Ah, adulthood – the realm of bills, responsibilities, and decision-making. While it’s liberating to have control over your life, the journey into adulthood often comes with a side dish of anxiety. The overwhelming sense of responsibility and the fear of making the wrong choices can leave even the most confident individuals feeling uneasy.
If you are getting ready to venture out on your own for the first time, you don’t have to let your worries overcome you. Here is how to deal with anxiety over adulting.
Acknowledge Your Feelings
First and foremost, it’s crucial to recognize and acknowledge your feelings. Adulting can be tough, and it’s okay to feel overwhelmed at times. Give yourself permission to experience these emotions without judgment. Remember, you’re not alone in this; many of your peers are likely
struggling with similar feelings.
Break it Down
One effective way to tackle the anxiety around adulting is to break down tasks into smaller, more manageable steps. Whether it’s setting up a budget, navigating insurance paperwork, or even just grocery shopping, breaking tasks into smaller chunks can make them feel less daunting. Create a to-do list and celebrate each small accomplishment – it’s a great way to build momentum.
Prioritize Self-Care
Amidst the chaos of adulting, it’s easy to neglect self-care. However, taking care of your physical and mental well-being is crucial for managing anxiety. Ensure you’re getting enough sleep, maintaining a balanced diet, and incorporating activities you enjoy into your routine. Whether it’s reading a book, going for a walk, or practicing mindfulness, these moments of selfcare can significantly reduce anxiety.
Set Realistic Expectations
Setting realistic expectations for yourself is key to managing anxiety around adulting. Understand that no one has it all figured out, and it’s okay to ask for help. Avoid the pressure to have your life completely mapped out – life is unpredictable, and plans may change. Give yourself the flexibility to adapt to new opportunities and challenges as they arise.
Financial Literacy
One major source of anxiety in adulthood is often tied to finances. Taking the time to educate yourself about budgeting, saving, and investing can significantly reduce this stress. There are numerous resources available, from online courses to personal finance apps, that can help you build a solid financial foundation. Remember, small steps today can lead to a more secure financial future.
Celebrate Small Wins
In the hustle and bustle of adulting, it’s easy to overlook your achievements, no matter how small. Take a moment to celebrate your successes, whether it’s sticking to a budget, conquering a new skill, or successfully navigating a complex task. Acknowledging your accomplishments, no matter how minor, can boost your confidence and help alleviate anxiety.
Seek Guidance
It’s perfectly fine not to have all the answers. Seeking guidance from mentors, friends, or even professionals can provide valuable insights. Establishing a support system can be immensely comforting and can help you gain different perspectives on various adulting challenges. Don’t hesitate to reach out to someone you trust when you’re feeling lost.
Adulting may come with its fair share of challenges, but with the right mindset and strategies, you can navigate this phase of life with grace and resilience. If you are struggling to deal with anxiety about adulting, reach out to learn more about therapy for young adults. Take a deep breath, and let the journey into adulthood be a path of growth and self-discovery. You’ve got this!
Teens will encounter sex and sexuality. Hopefully you’re ready to talk about it with them. Freedigitalphotos.net: photo stock
Talking About Sex With Your Teenager
The bird and bees discussion is so uncomfortable to have with your teens! To talk about sex with your teenager, you have to feel calm and prepared. Consequently, it’s my guess that many parents simply avoid the conversation.
Unfortunately, most of what teens learn about and hear about sex is from other teenagers (great source, right?). As early as 4th or 5th grade the joking starts. By 6th grade a lot of young adolescents have already heard of some friends “doing stuff” with other adolescents. At that age it is usually pretty shocking. However, within two to three years, discussions about sex are fairly commonplace at school.
You have to ask yourself where you want your child to learn about sex. At some point one of their peers is going to try and show your child a pornographic movie they’ve found. At some point one of your teenager’s friends will be “sexting” with another teen. Most likely, your teen will be told something about it. Teens will definitely hear about and be exposed to sex. The question is whether you want them to learn everything they know from other teens, or if you’d like to have input. I know as a parent I want to have input because I want to be able to let my kids know what I do and don’t think is okay.
