by Lauren Goodman | Dec 31, 2025 | Depression Therapy for Teens
Understanding Teen Self-Harm
Parents often find self-injury very hard to understand. It can be confusing and scary to think about how physical pain could feel like relief from emotional pain. Still, understanding why teens self-harm is an important first step toward helping them.
Why Teens Self-Harm
There are usually two reasons why teens harm themselves. One is a cry for attention. The other is to feel more in control. Both are dangerous and need to be addressed.
1. They Want Their Pain to Be Noticed
One reason teens self-harm is to be noticed. These teens are hurting on the inside but don’t know how to explain their pain with words. Cutting can become a way to show how bad they feel.
These teens usually cut on visible areas, like their arms, and continue wearing short sleeves. They wait to see how long it takes for a parent to notice or say something. This is serious and needs professional support. This means the teen struggles to communicate emotions in healthy, safe ways.
2. They Want to Feel Like They Can Control Their Pain
Another reason why teens harm themselves has to do with control. Some teens feel overwhelmed by intense emotions that seem to come out of nowhere. Their emotional pain feels unmanageable.
When a teen self-harms, they control when it happens, how long it lasts, and how visible it is. For teens who feel powerless over their emotions, this sense of control can feel calming. These teens usually try to hide their wounds and may cut in areas that are harder to see. Self-harm becomes their main coping tool, and they may resist stopping because they don’t trust that anyone can help them through the pain. In these cases, professional help is essential.
Risks of Teen Self-Harm
If you suspect your teen is self-harming, it’s important to act quickly. This behavior is a clear sign that your child is in deep emotional distress. Trying to handle it alone or hoping it will stop on its own can be dangerous.
Self-harm carries real medical risks, including infection or accidental serious injury. If teens use unclean tools to cut with or don’t properly care for their wounds, the cuts may become infected. In addition to this, even when a teen is not trying to end their life, if they cut too deeply they may sever an artery. Even if this does not happen, self-harm tells us that your teen is hurting and doesn’t yet have safe ways to cope.
What to Do if Your Teen Self-Harms
Your teen needs your love, support, and compassion—but they also need guidance from a trained professional. This is not an issue to be taken lightly. If you think your teen has self-harmed, please reach out. Helping them learn healthier ways to manage pain can make a life-changing difference.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman, MS, MFT
by Lauren Goodman | Dec 31, 2025 | Parenting Techniques
Helping Your Teen Grow Responsibility Over Time
How do you teach a teenager to be responsible? In some ways, teens seem very grown up, and in other ways they still feel like kids. This in-between stage can be confusing and exhausting for parents. Still, these years matter. Teaching teens responsibility now helps set habits they will carry into adulthood.
Notice Your Teen’s Strengths
One of the best ways to begin teaching teens responsibility is to notice what your teen already does well. Maybe your teen always knows when they have practice, keeps track of plans with friends, or remembers important events. These are signs of responsible thinking.
Build on these strengths. For example, you might put your teen in charge of their sports schedule and ask them to give you 24 hours’ notice if they need a ride. If they forget, take them when it works for you instead of rushing. At the same time, if they give you the agreed-upon notice, make sure you get them there on time. This approach helps expectations feel clear and reasonable for everyone involved.
Teaching Teens Responsibility Through Earning Money
When it comes to money, teaching teens responsibility works best when teens earn what they receive. Giving an allowance just for existing does not teach much about effort or accountability. Instead, offer your teen opportunities to earn money by completing specific chores.
This mirrors real life. Adults earn paychecks by doing their jobs, and teens can learn the same connection between work and reward. Over time, your teen will also learn that working smarter and harder leads to better pay, which is an important life lesson.
Model Responsibility at Home
Another important part of teaching teens responsibility is what they see at home. When parents take care of their relationships, their home, and their belongings, teens learn by example. Keeping your home clean and organized shows responsibility in action.
Modeling follow-through, consistency, and self-discipline sends a powerful message. Teens learn responsibility not just from rules, but from watching how adults handle daily life.
