide for them, save for their college tuition, and support their sports and hobbies. But when they barely say two words to you, it’s easy to wonder whether you’re making a real impact. So, how do you strengthen the father-teen relationship?
Feeling Distant in the Father–Teen Relationship
You might be gone most of the day at work, and when you are home, they’re out with friends. It’s like you barely see them, and when you do, it’s hard to connect. They’re not as affectionate as they used to be. You don’t play sports together like when they were younger. And if you’re being honest, you’re not exactly confident helping them with their schoolwork anymore (calculus, anyone?).
You Matter More Than You Know
Even when it doesn’t feel like it, your teen is watching you closely. They’re learning what kind of adult they want to be by watching how you live your life. They notice whether you treat your wife with respect. They see how seriously you take your job, your health, and your faith. And yes, they pay attention to the rules you set.
Setting Boundaries Shows Love
Your teenager won’t always show it, but they equate boundaries with love. Your teen feeling protected by you is a key part of the father-teen relationship. When you set a curfew, they may argue or act annoyed, but deep down, they know you care. Teens push back to see where you’ll stand firm. Teens may act mad when you give them rules to follow, but it lets them know you care enough to protect them. It helps them feel secure, even if they’d never admit it.
A Real-Life Example of a Strong Father–Teen Bond
I once worked with a sweet 15-year-old girl. Her dad insisted she be home by 11:30 after a school dance that ended at 11:00. She was furious—her date wanted to go out to eat and maybe even party afterward. Her dad didn’t budge. “Nothing good happens after midnight,” he told her. His daughter’s safety was more important to this dad than his daughter feeling happy with him. Showing this kind of care is important in every father-teen relationship.
Boundaries That Build Self-Worth
He also made her return a dress she and her mom had picked out. He said it was too short and too revealing. “It make’s people look at you like a woman,” he said, “but you’re still a teen.” She was mad, but she complied. She wore a more modest dress and came home on time.
When Protection Becomes a Lifelong Lesson
A week later, the boy stopped calling. He started seeing another girl who dressed more provocatively and didn’t have a curfew. The 15-year-old told me she realized he wasn’t really interested in her—just in what he thought he could get. She said she felt deeply loved by her dad’s protection. This teaches a key lesson about the importance of father-teen relationships, and how your protective instinct makes your teen feel loved and secure.
Father–Daughter Relationships: Setting a Standard for the Future
This kind of involvement sends a powerful message—especially in father–daughter relationships. When dads are engaged and set clear boundaries, they teach their daughters how they deserve to be treated. They help shape the kind of relationships their daughters will pursue later in life. Being protective and consistent builds trust, safety, and self-respect.
Father-Son Relationships
Father-son relationships can be just as confusing as father-daughter relationships, sometimes more so. Your son learns how to behave at work, how to treat women, what traits make up a responsible young man, how to use good judgement, and more from you. However, sometimes instead of listening to you, your son follows his friends’ examples. If his friends are making bad decisions, this can make the father-son relationship tough. If this is happening, please call, and we can discuss the next step for you and your teen. Otherwise, just keep setting boundaries and setting a good example for your teen. I promise you, the majority of teen boys do look up to their fathers when their fathers set good examples.
Sending a Message of Love
Dads, your consistency, your rules, your example, and your protection send a clear message to your teen: “I LOVE YOU.” That message matters far more than trying to be the “cool” parent. It matters for their safety, their confidence, and the kind of relationships they’ll seek in the future. Father-teen relationships have a big impact on teen lives, and remember, you matter more than you can imagine.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman, MS, MFT
by Lauren Goodman | May 10, 2025 | Christian Counseling
The Parenting Tightrope
One of the hardest parts of parenting is figuring out how to help our teens grow into solid, responsible adults. It can feel like we’re constantly trying to balance being firm and being kind—and it’s not always clear which one is right in the moment. So, when do you discipline teens?
When to Discipline Teens: That Tricky Moment
Let’s talk about a real-life situation that can get totally different reactions from different parents. Imagine your teenager calls you from a party, and it sounds like they’ve been drinking. What do you do?
Option 1: Grace First
You drive over, pick your teen up, and let them know how proud you are that they called. You’re grateful they didn’t accept a ride from someone else who might’ve been drinking too. Sure, they made a mistake, but they were wise enough to ask for help. That’s a big win in your book.
Option 2: Tough Love
Or maybe you feel angry and disappointed. You tell your teen they’ve broken your trust and that you’ll be checking their messages for a while. You ground them, because they know better than to be at a party without adults, let alone drinking.
When to Discipline Teens and When to Show Grace
One of those responses is gentle and full of grace. The other is firm and direct. Neither one is wrong. There’s a time for grace, and there’s definitely a time to discipline teens. Knowing when to do which is the key.
Why Too Much Grace Can Hurt
If we’re always soft, always showing grace, our teens miss out on learning some really important stuff—like how to take correction, handle limits, and respect authority. These are all things they’ll need to thrive in a job someday. Unless they plan to work for themselves, they’ll need to be able to accept feedback and follow rules. That kind of maturity starts with how we discipline them now. Even if they do work for themselves, it’s still vital that teens learn the life skills discipline teaches.
