by Lauren Goodman | Oct 7, 2025 | Christian Counseling
Parenting Sexually Active Teens
As parents, there are moments in our kids’ lives that stop us in our tracks—the first time they start driving, the first time you smell alcohol on their breath after a party, or the moment you first realize your teen is having sex. These moments can feel overwhelming and even terrifying. Some parents don’t worry about their teen being sexually active as long as they use protection from pregnancy and diseases. But from my years working with teens, I can tell you most parents are caught off guard and often upset when they discover their teen is sexually active.
Why Sexually Active Teens Struggle
Sexually active teens often experience dating relationships that are much more intense than those who aren’t sexually active. It makes sense—sex is deeply emotional and brings a level of vulnerability that most teens aren’t ready for. Being physically intimate can fast-track a relationship, and many teens just don’t have the maturity to handle the emotional closeness and complications that come with it.
What Parents Can Do When Teens Are Sexually Active
So what should you do if you find out your teen is sexually active? First, don’t assume it’s none of your business. Teens need guidance, even if they push back. If you just hand over condoms or birth control and never talk about it, you’re leaving your teen to figure out grown-up issues without adult advice.
On the other hand, avoid glorifying teen sex. Cheering them on like it’s some rite of passage only sets them up for unhealthy patterns and sends the wrong message about responsibility and respect.
Setting Boundaries With Sexually Active Teens
You need to talk with your teen openly and set clear boundaries. They should know what being sexually active means—not just physically, but emotionally too. It’s okay if they get frustrated or push back. Many of the young adults I’ve worked with have told me they wished their parents had stepped in more when they were teens. Often those realizations come after painful breakups or regrets.
Waiting is Best
From my perspective, waiting is the healthiest choice. The longer your teen waits to be sexually active, the better prepared they’ll be to make wise decisions about relationships and partners. For Christian parents, it can be helpful to gently share God’s design for sex—marriage. Remind your teen as well that forgiveness and grace are always available. What doesn’t help is harsh judgment or making them feel like their future is ruined—that only drives secrecy and shame.
Handling a Sensitive Topic With Love
These conversations are never easy, but avoiding them isn’t the answer. Approach your teen with love, patience, and care. Be honest but gentle, and if needed, talk with the parents of your teen’s partner in a respectful way. Above all, lead with love and respect—that’s what makes these conversations meaningful and effective.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman, MS, MFT
by Lauren Goodman | Sep 24, 2025 | Teen Addiction
Why Teen Marijuana Use Is Different Today
As a therapist, I’ve been getting more calls from parents worried about teen marijuana use. Teens have always experimented with marijuana, but something has shifted in the last several years. More teens are saying they can’t quit using. Marijuana has long been thought of as non-addictive, so why are so many teens struggling now?
The answer lies in THC, the chemical responsible for marijuana’s effects. Since the 1990s, THC potency in U.S. marijuana has quadrupled. What may have felt mild in the past is now much stronger, making teen marijuana use more addictive than ever before.
The Impact of Teen Marijuana Use
Teens I work with often share that when they try to stop using marijuana, they feel anxious, can’t sleep, and experience deep discomfort. Beyond the physical symptoms, marijuana becomes woven into their lives—friends, routines, even habits of secrecy. This makes quitting even harder.
Therapy provides a safe space to address these challenges. It’s important for teens to feel understood, especially when others dismiss marijuana as “not addictive.” Therapy also supports parents in learning how to set healthy boundaries and encourage sobriety at home.
Talking to Your Teen
If your teen is smoking or vaping marijuana, it’s important to confront it directly. Don’t brush it off. Teens often insist it’s harmless, but science tells a different story. Marijuana use increases the risk of moving on to more dangerous substances, and it’s often tied to peer groups that encourage risky behavior.
When talking to your teen, stay calm and loving, but also set firm boundaries. Follow through with consequences, whether that’s regular drug testing or requiring counseling. Don’t let their arguments about marijuana being safe sway you—research shows otherwise.
Signs of Teen Marijuana Use
If you suspect your teenager is using marijuana, look for changes such as:
- Increased secrecy or defensiveness
- Bloodshot eyes
- More frequent arguments
- New independence and peer groups
- Money problems or unexplained expenses
- Laziness or lack of motivation
- Sudden increase in appetite, especially for junk food
These signs don’t automatically mean your teen is using, but they are worth paying attention to. And if your teen refuses a drug test, it’s definitely a red flag.
Parenting Through the Hard Conversations
Confronting teen marijuana use takes courage and love. It’s painful to ask the hard questions, and your teen may react with anger. But avoiding the conversation only makes things worse. Parenting is one of the most rewarding roles in life, but it’s also one of the hardest. Facing this issue head-on is part of loving your child well.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman, MS, MFT
by Lauren Goodman | Sep 24, 2025 | Teen Anxiety Therapy
Understanding School Refusal in Teens
As a therapist working with teens, I often see cases of school refusal in teens. Some may attend school occasionally, but for parents it can feel like a constant uphill battle to get them there. While school refusal can come from different causes—like drug use, defiance, or anxiety—the most common factor I see is anxiety.