How to Begin the Discussion About Sex with an Adolescent
First of all, how do you bring up this discussion? It’s not like it’s going to just naturally flow into a conversation. Most parents find they have to be intentional about it. To talk about sex with your teenager can feel awkward at best, and altogether dreadful at worst.
If you’re feeling avoidant about this, just imagine your teen! They’re at an age where awkward is almost a permanent state of being. So, it could help to say something like, “I’m a little uncomfortable to talk with you about this, but it needs to be done.” Then find out what your teen already knows about sex. What have they been hearing from their peers? Gently correct their misconceptions. Ask them how they think sex should be treated. Do they thing it’s something special that should wait for marriage? Educate them on how to resist situations they are not comfortable with.
The Centers for Disease Control has a simple, basic article that discusses ideas for a parent-adolescent conversation about sex.
How Much of My Own Experiences Do I Share?
To talk about sex with you teenager, you have to self-disclose with discretion. Make sure you disclose with a purpose. When you share about your teen years, whether they were innocent or wild, make sure you tie it in to your family’s morals. If you were promiscuous in your younger years, tell them what you’ve learned from that behavior.
If you have religious views about sexuality, explain the reasons for those views, don’t just tell them what the views are. For example, as a Christian I will tell my daughter that our faith teaches to wait until marriage. If she does get married, God wants her and her husband to have a bond that is completely unique and special. I will explain to her that sex within marriage is fun, sacred, and very much each couple’s own special thing. Based on my past mistakes, sex outside marriage doesn’t contain the same closeness or emotional safety, and that’s why God didn’t plan it that way. I really want her to know the why behind the views we’re teaching her, and your adolescents will appreciate knowing the why behind whatever it is you teach them.
You may also consider answering questions your teen has about the physical mechanics of sex since adolescents often hear incorrect information about this. In fact, some of the things they’ve heard are just downright hilarious (You’ll have to work hard to keep a straight face). This is a great time to talk about sexual safety. The safest option by far is abstinence. However, you can’t bank on every kid following an abstinence plan. Even religious and conservative families deal with adolescents who catch an STD or become pregnant. For this reason, most medical professionals recommend some conversation about safe sex. While this might not apply to your teenager, they may be helpful to a friend if they have accurate information.
How to Talk About Sexuality in Today’s Culture
Having a conversation with your teens about sex in general is also a great time to cover other related topics such as puberty and masturbation. Also, in today’s culture, you need to address things they hear about in media at at school like homosexuality and transgenderism. I know this probably isn’t a completely comfortable discussion for you, but it is still very important.
Your teenager is absolutely hearing about all these things, and it is important that your voice be part of the equation. Importantly, you do not have to agree with everything culture says is acceptable. For some families, daughters wearing bikinis to the beach is too sexual. However, your daughter will see their friends in bikinis just about every time they swim, so you need to have a patient and open discussion with your teenager about why bikinis are uncomfortable to you and how your teenager feels if she’s the only one covered up.
When you talk about homosexuality and transgenderism, I encourage you to listen first. Find out what your teenager already knows and what they think. Listen carefully to see if your teen is questioning their own sexual or gender identity. If they are, you are going to have a different discussion than if you are talking more about how to interact with others who question. Teach your children that no matter what, everyone needs to be treated with dignity and kindness. After you’ve done these things, then you can go on to talk about your particular moral views.
Let me just empathize with you for a minute. As a mom, I’m with you in knowing how much more challenging it is in today’s culture than it used to be. Between phones and current cultural LGBT+ awareness and trends, there is so much more to consider than when we grew up. But, what choice do you have? Your teen needs you to help them navigate the world they live in today.
Sex and Your Teenager’s Phone
Your teen has some exposure to sexual content on his or her phone. Period. When you have a talk about sex, you will also want to gently ask about what they’ve seen on their phone. This can range from friends making sexual jokes to other teens requesting or sending nude photographs to teens seeing things on TikTok to your teenager having a secret addiction to pornography. Anymore, nothing surprises me. Sometimes even the most seemingly buttoned-up kids I’ve worked with have struggled with viewing sexual content in secret on their phones.