Why Too Much Discipline Backfires
But if we’re all discipline, all the time? That’s just as damaging. Teens raised with nothing but harshness often struggle in relationships. They may become rigid, struggle with forgiveness—for others and for themselves—and are much more likely to hide things from you. Honestly, if you’re only coming down hard on your teen, there’s a good chance they’re already sneaking around.
Learning About When to Discipline Teens From the Best Example
Jesus modeled the perfect balance of grace and discipline. And how did he decide when to be soft and when to be firm? He looked at people’s hearts. If someone showed real sorrow, he responded with kindness and compassion. But if someone was just faking it or didn’t care, he got firm and serious. He was loving and caring to penitent sinners, but firm and disciplinary towards the prideful, self-righteous Pharisees. That’s emotional intelligence at its best.
Doing Your Best as a Parent
Look, none of us are perfect. We’re not going to hit the mark every time when figuring out when to discipline teens. But if we take time to look at our kids’ hearts—if they’re truly sorry versus just being sorry that they got caught—we’ll be better equipped to choose grace or discipline wisely.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman, MS, MFT
by Lauren Goodman | Apr 23, 2025 | Christian Counseling
Low Teen Self-Esteem
Sadly, many teens have low self-esteem. They measure how good they think they are by how good others think they are. Not only this, but teens with low self-esteem believe others are thinking poorly of them, even when this is not the case. Low teen self-esteem causes teens to think another’s comment or action is an insult when really it means nothing. Self-esteem is something nearly everyone struggles with to some extent, and teens especially tend to think badly of themselves.
Symptoms of Low Teen Self-Esteem
They might seem wrapped up in how they look or being the best at sports. However, the only reason they are acting this way is because they think if they can look perfect or be the best at something everyone will love them. Why do they want everyone to love them? Because they can’t love themselves unless other people love them.
Why Teens Act This Way
Low teen self-esteem also causes them to get more embarrassed or to have their feelings hurt more easily. This is because deep down they’re expecting to be disliked by everyone. Worse yet, most teens think they deserve to be disliked. Many teens go through this, but for most people it starts to fade as they grow up. Why? First, as teens get older their emotions become steadier. Second, they’ll start to shape their identity. This helps them become more secure in who they are because they aren’t relying on others to shape their identity for them. However, few fully conquer the fear of what others think.
Consequences of Low Teen Self-Esteem
If teen self-esteem is low enough, teens can have severe anxiety. They are so worried about what others think that many teens prefer to stay at home where they know they will be accepted. The more they avoid potentially embarrassing situations, the more their anxiety will grow. Sometimes, the anxiety is bad enough to warrant therapy. If your teen seems overly anxious, give me a call. I’m happy to talk with you about your child’s situation.
How to Improve Teen Self-Esteem
There are some key things for your teen to think about when improving self-esteem. But before you share these things with them, they have to be willing to work on improving their self-confidence. Don’t tell your teen they have poor self-esteem, just tell them to keep these things in mind.
- What people think of me can’t actually harm me.
- Most of the time I think other people are thinking poorly of me, they actually aren’t even thinking about me at all.
- I should do what I think is fun, not what is popular, even if I think it will make other people think I’m weird. Once I start doing it, I’ll be glad I did.
Finding Acceptance in Jesus
If you are a Christian family, encourage your teen to think about Jesus when they start to worry about what others think. Tell them what God thinks of them is more important than what other people think of them. And God will always accept and love them, even when people don’t. Some teens might hear you say this and just think it’s another cliche, something all Christian parents tell their kids. However, some teens will hear this, and the idea will take root in their brain and in their heart. Keep repeating it, even if it seems like your teen isn’t paying attention.
The True Cure to Low Teen Self-Esteem
Caring about what God thinks instead of what people think is the only real cure to low teen self-esteem. The other things I mentioned will help, but Jesus is the only way to completely eliminate low self-esteem. Think about it like pulling out weeds from a garden. The weeds threaten to take over the garden, just like low self-confidence threatens to take over your teen’s life. The suggestions I gave above are like pulling off the tops of the weeds; it will help for a while, but eventually the weeds will grow back. Jesus pulls up low self-esteem by the roots.
Don’t Replace Low Teen Self-Esteem with Pride
This doesn’t mean you should tell your teen that they’re perfect. And make sure they don’t start to think that either. Instead, they should value themselves for who they are, whether they are popular or not. If you’re a Christian family, remind your teen of this: Jesus saw them as someone worth dying for, even with their failings. It doesn’t mean they don’t have any failings; it means God loves them anyway.
Wrapping Up
Tell your teen that if they start to worry about what others think, suppress the urge. It will be hard at first, but eventually it will become more natural. Eventually, they will pretty much stop worrying about what people think completely. If you and your family are not Christian, consider attending church as a family. I have seen Jesus transform the way people view themselves from the inside out. Otherwise, just tell your teen to remember the three things I listed above. Most importantly, believe in them. They can do it!
“And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” –Philippians 4:7
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman, MS, MFT
