by Lauren Goodman | Dec 7, 2025 | Parenting Techniques
What to Do When Teens Talk Back: Understanding the Challenge
If your teenager is talking back, it can be really frustrating. You may wonder how much more you can take when they argue every time you ask them to do something. It feels rude and unfair, especially when you see them being polite to other adults. So, what should you do when teens talk back?
Check Yourself First
One important step is to check your own reactions. Are you rude to them sometimes? Do you get defensive easily or engage in arguments? Matching their tone won’t help. It’s really hard not to get pulled into an argument, but staying calm is key.
Don’t Get Baited When Teens Start Talking Back
Next, don’t let your teen bait you into the discussion. At first, try not to respond when your teen speaks rudely. They might notice and comment on it. You can make eye contact and just walk away, or calmly say they’re not speaking nicely and then leave the room. The main goal is to avoid escalating the situation. Teens aren’t really listening when they start talking back, so raising your voice won’t help.
Quietly Set Consequences
Gently and quietly enforce a consequence for their rudeness. Make sure they understand that continuing this behavior will have bigger consequences.
For example, when I was a teen, I flipped my mom off once. She calmly told me my friends could only stay until 9pm instead of spending the night. When I angrily protested, she reduced the time further to 7pm, and then 6pm. Then I got the message. I later said sorry, and my mom accepted the apology but did not change the consequence. A few calm, consistent responses were enough to change my behavior.
Don’t Negotiate When Teens Talk Back
Negotiating with your teen in an argument actually encourages more talking back. If you do this, teens will learn that you often give in to them and, as a result, will push back more. They may also learn that you probably won’t enforce consequences, especially if they apologize. This can lead to teens saying sorry just to avoid punishment, rather than truly feeling remorse for their actions. Staying calm and firm helps teens learn their boundaries more quickly.
Stand Your Ground
If you can quietly stand your ground, not engage when your teen is rude, set limits, and enforce them consistently, you’ll make progress on the talking back. These techniques are easier said than done, but they work. Over time, your relationship with your teen will be much more enjoyable.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman, MS, MFT
by Lauren Goodman | Nov 28, 2025 | Parenting Techniques
When Teenagers with Divorced Parents Feel Stuck in the Middle
I’ve worked with many teenagers with divorced parents during my career, and frequently their parents are not on good terms. Teens often feel caught in the crossfire and carry the emotional fallout. They become triangulated between their parents and feel pressured to “play both sides” just to prevent things from getting worse. For some, this creates intense stress; others shut down emotionally because they feel overwhelmed.
How Conflict Between Parents Impacts Teens
Many teenagers with divorced parents desperately want everyone to get along. It hurts them to hear criticism about the other parent—comments about not paying child support, being irresponsible, or not caring enough. They have no power to fix the conflict, but they have no way to escape it.
Because the parents are already upset with each other, every action becomes misinterpreted. If dad starts dating, mom may tell the teen it’s because he doesn’t care about the original family. If mom goes on a trip with friends, dad might say she’s being selfish. Even simple things—like needing money for a school trip—can turn into a blame game.
How Teenagers with Divorced Parents React
Typically, teens with divorced parents react in one of three ways. They either try to keep the peace, start to rebel, or refuse to deal with the conflict at all.
1. Teens Who Try to Keep the Peace
Some teenagers with divorced parents take on the heavy responsibility of keeping the family stable. They hide information, tell small lies, and agree with each parent just to avoid conflict. They internalize their hurt because they feel responsible for protecting their parents from each other.
This creates a complete role reversal. Instead of parents caring for the teen, the teenager becomes the emotional caretaker.
2. Teens Who Act Out
Other teens cope by acting out. They create enough chaos in their own lives that their parents are forced to work together—at least temporarily. This might look like poor grades, substance use, risky behavior, or major emotional struggles. Sometimes once the parents begin communicating again, the teen’s behavior suddenly improves on it’s own.
3. Teens Who Stop Coping Altogether
Some teenagers with divorced parents simply refuse to be in the middle anymore. They may choose to live with one parent full‑time and avoid the other—not necessarily as a rejection, but as a way to escape the constant conflict.
What Divorced Parents Can Do to Help
If you and your child’s other parent are divorced, try as hard as you can to stay amicable. I know this can feel impossible. You may have been deeply hurt, betrayed, or disappointed. You might feel afraid of the influence your ex has on your kids.
Despite all that, it’s important to keep in mind that aside from situations involving abuse or addiction, it’s almost always best for your children to have a healthy relationship with both parents. It’s vital that you do what you can to help your teen maintain this connection.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman, MS, MFT
by Lauren Goodman | Nov 20, 2025 | Therapy For Young Adults
Wanting to Quit When You’re Unhappy with Your First Real Job
Being unhappy with your first real job isn’t uncommon. Lots of people struggle with this. After all, it’s a big adjustment. Work is time-consuming and sometimes boring. It’s normal to want to quit. However, this doesn’t mean you should.
Try Waiting Six Months
Oftentimes, jobs can feel pretty miserable at the start. However, try staying with it for six months. Many times, it gets easier once you’ve settled in. You might even end up enjoying it! The important thing is to give yourself some time to adjust before giving up on the job.
Why Your First Job Feels Disappointing
Usually when young adults feel unhappy with their first real job, it’s because the job wasn’t what they expected. When you first get hired, you are assigned the most basic, boring tasks. For example, say you want to be a nurse. When you’re first hired, you likely will be doing a lot of basic procedures. This is the time when a lot of people would say, “Maybe this job isn’t for me. It’s really boring. Maybe I should quit.” However, don’t do this. If you stick it out for a while and work hard, you’ll almost certainly graduate to more interesting tasks.