Sexual Violence
I really wish I didn’t have to comment on this. Sadly, if you are going to talk about sex with your teenager, you have to touch on this topic too. Make certain they realize that a major factor in sexually violent encounters is one or both parties being under the influence of alcohol (see Alcohol and Research Health Article). For this reason, encourage them not to drink!
How to Talk About Sex With Your Teenager: Final Thoughts
Discussing sex with your teen simply isn’t easy. There’s no way around it. Many parents have put this conversation off while others have been talking about it at age-appropriate levels for years. Wherever you are, it’s fine to start there. Keep in mind, your teenager probably doesn’t want to have this conversation. Just be prepared to do as much listening as talking. And most of all, know that if you don’t talk to them about it, then the most important voice in their lives is absent in big part of their adolescent development.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Teenage alcoholism does exist, and is a real problem. Image courtesy of freedigitalphotos.net.
Teen Alcoholism
Can teens be alcoholics? Unfortunately, yes. Usually, when we think “alcoholic,” we really don’t picture teenagers. We think they’re too young to have developed a dependency on alcohol. We assume it’s not really that easy for them to get ahold of alcohol, so how could they have a need to drink on a daily basis?
Most of the time teenagers are not daily drinkers, if they drink at all. If they do have alcohol with their friends, they’re occasional party-situation drinkers. Still, if you ask your teenager, they can all name one or two other teenagers who has a reputation for “always” being drunk.
Can Teens Be Alcoholics? Teen Blackout Drinking
These are the teens I worry about as a therapist. These are the teens who come back to school each Monday and tell everyone else about how they were “so f***ed up this weekend” that they can’t remember anything. They don’t realize this is blackout drinking. Blackout drinking has a very, very high correlation with future alcoholism.
These are the adolescents who don’t know how to stop. Every single time they drink, the only thing that stops them is their body. Oftentimes, they either start vomiting, or they pass out. Otherwise they are continuing to take shots, sip a beer, or have a some sort of mixed drink. When we ask, “Can teens be alcoholics?” we can all think of someone we knew in high school who was like this. Did they become an alcoholic? The girl I’m thinking of did. Thankfully, she’s now thriving in recovery, but her 20s were tough.
The Adolescent Who Needs Alcohol to Socialize
The teenagers who often develop alcoholism are the ones who don’t know how to be at a social gathering without alcohol. If they go bowling with friends, they bring something in a waterbottle. Likewise, if they go to a school dance, they mix rum in their cokes at the restaurant before the dance (One of my best friends in high school did this. Sadly, he ended up with an addiction problem). In addition, they also know where the after party will be held. They are completely convinced they are just being social, but they are actually developing a frightening alcohol dependency.
Most people who becomes daily drinkers start with binge drinking weekends while they are teenagers. Eventually, they binge drink every weekend. Moreover, they look for a “kickback” or party during the week from time to time. Before they realize it, they might steal just a few sips of mom and dad’s alcohol to relax at the end of a hard day. Finally, they are drinking daily.
When Is It Teen Alcoholism?
Teenagers can be completely dependent on alcohol. They can have physical withdrawals just like an adult can. Also, they can be addicted enough to need a physical detox under the supervision of a medical doctor. As with adults, teens can need rehab for alcoholism in some cases.
It’s really important to keep an eye on your teenager. If you notice they want to party all the time and seem restless when there isn’t a party, it’s reasonable to worry a little bit. If all the friends surrounding them use alcohol and have a cavalier attitude about it, it’s another reason to be concerned. Despite how easy it is to look the other way and just assume teenagers party, you can’t afford to be naive. Most teens that do party really only use alcohol once a month or so. Even then, those that do rarely drink to the point where they are throwing up or passing out. That tends to be reserved for the adolescents who are at high risk of addiction.
If this describes your child, I imagine you must feel very scared. Chiefly, it seems like all your efforts to control their behavior are fruitless. It is really overwhelming. Oftentimes this is the point at which getting professional help for your teen (if they will cooperate) and for yourself (especially if your teenager doesn’t comply with treatment) can be really important. There is a National Help Line for addicts and families of addicts. Find out more at https://www.samhsa.gov/find-help/national-helpline.
