by Lauren Goodman | Mar 26, 2026 | Parenting Techniques
What It Means When Teens Don’t Listen
Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) is a psychological diagnosis usually seen in children and teens. It describes a consistent pattern of defiant, disobedient, and disrespectful behavior—most often directed toward authority figures. When teens don’t listen in a persistent, across-the-board way, it can sometimes point to something deeper than typical teenage behavior. Understanding Oppositional Defiant Disorder can help you determine whether you’re teen is just being disobedient or if something more is going on.
A Realistic Example
Here’s an hypothetical example. Imagine a 12-year-old named Michael. Over the past year, he has become increasingly argumentative with his parents. He ignores requests, pushes back on almost everything, and often does the exact opposite of what he’s asked. Usually there is no clear logic to his choices other than the fact that someone told him not to do it. This behavior shows up at school too. He talks back to teachers, gets in trouble frequently, and reacts negatively to assignments or expectations. In situations like this, the issue isn’t just occasional attitude—it’s a consistent pattern.
When teens don’t listen, it’s frustrating. However, if their behavior is as severe as the example above, it may be Oppositional Defiant Disorder.
Oppositional Defiant Disorder vs. Conduct Disorder
It’s important to understand what ODD is not. Teens with oppositional defiant disorder typically do not engage in serious rule-breaking behaviors like aggression, theft, or violence. When behavior crosses into those areas, a different diagnosis—such as Conduct Disorder—may be considered. ODD is more accurately described as a persistent pattern of defiance and negative attitude across many situations.
Why Understanding Oppositional Defiant Disorder Is So Challenging
ODD can be especially difficult for parents and therapists because these teens often resist authority by default. They may feel the need to argue, push back, or challenge direction, even when it doesn’t benefit them.
For therapists, the challenge is building a relationship where the teen feels understood—not controlled—while still maintaining clear boundaries.
What Helps When Teens Don’t Listen
From my experience working with teens, there are a few key strategies that make a difference when dealing with oppositional defiant disorder.
1. Catch Them Being Good
Teens with ODD often don’t respond to discipline in the typical way. In fact, discipline can sometimes feel like a challenge to them rather than a correction or a chance to think about their actions. That’s why it’s so important to notice and reinforce positive behavior instead of only punishing negative behavior. When teens are acknowledged and praised for doing something right, they begin to see that their needs can be met without conflict.
2. Stay Steady and Consistent
When understanding Oppositional Defiant Disorder, it’s important to realize that giving in to your child will reward their behavior. Try staying emotionally grounded. Your teen may push, test, or try to get a reaction—but your role is to remain steady.
You can be loving and firm at the same time. When teens don’t listen don’t withdraw your care, but don’t let their behavior pull you into inconsistency either. Make sure your teen understands that no matter how much they push, you won’t change what you originally told them. Over time, this creates a sense of stability and safety.
3. Keep Emotions Low
One of the most important things to remember is that anger doesn’t help, especially when talking to a teen with ODD. Yelling, arguing, or trying to win the argument will escalate the situation.
A calm, steady tone is much more effective. When you keep your emotional response low, it creates space for more productive interaction. While this isn’t easy, it’s one of the most effective ways to work through challenges with a teen who is dealing with ODD.
Final Thoughts on Understanding Oppositional Defiant Disorder
Oppositional Defiant Disorder can be incredibly frustrating for parents. It requires patience, consistency, and a different approach than traditional discipline. The encouraging news is that ODD often resolves itself after a few years, and can improve even faster with the right help. Staying consistent, reinforcing positive behavior, and avoiding power struggles can make a meaningful difference.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman, MS, MFT
by Lauren Goodman | Mar 20, 2026 | Teen Anxiety Therapy
Why Exercise Matters
Most people know exercise is important for physical health. What many don’t realize is how powerful it is for mental health too—and how exercise reduces stress in a very real, practical way. It’s easy to put off working out because it’s not always what you feel like doing, but it can make a big difference in how you feel the rest of the day.
How Exercise Reduces Stress and Improves Focus
If you set aside 30–60 minutes to exercise, you may actually get more done. That sounds strange, especially when you factor in time to shower and reset. But exercise improves focus, energy, and your ability to stay on task.
It also builds mental toughness. Pushing through a workout you don’t feel like doing strengthens your ability to push through other challenges. Even getting off the couch and putting on your shoes takes will-power. That will-power builds discipline over time. This discipline and improved focus is one of the many ways exercise reduces stress.
Building Discipline Through Exercise
Exercise teaches you to do what’s good for you, even when you don’t feel like it. That kind of self-control makes a huge difference when it comes to managing stress and anxiety. When you practice choosing what you should do instead of what you feel like doing, your life starts to feel more intentional. You gain a sense of control—and that alone can help reduce anxiety.