Teaching Teens Responsibility With Balance and Love
Teaching teens responsibility takes effort from parents, too. It requires discipline paired with sensitivity and care. Avoid giving your teen everything, even if you can afford to. When teens work for what they earn, they often feel more confident and capable.
Every teen is different, so teaching teens responsibility is not one-size-fits-all. Some teens respond well to rewards for grades, while others do better with different motivators. You know your teen best, so adjust your approach to fit their personality.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman, MS, MFT
by Lauren Goodman | Dec 29, 2025 | Parenting Techniques
How Do You Get Along Better With Your Teen?
“How do I get along better with my teen?” As a therapist for teens, I hear parents ask this question all the time. Sometimes figuring out how to get along better with your teen feels impossible. However, while you will never get along perfectly, there are a few things you can do to improve your relationship with them.
Why Parents and Teens Struggle to Get Along
There are many reasons parents and teens argue. I hear explanations ranging from hormones to bad friends, and teens often believe the problem is their parents. The truth is, conflict usually comes from many factors working together.
Teens are sometimes rude or unreasonable, especially when they’re angry. However, it’s easier to fix your own behavior than theirs.
How Being Too Critical Hurts Connection
One common issue I see is criticism. Sometimes parents offer a compliment, but quickly follow it with a negative comment. For example, “You look nice today, even if that skirt is a little short.” Even small moments like this add up. Sometimes the criticism isn’t spoken—it’s shown through actions, like re-cleaning a kitchen right after your teen finishes and says they’re done.
Most parents who do this aren’t conscious of it. However, these small criticisms can make your teen defensive, leading to more fights. In addition to this, if your teen feels constantly criticized they may just shut down.
How to Get Along Better with Your Teen by Focusing on What Your Teen Does Right
Parents often focus on fixing what isn’t going well and forget to point out what is going well. Imagine your teen brings home a report card with all As and Bs and one C. It’s easy to focus on the C, but if you do, your teen will feel your disappointment. This can make them defensive, or leave them feeling hurt or disappointed in themselves. Recognizing their effort and success helps build trust and motivation.
Giving Loving Correction Without Damaging Trust
If you’ve noticed that you’re being too critical, the next step is figuring out how to correct your teen without tearing them down. A helpful question to ask yourself is: How would I want to hear this if I were in their place? Think about what would actually help you learn, instead of making you feel discouraged.
How to Get Along Better with Your Teen by Remembering the Bigger Picture
Remember that when you’re correcting your teen, the main goal is teaching them to function as an adult. Helping your teen learn responsibility and how to take correction is far more important than winning any single argument.
For example, many parents struggle with criticizing the way their teen plays sports. They feel like they need to push their teen to play better and practice more—they want their teen to be the best. However, the point of sports is to learn how to focus, give your best, keep a good attitude on the field, and respect authority. The point is not to create the next superstar athlete; those athletes have a passion for their sport that parents don’t need to force.
Serving Your Teen in Meaningful Ways
If you want to get along better with your teen, look for ways to serve them emotionally, not just practically. Parents already do a lot of practical service—driving, paying for activities, and managing schedules. Emotional service means noticing your teen’s needs and responding with care. One teen shared that she respected her mom because her mom paid attention to what mattered to her, like bringing a healthy snack after practice when she knew her daughter would be tired and hungry.
Simple Steps to Get Along Better With Your Teen
This week, try two things if you want to get along better with your teen. First, notice how often criticism slips into your words or actions and try to speak with more kindness. Second, look for small ways to serve your teen thoughtfully. These changes may feel small, but over time they can greatly improve your relationship.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman, MS, MFT
by Lauren Goodman | Dec 9, 2025 | Teen Anxiety Therapy
Understanding Approval-Seeking Teens
This post won’t apply to every parent. Some kids are relaxed and self-assured — what a blessing! But many parents have approval-seeking teens who really want validation. This post is for you.