Keeping a Positive Attitude When Unhappy with Your First Real Job
I know this is cliche, but it really does help. When you’re faced with a boring task, try to be grateful for it. After all, you are getting paid, and many people don’t have jobs at all. Simply trying to be grateful for things you don’t like can actually make them a little bit less intolerable.
You Can Do It!
Stick with the job for six months, remember you’ll soon be assigned more interesting tasks, and stay positive. If you still don’t like with your job after doing all these things, you can try looking at other career options. However, chances are, you probably won’t end up minding the job after all. Most of all, remember that you’ve got this.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman, MS, MFT
by Lauren Goodman | Oct 7, 2025 | Depression Therapy for Teens
What Really Builds Self-Esteem?
When it comes to building self-esteem in teen boys, many people assume the answer is found in a supportive home, positive self-image, and peer approval. While those things help, they aren’t the whole story. What truly makes the difference? Work. This simple change can completely shift how a boy sees himself.
A Real Life Example of Building Self-Esteem In Teen Boys
Several years ago, I worked with an eighteen-year-old who seemed to have everything—good looks, popularity, a loving family, and athletic talent. But despite all this, he was deeply unhappy.
Nothing seemed to help until I suggested something practical: take on more responsibility for his daily life. I asked him to clean his car, pay his own cell phone bill, and cover his gas. At first, he resisted. But once he got a part-time job and started paying his own way, everything changed. He felt proud, capable, and dignified. His self-esteem began to grow because he was taking ownership of his life.
How Work Builds Dignity
When this young man’s parents wondered why he insisted on paying for things they could easily provide, he explained it simply: earning his way gave him dignity. It made him feel like a man—someone who could look others in the eye with confidence. That’s when I really understood what causes low self-esteem in teen boys: many male adolescents today lack dignity. Work gives them that. Having a job helps them move from dependence to independence, which is a key step in building self-esteem in teen boys.
The Role of Parents in Building Self-Esteem in Teen Boys
Some parents discourage their adolescent son from working because they want him to focus on academics. While this is understandable, in some ways this can actually hold your teen back.
School is important, but so is character growth. As a parent, it’s important to support your son in developing this side of himself too. Work builds resilience, responsibility, and independence. It offers more than a paycheck—it gives dignity, gratitude, and real-world experience. Even if academics move a little slower, the long-term benefits are worth it. By graduation, your son will likely be more grounded, appreciative, and prepared for adult life.
Final Thoughts
Since that realization, I’ve consistently encouraged parents to let their sons work. If your teen is struggling with low self-worth, consider the power of responsibility. Building self-esteem in teen boys often starts with work. Work helps build lasting self-confidence and responsibility in your teenage son—skills that will benefit him throughout his entire life.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman, MS, MFT
by Lauren Goodman | Oct 7, 2025 | Christian Counseling
The Difference Between Guiding and Controlling Parenting Styles
As a parent, one of the most important choices you’ll make is whether to guide your teen or try to control them. The difference between guiding vs controlling parenting makes a huge impact on your child’s confidence, independence, and future. It’s not always easy to see if you’ve overstepped your bounds as a parent. That’s why it’s important to explore the signs of controlling parenting and understand how to help your teen grow in a healthier, positive way.
What Does Controlling Parenting Look Like?
A controlling parent often uses guilt, pressure, or subtle put-downs to influence their child’s choices. They might say things like, “After all I do for you, this is how you repay me?” or criticize their teen’s friends, hobbies, or school choices. Teens in this type of environment may feel like their opinions and decisions don’t matter. Over time, they can become passive, fearful, or rebellious.
I saw this firsthand with my cousin. His mom had the best intentions and loved him deeply, but she controlled nearly every part of his life—from who he spent time with to what college he attended. Growing up, he learned to keep quiet rather than speak his mind. Once he got to college and finally had freedom, he didn’t know how to handle it. He spiraled into partying, drinking, skipping classes, and losing focus. This is a real life example of controlling parenting.
The Root of Controlling Behavior
Most controlling parents act out of fear and anxiety. They love their child deeply and worry that mistakes will ruin their future. Unfortunately, that anxiety drives them to micromanage every choice. While this might feel protective, it robs teens of essential life skills—like recovering from failure, making independent choices, self-motivation, and resilience.
How to Guide and Teach Your Teen Without Taking Over
Guiding vs controlling parenting isn’t about being hands-off. It’s about teaching and walking alongside your teen instead of managing every detail. Remember, your child was entrusted to you for a short season by God’s grace. They will grow into their own person—someone who will face success, failure, love, loss, and everything in between. You can’t control that outcome, but you can guide them with wisdom, patience, and love.
This doesn’t mean you should allow your teen to do whatever they want. They are still young and don’t have the maturity to always make good decisions. Setting healthy rules and boundaries with love is still vital. What guiding really means is letting your teen make choices, experience consequences, and learn from them. It means teaching recovery after failure, encouraging independence, and offering support without manipulation. Think of yourself as a steward—someone entrusted with your teen’s early years.
Final Thoughts on Guiding vs Controlling Parenting
Don’t try to control every aspect of your child’s life to shield them from mistakes or failures. Instead, listen well, offer advice, set limits when needed, and always show love. Guiding vs controlling parenting makes all the difference in raising confident and capable teens.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman, MS, MFT