How Exercise Reduces Stress in the Brain
Exercise releases chemicals in the brain that help you feel calmer and more balanced. It also improves mood and helps your body handle stress more effectively. At the same time, it builds habits like consistency, discipline, and time management. All of these play a role in lowering stress levels.
Make Exercise Social and Sustainable
If you have a teen or young adult dealing with anxiety, try encouraging them to exercise as well. However, when you’re doing this try thinking social. Most teens are more likely to stick with something if they can do it with friends.
Joining a gym together, going on walks, or creating shared goals can make exercise more enjoyable. When I was in college, a few friends and I made a workout plan. We didn’t always exercise together, but we held each other accountable. That support made it much easier to stay consistent.
Final Thoughts on How Exercise Reduces Stress
Exercise is one of the healthiest ways to manage stress and anxiety. You don’t need anything extreme—just consistent movement a few times a week can make a noticeable difference. If you’re a parent, modeling this matters. Invite your child to join you. They may or may not say yes, but they’re paying attention to how you handle stress.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman, MS, MFT
by Lauren Goodman | Mar 20, 2026 | Christian Counseling
Why Improving Your Body Image Is So Hard
It’s hard to love yourself sometimes. It’s easy to fixate on one flaw and get stuck there. There’s always something that could be better—but there are also so many things that are already good. Improving your body image doesn’t mean thinking you look perfect. It means learning to see yourself in a more balanced, honest, and kind way.
A Different Way to Think About Your “Flaws”
I’m going to go first. Here are a few things about my body I’ve struggled with: uneven skin tone, dry patches, not-white-enough teeth, and cellulite. As someone in who used to struggle with an eating disorder, I can tell you I’ve spent way too much time focusing on those things.
But instead of only seeing them as problems, I’ve started to ask a different question: what if there are reasons to be grateful for these parts of me?
Improving Your Body Image by Changing Perspective
These “flaws” have actually helped me grow. They keep me humble, they remind me I’m human, and they help me be less judgmental of others. When you have imperfections, it’s easier to appreciate that everyone else does too. It helps you care less about what someone looks like on the outside (including yourself). And honestly, a world without differences wouldn’t even feel human. We’d all look the same, like copies of each other. That’s not what makes people interesting or meaningful.
Improving Your Body Image in a Culture Focused on Perfection
We live in a culture that constantly tells us what we should look like. If it’s not acne, it’s body shape. If it’s not that, it’s skin tone, hair, or something else.
But those standards change all the time. What’s considered “perfect” now won’t be the same in a few years. That’s a good reminder that those standards aren’t truth—they’re just trends.
What God Says About You
My flaws remind me that God’s ways are higher than mine. There’s a Bible verse that I love. It says, “And do not be conformed to the patterns of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind” (Romans 12:2a). It reminds me that what I see as “imperfect” is really just a “pattern of this world.”
When you compare yourself to the standards the world sets up as beautiful, it can feel like every little thing needs to be better. This makes improving your body image practically impossible. But God looks at your heart and your mind. Being a kind and loving person is far more important than having a straight nose. Appearance matters much less than we’re led to believe. Even so, God created each of us beautifully exactly according to His design. So when you’re not feeling good about how you look, remember that God didn’t make a mistake—He made you exactly as He intended.
What Really Matters
If I had been given what the world calls a “perfect” body, I probably wouldn’t have learned to care about what’s inside. But because I’ve had to wrestle with insecurities, I’ve learned to focus on deeper things. Over time, I’ve realized my “flaws” aren’t really flaws at all. They’ve helped shape who I am. They’ve pushed me toward growth and maturity.
You don’t need to look perfect to feel good about yourself. Improving your body image is about learning to see yourself with more grace, more truth, and less pressure. The goal isn’t perfection—it’s peace.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman, MS, MFT
by Lauren Goodman | Feb 25, 2026 | Parenting Techniques
When Sleep Gets Pushed Aside
Teens often end up prioritizing school, sports, homework, social life, and texting above sleep. There is enough time in a day to do all these things—but only barely. If your teen isn’t managing their schedule carefully, sleep is usually the first thing to go. This makes helping your teen get enough sleep vital.
Why Helping Your Teen Get Enough Sleep Matters
The average teenager needs about 9 hours of sleep each night. If your teen has to wake up at 6:30 a.m. to get ready for school, that means falling asleep around 9:30 p.m. For most teens, that simply isn’t happening. Many sleep about 6 hours per night during the week and then try to “catch up” by sleeping 12 or more hours per night on the weekend.