Why Approval-Seeking Teens Act the Way They Do
Wanting approval isn’t always bad. It motivates teens to do homework, chores, and care for themselves. But when the need for approval becomes too strong, it can lead to anxiety, depression, or bad choices.
Signs Approval-Seeking Teens Might Be Struggling
Some approval-seeking teens get stuck trying to be liked. I’ve seen teens develop eating disorders, use drugs or alcohol, or become sexually active before they were ready because they wanted approval so badly. Even when people around them offer kindness or encouragement, these teens still can’t absorb it. They continue to feel judged or unwanted.
How to Help These Teens Find Perspective
One helpful idea is to remind your teen that life isn’t only about them. Help them to look beyond their friend group and find ways to serve others. Volunteering or helping in the community often helps teens focus less on themselves and feel more connected.
How to Stop Letting Negative Self-Talk Win
Don’t let your teen repeat unreasonable self-names. Heartbreakingly, it’s common for approval-seeking teens to have very low opinions of themselves. If a 3.5 GPA student says, “I’m not smart,” don’t accept it. If a normally sized teen says, “I’m fat,” correct that too. In therapy we teach kids not to believe every feeling as fact. Instead of saying, “Nobody likes me,” they learn to say, “I feel disliked by some people.” That small change helps them think more clearly.
What to Do When Your Teen Is Still Struggling
Try the tips here, but if your teen’s need for approval is overwhelming, get professional help. Extreme approval-seeking in teens can lead to dangerous choices. Parents often try many strategies before something clicks. A little expert guidance can make a big difference.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman, MS, MFT
by Lauren Goodman | Dec 9, 2025 | Parenting Techniques
Why Getting Your Teen to Help Around the House Feels So Hard
It can feel frustrating when your teen spends the afternoon relaxing or hanging out with friends while the house needs to be cleaned. Maybe you don’t even care about the whole house—you’d just love it if they kept their room clean, picked up the bathroom, and put away their dishes. But they never seem to do any of it. So how do you actually start getting your teen to help around the house?
1. Let Them Know How You Feel
Sharing your feelings calmly (not with anger or hostility) is one of the best ways to get your teen to listen. If you gently explain that you feel overwhelmed, frustrated, or taken advantage of, many teens respond with more understanding. Not every teen will respond well, but if you’re truly being kind and still not getting kindness in return, there may be deeper issues in the relationship to address.
2. Ask Your Teen to Help Around the House Directly
A lot of parents feel they aren’t getting help, but they haven’t actually asked for it. Hoping your teen will look around, notice what needs to be done, and take initiative sounds great—but it rarely happens. Instead, try writing a short, reasonable list before you leave for work with chores that you expect your teen to finish before you get home. For a teen who’s not used to cleaning the house, a 30-minute task is a good starting point. This approach makes getting your teen to help around the house much more realistic.
3. Attach Monetary Value to Certain Tasks
For teens who love being social, money is motivating. If they want spending money for lunch with friends, make sure you’re not handing out cash freely. Instead, attach small payments to specific tasks—like vacuuming or wiping down counters. They’ll learn responsibility and become more thoughtful about how they use their own money. This is a great way to get teens to help around the house.
4. Require Basic Household Responsibilities
Every household needs some non-negotiable responsibilities. If you expect bedrooms and bathrooms to stay picked up, make sure your space follows the same standard—teens resent hypocrisy more than almost anything.
You can attach privileges to these responsibilities. For example, one family required their teen’s room and bathroom to be clean by 8 PM to earn phone use the next day. If she finished at 8:05, they thanked her but still held the boundary. Consistency is key when getting your teen to help around the house.
Building Healthy Habits and Better Connection
It is possible to get your teen to help around the house. With clear expectations and consistent follow-through, they learn responsibility, and you stop feeling like you’re nagging. Once chores become a routine, your relationship improves because there’s less conflict—and your teen feels proud of contributing.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Lauren Goodman, MS, MFT