Why Anxiety Fuels School Refusal in Teens
Anxiety is an overwhelming fear of something that might happen in the future. Some teens worry about being judged by peers, while others fear failing tests or facing certain classes. For some, the dread of school feels unbearable. I worked with one teen who was bullied every day on the way to class. When he sought help from teachers, peers mocked him for being a “tattle tale.” His anxiety grew so intense that school itself became unmanageable, leading to school refusal.
What Parents Can Do About School Refusal in Teens
If your teen is refusing school, the first step is to uncover the root cause. School refusal isn’t just “I don’t feel like it”—there’s usually something deeper going on. Once you identify the trigger, sit down together and make a plan. If it’s anxiety-driven, helping your teen regain a sense of control over the situation can make a big difference.
If talking it through isn’t enough, connect with the school counselor or seek outside professional support. Teens usually can’t overcome school refusal on their own. Avoidance makes fears grow larger, but most young people don’t yet have the tools to push through what feels terrifying. Therapy helps teens face their fears and eventually get over them.
Walking the Line Between Comfort and Structure
Helping your teen through school refusal requires both compassion and firmness. You’ll need to be a source of comfort while also holding firm boundaries about attendance. It can be heartbreaking to send them when you know how awful it feels, but consistently allowing them to stay home only reinforces the cycle of fear.
Supporting Teens Through the Struggle
Sometimes loving your teen well means walking with them through emotional pain, not shielding them from it. With your support and consistency, they can learn to face their fears and slowly rebuild confidence.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman, MS, MFT
by Lauren Goodman | Sep 24, 2025 | Christian Counseling
Finding Peace in the Struggle
Anxiety can feel overwhelming. It can make reaching goals, connecting with people, or just enjoying life feel impossible. Sometimes the fears don’t make sense to others—like feeling like a failure despite good grades, or thinking no one likes you even when surrounded by friends. However, this doesn’t make it any easier to manage. Thankfully, faith can help ease that anxiety and bring a real sense of peace.
How Faith Can Help With Anxiety
One of the most powerful ways to cope with anxiety is by leaning on your faith. Most major religions teach not to worry. Some even call worry a sin, reminding us to focus on something bigger than the immediate fear weighing us down.
Even if you don’t have a strong faith in God, there are valuable lessons from religion that can help ease anxiety. Pouring out your fears in prayer, or simply believing that something greater cares for you, can be comforting.
Finding Support
Joining a community of supportive people—such as a church or support group—can also bring encouragement and strength. Faith communities often break down the stigma around anxiety, offering a safe place to both give and receive support.
A Christian Perspective on Faith and Anxiety
From a Christian point of view, God wants you to remember that He will carry your burdens. Jesus already took on the punishment for our wrongs, so we have no reason to live in fear. We are never alone in painful times, because God does not abandon us. Remembering this truth brings peace, even in our darkest days. Christianity also emphasizes living in community—sharing sorrows and fears with others. Having people pray for you and walk alongside you makes life’s challenges far less overwhelming. God uses our faith to help defeat anxiety.
Psalm 28:8-9 reminds us: “God is all strength for his people, ample refuge for his chosen leader; Save your people and bless your heritage. Care for them; carry them like a good shepherd.” (The Message Translation).
Moving Beyond Anxiety
Facing your worries is never easy, but you don’t have to do it alone. When you rely on faith, prayer, and the support of others, you gain the strength and hope needed to move forward. Faith may not completely erase anxiety, but trusting God and leaning on others can help you find peace and strength.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman, MS, MFT
by Lauren Goodman | Sep 19, 2025 | Teen Anxiety Therapy
When Teens Are Feeling Left Out
Being left out is one of the toughest feelings for tweens and teens. Peer exclusion can hurt deeply, leaving teens confused and sad. One 12-year-old girl came to counseling because she didn’t know how to fit in. Her classmates would clear the lunch table whenever she sat down. She was completely delightful, which made it hard to understand why this happened. I had to ask, “Why do some kids end up as outcasts?”
Why Teens Feel Left Out
Exclusion is most common in middle school and early high school, especially for girls. Teens often fall into three social types:
- Assertive kids: Confident, sometimes aggressive, and often popular. They stand up for themselves and may intimidate others a little, making them the “queen bees.”
- Neutral kids: Quieter teens who are happy with their close friend group. They focus on hobbies like sports, band, or theater and don’t seek popularity.
- Teens who get left out: Sensitive teens who care deeply about others’ opinions. They might cry when teased, feel self-conscious for a long time, and try to gain favor with the popular kids.
It’s Not Forever
Being left out doesn’t last forever. Teens grow, develop their strengths, and find where they belong. Middle and high school can be insecure times, but these challenges often build character. Remind your teen that wisdom develops from tough experiences, and compassion develops from rejection. Help them see the bigger picture. This is important for teens feeling left out to remember.
How to Help Your Teen
Encourage your teen to spend time with friends who truly value them. Gently remind your teen that if they’re feeling excluded, there are many other kids who would gladly welcome them, no matter their interests or social status. Being around people who genuinely enjoy their company can help your teen feel seen, accepted, and supported.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman, MS, MFT