So, can teens be alcoholics? Sadly, yes they can. If you are facing this with your child, my heart goes out to you. But also know, there is always hope.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
I’ve included a poem about drug and alcohol addiction in adolescents for today’s post. I think this poem really captures the pain an addict faces each and every day. Sadly, the struggle quickly moves beyond an adolescent’s ability to control it. For example, many teenagers start out with trying drugs just to have fun. However, their brains develop tolerance. As a result, before they know it, they have become addicted. You usually notice it before they are willing to admit it. In fact, sometimes you notice it before they realize it. Whatever the progression, it’s scary and it’s heartbreaking.
As noted above, drug addiction and alcohol abuse in teenagers imprisons them. Consequently, if your teen is struggling with drug use, please get them help. Unfortunately, it’s not as simple as “just stopping.” It’s a huge and tormenting challenge to become and remain sober.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Character is more important than reputation. Image credit: stockimages at freedigitalphotos.net
Build Character, Not Reputation
Teens (and many adults I’m afraid) are more concerned with building a good reputation than building their character. But, it’s more important to build character, not reputation. Teenagers, this means you will do or say things in front of one group of friends that you wouldn’t in front of another group. Maybe you curse around your friends, but you wouldn’t do that in front of your mom and dad. You want your friends to think you’re easy going and you want to fit in with them. You also want your parents to think you’re respectful and use clean language.
Adolescents, when you see your parents more concerned with reputation than character, you complain bitterly about it. You can’t stand it actually. The way I know this is because as a therapist who works mostly with teens, I hear this from you on a regular basis. You say your parents are hypocrites. It bothers you that they get over-the-top angry if you lie about where you and your friends are going, but then your parents turn around and lie to their boss about where they were. Anytime you see yourself being directed to do one thing, and then your parents don’t follow those rules, it drives you absolutely crazy. It drives everyone crazy when someone works hard at creating a good reputation, but when nobody is looking their behavior doesn’t match. We don’t trust people who do that (i.e. politicians).
Building Reputation is About Fitting In
I’m asking you to check-in with yourself to see whether you do this. Most adolescents do. Most teenagers are more concerned with how they appear to others than who they really are. What I mean by this is that you’ll drink at a party because you almost feel like you have to even though on the inside you’re secretly against drinking. Or, you’ll cheat on a test or paper in order to maintain those perfect grades. You’re more worried about your GPA looking good to a college than you are about the unseen, internal damage you do to your character every time you cheat.
When I was a teenager I was extremely guilty of this. I was sexually active with my boyfriend, but I lied about it to certain groups of friends. I was part of a Christian youth group. In front of the leadership there, and my friends from there I would talk about how I was a virgin (and thought I could call myself that because I wasn’t technically having “sex”). In front of my friends who weren’t part of the church I was much more honest about my behavior. This is because I was much more concerned with reputation than character. When I got older and more mature, I changed my focus to character instead of reputation. Then I made the changes in my life that actually matched what I professed to believe.
When you make a good reputation your focus, you end up having to lie. Oftentimes, you end up feeling very insecure. You feel like a fraud, and that’s because in some ways you are. You have to worry about being found out and feeling shame.
Building Character Is About Integrity
When you build character, you end up free. Consequently, you no longer have to care what anyone thinks about the things you do. You are so focused on choosing the right thing no matter who is looking, that you become the same person in every circumstance. You don’t behave hypocritically because you truly act on what you believe is morally correct in your heart whether or not someone will see you. Interestingly enough, good reputation automatically follows good character. People trust you because they know you are always the same you. Your parents and your friends like you better. You are trusted at work and at school. When you do mess up, you are often shown more grace because your word is good. Best of all, you don’t have anything to hide when you say your prayers to God.
Helping teens grow and families improve connection,
Hello, I’m Lauren! If you notice your teen struggling, you might be feeling helpless, hopeless, frustrated or concerned as a parent. Try to remember, there is hope. I want to help your adolescent feel better. My hope is for them to enjoy their life again. I want them to feel confident they can handle whatever situations arise.