Lack of sleep affects more than just energy levels. Teens who don’t get enough rest are more likely to struggle with mood swings, irritability, low motivation, and even symptoms of depression. They may have trouble focusing in school, remembering information, or staying organized. Sleep loss can also weaken the immune system, worsen acne, increase cravings for sugar and caffeine, and contribute to weight gain. This is why sleep is so important,
Practical Ways of Helping Your Teen Get Enough Sleep
Sleep needs to be a top priority. As a parent, this may be one area where you have to set firm boundaries. Aim for at least 8 to 8.5 hours of actual sleep on school nights. It’s also important to make sure that your teen is not on their phone while in bed. Oftentimes checking a few quick social media posts or watching a few videos can turn into hours of scrolling.
Many teens don’t have the self-control to turn off devices or stop texting so they can finish homework earlier. You may need to limit device use at night, set a household cutoff time, or require phones to charge outside the bedroom. It probably won’t be popular, but it can make a huge difference.
I’ve worked with many teens who came to counseling for depression. Once we focused on helping them get enough sleep, their mood improved quickly. They felt more energized, were kinder at home, performed better in school, and were overall happier.
Understanding the Challenge of Helping Your Teen Get Enough Sleep
There is also a biological factor to consider. Teenagers experience a shift in their circadian rhythm. Unlike young children or adults, teens naturally feel more awake at night and want to sleep later in the morning. This isn’t just irresponsibility—it’s biology.
The problem is that most high schools fairly early. So teens stay up late because their bodies feel awake, then struggle to get up when the alarm goes off. This makes helping your teen get enough sleep even more important. It takes teamwork, structure, and consistency.
How More Sleep Can Make a Difference
Some things at this stage are negotiable, but sleep should not be one of them. Consistent, healthy sleep can improve mood, focus, behavior, and overall well-being.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman, MS, MFT
by Lauren Goodman | Feb 25, 2026 | Group Therapy For Teens
Building Solid Friendships for Teens that Really Last
Some teens have had the same close group of friends since they first started school. Others have one best friend they’ve known forever. But most of us aren’t like that. Most teen’s friendships change often, depending on classes, sports, or activities. Proximity plays a big role—when schedules change, friendships can fade. If you’re tired of feeling like you’re always starting over, here are five tips for building solid friendships for teens that really last.
1. Stay Consistent With Activities
If you’re involved in an extracurricular activity, try sticking with it. Staying on the same team or in the same group gives friendships time to deepen. Many teens switch teams or programs to be on the “best” team.
But you have to remember, most kids won’t go on to play sports in college or professionally, so being on the best team doesn’t really matter that much. Youth activities are about connection, work ethic, fun, and shared experiences. Staying with the same group—whether it’s sports, scouting, dance, youth group, or a club—creates space for real friendship to grow.
2. Building Solid Friendships for Teens by Creating Shared Experiences
If possible, ask your parents if you can bring a friend along on a family trip or vacation. Spending extended, one-on-one time together builds strong memories and helps friendships deepen in a natural way. These shared experiences often become the foundation for long-lasting friendships.
3. Set Healthy Boundaries in Friendships
One important part of building solid friendships for teens is learning to set boundaries. Some teens stay in friendships where they’re treated poorly because they don’t think they’ll be accepted anywhere else. A friend who talks behind your back, embarrasses you, or only uses you when it’s convenient isn’t treating you with respect.
Friends like this usually act like great friends one-on-one, but in front of other teens they tend to be mean or exclusive. Healthy friendships should feel safe both one-on-one and in group settings. Teens, don’t be afraid to step back from a friendship like this. There are other teens that will accept you for who you are. Sometimes it takes a few months, but if you look, you’ll find them.
4. Learn What It Means to Be a Loyal Friend
When building solid friendships for teens, it’s important not just to have good friends, but to be a good friend. Talk with your parents about what loyalty looks like in friendships.
You can’t control other people, but you can control your own behavior. Are you showing up when you say you will? Do you stand up for your friends when others are unkind? Do you keep plans instead of canceling when something better comes along? Being a loyal friend is one of the strongest ways to build lasting connections.
5. Pay Attention to the Little Things
Small actions matter more than you might think. Remember birthdays. Send a quick text to congratulate a friend on good news. Check in when someone is having a hard day. These little moments go a long way in building solid friendships for teens.
Building Solid Friendships for Teens by Finding the Right Friends
Follow these tips, but most importantly, choose your people wisely. If your current friends regularly leave you out, it will be difficult to build a deep and lasting connection with them. In truth, they may not be the people you want to invest your time and energy in anyway.
Look for friends who genuinely care about you for who you are. A simple test of a healthy friendship is whether you can comfortably say “no.” If a friend invites you to do something you’re not comfortable with (for example, going to a party where you know there will be drugs or alcohol), you should be able to decline without worrying they’ll pull away. Strong friendships respect boundaries. When you choose good friends and work to be a good friend yourself, you build deep, lasting relationships.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman, MS, MFT
